Home made run and house for sale

[MedusA]

Sending you *HUGS*, ANH.

 

Glad things seem to be improving, gradually. Fingers crossed that this continues.

 

Someone very close to me went "off the rails" a few years ago. It was very frighteniing hearing her say that the neighbours were controlling her through the TV remote control, so she took it everywhere with her and that they had hidden cameras spying on her. She even bathed in her nightdress on at least one occasion, so they couldn't see her! We got her to see a psychiatrist (virtually had to force her) and she was diagnosed with acute psychosis brought on by stress. Medication helped and she has now made a full recovery so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Take some time to recharge your batteries when you can. Hopefully things will be easier to manage now your dad is closer.

[chickencam]

Hopefully you are in for a period of some stability, best wishes to you all

[The Dogmother]

Still checking in every day to see how you're getting on - it all sounds a tad less mad today V, so I hope that it is calming down and you can get your breath.

[TheGirlsMum]

You certainly sound happier. Take are of yourself have some you and your family time while you can.

 

If your anything like me you will now be trying to plan out what's going to happen after 6 weeks when your Mum and Dad might be discharged Well DON'T. You need to just go with the flow at the moment as things change and when you feel youve got everything sorted and planned it all goes to pot. So just chill.

 

Great advise from the world's biggest planner and panicer

[Tiggy]

I just wondered if she was re living the past & your Dad being ill had triggered a memory if she is dementing.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks again everyone. It's so nice popping in and reading all your thoughful messages .

 

Things are indeed calming down (they needed to ). After a blip this morning when I was trying to eat breakfast, get kids' lunches, name all dad's toiletries and sort his clothes (serve me right for going out for a meal last night ) and trying (& failing) to find time to go to mum's house before work to get her clothes so I could go straight from dad to mum after school (are you keeping up ), I went to work and collapsed in a (figurative) heap when someone was nice to me . Pulled myself together and did some work before getting away early to sort things out.

 

Saw dad - he's sitting up and looking relatively bright. Still not asking about mum . The OT had him on his feet today (albeit with the aid of a hoist) so that's good. The staff nurse said by the end of 2 weeks or so they should be able to tell whether he's reached his full potential. It's good to have something to "look forward to".

 

Went, with trepidation, to visit mum. It's a much bigger hospital than I'd realised but I found her eventually, in a sitting room with lots of little old ladies in various states (she doesn't look like a little old lady so she looked a bit out of place ). She is still confused and a bit bewildered but was very pleased to see me (and her clothes ) and we actually had a nice chat with a few laughs. She isn't sure why she's there and wants to know when she's getting out although she knows she took an overdose (just can't remember why ). Still a bit paranoid about the staff not letting her do certain things but no mention of interrogations or the "newspaper report". Wants a newspaper though, so that may crop up again. Asked about dad so seems to have accepted that he's alive. Still thinks BB has got into trouble of some sort though .

 

Phoned the hospital tonight to give them my contact details (they'd lost them ) and the nurse said "and your sister's details?". I said I only have a half sister who's nothing to do with my mum but it turns out that mum's been saying she's got 2 daughters and a son . That's a new one on me . Perhaps I seem to be everywhere at once and doing so much that it seems like there's two of me .

 

Last day at work tomorrow then 2 1/2 weeks holiday (well, I say "holiday" ) but at least I'll get to lie in .

[Egluntyne]

It is good to hear that they are both progressing.

[Fur 'n' Feathers]

Hi ANH. Just a post to go with the others in support.

 

It must be tough. Not knowing is often the most difficult part. As far as your mum's concerned there could be a number of things going on. You're right not to jump to conclusions.

 

When things are a little more ordered we hope that the hospitals offer you a carer's assessment. It is a right for carers in England & we don't know of a difference in Scotland.

 

Rooting for you.

[Joojoo]

I don't know how you keep going.

 

It's sounding a lot better than a few days ago and hopefully both your Dad and Mum are now on the mend.

 

I don't know about anyone else, but I've only been logging on the last couple of days to find out how everything is going for you I don't mean that in a nosy way, just concerned for you that's all.

 

Best Wishes

Jue x

[Olly]

Dammit - bet you wish you did have a sister, then she could share the rushing around! Next time mum is being horrible, just tell her it was your 'sister' who did it ...

 

Seriously, glad to hear things are a bit calmer, and that you'll have some time off work. Like the others, I keep checking every day for news so do keep us updated, if you want to of course - don't feel it's an obligation (you've got enough on your plate!) Will be thinking of you anyway, whether you post or not.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Couple of things I forgot to add last night.

 

Mum is no longer talking about being "dead by Saturday" and doesn't seem upset that the overdose didn't work, so that's positive. She's also agreed to let her only friend Anne visit so that's really good. She also seems keen to have her radio and her anagram checker thingy so she can do The Times jumbo crossword (if she can still manage that, the psychiatrist should be impressed ).

 

On a negative note though, she was going on and on about the hospital closing for Easter, everyone who's got someone to move in with is leaving, a whole load of patients have just left, only the dregs ( ) of staff are staying, no-one will have her so she's staying. I was trying to reassure her that hospitals don't close for holidays but she wouldn't have it.

 

Later on the nurse told me that the ward that she should have been on (elderly women with depression or overdoses) has indeed closed . Not quite sure why (must ask today) and won't be open again for a month. So she's in a ward with dementia patients which isn't great as she's still relatively compos mentis (albeit a bit delusional).

