Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 My nephew is coming to stay for a week (as he has done for the past 2 years) to go to a football camp with YS. He's a great wee chap and they get on brilliantly despite only seeing each other once a year or so. This year, however, my ex-sister-in-law is dropping him off . I almost never see her (she lives up north) and we get on OK but she makes me feel a) fat b) badly dressed c) inadequate and d) a failure generally. Not intentionally, I'm sure. She's run her own restaurant in the past, has 4 kids, works full time in a newspaper (albeit tinpot local one), and is super confident. Why have I been up since 8am tidying, cleaning and generally worrying about the state of my house & garden? She's only coming for a coffee (so obviously I'm in the middle of making golden syrup treacle cake ) but may not even want one as she's going to visit my mother first. (Those of you following my "worried" thread .... that'll be fun for her . Mum doesn't like her - quelle surprise - and says she's looking forward to seeing the kids, till they step through the door!) Oh, and her mother is coming too . I'm less bothered by her, she's lovely but it doesn't help . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Its human nature,plain & simple I am afraid. We all have people who make us feel inadequate, & those who make us feel like this have their own people who make them feel this way too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I have no idea why you are bothered about the opinions of a woman you never see In my eyes you are a saint the way you deal with your difficult mother. I am pretty sure she has faults and problems like we all do and I bet she doesn't have chickens A cup of tea, piece of homemade cake and she will be gone, out of your life, before you know it. Am fascinated where 'up North' would be to someone who lives in Edinburgh Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Happy families eh? I hope she isn't a closet forum lurker! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 I have no idea why you are bothered about the opinions of a woman you never see I know, I know . I'm trying desperately not to be . Am fascinated where 'up North' would be to someone who lives in Edinburgh Up North - zoom out (a lot!) to see where it is in relation to the rest of us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 gosh, that is quite a way! I know what you mean though ANH - I think we all do it - don't want to be found wanting by someone who we feel probably looks down on us already. Whereas good friends are those that you can invite round even though the washing-machine has just flooded the kitchen floor, the cat is sitting on the kitchen table and you have your knickers draped over the radiators! She may be thin, smart and successful (apparently) but is she HAPPY? And I'm guessing she doesn't have chickens ... 'nuff said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 She may be thin, smart and successful (apparently) but is she HAPPY? And I'm guessing she doesn't have chickens ... 'nuff said. She can't be happy if she doesn't have chickens.....can she? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 I know what you're all saying is true . After all, her marriage to my brother has ended, she's a single (mostly) mum of kids 15, 14 & 11 (and 19 who lives with my brother) and no, she doesn't have chickens! It doesn't help that my mother is always extolling her kids' virtues, what a great mum she is, how well she's brought them up, how hard it must be for her etc, etc. They are great kids, but then so are mine . I know, doesn't sound like my mum, does it . That's probably why it rankles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Your mum is probably extolling your children's virtues to her and your brother too. Divide and conquer.....always works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 Good point, she's good at that . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I agree. Also - it doesn't sound as if your mum is going to extol those virtues to her face, quite the opposite from what you've said about her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 She can't be happy if she doesn't have chickens.....can she? She absolutely cannot ANH that is a very long way 'up north' Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 ANH - my Dad always says that those kind of people (who appear to have everything under control and be super successful) are like ducks - calm and confident on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath! He's right - often it is just appearances, maybe you should feel sorry for her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronze Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Don't let what your mother says about her put you off. I'm sure she has her good points and her bad and may be as worried about seeing you as you are her. I don't think you need to be sorry for her or be envious. Sorry it gets my goat when people always assume that someone else must be miserable when theyre trying to make someone feel better about themselves and do we really want soemone to be worse off to make ourselves feel better. Egluntines probably right. (now I've said that I've realised I've probably done it myself in tha past Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Aww, I feel sorry for this woman, having her happiness and motives questioned by a load of people who never even met her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 I don't actually feel sorry for or envious of her . She's just one of those people who exude confidence (I suppose I do on the surface but there are a few insecurities underneath . She's probably the same!). I quite like her but don't think we'd be friends if we weren't related (sort of). It's probably more that having someone I don't know well in the house has made me look at all the clutter & dirt (blame those chickens ) through someone else's eyes. Having said, that, after being in my mum's house, my house will seem like a pristine palace . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 Well, they've been and gone and it was fine . Guess what? She wants to get chickens too . I'm converting them from Lands End to John O'Groats (well, Edinburgh to Kyle of Lochalsh!) My niece even said she doesn't want a dog any more, she wants chickens . And my house is nice and clean now . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 A positive outcome all round! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 And my house is nice and clean now . I was going to say at least your house would be tidy and you had some cake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Well done Aint "Ooops, word censored!"ody here! Your Sil probably envies you and puts on her confident face! she knows only too well what you have had to put up with and she feels inferior to you Well done you !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Glad it all went well My BIL & SIL are coming on Friday en route to Cornwall. They live in a mess most of the time but I am still going to spend the next couple of days cleaning and tidying. It is human nature Any tips on the cleaning? I was impressed by the clean oven the other day mine is now even worse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I know I keep mentioning 'Desiderata' but consider this verse from the poem... If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. I think you're cool and you've dealt with your own personal situation recently far better than I could have done. I think you're pretty amazing yourself Mrs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yolky Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Glad it went well and good one on converting them to chickens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
