Omlet cube and run

[Looney]

Hi All,

 

You're a font of knowledge and ooze experience so I'm hoping someone will be able to help....

 

OH is beginning to suffer from anxiety and also irrational worrying about various scenarios, most of which he admits are far fetched but he can't get out of his mind. He has suffered from depression/anxiety/panic attacks in the past and it not only took him completely by surprise but really knocked him for six and took him a long time to fully get over it. I think that this time round he recognises the signs but rather than having the ability to deal with this early, he is panicking and anxious that he will end up as bad as before which is almost paralysing him, preventing him from actually facing the issues and probably pushing him further into anxiety. Does that make sense?!

 

A brief background of what is going on. We both work at the same place and will lose our jobs early next year although we are still waiting for official notice so are in limbo re knowing if/what redundancy we will get, actual timing etc. Last time he was depressed was partly due to losing a job. We are expecting baby number two in January (which is good news but questionable timing! ). They're the major things. There are lots of other stuff too which add to his anxiety, including details from some serious case reviews (e.g. child abuse) that he has to read at work and now can't get out of his head.

 

I was wondering if anyone knew of any good books (thinking along the lines of cognitive therapy) that might help him to sort through his anxious feelings? The up side is that this time he is willing to talk about how he is feeling, last time he was in denial for a long time.

 

He has an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow, he is absolutely terrified of history repeating itself.

 

Thanks for reading, made me feel better writing it all down if nothing else

[scarlettohara]

I'm am glad he is seeing the doctor and from experience would recommend medication and counselling, someone on this forum (Thank You !) said you wouldn't not give a diabetic insulin and it amounts to the same thing. Can't help with books but sure someone will be able to help. Hope all goes well with GP and good luck with baby

[debbier]

A friend's husband found a self-help CBT approach to be very helpful. I'll ask her what book it was.

[Looney]

Thanks for your replies Fingers crossed OH will get a sympathetic doctor tomorrow!

[chucknette]

Hi

 

Sorry to hear your husband is having a tough time at this moment.

 

A book that I felt helped me enormously was Self help for your nerves by Dr Claire Weeks.

 

This was a book that my own doctor recommended to me and it helped me to understand why I felt like I did and how to cope with my thoughts and feelings.

 

All I can say is its a brilliant book and I have never looked back since reading it. It took a while, but the book is an easy read and you can just pop back to it when you are feeling a bit low.

 

Hope this helps.

[Snowy]

This is a very good book Amazon Link

I did some training in CBT with the auther, Dr Rick Norris - silly title, but the book is full of practical exercises to address thinking errors and explain how anxiety and depression work. I've also used the techniques myself with patients and had very good results. It is very readable and easy to understand.

Whatever method he uses, I hope he gets the help needed and soon begins to feel more positive xxx

[Looney]

Thank you for the recommendations X I've passed the names to OH and he's going to look them up

[Bramble]

Hello, sorry to hear you're having problems, it won't help you to know that I've been there, done and got the meds to prove it. However, both my GP and a Counsellor recommended a book which I still use a lot, it's called "Manage your Mind" by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope. It covers all kinds of "mind stuff" and is very helpful. Just one point though, it took me a while to realise that just reading the book isn't enough, you actually have to put the exercises it gives you into action!! Good luck

[the bradley bunch]

in a slightly different approach i've found that just reading in general can really help calm the symptoms of anxiety & panic attacks. a book that will always be special to me is a novel called 'the eyes of the dragon' by stephen king (published under his pseudonym Richard Bachman). when i became so ill with my health a couple of years ago and nearly died, following my discharge from hospital i suffered severe anxiety & panic attacks which absolutely nothing could ease. although i initially found it difficult to concentrate on reading because my mind & heart seemed to be constantly racing and fluttering all of my rationality away, i eventually managed to settle enough to get through the first page of the eyes of the dragon. as i absorbed my whole self into this book, becoming the story instead of me, the fluttering in my chest would become less rapid with each page. i would read from the moment i woke up to the second i fell asleep with the book in my hand. by the time i had finished the book my anxiety was at a controllable level, and most importantly i felt that i'd found some way to control it.

i completely empathise with your husband's 'recognition' of his symptoms and how they are actually increasing the onset of the anxiety. i never go anywhere without a book and even carry one from room to room around the house with me and take one outside with me to read to the chickens ( ). if he can find something (like a novel) that is distracting enough for him to become detached from his own thoughts and hence his anxiety, then this will give him the control he needs and lessen his worrys. ironically it is often case that fear of our anxiety is actually the cause of it, so it's vital to find some way to 'ignore' those symptoms and feelings, rather than focusing on ways to get rid of them. it is such a difficult and vicious circle

 

i don't know how your husband's anxiety presents but i know that holding something (like a pillow) close to my chest, especially with a heat pack tucked under the pillow case so that it's warming & comforting against my chest, really helps ease my anxiety. this is how i get to sleep everynight along with my mood beam on the 'heart-beat' setting, and also if i have a panic/anxiety attack during the day i shut myself in a dark room and do the same, and just concentrate on the mood beam & the warmth against my chest.

what can also sometimes be effective is to replace the pillow with yourself; holding him close to you so that your chest lies against his and you are able to control & soothe his anxiety through your own calmness. this is what my husband would do with me when my anxiety was high, and it's where the pillow idea originates from (so that i could use the method on my own if he was away).

