Single hen

[Seagazer]

We took our daughter to France yesterday. She is working there until April. She has been up and down about it for the last month as its loomed closer.

 

She cried several times on the ferry there and we managed to buck her up. Letting her go off in a car with the man responsible for her whilst she is there was awful (he works at the school that she'll be a language assistant in). I gave him 20 questions!! She was very brave and managed not to cry.

 

I on the other hand blubbed the whole way back . I cried in the car, on the ferry, on the way back from Dover and when I was in bed. I even cried when a poor waiter was trying to take my order for a meal on the ferry.

 

The trouble is she keeps texting that she wants to come home. I'm trying to reassure her that she has to give it some time, to settle in before giving up when really I would just like to go and get her and bring her back home.

 

On the plus side the family that she is staying with are very nice and the daughter speaks very good English. She has the names and numbers of some other English students that are close by and in the same position so hopefully they will all meet up and help each other.

 

I just feel as though I have abandoned her. Hubby says its no different to her being in Nottingham at uni but it is really because of the language etc. Although she did say that she thinks that her speech has got better even in that short time.

 

Sorry for waffling but I just feel like a bit of a horrible mum at the moment

[Karen & co.]

What an emotional time for you You have done the right thing by bringing her up ready to feel able to spread her wings, and even though at the moment she is having second thoughts, she will hopefully settle soon, and love the time she spends there

 

Karen x

[Rolo Rabbit]

Oh Seagazer... I really feel for you. But I've done what your daughter is doing and she will be fine! When I did my degree, we didn't even get to stay in a family - we just arrived in Spain with no accommodation or contacts. It was a real throw in the deep end situation. But we coped and grew up a lot!

 

I think it's fantastic that your daughter is in a lovely family - her French will come on in leaps and bounds and she will settle down. I remember crying solidly for the first few days but then I got used to it and had a whale of a time. She will be homesick for a while but you're doing the right thing by telling her to give it time. I'm sure the mother of the family will be looking after her if she's as kind as you say.

 

I would definitely encourage her to get to know other English students there - she needs to be doing as much French speaking as possible but sometimes you really need to let off steam in your own language.

 

Really hope you and your daughter adjust soon - just give it time.

[keyhole kate]

Awwh sometimes as parents

we have to be cruel to be kind we all have to

push them out of the comfort and security

of the nest at some point . It would be so easy

to go and get her but you would be doing her

no favours. she will thank you for it In the long

run.

 

chin up shes a big girl now Hugs xx

[Angels4]

We took our daughter to France yesterday.

Sorry for waffling but I just feel like a bit of a horrible mum at the moment

 

Seagazer, I have no experience as I'm not a parent. But I can remember the emotions and crying when I moved away from home for the first time. All I can relate to you is as a child of a parent who allowed me to spread my wings (mom was a single parent) the bond we shared was intense (I was a mommas boy) however hard, the first experience away from home reinforced the knowledge that my mom had done her job, and she had done an amazing job.

You are not a "horrible mom" and in a few days will come to relize just how an amazing job you did bringing up you dear daughter. HUGH HUGS to you from across the pond

[Seagazer]

Thanks everyone - it really helps. Actually reading the replies has started making me cry again!!

 

Rolo Rabbit, I'm glad you enjoyed your time in Spain - you certainly would have to grow up quickly having no accommodation or contacts - well done you.

 

I know I have to be cruel to be kind, I know my daughter, she is a fighter and very stubborn so she would not want to give up so easily, but it is very hard hearing her in tears.

 

I think she will find it hard as she is leaving her lovely boyfriend behind (although they have skype phones and webcams so can talk and look at each other). I think he might be a reason for her coming back if she does quit. I hope she sticks it out though as she will be so annoyed with herself if she comes back.

 

Funnily enough I can remember saying to my OH's cousin, when her son went to work in Australia for a year, you have done such a good job bringing him up (single mum) and making him independent, you should be proud. I should hold on to the thought that I have a wonderful, headstrong, sensitive and gorgeous daughter and she will be back over quite regularly.

 

Thanks everyone

[Mrs Webmuppet]

Her French will come on leaps and bounds and she will soon settle into the French way of life.

 

From the age of about 13 I used to stay in France with a host family nearly every summer. My Dad would take me to Gatwick and I would be met off the plane the other end. I was almost fluent by the time I took my O level! I soon learnt to be very independant. On one occasion I flew back to Gatwick after having been delayed for hours ( it was very late) and found I couldn't speak any English at all , which my Dad found hysterical (Grandma wasn't so impressed).

