Pro - Does anyone else's nest boxes get soaked in rain?

[Cinnamon]

I think I have posted about this before, so forgive me if I am being boring.....

 

I use Facebook a lot. I love it...it keeps me in touch with family near & distant, friends I have not seen in ages, work colleagues & a fair few mad chicken people too (you know who you are!) I cannot see a time in my life where I do not use Facebook.

But I have noticed a trend for people using it as a weapon, or a way to get revenge on others (& these are adults, not children), rather than just talking things through.

'Unfriending' someone sounds trivial, but if it is someone you are close to,it sends a pretty serious message that you do not want anything more to do with that person,ever.

 

It has happened to me twice now. Firstly my Sister in law, who I had met but twice at the time, decided I was a dreadful person for not wanting to come to her baby shower, & she unfriended me. I do in fact suffer from SAD, & find any social occasions very difficult. I am more likely to fly to the moon than do a hen party or baby shower.

Still I reasoned, her choice. It stung, but I moved on.

 

However this one is harder. My Brother (her husband) has unfriended me because I could not go to his daughters first birthday party.

The reason I could not go? It was on MY daughters birthday, she had taken a day off of work, tables at a nice restaurant were booked & plans made. My other girl was coming down from Uni too. This was all fully explained, & apologies made.

In fact even if I could have gone, I probably would have elected not to, as 80 people in a village hall with a bouncy castle,magicians & clowns for 3 hours is my idea of hell

 

Has anyone else suffered from people hitting that delete button rather than just picking up the phone & talking?

[Chickendoodle]

I am not a great Facebook user but it definitely has a downside and I can imagine how upsetting it is to be "unfriended" by someone close. My son-in law's family are all avid FB users, all live in the same town (there is him, 3 adult sisters and their parents) and they will have regular online arguments when the whole family join in. It has caused no end of problems as it is very easy to post a quite acidic comment and once it is there that is it. It's not like a conversation where there is a tonal quality and to be honest, most of a verbal argument is soon forgotten. If it is online however it is there for good. They regularly friend and unfriend each other.

 

It seems pretty childish to me, pressing the unfriend button. I agree - pick up the phone and talk.

 

I am finding that my handwriting is getting pretty awful as there are very few instances where I need to put pen to paper. Will we forget how to talk to each other soon?

[bluekarin]

Sorry to hear that Sarah. I know you've had your ups and downs with your family. I haven't had this happen to me, although some people have defriended me, but I didn't know who I only knew because the amount of friends I had went down My daughter has gone through this, but a year or so ago when she was 15/16. Seems such a petty thing to do, especially by family. They are probably so swept up with how wonderful their little girl is, they can't understand why you don't share their enthusiasm. I would hold my head up knowing you have done the right thing in letting them know why you couldn't come. You can probably send him a message via FB just to let him know how this has made you feel and reiterate why you could come to your nieces 1st birthday party. That's if you want to. And then I would leave it.

[Willow]

Ah Sarah they are being mean They sound like they are caught up in the 'we're the first person to ever have baby' attitude in the extreme, and have lost all sense of perspective.

 

I've only had one friend unfriend me and whilst it was very upsetting to be unfriended it was also a wee bit of a relief (she'd been sending me horrible ranty emails that had reduced me to tears on my birthday and largely ruined my holiday that was to help me recuperate from shingles)

 

I assume you let him know why you wouldn't be going to his daughters party, so don't worry he should be behaving better. One of my brothers rarely comes to family events I invite him to, he usually accepts them then cancels on the day. It's slightly irritating but I know he works very hard and whatever the excuse on the day it's more that he'd rather stop at home than make the effort to go out and I understand that. Frankly it would never occur to me even to grumble at him for cancelling again let alone unfriend him on facebook

 

Worth noting that whilst you can still email your brother through facebook, if you are not a facebook friend those emails go into a different folder that most people aren't even aware of and there isn't a notification you have a message the way there are if it's from a friend so he may genuinely not notice them.

[Alis girls]

I hate it as you get people from other peoples pages who appear to want to be friends but you dont know them. I agree FB and Twitter and emails are a nasty way for nasty people to bully others. You have done nothing wrong - your child comes before other peoples. Ali x

[yvonne]

Just to play Devil's advocate briefly, I too use facebook, but tend to stick to "friends" of around my own age as the teenage dramas and minute by minute updates that get posted for all the world to see just irritate me.

