Chicken bald back

[Chortle Chook]

I'm really shocked by what I've been hearing about so called 'TROLLS' on social network sites. How could people be so uncaring of others as to lay into someone who was asking for help with eczema? I'm probably totally naive but it made me so glad I am in the safe, well policed site of Omlet and not out there on Facebook or Twitter (thank you Mods ). As both Facebook and Twitter are obviously making a mint it is surely time that they employed moderators (paid ones) is it not?

[kinsk]

I am a bit about it all. I take it this refers to the poor girl that has killed herself?

 

I have just been talking to a friend who has a 15 year old daughter, in the last 18 months she has had to go to 4 funerals of friends who have killed themselves.

 

There has to be something so, so wrong with the way we are living as a society which is seeing such a huge increase in teenage suicide, attempts of otherwise. AND even more so with the level of callous bullying and goading that is pushing/encouraging it.

 

We were brought up with the 'sticks and stones' line, but we only had to deal with people we knew, saw day to day, our parents knew. This is a whole new world, with anonomous (sp) people that can hide behind a computer and be so completely detached from reality that they think it's all just a bit of fun.

 

I also hate to say this but I do think there is a lot of attention seeking going on. This girl then took pictures of herself looking upset and posted them, to my mind making herself more of a target and feeding the trolls. For some any attention, be it good or bad, is attention/recognition and I think that's what needs addressing.

 

We all have that red cross at the top right of our screens. Some just need more help in using it.

[merlina]

I'll be on BBC local radio at 5pm talking about this very thing.

 

What I'm wondering is what, if anything, kids are taught about this stuff at school - would be really interested to hear from anyone who knows.

 

I think at least part of the problem is that we don't seem to have got a message across to young people that being abusive verbally is not OK. There seems to be little bullying of the sort my generation experienced, but a lot more, much nastier, use of words.

[kinsk]

I'll be on BBC local radio at 5pm talking about this very thing.

 

What I'm wondering is what, if anything, kids are taught about this stuff at school - would be really interested to hear from anyone who knows.

 

I think at least part of the problem is that we don't seem to have got a message across to young people that being abusive verbally is not OK. There seems to be little bullying of the sort my generation experienced, but a lot more, much nastier, use of words.

 

I think the more it's talked about the better, it's something that really needs to be taken more seriously and addressed.

 

I do however think there is a bigger picture and there is a lot less compassion in general. I think this shows up in the drunken violent crime we see outside pubs etc. There has been a huge increase in the level of violent, abusive attacks by children/teenagers against animals, and there is a prove link between this type of abuse and going on to further abuse towards humans.

 

There is definitely a detachment from reality and a detachment from the person the typed word is aimed at, this is encouraged by the fact that there are no repercussions/ traceability back to the attacker. I heard a friends child come out with the phrase "it's cool to be cruel"

 

I do also think though that there are some very vulnerable people who just get flagged up straight away as a potential victim and the mob mentality kicks in. These people are vulnerable for a reason and it needs to be taken back to the family environment to see, for example, why a young girl is asking complete strangers for advice on ezcema on a site which isn't really anything to do with that or has anyone with any sound advice to give. Her mother and doctor should have been the first port of call and then there are more specialised sites, discussion forums, which again a family member could have helped her with.

[Willow]

She should have been able to post sensible questions on public sites without being hounded to death but even if she was unwise in her interactions some bullying on social media caries on without any involvement of the victim.

 

One of my sons had someone masquerade as him online for 2 years. The bully who was also a young teen found out enough about my son to be able to connect to my sons friends and have friendly conversations thus convincing them it was my son. He would then abuse them still masquerading as my son and my son was left wondering why even people he barely knew were being horrible to him. The bully turned almost every teen in our community against my son before I could uncover what was happening, trace the communications and get the police to stop the bully. We can never undo the damage that was done whilst the abuse was going on and there is permanent damage to my sons reputation.

[Chortle Chook]

"it's cool to be cruel" Hadn't heard that before. What a shocker! Are we civilised or aren't we? Talk about 'Lord of the Flies'. I think it is dead cowardly to be cruel.

 

Re the appropriate site for asking about eczema - general sites can be useful for medical things. I have rosacea for which my Dr gave me antibiotics, endlessley. The NHS site just said it was incurable. This forum on the other hand, gave me helpful adivice which I used and now it is under control

 

And the X in the top right box. I too have wondered in the past why people don't exit and not come back if they felt bullied, but then I realised that the reason these social networking sites (including this one) works, is that 'friends' on the net really do seem like real friends (and enemies) and so we discuss things with them as we would face to face (hence the poor girl posting pictures to show how upset she was).