[Egluntyne]

They are probably redecorating or doing an in depth clean ANH.

[Lesley]

I'm pleased to see things are a bit more settled ANH - and at least you won't have to be juggling so many jobs for two and a half weeks.

[theherd123]

I do hope things contiune to calm down a little and that you have some time off to rest (a little)

 

Lots of hugs to you

[Tiggy]

try & have a rest over the easter hols you deserve it

[Beki]

Just wanted to send you some (((big hugs))) and to wish both your mum and dad speedy recoveries.

 

You must be exhausted - you've done so well to keep up with everything!!!

 

xxxx

[chickencam]

I hope that you manage some recuperation over the holidays, best wishes to you all

[hillfamily]

Sending you (((big hugs and positive thoughts)))

 

I'm glad your dad is looking a bit brighter :D and your mum seems a little calmer

 

All our best wishes and love to you and your family xxx

[WitchHazel]

Only just read this thread. Sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time ANH. Sounds like it's actually better that your mum is in a hospital than at home - I don't just mean because of the mental instability, I mean at least you know where she is and that there are people keeping an eye on her. The last thing you'd need is to be looking after her with all this worry about your dad going on.

 

I imagine that she was so worried about being left on her own that the stress just tipped her over the edge. It's quite likely that a lot of what she is rmabnling on about is related to stuff that happened in her dim and distant past.

 

I can't imagine what it must be like for you; I would guess that the fact that your relationship with her has not been great makes it worse somehow.

 

Thinking of you, and sending you <>

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Last day at work today - what a relief!

 

Went to see dad but he was sleeping so soundly I couldn't wake him up . A nurse managed it though! He was OK but still a bit confused. I took him a newspaper but I don't imagine he'll be able to read it. Still, it's a bit of his old routine which might help. I told him mum wasn't very well (not that she's in hospital though) and that we were hoping to get them to talk to each other tomorrow. He was happy about that.

 

Saw mum this evening. She's very anxious and fretful. She can't understand why she's not leaving imminently. She keeps saying she'll go mad if she stays there much longer (she did see the funny side of that too ) There's a poor old biddy who was deep in conversation with mum and was introduced as her good friend who has kept her sane . According to mum she's a volunteer visitor who occasionally pays to spend the night there . Didn't take long to realise she's a patient too. Mum is completely convinced by her though .

 

She's been refusing to take her meds so I checked with the nurse and reassured her that it's exactly what she was taking prior to coming in. She seems happier to take them now.

 

I don't know how she's going to be as time goes on and she realises she's not getting out. She's been getting more and more agitated at times so I hope that doesn't get worse.

 

I've requested an appointment with the consultant and also a dental appointment so she can get a temporary crown.

[Guest]

I can see already that my dad's illness is affecting my mum and I just hope she'll be okay. They've been together for, it must be coming up to 50 years, so the thought of perhaps losing your other half after all that time must be utterly devastating.

 

I hope your other half is letting you lean on him as I have a feeling I may be needing to do some leaning on mine in the weeks ahead

 

much love to you and yours, here's hoping for better times ahead for all of us eh

 

big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Lesley]

I hope you find life a bit less stressful for a while ANH - make time to have a rest.

[chickencam]

Hope you get some rest over Easter ANH and plenty of chocolate

[Cate in NZ]

Heavens to Murgatroyd ANH, I've only just read this..........all 17 pages and I can't believe what you've been through. What a stressfull, worrying and downright difficult time you've had.

 

No advice to offer I'm afraid, I think it's all been covered already, but just wanted to send you a whole barrowfull of good wishes. I hope that things continue to improve for you all. And in all the racing around don't forget to take very good care of yourself.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Haven't updated the "blog" for a day or so - things are kind of settling down (although still not great).

 

Mum has been moved into a more appropriate ward but it's closing in 11 days for a move to a brand new ward. It's grotty and shabby but at least she's got a single room. Yesterday (before she moved) she was on quite good form and was pretty settled although she still can't believe she's not leaving "tomorrow". Today was a bit worse though. She was quite agitated and upset that she's not getting out. She settled down after a while though. Yesterday you could almost believe there was nothing wrong with her but today you wouldn't have.

 

Yesterday, we managed to get mum and dad to talk on the phone. I think that benefited both of them although I was a bit miffed when dad said "you've got to hand it to M (BB). When he sets his mind to it, he sorts things out". sorts what out? He's done naff all (ok, he's up north but still). And apparently I'm "popping in too" (to visit him - too? , BB has only been in once in 3 weeks ). Although apparently I'm "intelligent and helpful" - . He's obviously delusional too .

 

Dad is now managing a few steps with a walking frame and 2 staff holding him up but is still needing a lot of personal care (and still has a catheter).

 

Made an appointment with a nursing home for tomorrow (BB is coming down so we can visit both parents and the home together). Mum is saying she wants to go into the home the doctor recommended and doesn't want to go home. The consultant psychiatrist says he's happy to discharge her if there's somewhere she can go (not immediately, but once he's assessed her).

 

In some ways, visiting is easier now as both hospitals are within 3 miles of home but I'm having to stay with mum for at least an hour and then dad for anything up to half an hour so it's still quite tiring and draining with all the driving about on top.

 

I'm starting to realise how little I know about the system. I didn't even twig that he needs a nursing home while she only needs a residential home. We'll have to find one that caters for both. It's a bit scary how much it's going to cost but they do have means and a house that I suppose will have to be sold.

Can anyone give me any tips on what I should be looking out for or asking when we go to the home?