Unsecure chicken perches

[fluffyfeet]

I'm possibly opening a can of worms but I'm interested in other peoples opinions on this.

 

If you get the distinct feeling that you are not someone's favourite person, what sort of things would indicate that this was true?

 

Very deep for a Saturday evening I know

 

Dawn x

[chicken bark]

Someone talking to you in sentences of one word or less, avoiding eye contact. Dropping you like a hot potato when someone better comes along. Not responding to your texts.

 

What you do about it is nothing. Their loss as far as I'm concerned. Life is too short and all that.

[fluffy chick]

Yep very deep!

 

My mum once said to me if you don't like someone you can bet they don't like you much either! Not sure if that helps except I think it's probably a gut feeling!

[Space Chick]

I'm with chicken bark.... If they don't like you, it's their problem

 

Life is too short.

 

I think the world of you Dawn and am glad to be your friend ((hugs))

[Sam]

I'm really self conscious so always think someone dislikes me! It's just the smallest things which probably mean nothing, but I always think so. I can't really give examples, but you just get a feeling... Sorry no real help.

[fluffyfeet]

Think I need to clarify that I'm on about my manager and a couple of others I work with, who are all men.

 

I really liked my boss right from when I was interviewed, and apparently the feeling was mutual as the other person present at the interview said that he wanted to give me the job there and then without seeing anyone else!

 

Roll forward 2 years, the trip to the US head office didn't happen, and I was feeling more like an office junior than a secretary and I was getting bored. I decided to look for another job and then OH lost his job and I was basically trapped. I ended up on medication for depression but did not lose any time because of it.

 

It was during this period that things started to change. Nit picking is the best way to put it. Agreeing leave and then 'having a word' about the amount of time I was having off. I have a Road Atlas on my shelf at work and a couple of times I have used it when I have gone away for a weekend and every time I go back into the office it's always the same line "Trevor was looking for the Atlas and couldn't find it - do you know where it's gone?"

In fact the atlas is mine, and I've told them, but it does seem odd that he's only ever wanted it when I've got it!

 

Similar to this and occurring more often is the "Trevor was after such and such and found this on your desk - what/why etc". Again this only happens when I'm not about and I never find out what it was he was after in the first place on my desk - there is nothing on it that he would normally need.

It's been things like I've got some old invoices for the photocopier contract as I'm looking at how much it's costing us and whether it could be bettered, or lowering courier costs etc. But instead of being pleased that I'm making best use of my time I get moaned at because I've got them and someone might have needed them. They hadn't and if I was doing something that might interfere with someone else doing their job I would make sure I either finished with it or let them know.

I could go on, but you'll all nod off!

 

Anyway, after a rough 18 months OH got another job - Yay!

That was when the 'sneering' started. You know that 'look' when someone finds something distasteful or beneath them. He's done this towards my OH as well when we've had our Christmas function, to the point where I really didn't want to go to the last one.

 

All this, and more, has now been going on for roughly 2.5 years, and the other woman in the office is his 'golden girl', who takes time off at the drop of a hat no problem, and who actually seems to enjoy undermining me at every opportunity.

 

I do know that the secretary prior to me left after 'she' arrived and clashed, and this was after being off with stress for 3 months. I would love to speak to her and find out what really happened and I hate it when they discuss and make fun of her.

I am looking for another job but I'm in the West Mids which is one of the worst places for unemployment at the moment so It's not easy, especially when I would like something to fit within school hours.

I would like to tell him where to stick his job but the pride in me says dont jump till you have somewhere to jump to and stick it out just to aggravate him, but it's getting to a point now where I resent being there when I could be elsewhere including home - at least I wouldnt be being 'picked at' most of the time.

 

One of my friends once said to me that I was one of the most perceptive people she'd ever known, so perhaps I already know the answer to this.

Or perhaps I'm completely paranoid and need locking up!

Feel free to ask me anything as I have nothing to hide and certainly not from my friends on here.

 

Dawn x

[Old Speckled Hen]

Errrrrrr I don't think this is about like or dislike. I think you are being bullied out of your job....

[Christian]

Sounds like you are being bullied to me too.

[Olly]

Sorry to say that I agree - bullying.

[fluffyfeet]

I am inclined to agree, but I haven't a clue what I can do to prove what's been going on and I know for a fact that no-one else will back me up, as it's all boys plus golden girl together and no union. We are the UK sales and design office of a US company and its proper boys club stuff - if you've worked with Americans, you'll know that there are some - and I will point out here that I have nothing against Americans - that are, how would you say, retentive in certain areas!!

 

And who is going to listen to a part time office bod over a group of blokes who bring million pound contracts to the table!

 

I've been there 5 years this July, and the last 3 years have been pretty miserable. I am thinking about approaching my boss to cut my hours back from 20 to 16 (which won't affect my Child Tax Credits) however if he asks why I might not be able to stop myself from saying 'cos its obvious you can't stand the sight of me and I'd rather spend it with my son!'

