Eglu Go With 2m Run For Sale

[Ain't Nobody Here]

After my dad's death on 11 June, it's taken till now for my mum and me to find out anything about his will. My brother is the executor but is being worse than useless so the lawyers haven't even started sorting out the estate yet. He's told me and mum that he doesn't have the will and doesn't know what's in it but the lawyer we saw today (the other executor) is pretty sure that can't be the case.

 

I am rather hurt that my dad left my brother the bulk of his estate although after 4 years in a nursing home, dad had no money left anyway. I am positive that he was manipulated by my mum and brother some years ago in response to me finding my birth family. My brother has contact with his birth family too but has kept it quiet.

 

Thankfully, dad left his half of the house to my mum. Unfortunately, my mum's will leaves everything to my brother (with a very small legacy to me). If she doesn't change her will, then he gets the value of the whole house (which could be £4-5k) minus my legacy which is a fraction of that. His legacy is "nil rate band", which I gather is up to £325,000, which will come out of the proceeds of dad's half of the house when it's sold. He'll also get all her moveable assets which could add up to a fair amount.

 

My mum (who is getting extremely forgetful and confused) had come to the realisation that my brother is a lying, greedy so-and-so and wanted to change her will to make things fair but the very day we went to the lawyers to do this, she reverted to being nasty to me and singing my brother's praises in front of the lawyer. Nothing was resolved as she was totally confused by the whole thing but when we got home, she was full of thanks to me and negative about him again. She is now saying again that she just wants things to be fair.

 

He has to declare any lifetime gifts he's been given in the last 7 years but he's not going to hand any paperwork over showing that. The lawyer says he has to but who's going to make him? I know for a fact (documents written by my dad) that he's had well over £100,000 already but that was more than 7 years ago. My mum says he told her they bought my house and car for me. They didn't, they bought his house and his car. OH is furious about that.

 

I'm not an executor or power of attorney for my mum (or dad) so have no rights or protection, as far as I can see. My only hope is getting mum to change her will to make me both P of A and executor so at least I have some control over her affairs and my brother is accountable to someone. Ideally, she should leave her whole estate to me to balance things up a bit.

 

Sorry for the rant, I know no-one can help. I'm just feeling exhausted and upset by the whole thing.

[Couperwife]

(((hugs)))

[bluekarin]

(((hugs))) from me to. Families eh! I do hope things get sorted out for you - it must be incredibly frustrating for your brother to be like this and not be able to show those that need to know just what is actually going on.

[Janepie33]

That all seems incredibly unfair to me. Hope you manage to find a way to sort it all out. X

[Alis girls]

Hugs too xxxx despite being an only child I suspect my dad has left all to the local cats home

[WitchHazel]

What a rotten and horrible situation. I'm not surprised that you are feeling so hurt, you've been treated terribly, and you've been very much let down by your family.

 

If your brother (and the lawyer) do not have your Dad's Will, how do you know that he left his hald of the house to your mum and the bulk of the estate to your brother? Maybe your brother conveniently doesn't know where the Will is, because the Will doesn't actually say that?

 

If the Will cannot be found then presumably your Dad will be declared as having dies intestate - perhaps the intestacy laws in Scotland will be more favourable to you.

 

On the other side of things, it may be your mum is confused, and that it wasn't your brother who told her that the house and car were bought for you. Maybe she's just confised herself into thinking that. She's so muddled, she's probably spouting all sorts of rubbish at your brother as well, which may be stirring things so he feels aggrieved (although how he can feel aggrieved when he's had a house and car bought for him, I don't know. Mind you, it depends what she has said!)

 

I'm not sure where you'd stand if your mum did change her Will now. She's not exactly of sound mind.m si I would guess that the Will would be challengeable.

 

<> to you, they've really pulled you through the mill the last few years.

 

Hazel

[Egluntyne]

I'd get some independent legal advice from a wills and probate specialist, ANH.

