Rat problem

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks for the advice - I have a feeling BB and I signed Powers of Attorney years ago. Is the sole point of a P of A to hand over responsibility to others in the event of incapacity? There's no other use for it?

 

BB is going to phone the solicitor next week so I'll make sure he asks.

 

Still got the runs .

[Snowy]

Still thinking of you ANH. You are still doing a great job, just hang on in there! If it's any consolation my MIL has been telling us she won't be here much longer for the past 18 years

[Olly]

Is the sole point of a P of A to hand over responsibility to others in the event of incapacity? There's no other use for it?

 

In England and Wales it means you can use an Enduring P of A to dispose of or deal with their property during their lifetime. You should be able to produce the original P of A, or a certified copy, to the bank, for example, and be able to withdraw or transfer money.

 

If they become incapacitated, and unable to deal with them longterm, then you must register the P of A with the Office of the Public Guardian (used to be the Court of Protection.

 

HOWEVER - different rules apply to Scotland, wouldn't you know, different legal system and all that! have a search for the Office of the Public Guardian for Scotland, and there should be info on their website. I am guessing it will be similar to what I have said above but not sure.

[Egluntyne]

Am just catching up ANH , having been away for a couple of days.

 

Am glad things seem to be looking up a tiny bit.

 

I'm not surprised thet you get overcome with emulsion as you put it from time too time.

 

Dealing with one incapacitated elderly parent is hard enough.....but two!...you are a marvel.

 

Sorry to hear about your gippy innards. I hope they have settled.

 

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Welcome back, Egluntine . Hope you had a nice time .

 

Well, yesterday I decided not to visit either of them . My excuse was that hospitals wouldn't really want visitors with dodgy tummies infecting all and sundry . I did call - mum is occasionally wandering around wondering what's happening . Dad seems to be having trouble swallowing food (coughed up some potato) so they're keeping an eye on him. (It's probably just the hospital food .)

 

It was great having a day off . Although needless to say, I spent the afternoon doing 3 loads of washing, hoovering, dropping and collecting the boys, and trying unsuccessfully to get to the bottom of the pile of ironing .

 

I still felt a bit rubbish though, so had 1 1/2 hours sleep after lunch. Felt much better then. Even had a curry (made by OH) last night and no adverse reactions .

 

Will do the round trip this afternoon (traffic will be lighter so should be a bit quicker than usual).

[Paola]

Thinking of you ANH at this very tough time Do not be to hard on yourself about having a day off

[Egluntyne]

You are probably right not to visit whilst you had a gippy tum.

 

Your day off sounds very restful!

Edited March 16, 2008 by Guest

[chickenlass]

Have caught up with this thread after getting back from Hols yesterday.Just wanted to add my good wishes and to let you know I am thinking about you.

I really don't think I would be able to cope with even a fraction of the difficulties you are facing a the moment.. Heaven must be missing an angel and that angel is definitely you.! sending a gentle hug. x

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks Chickenlass . I'm not doing anything special - just trying to cope day to day really

 

Today's update .....

 

Went to see mum. It was quite upsetting as she really is quite paranoid and delusional. I took a note of some of the things she was saying so I can let BB know and, if need be, report to the psych hospital (where she's hopefully going tomorrow):

 

• This is Russia. They’ve been interrogating me, you know. They torture people.
  This is just like Russia. They could teach the Russians a thing or two.
  Questions, questions all the time. You don’t know what it’s like.
  I worry about your family. You’ll be hounded, especially when the story comes out in the papers. Of course, the boys have gone to Cranford. (I don't know what/where that is? A school?)
  How’s dad? Is he dead?
  They’re always talking about it. I can hear them. The press are always on the phone – they’re bidding for the story. Press photographers have been here taking photos. They wouldn’t let me have a bath or change my pyjamas.
  Of course, maybe I’m delusional. If the story isn’t in the papers tomorrow perhaps I’ve imagined the whole thing.
  They're giving me an ECG tomorrow (they're not, and she means EEG - brain not heart). That will wipe all my memories.

And when I mentioned BB and said he was at home, she said:

• I heard all about that. They’ve said they caught him in his car for speeding and they found drugs. (Complete rubbish, in case you're wondering )

I have absolutely no experience of dealing with mental illness, so I'm at a loss as to how to behave. I'm not telling her she's talking rubbish, but trying not to confirm what she's saying either. She can talk normally too - I told her about the boys' sports this w/e and she was interested and responded normally but it's all interspersed with this paranoia.

 

She's not talking so much about being dead any day now, but obviously still thinks she won't be here for much longer.

