4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[Dinkychick]

Please help, i have a nine year old daughter. Im a single mum and i dont think i know what im doing anymore!

 

Im really fed up.

 

Please can someone tell me what nine year olds are meant to be like as mine just makes me I kind of feel like im loosing the plot when it comes to being what i thought was an alright mum.....

[Egluntyne]

I had one once.

 

Her hormones will be beginning to surge a bit, and they become stroppy and push the boundaries as far as they can.

 

You are the boss, just let her have her own way on the issues that aren't important. Stick to your guns about all the other stuff.

[laurmurf]

I went through it twice and each time I managed to assume that I couldn't cope because I was a rubbish mother. What saved me in the end was thinking of it as a long crescendo of PMT between 9 and 11/12. Their hormones are building and building but they don't get the cyclical release: it helped me be more sympathetic than i was otherwise feeling!

 

I also did a 'parenting skills' course, which was fantastic! It gave me really good ideas on how to cope when it all got overwhelming (and, as Egluntine says, helped me set limits and stick to them!).

 

GOOD LUCK!

[freddie]

Oh yes!! I have one too!!!

It's not you!!

I want to shut myself in the shed sometimes, just to stop myself doing a regrettable act.... I seem to be always yelling, and feeling like I need to cry/drink/ take valium.

It's not you....

I have found that rather than tell, I ask, and I give choices, with what I want the end result to be the best option.

When mine is tired she is evil, so I make sure bed is stuck to. We both need the space.

Dont despair, she's horribly normal; just when you relax, she'll start being interesting to boys.... oh hell; thats going to be another chapter...

[clootie]

I'm very lucky - mine is a star. I'm sure my time will come, there is no escape !!

[Dinkychick]

Thanks

 

I have to set boundaries what with being on my own, and yes she does push them now and again...she always has. But the last two weeks its like torture for me.

I guess her hormones may be kicking in.

I have been trying to let her be more grown up and take responsability for more things (i was suggested to do this by a teacher at school) but it seems to be causing more stress.

 

Is it just that this time of year is tough for me as i dont have a support network? (my family go and live in Spain from september, altho i dont think i rely on them for much) and the clocks changing throws me off a little so i find it harder to cope?

 

Am i expecting to much of her? Do i put to much pressure on myself? I just seem to of nagged myself into a sad state the last fortnight that i cant think straight.

 

Thanks for letting me moan/vent/stress over what may be nothing.... cos i just feel like thinking in my head is like

 

Clootie mine normally is a star which is why im finding this 'phase' so difficult.

[jackiepoppies]

 

I think I did a rubbish job with mine........how she turned out the superb daughter, wife and mother she is today, I'll never know.

 

Jackiex

[hils78]

I'm absolutely p00ing myself at the though of 9- I'm on the edge of breakdown as a single mum of a 6 yr old! Keep the advice flowing

[Hen Watch]

I have 2 girls (12 and 10). Both different at that 9 year old stage, but both started to "grow up" at 9/10 - in Year 5 really. Bit of stroppyness and pushing the boundries.

My 12 year old is standing right behind me reading this as I type and even she agrees she could be a stroppy little madam

 

Girls mature quicker than boys and always have. But I think that my girls have matured FAR far earlier than I ever did and that may be society, internet, TV, the fact they read newspapers, my parenting style (or not as the case may be).

 

Don't know but at age 10 I couldn't tell you the name of the Prime Minister and the US president like my 10 yr old can.

 

Holly (my 12 yr old has typed this herself)

Yo.... (just had to write that).... in Year 5 I got more responsibility at school, had to remember things rather than bring notes home, got more homework (eek ), I started to think a lot more about stuff. Like important stuff. Mum even had "THE CHAT" with me about you know.....birds and bees stuff. Sorry, am giggling now and cannot type. Am now in Yr7 and Daddy caught me blushing at boys on the TV Sounds like your daughter is normal. Luv Holly.

 

Right, now go to BED, Mum. PS. Know what you are going through dinkychick.

[bluekarin]

Please help, i have a nine year old daughter. Im a single mum and i dont think i know what im doing anymore!

 

Im really fed up.