I think the word "friend" is (like "love") too widely used these days as I would really see a lot of online connections as "contacts" which albeit a little thing, does make it all a bit less emotional.

I am currently contemplating "unfriending" someone as my real life attempts to distance myself from them have fallen on deaf ears and I no longer wish them to have access to my (infrequent) updates and other "friends".

The online world can be a bit harsh and not a place for the fainthearted (did anyone catch the brilliant Mary Beard program on BBC4 a couple of days ago ?).

Without wishing to be unkind, you just need to shrug off this kind of thing and not let it upset you - believe me, far worse goes on online every day !

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Sarah, I too know you've had difficulties with your family in the past - you had a perfectly legitimate reason not to attend both events so it's their problem, not yours.

 

I have recently been "unfriended" by my 21 yr old niece (one of 4 kids, the other 3 are still "friends"). Unfortunately, I think it might be my fault because she may have seen a comment I posted which had a very veiled reference to her dad (my brother) - not named, but anyone who knows what my brother has done would probably have worked it out. She does know but is understandably in denial.

 

Still hurts a bit, however unrational it is .

[WitchHazel]

Sorry to hear this Sarah.

It sounds like they've taken this as the latest in a series of slights.

I think he (they) is (are) being a bit melodramatic

 

I'm torn between suggesting you (a) ignore it (which means it'll probably fester), (b) you emailing him to say you've noticed he's unfriended you but you don't know what you've done (which would probably inflame the situation, actually), or © emailing him to ask f he's unfriended you because you you didn't go the birthday party

 

On reflection, I think I'd probabky suggest (3). With no re-iteration of the reasons. Just a simple "Hi xx, I've noticed you've unfriended me. Is this because we didn't come to yy's birthday??"

 

Hazel

[Cinnamon]

I have asked him is he did indeed unfriend me because of the party & he confirmed that he did, because I obviously don't care about his family.

To be honest, when compared to MY family,its true, I don't care!

My peeps come first & I am astonished that as a father himself he can't see this

 

It is all very well saying ignore it & shrug it off, but this is my brother, not just some bloke I once met. What he has done is terribly hurtful to me, & my daughters & Husband are upset too.

 

I told him we could not come right away, some 3 weeks before the big day & was very apologetic, but told him exactly why.

 

I truly think the party was more for them than the baby. His wife seems to wallow in being the centre of attention & being fawned over. Not my thing at all.

 

I am trying to ignoring it now, but it is putting my Dad & my Sister, both of whom I love dearly, in an awkward position.

Unbelievably the SIL has already tried to hijack Christmas this year by inviting all of them, & not us.

I can well do without family politics & mountains being made out of molehills, & will continue to live my life as I see fit, not how others expect me to

[WitchHazel]

Families can be such a nightmare.

 

They really are behaving badly, aren't they?

 

Actually, I would say it's a bit of a bonus that they haven't invited you. It's saves you the hassle of turning them down and causing more bad feeling... and they don't really make themselves look very good in doing it.

 

I wouldn't ignore them, just carry on as before as if this hadn't happened.

 

You do have my sympathy Sarah, I know all of this is easy to say but hard to do.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I can well do without family politics & mountains being made out of molehills, & will continue to live my life as I see fit, not how others expect me to

 

Hear, hear . An admirable sentiment .

[Willow]

Would it help to get either your husband or your sister to explain to your brother that you are very hurt by his actions and to re-iterate it was both his daughter and your daughters birthday events and that doing something for your daughter does not mean you don't care about his family just that like him you felt it important to mark your daughters birthday?

[Cinnamon]

My sister has tried, and she thinks he regrets his actions, and that this is in fact being orchestrated by his nightmare of a wife

I am deciding to just carry on as if nothing has happened. If I see him, I shall be as I always was.

He is the one who looks like an idiot here, not me

[chickencam]

Sounds like a plan. I always try not to lower myself to petty levels, life is too short.

[Willow]

Trouble is once you've unfriended someone in a fit of pique it's quite difficult to go back and say sorry and send a friend request.

 

When there's a bit of distance maybe you should try sending him a friend request and see what happens. I know he is in the wrong here but it is an easy way to stay in touch.

[Redwing]

IMHO people rely far too much on Facebook for family contact and it often ends up in misunderstanding. I dont want any member of my family to feel that the only way they can get my attention (good or bad) is via Facebook in the same way that I dont want them to hear big news for the first time via Facebook

 

I would personally sit down face to face to resolve this