Warm boot recommendations please

[Mrs Frugal]

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming.

 

We were driving down a notoriously dangerous road in town yesterday evening when we spotted coming towards us a little boy on a bike. He could have been no more than 5 years old and yet there he was, pedalling away down the middle of the road with a string of cars following slowly behind. We slowed right down and watched incredulously as he pedalled by us, did a U-turn in the middle of the road and started cycling back up the middle of the road behind us . This road has numerous sharp bends, parked cars and side streets leading off it. It was a miracle he hadn't been knocked off.

 

Two questions.

 

What on earth is a small boy like that doing out alone at 7.30 in the evening and why oh why don't his parents teach him a little road sense?

 

I admit to having tied my boys to my apron strings when they were young and they weren't allowed out of my sight until just a few years ago and they are now 15 and 12! How many little children have gone out and not come home again for one reason or another? Our children are so precious - why then is it so much easier to shove them out of the front door and say "Get outside and play?" while the parents do something far more interesting than look after their children?

 

Rant over.

[Cate in NZ]

Kate I am so with you on this one, but it seems to happen over and over, not necessarily the same scenario, but unattended small children in potentially dangerous situations. I get so cross about it

My children are 14 & 12, and even now they are only allowed out without me if I know exactly where they are, who they are with and when I can expect them home. Oh, and they are expected to have fully charged mobiles with them so I can make contact should there be a delay or problem. Bikes Mine weren't allowed out on them on the road (or pavement) until they had passed cycling proficiency tests and insist on them wearing helmets (in my sight at least..... I'm convinced that Seb whips his off the minute he rounds the corner ) Imy won't ride her bike because helmets aren't cool I've witnessed severe head injuries from cycling accidents- those are really not cool

My children are my most precious "possessions", I only really have them for a short time, it's my responsibility to keep them safe in so far as it's in my power to do so. Besides which, I really, really enjoy their company

[Paola]

I sat here with my chin on the ground reading your post. It amazes me how what parents will allow children to do varies so much. I have three children, 7, 3.5 and 9 months. My eldest went to tea at a school friend’s house a few months ago and came home full of how she rode round the block on her friend’s bike on the road. I was fuming. She has no road sense and the thought of being snatched (will not even go there). Thought that I would not mention it until she was invited again, if at all.

 

Anyway she did get invited again, so told mother that she is not allowed to ride the bike out on the road and certainly not around the block. I got a call to come and pick her up, to be told that the mother called them to have their tea and they had disappeared from the front garden. They had gone over the road to a field to play without telling her

 

Super Kate, Kate, it’s a shame that more people do not share your views

[Mel (& Paul)]

When we rescued our dogs (and when we rescue some battery hens) we were home vetted. Anyone could have children

 

Paul had a similar scenario when he was out one morning. He came across a little boy, about 5 years old, sobbing his heart out. He was in the uniform of the local private school. His mum had decided he could walk to school and had dropped him off where the other yummy mummies drop their children off - in the pub car park - about 1/2 mile from the school

She then went on her merry way

Did she stop to think - ooh, I wonder where all the other kiddies/4x4/yummy mummies are? No. she just went leaving little boy to make his way to school on his own.

He had got there and found it was closed - it was STILL the school holidays. So little boy had come back out onto the main road, totally distraught and not knowing what to do.

Paul found this out from him and went back with him, to the school (where he delivers) and managed to get hold of the deputy head who, luckily, lives on site.

Apparently this mum was always getting the dates wrong.

Paul never heard from her to say thank you for saving her boy from being knocked over on a main road / being taken by someone nasty / being left on his own and crying his heart out.

SHE doesnt deserve to have children.

[Paola]

Oh Mel that is awful. Well done Paul

[Mel (& Paul)]

Dont encourage him

But he is a star - and lucky the boy found him and not someone else.......

[Lesley]

It is amazing what some people find acceptable isn't it. What might have happened in any of these instances just doesn't bear thinking about

 

I also had both my children tied to my apron strings until they were about 13 and then I had to know exactly where they were and with whom. They had a set time to be in and if they were 10 mins late then they had to come in 10 minutes earlier the next time. No moble phones in those days - just phone boxes - but I would have known within 10 minutes whether anything was wrong becasue they were never, ever late back.

 

I was always considered odd by neighbours because I didn't shove my two out of the door at 7.30am and only worry if they didn't come back for food. We did things together - usually nature rambles as they didn't cost anything - the neighbours just steered clear of me

[Mrs Frugal]

Mel, Paola, what awful stories. Makes you despair of some people doesn't it . Mel, you are spot on that parents should be vetted first!