[Seagazer]

Her French will come on leaps and bounds and she will soon settle into the French way of life.

 

From the age of about 13 I used to stay in France with a host family nearly every summer. My Dad would take me to Gatwick and I would be met off the plane the other end. I was almost fluent by the time I took my O level! I soon learnt to be very independant. On one occasion I flew back to Gatwick after having been delayed for hours ( it was very late) and found I couldn't speak any English at all , which my Dad found hysterical (Grandma wasn't so impressed).

 

Thats funny She used to have problems when she was studying for her A levels as she said she was thinking in French all the time and then had to translate back into English, she used to get very confused

[Mutrix Farmers]

I think she will find it hard as she is leaving her lovely boyfriend behind (although they have skype phones and webcams so can talk and look at each other). I think he might be a reason for her coming back if she does quit. I hope she sticks it out though as she will be so annoyed with herself if she comes back.

 

I hope she sticks it out. When I was 18 I moved to London to start nurse training at Guys Hospital but missed my fiance (we got engaged on my 18th). I made the decision to give it up and go home - we split up several months afterwards. I wish I hadn't had the distraction and had just been able to enjoy it, instead of pining for what I had left behind.

[chickenanne]

I lived overseas for a couple of years after uni, and found the first month or two APPALLING. I'm so glad now that I stuck it out: I just decided I would stay until Christmas and re-assess then. By which point, I was having a great time.

I really hope she manages to stick it out.

[jlo]

I left home about two weeks after my eighteenth birthday to do a Gap Year in France. I was horribly homesick for a while (and no mobile phones then!) There were grim times, even after the homesickness had worn off but the overall experience was a positive one.

 

I can only thank my parents for letting me go and spread my wings a little. My son is now 14 and the thought of him doing something like that in 4 years time is just too much to even contemplate. If either of my children do end up going abroad, I hope that I will be as good a mother as you have been and encourage them to do so.

 

Having said all that, I should have gone back to France for the third year of my degree but didn't do so. The given reason was that I did not think that it would actually help my career as I had no intention of going to work for a high flying law firm that needed Law and French Law. The more honest reason was that I did not want to leave then boyfriend (now OH) so perhaps this last part of my story should be kept away from your daughter!

[Seagazer]

I think she will find it hard as she is leaving her lovely boyfriend behind (although they have skype phones and webcams so can talk and look at each other). I think he might be a reason for her coming back if she does quit. I hope she sticks it out though as she will be so annoyed with herself if she comes back.

 

I hope she sticks it out. When I was 18 I moved to London to start nurse training at Guys Hospital but missed my fiance (we got engaged on my 18th). I made the decision to give it up and go home - we split up several months afterwards. I wish I hadn't had the distraction and had just been able to enjoy it, instead of pining for what I had left behind.

 

Oh dear!! Did you go back to nurse training?

 

Luckily he is doing a degree as well (3rd year also) and so will be very busy. He is very focused on that so hopefully will not be going out thus avoiding distractions (thats her worry) although all her and his friends have said they are going to keep an eye on him Feel quite sorry for him. They are also looking on it as if they can survive this then they can survive anything.

[alih]

She will have a ball!! I too went to live in France for a year when I was young and arrived on the train in a godforsaken town with nowhere to stay - I can't imagine as a mum allowing my kids to do that but I suppose my parents knew less and there were no mobiles etc. I found (god knows how) another English girl who already had a flat and stayed one night on her floor before trekking round the following day and finding a fab flat.

 

It sounds really daunting even now with hindsight but I had a wonderful year, my French was nearly perfect when I returned and I survived so unscathed I did exactly the same thing 2 years later and went to Paris with a backpack and a phone number of a friend of a friend...and stayed 8 years, got married and had my kids there.

 

We have such close contact with our kids/ boyfriends etc these days because of webcams and mobiles - it isn't always helpful! Your daughter will learn loads and even if it proves not to be the happiest time of her life she will never forget it and that is what we want four our children isnt it??

 

 

Chin up, she'll be back before you know it.

[Seagazer]

You're right she'll be back before I know it she's coming back the weekend after next Boyfriend's parents having a party and we're going to have an early 21st Birthday bash for her as she will be back in France on her birthday.

 

Just spoken to her and she's hooked up with the other English students and she is going to look for her own studio/apartment. Where she is staying is in the countryside and a bit awkward to get into town so she'll be better off in the town with the others. So the fact that she is talking about flat hunting is a positive

[Egluntyne]

Chin up...I'm sure she will be fine when the initial homeickness wears off.

[alih]

It all sounds very positive!