...i hope this doesn't come across as a silly suggestion but i imagine that once your baby arrives, lying your husband down with the baby snuggled into his chest (as many parents do to get their child off to sleep) will be a very calming and soothing way of relieving any anxiety building up in his chest; physically imitating the shared love & warmth between him & his baby is a known comforter

 

sorry i know this isn't exactly the info you asked for but i wanted to help all the same, and i wish you and your soon-to-be family of 4 all the best for the future x

[grracee]

Hello, sorry to hear you're having problems, it won't help you to know that I've been there, done and got the meds to prove it. However, both my GP and a Counsellor recommended a book which I still use a lot, it's called "Manage your Mind" by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope. It covers all kinds of "mind stuff" and is very helpful. Just one point though, it took me a while to realise that just reading the book isn't enough, you actually have to put the exercises it gives you into action!! Good luck

 

I totally agree with this, I suffered with panic attacks very badly for about 4 years. In that time I brought and read loads of books about them, it helps a huge amount to actually understand why you feel the way you do and whats happening but I often found myself thinking "I've read these books but I don't feel any better?" thats where I agree with Bramble, you actually have to put all the help exercises into action.

Mine got so bad that I eventually made an appointment with a hypnotherapist, after 6 or 7 sessions I felt a huge amount better. It's about a year after seeing her now & i'm not 100% better but i'm getting there. I wouldn't go out on my own or with someone before but now i'm out alot and feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. It feels great!

It's also helpful to know some techniques to help calm you down when experiencing a panic attack. My hypnotherapist taught me a deep breathing one called 7 - 11 (i think ) You have to take a deep breath and breathe in for 7 seconds and breathe out for 11. It's quite hard to do the 7 - 11 straight off so she started me off with a 5 - 9. It doesn't matter if you do 7 - 11 or 5 - 9 or less, just make sure you breathe out longer than you breathe in.

I really hope your OH is feeling better soon, hope the appointment with the GP went okay. I think it's a really good thing that this time he is willing to talk to people how he's feeling as I remember for a long while I found it very hard to accept that I had something wrong with me but it's much much much better to talk to someone about it, sometimes someone that you dont know, e.g. a counseller

Good luck with the new baby aswell!

[Looney]

Thanks for sharing your experiences and what has helped you , I showed your posts to OH and he asked me to pass on his thanks as well. I think it helps for him to know that he isn't a one-off and that other people are/have suffered with anxiety too, stops him feeling so stupid (his words not mine). You're all fab!

 

Doctor was sympathetic and really listened and a follow up appointment has been booked for next week. She has told him to take a couple of days off work and his boss is being great so all steps in the right direction.

 

We have the 20 week scan tomorrow so looking forward to that and seeing unborn Bogwoppit!

 

Thanks again xx

[Lesley]

That all sounds very positive

 

Enjoy your scan - another little Bogwoppit , great news!

[Bramble]

So glad it went well with GP, makes such a difference if you can get some help/understanding in that direction. I think the thing to remember is that we all have down spells, but over all this kind of "stuff" can be kept under reasonable control, OH has taken a huge step recognising there's a problem, so well done to him!

Now, Bogwoppits, wasn't there a story about a bogwoppit when I was a nipper, I'd completely forgotten about it til you mentioned the name!!??

[Mercedes55]

I'm so sorry to read about your husband and I do hope that things get better for him. I'm surprised how many people on here admit to having anxiety, I have it myself but until reading this post didn't dare to mention it I am now 55 and my anxiety started when I was 15 so I've had a lot of years of dealing with that, depression and also agoraphobia.

 

Over the years I have met a lot of other anxiety sufferers online and have noticed that with men it so often seems to be related to work problems and underlying anxieties about not being able to provide for their families.

 

There are a lot of really good books out there, I know Claire Weekes has already been mentioned and I have to say for many years I wouldn't go anywhere without my walkman and one of her tapes in it to listen to. Even now I have her mp3's on my iPod and listen to it when I feel the need.

 

There is also a very good CBT book by David Burns called 'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy' which explains all the cognitive thought distortions people with anxiety have.

[Looney]

Now, Bogwoppits, wasn't there a story about a bogwoppit when I was a nipper, I'd completely forgotten about it til you mentioned the name!!??

 

Bogwoppit is a book by Ursula Moray Williams, I used to love it when I was younger! And here is the Bogwoppit!

 

http://bogwoppit.co.uk/

 

 

You are right Mercedes, a lot of people do suffer from anxiety and from depression. This forum is a great place as people feel they can discuss it openly, what a shame everywhere isn't the same. It still amazes me that there can be such a stigma attached to suffering from anxiety / depression even though it affects so many people (either directly or indirectly) at some point in their lives.

[HENthusiastic]

Hiya. I havent read all the posts so excuse me if I'm repeating stuff. the following are recommended by primary care mental health teams in my area:

 

Coping with anxiety: Brosnan and Hogan.

Overcoming anxiety: Kennerley.

Overcoming anxiety A five areas approach: williams.

Coping with Panic; young.

Overcoming panic: Silove.

How to stop worrying: Tallis.

overcoming worry: Meares and Freeston.

 

Good luck.

[Looney]

Thanks, sounds like there are plenty of books out there to choose from

 

Things are levelling out a bit and OH is feeling a bit more like himself....still a fair bit of work to do though!

 

Scan went fine, baby gave us a wave and Bogwoppit the Elder kept asking why the sonographer had put jelly on my belly!

 

Have a good weekend everyone x