 

You will be well able to prove that your house and car weren't bought for you.

[Plum]

Big hug for you ANH after all you've been through with your mum.

 

I agree with Hazel if your mum is muddled then trying to make her do anything is going to add to her distress and even though you've had a rough time over the years with her I'm sure you don't want to do that.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks everyone, it's nice to just let off steam and have people on my side for a change .

 

Dad definitely has a will, the lawyers have it (but my brother should have a copy too although he says he doesn't). Mum has a will she made in 2010 and it's in her house (I've seen it).

 

I know things she is saying may be made up but tbh so many things point to him not being on the level, that until I know otherwise I can't trust him. Recently mum's been saying she knows it suits him if we aren't speaking and she was absolutely adamant that she wanted to make things fair and she's had to accept (reluctantly, as he's her blue eyed boy ) that he's less than honest and just wants everything. Sadly, she did a complete turn-around while we were at the lawyers so it looked like I was the manipulative one.

 

Off there shortly to see if I can find evidence of large sums paid to him (she wanted me to yesterday, let's hope she's the same today!).

[donald]

Families eh!

 

I do think you should get independent legal advice. If your mother is not sane etc then how can she make a rational decision. My mother left everything to myself and sisters. However for some reason an insurance policy paid out to her ex husband my father(it was in her name etc). We were advised we could contest this and take him to court but the amount it would cost would end up eating away at the lump sum and more importantly as we were all financially secure we could have lost, the agro was not worth it. If you are dependent on your mother or live in the house ie would be made homeless etc then you may be able to claim or contest. My aunt contested a will as her father had remarried and she got what she thought she was entitled to.

 

The only other thing is to cut your losses and walk away. Please dont let money ruin your life, I have seen families break their hearts over money and the old saying "money is the root of all evil" does hold a ring of truth.

 

Good luck and remember greed is not a nice trait too. Seek some advice, just dont spend too much.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

OH and I are financially secure (my brother isn't but that's totally his own fault) so it may be that I do just walk away with my dignity and morals intact. However, it's more about the fairness of it all - it is just so unfair that he gets everything as he has caused them no end of grief throughout his life and has taken thousands and thousands of pounds from them. My only crime was tracing my birth family. He did too but never told our parents (my mum knows now, though ).

 

I have a very close, trusted friend who's a lawyer and she's going to write and request a copy of my dad's Will on my behalf. There doesn't seem to be much I can do except get mum to change her Will but that's going to be really difficult as she can't remember anything from one hour to the next and I have to be careful not to be seen to be influencing her (ironic, as I am 100% convinced she (and my brother possibly) influenced my dad to change his Will - there's no way on this earth he would have done this willingly ).

[..lay a little egg for me]

So sorry to hear you are having to go through all of this.

 

Sadly, in my experience, it is all too common for people to mess up their Wills. In my family, my father, sister and aunt all managed to make a complete disaster of passing on their assets fairly. Including my dad giving half of everything to his mistress that he had met less than a year previously. The law is often very little use in resolving anything as fairness and common sense does not seem to enter into the equation. We discovered that, as Dad had not left enough money for Mum to live on, we would be able to challenge the Will on that basis (sadly Mum died before we could actually overturn it). I don't know if that might work for you so that some of your Dad's money might go to your Mum and then if she did change her Will, you would benefit. Proving that your Dad had been influenced unfairly is highly unlikely to be possible as you would need some proof and the solicitors that drew up his Will would be working hard to prove that the Will was legitimate.

 

It does all sound like a long shot though and I agree with Donald that it is probably better to cut your losses as the costs of fighting the Will are likely to be very high.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Mum is very keen to change her will but the difficulty is getting her to remember what she wants to do without being seen to be influencing her.

 

I've typed out the bare facts of hers and dad's wills for her (she said this would help her) and some options for changing her will, and the consequences of doing so. I'm hoping to ask a neighbour to help her get something written down and signed (so I'm not involved).