One thing however that my short experience of social networking did teach me was when to step away and leave well alone - but then I am not a young teen.

[The Dogmother]

Whilst this sort of thing happens to people of any age - I have been stalked and threatened - it is these young and impressionable teens who are mostly targeted; they are of an age when they will seek approval, peers and flattery. Sadly, not all children are confident enough to either report it , walk away or ignore the bullies.

 

I fought Rosie off for years when she asked to go on facebook.

[Willow]

Whilst this sort of thing happens to people of any age - I have been stalked and threatened - it is these young and impressionable teens who are mostly targeted; they are of an age when they will seek approval, peers and flattery. Sadly, not all children are confident enough to either report it , walk away or ignore the bullies.

 

Very well put Clare. Teens have also grown up with social media, many of their social interactions are now through social media. Yes they can walk away but they are then cutting themselves off from many of their peers.

[The Dogmother]

Whilst this sort of thing happens to people of any age - I have been stalked and threatened - it is these young and impressionable teens who are mostly targeted; they are of an age when they will seek approval, peers and flattery. Sadly, not all children are confident enough to either report it , walk away or ignore the bullies.

 

Very well put Clare. Teens have also grown up with social media, many of their social interactions are now through social media. Yes they can walk away but they are then cutting themselves off from many of their peers.

 

Tell me about it

[Goosey Lucy]

We are having similar discussions here. ES who is 13 wants a Facebook account but we are resisting. I shall be showing him parts of this thread especially your contribution, Patricia. I am so sorry for what your son had to go through.

[Willow]

We are having similar discussions here. ES who is 13 wants a Facebook account but we are resisting. I shall be showing him parts of this thread especially your contribution, Patricia. I am so sorry for what your son had to go through.

 

Sadly it was because my son didn't have a presence on social media that the bully was able to easily set up fake profiles. If my son had his own profile it would still have been possible but would have been picked up earlier by someone commenting on there being two profiles and which was it.

 

I'm probably the only mother on here to force their teens to set up a facebook accounts

[Ain't Nobody Here]

It's a relatively new phenomenon so it seems to me that "Ooops, word censored!"ody really knows how to handle it apart from by reacting to the awful events as they happen.

 

The 15 year old niece of a friend of mine killed herself recently after Facebook and text bullying. Such a tragic waste of a young life.

[Chickendoodle]

My daughters are 25 & 27 so I am thankful that when they were vulnerable teenagers the internet and social media was still in it's infancy.

It may be happening already, but schools should be teaching students how to behave online and how to cope with cyber bullying.

I have a FB account but rarely use it except to lurk! My YD is a regular poster and I can see that some of the "discussions" get very out of hand and personal. She can be pretty argumentative (I often send her PM's to advise her to tone it down a bit but I would never post it publicly). I think everyone should be taught that once they have written a comment to sit back, re-read it and if it is something that you would not say face to face to the person delete it and don't send.

I also think that part of the problem is that the bullies probably don't think they are "speaking" to real people.

 

I also have a Twitter account and follow only non-contraversial people. As soon as I detect a hint of nastiness I stop following them. Equally, I only post light hearted things. Twitter is public and permanent and I don't think a lot of people get that - you are not having a private conversation. Slightly off the subject but very entertaining people on Twitter are Richard Osman and Marian Keyes

[kinsk]

Yes they can walk away but they are then cutting themselves off from many of their peers.

 

This is where I think things have gone wrong. It used to be that interaction was personal, and if it got too personal or upsetting you had your home to retreat too. Now you are not safe in your own home, but also why are these kids spending soooo much time on these sites? It can only be because they are not getting the interaction at home.

 

It's coming through into the workplace, try employing a young person who is confident speaking to someone on the phone, they don't even speak to their friends on the phone anymore, they text. Even more try finding a young person who is prepared to leave a message on an answerphone. Anything that pushes them from behind whatever persona they have built up they can't. A generalisation I know.

 

It has also been said today that continually logging onto a site where you are being bullied is the new form of self harming.

 

I think as a society we need to look at why more and more people are resorting to faceless communication. Why we seem to have more and more vulnerable people/children, and why we have this horrible mob mentality that latches on to the vulnerable and thinks they are fair game.

 

I really do agree that the internet has opened up a whole new world of knowledge and friendship for most of us, but the cost has been a huge dark hole of the worst of humanity coming out of the woodwork.

 

You can switch it off though.

[Alis girls]

I'm afraid I'd " name and shame" if I had it my way. We stopped YS on facebook as he is immature and I knew he;d be a Target. My sons tend to be quite good at telling us things. YS has to bear all before bed if hes troubled and it can be blood and stone at times. Yes the red cross is something I encourage the boys to use. Thank goodness for mods. This is a lovely site.