 

Please can someone tell me what nine year olds are meant to be like as mine just makes me I kind of feel like im loosing the plot when it comes to being what i thought was an alright mum.....

 

I do!! My YD was 9 on Sunday and although she is lovely, she drives me insane!

 

I think all kids are different and I think this is nature and not nurture. My three are all about 14 months apart in age. The eldest is very sensible, slightly stressed about getting things done on time, but knows how to have fun as well. My son (poor thing, only boy and the middle child - counselling in the future me thinks) is lovely most of the time but can get angry when upset and doesn't know how to explain how he is feeling. And YD is in a fairy world of her own. She has no sense of urgency about anything. She is the messiest person I know. She tells lies at the drop of a hat. She'll flit from one thing to another. But she is the sunniest, most amazing little girl I know. Even when I am shouting (I know, awful mother) at her to do something like teeth, put on your shoes, or why all her clothes have been emptied from her drawers all over the floor or even been put in for wash, again! Nothing gets her spirit down.

[Chili]

I do - well nearly as she is 8 and 1/2. I also have a 10 year old son but compared to my daughter I almost forget he is in the house. My daughter ( who I love very much ) can be rude, arrogant and stroppy. She could sulk for England, is in a league of her own when it comes to answering me back and always has to have the last word. I have been to see the deputy head teacher repeatedly since September as she keeps having "boyfriend" problems in as much as they are fighting over her Today however, it was her use of bad language that she has NEVER heard us use at home

 

And all this before her ninth birthday!! I have never let her "get away" with anything regarding how she behaves but it doesn't seem to make a difference what I say or do, she has her own agenda and that's that. Nice to know others feel that they are having a difficult time and it's not just me

 

This makes her sound evil, but she can of course be happy, helpful and a delight to be with, but the bad moments are just that - BAD!

[little chickadee]

I've got one! She goes from being incredibly grown up and capable of having full scale adult conversations, to behaving like a spoilt 3 yr old in the blink of an eye!

I think the hormones are really kicking in and I notice that she is a lot more emotional just before my time of the month so we're probably already hormonally tuned in (poor husband!)

 

I'm really lucky that I'm not on my own with her and don't know what I'd do if I couldn't hand her over to my husband on occasions. I think I would have to spend a lot of time breathing deeply! Good luck.

 

Try to comment on her bad behaviour not her as a person if you're telling her off. (ie that was a really stupid thing to do, not you're stupid) I find this really helps.

[The Dogmother]

Rosie is 10 and a half, and just like the little girl with the curl in the rhyme. generally, she is a gorgeous, mature and clever girl, who is thoughtful and kind... but there are days when I'd happily give her away to the pixies

 

Like you, I am a single mother and have been since she was a tiny baby; that doesn't make it any easier as you're the only target for their frustrations. Sometimes you have to not get wound up, and step back from t he situation to see why they are acting like that... they always know just which buttons to press!

[jlo]

Reading all this is VERY reassuring!

 

My eleven year old daughter can be the sunniest, funniest, most endearing child in the world....and then something doesn't go exactly right for her and her voice changes into the most whingey whiney wail ever.

 

We try and talk things through when neither of us is too stressed and - so far - it seems to be working but the hormones are only just kicking in and I think that we are in for an interesting few years!

 

My fourteen year old son is still delightful and I keep waiting for him to turn into "Kevin."

 

DD was asked out by a friend of DS a few weeks back. It lasted two days and then she told me that they were just going to stay friends as it was really awkward talking to each other when they were girlfriend and boyfriend! Phew

[Cinnamon]

You wait til you have teenagers - you will wish she was 9 again!

 

The boyfriend issue has raised its ugly head here too, but with the added bonus of 'you know what' too - horrendous!

It fair wants you to lock them in a room somewhere until they are 20 sometimes

 

No really, my girls are both wonderful & I wouldn't change them for the world

[Redwing]

not having kids. ever.

[clootie]

not having kids. ever.

 

I said that. I've got two.