 

LSH and I laugh about "Mrs Shout At Your Kids" who lives near where LSH works and can't speak a sentence to her children without using the F-word at least three times but what sort of a life do they have, being yelled and sworn at all the time?

 

On the safety front, I'm so glad my two have mobiles and use them to tell me if the school bus is going to be late or if they've decided to stop at the playground on the way home for a couple of minutes. Tom's 15 and is incredibly sensible and looks after Ollie who is scatterbrained to say the least. He's not allowed out without Tom to keep an eye on him even now. They go off together to post at the postbox round the corner! They have never ridden their bikes on the road either. We're lucky enough to have a large shared drive which they pedal up and down on. It's restricting their freedom but they are much safer than if they were on the roads.

[Lesley]

My sister is due to move to a house on a service road off a main road. My Mum was worried about it and the fact that they won't be able to go out and play like they would if she moved to a smaller road - I had to say that, mostly, children can't do that anymore.

 

It is a sad fact of life that our children and grandchildren won't know the same freedoms we did

[Mrs Frugal]

Sounds like you've taught them a very sensible routine, Dan. Knocking on the door to let you know that they are OK is great, as is having mobiles. You obviously know they are sensible enough to obey rules and not act dangerously while on their bikes. Wish you'd taught this little 5 year old a bit of road sense as his parents obviously hadn't!

[Mel (& Paul)]

 

 

I would IQ test teenagers and sterilise those who don't achieve a suitable pass rate. That would solve the problem...

 

 

 

Fab idea Dan - one to add to your priministerial manefesto I think

[Chicken on a mission]

I thought I had it covered with my 3 year old.

 

We have provided a safe and stimulating environment for her but it scares me that I can't control everything.

 

One day about 6 weeks back, I had just finished the ironing and was upstairs putting it all away when there was a knock at the door.

 

I went to answer it and there was my neighbour from across the road with my daughter in tow

 

It turned out that the handyman had unlocked and left the garden gate wide open (he was still in the garden) so Esme had decided to go out for a wander

 

I had always taught her not to go across the drain grill at the end of the drive unless she was holding my hand. She had alway been excellent and doing this and when hubby has parked out on the road and just walked to the car expecting her to follow she has always stopped and waited for him to come back and get her.

 

This time she took her chances and went out and crossed the road too and god knows what would have happend if it wasn't for Paul

 

No doubt anyone seeing this little 3 year old wandering about on her own (because I have no doubt that many will have seen her and done nothing - as much for being accused of being a Peadophille as for the lack of comunity) will have opinions as to my parenting skills but we can't be with them all day every day more's the pity.

[Mrs Frugal]

That's a good point, Thalia. It's easy to jump to conclusions and assume that the little boy we saw dangerously pedalling down the middle of the road was out with his parents' permission. He could just have easily slipped out without them knowing.

[chocchick]

and when we rescue some battery hens

Are you getting some rescue hens, (or was this for the rescue the other week)?

 

Part of the worry is that if you went to help a child you now risk abuse from parents. A teacher can't put a plaster on a kid's knee and hug them better.

 

There is either more of a risk to kids now/more of a perceived risk, I walked to and from school at 10/11 and cycled round near my house alone about 15 years ago.

[Mel (& Paul)]

and when we rescue some battery hens

Are you getting some rescue hens, (or was this for the rescue the other week)?

 

.

 

We were going to get some when I went to the BHWT but after Margot"Well REALLY Jerry" died we wanted to make sure our other 7 were fit and well before bringing battery hens who might be susceptible to any illnesses / infections.

We really want some sooner rather than later, but are having to save the pennies for another eglu - got our name down on the waiting list for second hand ones at Omlet and regularly scan the Second Hand Eglu section!!

[Cinnamon]

I am so glad you have all posted these stories on here.

I think I am often over protective of my girls who are 11 & 13.I do not allow them to cycle on the very fast,bendy country lane we live on & if they go out I NEED to know where they are,who they are with & when they will be back.

 

What makes it hard is other people.

The kids over the road who are 12 & 14 are allowed all over on their bikes....even the Reading road which is horribly busy.

Cleo's best friend who lives down the road is also on a much longer leash than I allow Cleo,which is hard for her sometimes.

I will not allow them in the woods,which surround the house,if I can't see them.

 

They were taken to Thorpe park by The Hubbys parents a couple of years ago,& they lost them.

 

What made it worse,MUCH worse is that the In-laws didn't tell me about it themslves,it came up in conversastion with the girls a few days later.

 

The Hubby didn't want me to confrount his parents as he said that they were used to allowing children to do what they wanted,as he was allowed when he was young.

