Seagazer Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Oh I'm so sorry that it happened like that. Its true what everyone says, you are a good friend. Sending ((((hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I'm sorry it happened that way, sending you some (((hugs))). You are an amazing friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 So sorry. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisP Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I am so sorry to hear about this I hope your friend is ok physically and emotionally, soon Well done for all the help you've given her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 My best wishes to her and her family. The subject of miscarriage is often not spoken of and that can make people feel very isolated. Women need to be able to talk openly to others who have had similar experiences, which allows them to grieve properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 The subject of miscarriage is often not spoken of and that can make people feel very isolated. Women need to be able to talk openly to others who have had similar experiences, which allows them to grieve properly. I couldn't agree more - I had an early miscarriage, then an ectopic pregnancy that took weeks to diagnose (the embryo had died). After having the tube removed I was on a ward with ladies who had had terminations and next door to the new Mums and babies. It was gut-wrenching and the experience messed me up quite nicely for a while. What got me through was being able to talk to other women, including my Mum who went through something almost identical 30 years earlier, and to my husband who understood my need to try again almost immediately when he would have preferred to wait. We grieved together. Good friends and listening ears were what I needed, and what you are providing for your poor friend - she's been through a terrible experience and my heart goes out to her. She's lucky to have a friend like you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 What an awful turn of events. I am so sorry for your friend. Losing a baby is awful anyway (I've had two evacuations) but to give birth at home like that makes it all even worse and quite horrific, to be honest, for all of you there. I am really sorry. Everyone here is absolutely right - we don't talk about miscarriages and we should. Stay strong. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I think its true that people don't talk about it. Two of my SIL's have had miscarriages and my mum had 3 so it is more common than we would probably think. Its very sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Something similar happened to my mum (4 times ) over 50 years ago. As some of you will know, she is not an easy person to be with and I often wonder if it stems back to the way she was treated back then. She was told to just get on with it and get pregnant again, there was no counselling and no support from my dad (who presumably didn't know he was supposed to offer it ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Thank you all. You are right, it is something that isn't talked about enough. I'm baring up, just emotionally and physically drained. She was in quite a bit of pain when i saw her earlier, the afterpains are kicking in. She is also very very tierd. I'm trying to do all the pratical things eg washing up, making sure her 3 children are fed etc and listening and talking when she wants to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 So sorry to hear about your friend Claire. Practical help and knowing you are there will help her. Give her a little time but if you can gently urge her to get help and somewhere she can talk to others who have gone through a similar experience. I hope things have improved but I found many in the medical profession to seem very uncaring when I miscarried (3x) about 13-15 years ago and strangely the worst for thoughtless hurtful comments was the local midwife - although my GP was lovely. Your friend will need support for longer than you probably think and there will probably be things that bring it all rushing back even after years have passed. Make sure she knows you don't mind her talking about it, I remember feeling very isolated. I doubt the NHS will investigate, their rule is 3 before they investigate and they will point to her existing children as proof she can carry a baby to term. That said it is still worth her asking for simple ie cheap blood tests to be carried out now. For me a simple blood test which had a easy medication fix sorted the problem. An earlier test would have prevented a lot of extra heartache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 So sorry to hear about your friend Claire. Practical help and knowing you are there will help her. Give her a little time but if you can gently urge her to get help and somewhere she can talk to others who have gone through a similar experience. I hope things have improved but I found many in the medical profession to seem very uncaring when I miscarried (3x) about 13-15 years ago and strangely the worst for thoughtless hurtful comments was the local midwife - although my GP was lovely. Your friend will need support for longer than you probably think and there will probably be things that bring it all rushing back even after years have passed. Make sure she knows you don't mind her talking about it, I remember feeling very isolated. I doubt the NHS will investigate, their rule is 3 before they investigate and they will point to her existing children as proof she can carry a baby to term. That said it is still worth her asking for simple ie cheap blood tests to be carried out now. For me a simple blood test which had a easy medication fix sorted the problem. An earlier test would have prevented a lot of extra heartache. Im sorry to hear \the solution would have been so simple for you Patricia . As she had an early ( 5 weeks) miscarriage in 2001 as well the hospital are doing investigations. She had to go back yesterday to sign the papers etc for a post mortem as this is what the consultant suggested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I can't imagine what either of you are going through, just wanted to send {{{{hugs}}}} & let you know that you are in my thoughts Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 As she had an early ( 5 weeks) miscarriage in 2001 as well the hospital are doing investigations. She had to go back yesterday to sign the papers etc for a post mortem as this is what the consultant suggested. I'm glad they are doing that I think it will help to feel something is being done even if they are not able to conclude anything. How is she doing ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 so sorry to hear this sad news, I wont go into my details but just to say I an totally sympathise and realte to how she's feeling right now. Sending her and you love and hugs to get you both through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Claire, I've only just stumbled on this thread, but we've talked about it, and you really have been the best friend ever to her. I couldn't believe how brave her son was when I met him on Monday Sending her positive and healing thoughts CXx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireG Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 She is in less pain physically now but was very tearful today. She watched something on TV last night where someone had a miscarriage and said it really hit home . The chaplin also rang today when i was there and she could only answer in umms and arrs and was clearly and understandably very upset. I know she is trying to put on a brave face and doesn't like crying etc infront of her children. I told the children that it's fine to cry, shout and feel angry and that im there for them to. I know they are trying not to show their emotions as they don't want to make their Mum even more upset. We all started then and i think it did us all good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I wish I had had a friend like you with me when I was going through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayandrob Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Aww your poor friend, she has been through so much, she really doesn't deserve this, life is just so cruel, you are such a good friend to her, big hugs to you both and to her children. xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