I do wonder if the only reason they haven't gone all out to find a reason to sack me is that my son has Aspergers and I know that the law changed last year to protect working parents of disabled children.

 

Well I've probably vented enough for tonight - OH is ordering me to go and watch Peter Kay as I missed it last time, to cheer me up.

 

I do so hope that Karma has something rotten waiting for vile people like the ones I have the misfortune to work with, and that I have a ringside seat when they get theirs!!

 

And thank goodness for Chickens and the Omlet forum.

 

Dawn x

[Chicken shack]

You need to log every insident. You can also seak advice on unfair dismisal. I know you havn't been dismissed but because of your bosses attitude you may have to leave in which case it is unfair. Are you in a union you need to seak legal advise. Good luck

[Clur]

It sounds like they are trying to manage you out of your job (I.e.trying to get you to quit). The only saving grace is that it is very, very unlikely to be personal; maybe you're on higher pay than someone they could get in this climate for example. Doesn't excuse disgraceful behaviour but may help you get your ear round it.

 

The best thing to do is diarise everything. Then if you decide to go to HR or your boss, it's all fact based rather than 'just' your feelings. If it continues, seek advice from ACAS (www.ACAS.org.UK) who should be able to offer advice. I'm presuming you're not in an union.

 

I've been in similar situations and it's helped me to de-personalise things. It means I know they can't sack me as I am doing my job and performing well, and that I don't give a stuff they're trying to get rid of me by making me want to leave. When you leave, make sure it's on your terms, not theirs

 

Best wishes,

Clur x

[j00lz_12366]

Hi

On a logical note I would say that the idea to log incidents is a very good one. Maybe if this then throws up some 'incidents' or patterns of behaviour then look at going to a solicitor who deals with employment laws.

 

On an emotional note, as someone who has met you I would say what a set of gits!

I might be way off the mark, there's nothing going on with the other woman and a member of the management is there?

 

Hope you have had a nice evening,

Juliet x

[Egluntyne]

I agree, keep a log. Looks like they have got lazy and perhaps feel challenged by someone with a bit of oomph who has

shown initiative by trying to find better deals etc.

 

Is there someone above the 'boss' or a personnel manager with whom you could have a confidential chat?

[fluffy chick]

This sounds awful for you (((hugs)))

sounds like bullying to me too. But then men seem to think they can say what they want in my place too. I don't think they think before opening their mouths. Men are just inconsiderate .

 

I would be taking the atlas home if it's yours! How rude!

[Sammiboo]

really feel for you! I used to work for a well known phone company in the business customers department. I new particularly liked the job the department manager seemed to like me until i had my car accident. I was off for months (without pay) I was in a really bad way. One of my friends at work sent an email round to do a collection and sent the pictures of how bad my crash was.....

 

I had to phone work to ask if i could use some of my holiday allowance while i was off work so i had a bit of money coming in.. wasnt allowed. She then made a comment on when i was getting my car repaired ??!?!

 

Picture below proves this wasnt a "bump" the car flipped on its roof - i was told i was lucky to alive!

 

 

When i returned to work a few months later, I was getting bad pains in my head and had to have a few appointments to see a specialist and have scans etc. I was told i would either have to make the time up for the appointments or take it umpaid - there was over 60 people in the department and no one else had to do this.

I then had to go to hospital for an operation to remove glass so was signed off for a few weeks as i couldnt drive etc.

 

When i returned to work my manager deicded i needed to move to a new area in the department, by this point it was quite clear she didnt like and for some reason thought was taking the P having all this time off. Sorry i know i am going on a bit.... lots of people in the department thought she was out of order and i have the proof. to cut a long story short not long after i moved to a new team i handed my notice after finding another job and usually when people leave the department makes a big deal of it. My manager decided to work from home the day i left which she never worked from home - makes you laugh really.

 

When i left i did make a formal complaint and i had witnesses for the way i was treated BUT they didnt do anything about it. I didnt need to work my notice and it was the best thing i ever did leaving there.

 

I do feel for you. I was lucky as i had friends around me being supportive and they could see for themselves what was going on. as discussed keep a diary, but i would look for another job, its not worth being miserable where you are

 

I didnt mean to take over with my post but i was just explaining i have been through it and i am now very happy in my work (most of time ) best thing i did leaving there. Plus with it being a massive company i would have thought they would have taken that type of conduct more seriously.

[candy-quackenbush]

I agree with Egluntyne - is there someone you can approach and bring the subject up with? If not, I would seriously consider the next time something happens - challenge them. Ask the questions that come to mind that you think later on 'I should have said that'. They are probably that used to dragging you down, and saying whatever they please with no bite back from you, that they will be stopped in their tracks and have to explain themselves. Dont do it in a confrontational way, nice and polite but you want explainations and answers. It does seem like you are being bullied and I do agree keeping notes of events can only help if needed later on. Chin up chook, Karma will always prevale x