I replied that these were NOT THEIR CHILDREN,BUT MINE

[SarahJo]

Had to come and leave a post here ... Ben 6 and Joe 4 1/2 , ride their bikes on the cul-de-sac , but always have their helmets on, and are not allowed past the top 2 driveways, which then go onto another road (although not a main one). I NEVER really lat them out of earshot, and frequently check on them .... hard not to be too paranoid .

 

Though heres another story. On the way to school, a car with children I know ( as I do lunchtimes) is behind me in waiting traffic. The Mum lights a "fag" then passes the lighter to the rear passengers to play with . The front passenger is sat almost on the dash board ... NONE of the children are wearing seatbelts, the front passenger is 7 yrs old, one of the rear passengers 3 yrs old ... and the 3rd passenger, a slightly older child say 10yrs. I wonder which child she would tend 1st going through the windscreen of an R.T.A ... supposing she herself is alive to help.

[Chicken on a mission]

It must be really difficult to impose your rules on older children when they see their friends not bound by them.

 

I think that I am quite relaxed about Esme but I do find it hard when my hubby isn't so strict with her as I feel he should.

 

One example of this is that I have never used the pushchair on a regular basis. I used a carrier when she was small and once she had learnt to walk she walked because as a stay at home mum I just allowed extra time.

 

She has always had to hold my hand (because I have never used reigns either although I have considered a choke chain on occasion!) and once when we were out hubby got fed up of her whinging and told her to run on ahead. Well of course she wouldn't do so and said she wanted to hold my hand.

 

All I can say is it is no wonder that children are becoming obese. Parents are too petrified to let them out to play (and I will be one of them) and then excercise becomes a special treat on outings out with parents who want to then keep them calm rather than a carefree way of life like it was for me

 

The estate where I grew up had loads of greens which the houses were built round. Land is too expensive for that now

[Mrs Frugal]

LSH and I were saying the other day how our boys will never have the freedom we used to have. My parents were always strict with me and I had to say where I was going and when I would be back but we were always out playing during the summer. We had a big green a few doors from us and all the neighbourhood children congregated on there during summer evenings where we'd sit and chat, play rounders, football, rollerskate round the outside or ride on bikes or go-carts. Many of the streets were just paved walkways without roads running through so we used to ride our bikes for miles without coming across a road. So long as I'd said where I was going and didn't go too far away, I was fine.

 

We've got a lovely play area a couple of streets from us but when my two were young enough for me to take them to use it, some gypsies broke onto it and camped there for weeks. They totally trashed the play area, left dirty nappies, broken bottles and syringes all over the place and it was a long time before the council repaired it. It was the only green area apart from our garden that the boys could go and play in !

 

SarahJo - seatbelts! Yes, one of my biggest bugbears! I was brought up to always wear a seatbelt from a very young age and never go anywhere without it on. The boys panic if we start the car on the drive without them having their belts done up! I worked on a children's ward during my training and will never forget seeing the results of children going either through the front windscreen or out of the back. My boys will ALWAYS wear safety belts. If these parents who didn't bother to secure their children could see the poor battered and broken children coming onto the wards after accidents, maybe they would be more careful.

[Martin B]

Just caught up! That is child neglect in my books. It seems quite serious!

[One Man Banned]

Can I add to the rant too

 

Mum's who use pushchairs and crossing the road

 

Yesterday we nearly took out a pram after some yuppy mummy was casually chattin on the mobile - she tried to cross the road between two vans and just nonchalently pushed the pram out into the road!

 

I dare say that poor child wouldn't have stood a chance had Joe not swerved

 

Why don't people THINK - it's not hard is it?

[Hellcat]

Oh. now i feel like a terrible mum.

 

I live on a very small estate which has a small 'block' on my side of the road (total 17 houses).

 

Daughter, at nearly 7 has finally leanred to ride a bike without stabilisers (at last!!!) and likes to go round the block. Son (at 3.5) howls to go with her, so we have taken to letting them go together and they have to stay together.

 

In my defence they never get on a bike without helmets on, and we know all the people who live in those 17 houses, as they were all sold on the same day. I even know the new next door neighbours. Most people have children of these ages around.

 

I have agonised over this, but there has to come a time when you give kids a little slack, and in the environment we live in I am sure they the neighbours are looking out for mine, as I look out for theirs.

 

Seatbelts - ALWAYS!! Both the older ones have gone through phases of taking them off, and I simply pull over and refuse to move until they stop doing it.

[Chicken on a mission]

I wouldn't feel terrible Helen. We all have our different limits based on where we live and what we feel our children are capable of