Pro - Does anyone else's nest boxes get soaked in rain?

[Chickendoodle]

This series of cartoons is wonderful, poignant and very sad. Having lost a dear relative to dementia it really struck a chord

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2623800/The-saddest-goodbye-Endless-words-written-dementia-But-ANY-match-poignancy-cartoonist-Tony-Husbands-account-watching-steal-away-father.html

[Ain't Nobody Here]

That had me in tears . It's like a mixture of my dad (who did go into a home and died there) and my mum who is at home but has dementia - so the multiple calls, carers, confusion, anxiety, etc .

[Chickendoodle]

Part of me thinks it would be really useful to be given this when you have a relative diagnosed with Dementia, another part of me thinks would I really want to know what was ahead.

 

Maybe when you have had the 20th phone call of the day asking the same thing it might make you a bit more patient when you realise that there is absulotely nothing that can be done and the person making the phone call is not trying to be a nuisance, they are just ill.

[soapdragon]

I have just read this and, yes, I cried.

[Bramble]

Oh that's so sad ... but so real ...

I did two of those things to my Dad (took his car, for the same reason, and took his dog to live with me, mum couldn't cope with Dad and dog) and I think it was the "end" for Dad ... very sad

[Olly]

Gulp. Wish I hadn't read this at work ... thanks for posting this, that's very poignant and very true for anyone who has had dealings with elderly people with dementia.

[Alis girls]

I read it and had to stop as I'd be tearful before work. I do "mini mentals" on over 60's - you can pinpoint the worried well from those who truely have a problem and its heart breaking for the person and their loved ones. On the plus side in our area they are waking up to dementia care and we have dementia cafes and "singing for the brain" as music has been found to have a positive effect on patients with dementia.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Another thing it's hard to deal with is my mum being unable to distinguish between what's real or a dream/nightmare.

 

Today she was in a terrible state saying someone from the Council had been round and condemned her house, it was going to be demolished and she was being put into a care home . And I'd been there too.

 

Thankfully, the upside of her severe short term memory loss is that she quickly forgets what she was in a state about. I often don't phone her back every time she leaves a plaintive message on my answering machine as she's usually forgotten she called by the time I do.

[WitchHazel]

How very moving.

 

I started crying when they took Lossie away, and I haven't stopped.

 

I see the book is published on May 15th, I think I might buy it as a way of saying thank you to Tony Husband for capturing it all so well.

[Alis girls]

My dads dementia isnt bad but he has become very pessimistic, racist and moans about everything. I find a day is enough as it does bring you down. On the plus side hes come out with some gems - ES was somewhat taken aback when his grandad said he knew all the channel numbers of the adult channels on TV and that the content was "art". My mum would spin in her grave. My OH has locked all these channels on our TV so our kids cant access them and this will stop my dad too.

[The Dogmother]

I have just read this and, yes, I cried.

 

Me too - my mother has advanced dementia after a series of Trans ischaemic attacks some years ago. My father looks after her at home with the help of some part time 'sitters' who come in to give him time off, they are now getting to the stage where she will need a live-in carer Pops manages very well, but has a wobble every now and then and has to call me for a cry; I live an hour and a half away, so can't just drop everything to rush down there, much as i wish I could.

 

What is so sad is seeing a once very active and independent woman reduced to a shuffling body of responses, who no longer recognises anyone. I sometimes wish that her heart wasn't so strong.

[WitchHazel]

<> Clare

[Ain't Nobody Here]

That's awful, DM, so hard for everyone .

[The Dogmother]

It really is a cruel way to go, if I am honest, although it is easier in a sense now that she no longer has any awareness of her condition. The early days were very hard when Mummy knew something was wrong and was convinced that everyone was out to get her.

 

We nursed my grandma as she died of cancer and I'm not sure which is worse. Controversial I know, but I have told Rosie that if I get to that stage, that I will lock the door and take a bottle of pills.

[chickencam]

Dementia is so cruel, we were fortunate with my grandad that he was only ill for about 5 months.

 

He got to 92 with a mind as sharp as a tack. The last cartoons about sitting in his dad's room working whilst he slept summed up the last few weeks of my Grandad's life. He also did the goodbye thing, saying 'bye duck' to me a couple of weeks before he died. It both thrilled and saddened me.

[The Dogmother]

Saw a snippet in the press yesterday, celebrating dementia .... "Alzheimer’s is called ‘the long goodbye’ and, for those of us who have seen it close at hand, it is an apt description. But with kindness and care, it can also be a sweet and loving farewell".

 

Hmmmm, sweet and loving for whom? There's nothing 'roses around the door' about dying with dementia.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I totally agree, DM, nothing sweet and lovely about any of it .

[Alis girls]

No its a long drawn out process in many cases. My grandparents all died of physical illness , my mum had cancer. Dad is the only one with dementia. Its mild - hes had several TIA's and if he had a massive stroke it sounds awful to say but I wouldnt want him to survive it, because I know he would hate being in any sort of carehome. I like to remember him as I do when I was a child. I hero worshipped him. My ES got the best of him, my youngest has just seen him deteriorate. Went to a brilliant talk on dementia by Buz Loveday (wonderful name for a great lady) shes trying to turn training round which is long over due. If any of you work in NHS in an envirnoment where you see a lot of dementia pts I would adv going to a talk by her. We are an ageing population and we need to take on dementia now before its too late.

[The Dogmother]

That sounds like a good talk Ali

 

There's a dementia show on at Olympia either this weekend, or next. I totally agree that we need to step up dementia care in the UK; with our excellent health service, we are now outliving our brains, and while the body keeps going, the mind goes, and diagnoses of dementia cases are increasing like mad now.

 

It is hard seeing your formerly capable, fit and independent parent reduced to the mental capacity of a 2 year old, and needing much the same physical care. It is very hard on those who care for them too - my father has done brilliantly... I've taught him to cook and iron, he has a cleaner in for the rest of the house, and he provides personal care for my mother, which is something I never thought I'd see him do.