 

Had a nice chat with a nurse (as I got a bit upset as I was leaving). She said mum is behaving very well and is not being aggressive or troublesome at all. Medically there's nothing wrong with her.

 

She had mum's file - apparently the notes from the police report mentioned a "history of violence" . As far as I know that's complete rubbish - the police have never been involved with either parent before. I don't know if I can find out what that's about. I don't like to think that's on her "file" if it's not true .

 

Then went to see dad. He's looking brighter and even said he's bored which is a good sign (I suppose ). Poor chap can't really read very well, especially lying down, so I don't know what I can do about that. He again never asked about mum but as I was leaving he said "it really helps, you know". I said what does and he said "seeing you every day" (cue tears in eyes ). Promised to visit tomorrow if possible depending on his transfer time to the geriatric hospital.

[Olly]

Glad to hear your dad is better, he sounds much brighter. It's hard to do anything if he's lying down isn't it - does he like listening to music? Would a Walkman-type CD player be any good?

 

As far as your mum is concerned, were the police called when she overdosed, and if so have they just written down something she said? You should ask the nurses about this, because although in one sense it's not important, it's going to bother you till you find out what it is.

 

My late father developed a form of dementia in the late stages of a debilitating illness, it was very confusing because whilst still able to recognise us and converse normally about everyday things like how he felt, or what he was eating, he would intersperse absolutely random statements about things he had seen or done, which we knew were impossible. We found the best response was, like you, to just act normally - ignore the 'oddity' or make a non-committal response, and start a new topic of conversation.

 

Hope you have had a bit of rest this weekend (BTW, don't feel bad about not going yesterday. You did the right thing.) What you are going through is exhausting, and you should make allowances for that. More good wishes, hugs and hopes for a better day tomorrow and a speedy transfer for your dad.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks Olly

whilst still able to recognise us and converse normally about everyday things like how he felt, or what he was eating, he would intersperse absolutely random statements about things he had seen or done, which we knew were impossible. We found the best response was, like you, to just act normally - ignore the 'oddity' or make a non-committal response, and start a new topic of conversation.

That's just what it's like . I wonder if she's developing dementia rather than a mental illness . Suppose the psych hospital will work that out.

 

Re the police, she dialled 999 but I don't know if the police went to the house or she asked herself for an ambulance to come. I think I'll phone tomorrow and find out.

 

Unfortunately, dad's not into music at all. All he really liked to do was read books and watch rugby on the telly. Once/if he gets into a nursing home that will be easier to arrange.

[Guest]

what about books on tape/CD? Or a little radio to listen to the rugby or whatever shows he likes? do they have those over the bed TVs in the hospital? maybe an ipod with some podcasts on things that might interest him?

 

what a time you're having, I really don't know what to say so can I just send some hugs?

 

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[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks Poet . They'd both been using audio books for a while at home (they both had difficulty reading) so I may try that once he's a bit more settled and is out of bed (he's been flat on his back for 2 weeks). At the moment he doesn't seem able to do much for himself so I don't think he'd manage a tape recorder . That's a good idea, though, so I'll keep it in mind.

 

He's never listened to the radio (I suggested bringing one in today) so don't suppose he'll start now.

 

Once we've got him his own room (whenever that may be) we can get him a telly and a video and I can record loads of sport for him.

[BeckyBoo]

Just to say, I'm still thinking of you. Give the local Police a call, you'll probably get their call centre and although they may not give you details of the call (Data Protection Act and all that) they should be able to tell you how many times in a year or 18 months they've had calls from either the house or the phone number. Then if they won't tell you over the phone (some may pass you some details, others can be real jobsworths ) you could apply in writing for the details if you really wanted them.

 

Good luck my dear, still sounds a complete nightmare

 

Mrs B

[Helen&Lee]

Cripes ANH, you are REALLY dealing with all of this pretty well

 

While seeing you mum like this must have been extremely distressing, you must have also been slightly relieved that she is in the best place now, and once assesed hopefully get the treatment she needs.

 

You dad sounds wonderful, and I'm glad to hear that he is on the mend

 

It sounds though like its going to take quite a while to sort them both out health wise though, so try to estabilish a routine that gives you some time for yourself and your OH and kids and don't feel to bad if you don't get to see your parents some days, as others have mentioned on here you will make yourself ill.

 

Take care,

 

Helen

[fairy&cake]

Hi ANH.

 

The way you said she speaks normal, then goes on about random stuff is just like the stuff that Ross' nan used to say when she developed dementure.

 

It was like this:

 

Hello Ross how are you? its been a lovely sunny week, but when i had go to the butchers in the vilage [that hasnt been there for 50 yrs] it started to rain and i was soaked to pic the girls up from nursery. [they are both 44,45] etc.