[Chickvic]

This all sounds so familiar my DD is 11 now and this started when she was 8 She can be amazingly grown up and then suddenly is completely I love her to bits but find her incredibly hard work some times, I feel like crying/drinking etc too! My son who is 8 and a 1/2 has picked up on some of her habits and thinks he can stand and shout at me too. I find it really difficult not to shout back - just to make myself heard! I just hope that when she starts her periods that this will settle down instead of dragging on for 2 weeks every month.

[bokbokbok]

Yup! All of the above! Jessica is the most grown up person in this house sometimes. She is by far the most hilariously funny child of our two but does amazing things on her own - she thinks nothing of deciding which days she wants school dinners and which are to be packed lunches - then she makes her packed lunches herself!

 

But! The other night we witnessed a tantrum the likes of which we haven't seen since she was about five!

 

I find it difficult enough to deal with her when I have someone else to pass her over to when I need to so I do feel for you that you don't have any *down time* like that.

 

I think some kind of *break* would be good for you - I don't mean a weekend apart where she is thrown at relatives - I mean something that is fun that you do together - making fools of yourselves and laughing at each other, preferably something that doesn't cost money and can be used again in the future. Something to break the tension and set you back on the rails again.

 

The other day I had a mum in my photography studio with her 3 girls who announced it was the best thing they had done together for ages and it made me realise that in the day to day running of a household we don't generally put aside time to *fall back in love with your children* (please don't read that in a *I think you don't love your child* way!!!)

 

We did it in our house over a game of monopoly recently!

 

It is a relationship like any other relationship and you need to do something to remind yourself that she is probably a great child most of the time. If this was your partner you were talking about we would be suggesting the same theory. . .

 

(Also = sleep! Make sure she is getting enough sleep - especially during these winter months when we all go downhill a little)

 

Everyone loses the plot. If they say otherwise - they have already lost it

[The Dogmother]

not having kids. ever.

 

I said that once too

 

You can borrow Rosie if you like..... she's good with chickens

[Dinkychick]

Thanks all for the info on your children...

 

Hen Watch your Holly wrote "in Year 5 I got more responsibility at school, had to remember things rather than bring notes home, got more homework (eek ), I started to think a lot more about stuff. Like important stuff."

 

She may of hit the nail on the head... they suggested i stopped reminding DD about school stuff... this is when alot more problems seemed to start! I guess im blaming myself for her not remembering lol...how that works im not sure Maybe i need a time out lol

[Chook n Boo Mum]

I have too - as of 7.10 this morning, she officially turned 9!

 

She, as a general rule is much calmer and easier going than her brother (11 & away at boarding school) however she has her moments when the first person to pass the door would be welcome to her. These moments are few & far between fortunately......however if I repeat myself once, I repeat myself a millions times, especially in the mornings when we have to get going!

 

DS seems to have the hormonal surges rather than her - at the moment at least, I can't wait til they are both at that stage

 

Sha x

[Shirl]

My eldest daughter is only 4 and she's bad enough now. What will she be like by the time she's 9

 

I thought 8 year old boys were bad enough with their non funny jokes that they think are hilarious but girls! . I think I'm looking for a new home for a 4 year old. I'll keep the youngest for a few more years

[Snowy]

I just have one thing to add .....

 

 

 

 

 

Soooooooooo glad I have boys!

 

Sorry to be flippant Seriously, I think the idea of some 'special' time for the two of you together sounds great! We had a day out with the little boys at a country fair - typically full of whinges, whines, I wants, can't haves. Only when we escaped from the attractions of the fair and went conkering in the woods did we really enjoy ourselves. An hour spent conkering followed by a grass fight on the field - guess which part of the day they still talk about? It brought us all much closer together, and reminded me why I love them to bits, despite their behaviour

[Chook n Boo Mum]

I just have one thing to add .....

 

 

 

 

 

Soooooooooo glad I have boys!

 

Sorry to be flippant Seriously, I think the idea of some 'special' time for the two of you together sounds great! We had a day out with the little boys at a country fair - typically full of whinges, whines, I wants, can't haves. Only when we escaped from the attractions of the fair and went conkering in the woods did we really enjoy ourselves. An hour spent conkering followed by a grass fight on the field - guess which part of the day they still talk about? It brought us all much closer together, and reminded me why I love them to bits, despite their behaviour

 

My Katie loves days out like this too.......

 

Sha x