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My mock exams coming up pls pls help I'm so scared :((

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OK so I originally came onto this website to look for some advice and saw how kind everyone was and so I wanted to see if they would help me,I'm 14 and sitting my mock exams (pre-lims) soon.Long story short im a gifted child, the one who never had to try hard at anything in school,I'm extroverted and have many friends,I can tap into whoever I'm talking to's personality and perfectly mimic them to make them like me,I have a photographic memory when it comes to performing arts and I've been told I act incredibly,I'm good at sports when I want to be and in my parents eyes I only need to fix a couple bad habits to be "Perfect"I'm not saying this to brag, I personally don't think of myself like this.The only reason im mentioning this is because:
My parents say my brother doesn't have the natural gift I have and that when I'm older I will need to support him too if he's in any trouble, we are a very low income family too so whenever their stressed about money they take it out on me. I have been having really depressive moments and suicidal thoughts for years now and have been self harming for three years, my family know and do nothing about it,I have tried to talk to them but they only bring up one thing and that's "It's your phone. You are addicted and do not study" The pressure is too much, I don't have any dreams of the future anymore because I don't want a future I simply want to let go but I can't because I cannot let all the academic pressure my parents pile on me to fall to my brother. Right now I act as a shield for him so that he can be happy and have the childhood I want while I take on my parents anger and expectations,so suicide is not an option, there is no easy way out. I knew it was time to get my act together so I started studying at least an hour a day although I know its not enough however my parents refuse to accept that I'm studying. They want something to be angry with me about and they want to make some type of problem, their extremely abusive to the point where I once had a knife held up to me by my mother and I was also once kicked to the floor by my dad for watching TV 15 minutes past 21:00. I honestly don't have the will to live anymore it's not fair, my friend has the most loving kindest parents in the world and she gets to go home to a safe warm household.My other friend has serious mental health problems and her parents are so supportive of her.I don't know what I did wrong, I just want a life like that, I don't want all these academically soaring gifts I just want my mum to act like my mother. Every day since I was around 7 I've dreamed of having "The perfect day" and now that I look back on it, it is so stupidly idea was one day where my parents didn't get angry at me, thats the stupidest thing, and what's even more stupider is that in the 8 years of wishing this I've only had ONE 'perfect' day and I wasn't with my parents that day I was at a sleepover with my friend and her parents were so lovely I was ashamed to admit I was jealous.


This rant is just for some background but I know that if I fail the pre-lims, which I probably will. I'll be considered a huge disappointment,I'll get my phone (the only thing apart from my brother keeping me alive right now) taken away,I'll probably get beaten,yelled at, possibly even kicked out. So please please please tell me how I should study, give me tips for pre lies if you have any, anything is fine.

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Avvy I’m so sorry to hear life is so harsh for you.

I agree with Luvachicken - please talk to someone like childline or possibly a teacher or member of staff that you trust at school to get some real life help and support with everything you’re going through.

As far as the exams go - you won’t want to hear his but there is no short cut. I’m glad you’re managing to do a bit of studying every day, keep that up and maybe try to gradually increase it. However if you really do have a photographic memory it may well be that you know more than you realise already. Can you get some practice papers to work through in advance? Do you have any friends who you could actually study with?

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Wise words indeed from Mullet, Luvvie and Harrisons - this is not normal and not acceptable. You need to contact someone or somewhere to talk it all through and get support, your school should have a counsellor or school nurse who will be able to help you. Otherwise is there a teacher or TA that you get on well with? They will know how to help you.  In the meantime just do your best - it's all any of us can do in life. Let us know how you get on.

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