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[Guest]

I'm afraid I wouldn't give up my holiday for a wedding where we weren't all invited.

 

I also agree that family shouldn't be tiptoed around = they will often stomp over you if thats what they want whilst you bend over backwards for them.

 

Make your excuses in a polite RSVP and go out and book your holiday.

[Minnie the Moocher]

I'm not surprised that you are upset about this.

 

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do what feels right to you given the circumstances. If you feel sure that it is not you being unreasonable (and you sound pretty reasonable to me) be polite but firm, then do something lovely with your own family and try not to think about it.

 

Life is indeed too short, as others have said.

[Plum]

I'm sorry you must feel very hurt. They are obviously not going to back down so agree with everyone else I think I would decline the other invitations but because its family and you care and love them I would go to the service.

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

I can understand that the child issue would be a quandary for a couple who don't really want children at the reception. But to assume without asking that the men will swan off and do the babysitting is an absolute cheek. They have no right to dictate things like that and I'd tell them to [can't write what on a family forum].

 

You are right to be angry. It's horrible to have that emotion in relation to family but they are being impossible.

 

I'd rsvp - in writing if I felt that I couldn't get my point across calmly or that they wouldn't really listen - then book the holiday.

 

Really, they've done enough mucking you about and even if it causes ructions, better that than to be seen as the doormat and let them walk over you in this dominant, nasty, inconsiderate way. They sound abhorrent in their attitudes about this wedding.

[Cyber Chook]

Oh no, I'd hoped things were settling but no, it's not only dragging on for you, it's got worse and you're more hurt and upset. They do seem to be getting themselves more and more in the doo-doo's. It sounds like a tricky situation for your cousin as well as for you and your family and your sister's too, but whereas you appreciate that, your cousin doesn't seem to appreciate how much effort it would take for you and your sister to fit in with this plan.

 

You don't sound as if you'd be awkward or difficult to talk to about it, far from it - everything you've said seems to be kindly and carefully thought through. But I suppose we're all human, and sometimes it's hard to face these things head on in a grown-up way.

 

If you went under these circumstances, you might feel so resentful and angry and hurt, you wouldn't enjoy it and they'd know anyway. But if you didn't go, they might feel hurt and offended after all their efforts, as they might see it. What a dilemma.

 

You're going to have to make a decision one way or the other (stating the painfully obvious, sorry). Writing a gentle polite letter as suggested, declining the invitation, sounds like a good idea to me, but only you can decide which of the two scenario's is going to be the one you can best live with. This isn't meant as bluntly as it looks on the page - my thinking is that your cousin maybe just isn't able to create a solution that isn't going to cause you some pain either way. So you've been put in this really difficult situation, and feel hurt by the injustice of it. It must be taking a lot of your energy to keep on thinking about this.

 

You're clearly someone who does care about other people's feelings or you weouldn't be agonising over how to respond. So maybe you could put something like that in a letter, and that you'll be thinking of them - you won't be coming, but emphasising that it's in a spirit of wishing them a lovely day with no ill feelings.

 

Sometimes I try out one scenario in my head for a day, and then the other for the next day, and then seeing how I feel. It might help you imagine which decision might be the best one for you. It can be hard but I think it's important to try to take care of your self and your own family first.

[chelsea]

you can decline...as much as you love them dont feel obligated...

 

Life is just too short....

 

I completely agree.

 

I used to be a real worrier and constant people pleaser. I have now come to terms with the fact I cannot please 100% of people 100% of the time so now I think of number one a bit more (me!) and if I am invited somewhere and I dont want to go - I just politely decline and say no thankyou and think no more of it. Much easier and less stress worrying about what other people think.

[mostin]

It just gets better and better from these people doesn't it . Who would want to go to a wedding and have their OH leave them in the middle of it for the reception part . You'd be sat there like a right lemon.

 

The first time I met you I found you completely easy to talk to, and very understanding, so I don't know what they are talking about.

 

Put your families feelings 1st, and good luck. xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Yorkshire Pudding]

Just bumping this thread to say my sister and I have put our heads together and had a pow-wow.

 

Both of us will be sending polite, friendly 'thankyou for the kind invitation, we're sorry we won't be able to join you, have a lovely day and we look forward to seeing the photos' cards.

 

We're timing them so both will arrive while Aunty and Uncle are away for a few days over Easter. If anyone wants to discuss why we have declined, they know where we live and are quite free to contact us!

 

Then I will be looking into what we can do for a holiday this year. The kids have quite a list of places they'd like to visit!

 

Thanks everyone for your wise words and kind support, it means a lot! No more sleepless nights for me

[Egluntyne]

Am glad you have reached a decision. You can relax now and enjoy choosing your holiday destination..

 

Call screening has its uses.

[chelsea]

No more sleepless nights for me

 

great news

 

Put it in the post and think no more of it. Enjoy planning your holiday.

[Chickvic]

Have a great time choosing your holiday!

[Ana's flock]

I'd have done exactly the same.

 

Now you have a great holiday... with children!

[BeckyBoo]

Good for you. I had a bad family situation over a christening last year and the stress it caused was just awful. That's the thing with family divides, they're with you EVERY day filling your head up when you should be having fun with your own family. I think the card sounds like a good idea, nice and friendly, not too impersonal (considering the bride to be never spoke to you personally ) and sending them all your best wishes. You never know, you might even get a better deal later in the day on your holiday

 

BeckyBoo

 

 

And just to add, when I was getting married my Mum started inviting all sorts of people - cousins from Canada, people I'd never met as an adult, I ended up throwing her out of the house I think people get blinkered by weddings even with the best of intentions, they lose sight of what's really important which is two people who love each other committing to each other in front of the people they love (and in most cases in front of God as well! ) You don't have to feed everyone lavishly, in the poshest setting, and give everyone gifts. I got married on a real budget, reception in the pub, everyone and I mean everyone came. And despite the end result, it was still one of the best days of my life.

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Yay! You can relax now. A holiday will be awesome! xx

[Plum]

Glad you've decided what to do and can have peace of mind.

[Cyber Chook]

You sound soooo relieved to have come to a decision, and the timing of the cards, well, I'm impressed!

 

Enjoy the Spring with a lighter heart

 

Caroline

[Seagazer]

I'm glad you've sorted out what you want to do. It sounds like the best idea.

[badgerbluebadger]

Good for you - I am glad you sorted it out.

 

For my wedding year and a bit ago I had children come and it made the day much better! We also paid for a children entertainer which was about £100 for a couple of hours which meant everyone could have fun!

 

Still at least now you can have a good family holiday!

[mostin]

Sounds like a really good idea. Well done .

[Willow]

Good for you !