Hellcat Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Got this in my inbox from a female friend and thought some of the lads on here might appreciate them. God knows you need all the help you can get!! Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! ! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at The front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Blue Sky Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Helen that is really funny! Thank you! I love a bit of political incorrectitude.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Some very good ones there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Managing Director Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Hehe Dan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Managing Director Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Got this in my inbox from a female friend and thought some of the lads on here might appreciate them. God knows you need all the help you can get!! Well heres one for the girls, received from newly married niece NEW CLASSES FOR MEN!!! ALL ARE WELCOME - OPEN TO MEN ONLY Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include: DAY ONE HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS Step by step guide with slide presentation TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics) DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts. LOSS OF VIRILITY Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum DAY TWO EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play Obviously there should have been a third option there for recycling but suppose they wanted to keep it simple HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST Real life testimonial from the one man who did IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER Online class and role playing HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE Bring your calendar or PDA to class GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME Individual counsellors available Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 HeHe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Managing Director Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Man! If you knew some of the rows that we have had over map reading! Full on!!! Horrid!!! Yes they are the worst aren't they, probably to do with being trapped together in a confined space Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellcat Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 Excellent! I have just forwarded that back on to the lady that sent me the original. Top! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Wonderful Helen and MD. Made me chuckle ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Blue Sky Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Even better! and so true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 In light of the MD's post, the question has to be asked.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken on a mission Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Thanks MD, those have been circulated to all my friends - and my hubby. Do you think he'll get the hint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 In light of the MD's post, the question has to be asked.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley-Jean Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 They really dont stand a chance do they, the poor dears Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 I must admit that I used to be like that about men (and still am about the ones that I work with) but Phil's fabbo and the best antidote to my ex! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 and of course, there is the lovely grd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Hehe I think this is verry funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 I must admit that I used to be like that about men (and still am about the ones that I work with) but Phil's fabbo and the best antidote to my ex! Isn't it great being smug Clare I've got a good egg here too, wouldn't swap him for the world Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellcat Posted April 21, 2006 Author Share Posted April 21, 2006 Ah, bless! mines a gem too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 'specially as he's fetching in fish and chips tonight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 lucky you mines quite nice (but i dont want to ruin him by telling him ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 yes, I quite agree Mel. Only when it's really necessary, or you want fish and chips fetching Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 *passes Dan a long weight* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...