 

It was like she'd reverted to the time when she was 20-25.

 

I was just wondering with all the talk of the 'russians and interogating, poilice , media etc.....' if she had been in the Army, Police or MI-5 or something.

 

It just sounded like she had some kind of experience of it, as it was all abotu that.

 

I really think your dealing with it so so so so well, ive only managed to read a couple of your posts [sorry]

 

but i think your doing so well.

 

Laura x

[Tina C]

Of course, the boys have gone to Cranford. (I don't know what/where that is? A school?)

 

Cranford is a novel that has just been serialised on TV so that is one less thing for you to wonder about.

 

My gran also started talking about her past when she developed dementia. It was really quite interesting but not very coherent.

 

At least your dad appreciates what you are doing for him. That must have been a lovely moment for you.

 

Glad to hear that you have had some 'time out' even if only to get some chores out of the way.

[Egluntyne]

Cranford was based on Knutsford in Cheshire......has Knutsford any significance for your Mum?

[Helly Welly]

OH's nan also reverted to the past when she developed dementia, i'll ask him tonight how he dealt with it.

 

Glad to hear your Dad is better.

 

Take care of yourself too.

 

XXX

[chickencam]

Thinking of you today, hope your dad's transfer goes without a hitch.

 

When is your mum going to the psych. hosp?

 

Glad the tum is feeling better

 

(((hugs)))

[Tiggy]

Thanks Chickenlass .

• ]

How’s dad? Is he dead?

 

Do you think she means her own Dad? I remeber being a very young student nurse and having to sit with a demented old lady who talked all the time, it was like listening to a film script, she was back in 1940 & was having a conversation about her naughty neighbour & her very sweet but mischievious son, after a while

I began to recognise names, that little boy was my Dad. facinating stuff but upsetting for the family, I think you are doing so well everyone here is right you need to look after yourself. ((HUGS))

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Dad was moved back to the geriatric hospital today so I managed to pop in after work. He looks much the same and will talk quite happily but has difficulty getting his point across if he wants to ask something. Again, he didn't ask about mum. Saw the doctors who dealt with him last week and told them about mum - I think they were quite shocked.

 

The other hospital didn't send his spongebag back with him so I had to go to Boots to buy all his toiletries from scratch.

 

Mum got transferred today too. She is apparently a bit confused as to what's happening but seems quite calm. Had a long chat with the staff nurse who seems very nice. Seems likely she'll be in for 6 weeks. Luckily visiting hours are very flexible (just keep away at mealtimes) so I can go in tomorrow after seeing dad.

 

I need to take clothes in for both of them now - as if the washing machine's not on enough already .

 

Anne, I don't think she's talking about her dad (he's been dead more than 45 years ) as she was already worrying about my dad being ill.

 

Fairy&Cake, my mum did work for MI6 so perhaps you've got a point .

 

Tina C, I'd forgotten about Cranford . She probably watched it so maybe that's where she got it from.

 

Egluntine, we've no connection with Knutsford at all .

 

All in all, not a bad day - at least they're both within easy reach and I managed a day at work without blubbering .

 

Oh, and there's apparently been no mention of the "story" hitting the papers today .

[Olly]

Wow - well I'm glad the transfers went well, and there will be a bit less travelling. And the fact that your mum is going to be in for six weeks or so lets you plan ahead a bit, that's a long haul but let's hope they can sort out what is going on in her head.

 

Do pace yourself, don't overdo things, and don't feel bad if you don't manage to visit every day - this is one of the hardest things you will ever have to cope with, and you can get physically exhausted, never mind the mental turmoil of remembering to take clean clothes/toiletries/grapes or whatever.

 

Keep us posted, we really do want to know how both your mum and dad are progressing, and how you're getting on. I hope you're entering a period of slightly calmer waters now, and can see a way ahead. I think you are doing very well to manage to go to work, but you may well find that actually it's a bit of an anchor - something normal when a large part of your life is in turmoil. Hope you get some sleep tonight!

[Egluntyne]

The transfers and the 6 week stay will give you a bit more time for yourself.

 

Am glad to hear that your Dad is improving slightly.

 

Work will give you something else to focus on and a bit of a respite no doubt.....but if you feel too tired, take time off. Your employers will surely understand under the circumstances.

[Guest]

more hugs and positive vibes, it's all I can offer from this far away

 

Egluntine is right, your employer will understand so don't overdo it, you're allowed compassionate leave for stuff like this.

 

Glad to hear your dad seems to be feeling much better.

 

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