The Dogmother Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Rosie has just told me that the other children at school have told her that FC doesn't exist, and she asked whether he does or not. Luckily, the phone rang so I was able to dodge it that time PHEW! What have other parents said to their little uns? I hate to say 'no he doesn't exist and I have been fibbing to you for the last 8 years'. I thought along the lines of 'he exists for really small children, but he can't manage to get round all the big children, so the parents have to help out' This is a real shame, it feels like her childhood is ending and the innocence that goes with it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I'm not sure what you should say - Duncan is 9 this year, and as far as I know, is still happy in the knowledge that Father Christmas will be visiting in a couple of months. I couldn't bear it if he found out the truth - I want at least one more magical Christmas, where they ALL believe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PurpleHen Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Oh no Clare - what a dilema! Can't offer any advice though not quite there yet..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 It's all down to personal opinion. Some people say he exists. Others say he doesn't exist. Personally, I still think he exists! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Rosie has just told me that the other children at school have told her that FC doesn't exist, and she asked whether he does or not. Luckily, the phone rang so I was able to dodge it that time PHEW! What have other parents said to their little uns? I'd ask her what she thinks - and stick with that. It's not a cop-out, it's a deliberate policy not to set yourself up as the fount of all knowledge. "what do you think, Rosie?" is often the best response... you might find that there is more behind the question... Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffie Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 He's real so that's the answer I don't know much about him but it's a real christmas tradition. BBx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 I believe in him too, and I love sitting down with Rosie to write her note to FC and putting it out by the fire with a glass of milk and a mince pie. We had a really lovely time the Christmas before last, when my folks took us to lapland for the day - I believed with all my heart that day. Phil, I tried throwing the question back, but she won't play that game (we are talking about a really clever girl here - ask Buffie) and wants a straight answer. *sighs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I remember the excitement last year, tracking Santa as he flew across the world. http://www.noradsanta.org/en/default.php He must be real - no one would create a web site to do that if he wasn't real, would they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I remember the excitement last year, tracking Santa as he flew across the world. http://www.noradsanta.org/en/default.php He must be real - no one would create a web site to do that if he wasn't real, would they? Yup, we tracked him last year too! It caused great excitement as he got closer and closer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 She also asked Phil - here's what he said to her: Rosie asked me yesterday. She said that some people said that they had seen grown-ups dressing up as FC. I said that people can dress up as David Beckham and Posh Spice etc. - but that doesn't mean that the real Posh and Becks don't exist Big help. Thanks for that link Graham, I'll try that one on her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feemcg Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Anna (7 on Saturday!) still believes in Santa but her 2 big cousins told her last year "its just your mum and dad", so I told her its a mixture of presents from Santa, parents, gran etc. I also add to the confusion by taking her to Spain for Christmas and New Year where the Three Kings bring presents for the children on 6th January! She was amazed that they knew she wasn't Spanish but still brought her presents! The other 2 (13 + 16) are just in it for the cash! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura & CTB Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 FC exists equally as much as the tooth fairy and Easter bunny, I think they all hang out together when they're not working Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Duncan asked about that last year - we pointed out that Santa is so busy on the run-up to Christmas, he needs to have lookie-likes to help him check his naughty list. The fairies also check through-out the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I would tell her the truth Clare - she is a bright girl & if her friends at school have been saying hes not real then she is going to cotton on sooner or later. I told mine when they were each about 8,but by then they had pretty much worked it out for themselves anyhow.I had to with Devon as one child at her school made it her mission to make sure everyone knew (with her parents encouragement!!! ) I just explained that while he doesn't actually exist, he is a wonderful Christmas tradition & a truly magical part of Christmastime for everyone young or old. We still leave a glass of sherry,mince pie & carrot for "him" to enjoy,hang out stockings by the fire which "he" fills & listen for the sound of sleigh bells Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I believe in him too, and I love sitting down with Rosie to write her note to FC and putting it out by the fire with a glass of milk and a mince pie. We had a really lovely time the Christmas before last, when my folks took us to lapland for the day - I believed with all my heart that day. Phil, I tried throwing the question back, but she won't play that game (we are talking about a really clever girl here - ask Buffie) and wants a straight answer. *sighs* OK - I understand..(honest! - I have 3 kids) but there's no law that says you have to answer... (this sounds flippant - but it's not!) She's quite capable of making up her own mind without you telling her one way or the other. if you say - no he doesn't exist - and she still hoped he did - then you risk the very thing you are worried about if you say - yes he does - and she is looking for approval from particular friends who now don't believe - then she will be disappointed. (and there are plenty of other scenarios that I'm sure you can imagine as to what might lie behind the question...) the point is - there may be all sorts of things going on behind the question - and the answer is simply to listen to what she is saying rather than to give "authoritative" answers... (I say simply - but, of course, - as you know - real listening is not at all simple - it's a skill we have to learn and practice - but it's massively important in any kind of relationship we will ever have...) (OK this sounds like a lecture now - sorry, that's not the tone I intended - I am currently doing training in offering Parenting Courses and working in Parenting Support - so I take every opportunity to sound forth!! ) when children ask questions - they don't always want authoritative answers - sometimes they do - YES - but more often they don't - they simply want some help to work through something that's bothering them.. and I'll say it again.. just because she asks - doesn't mean that you have to give a definitive answer.. and.. more practically - even if a child has come to the conclusion that FC does not exist - it doesn't mean that the traditions surrounding FC have to go... My oldest stopped believing when he was about 6 I think - but he loves the tradition of it all and is still writing letters to Santa aged 14... good luck! Phil PS - we can set up a rota if you like and phone you up every time she is likely to ask!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks Guys. She is sure to ask again tonight, so I will take Sarah's aproach (thanks), with a bit of phil's too. Now just have to prime her dad too We both still strongly believe in fairies and magic, so she'll want to keep the magic alive I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Clare, it will be fine. Shes a bright girl,so she will realise that it was not a lie,but a lovely thing to do for her while she was young. Explain that you are telling her now as she is sooooo grown up that you think she would prefer to know the whole story,& that you know she will also like to help the grown ups to keep the story alive for all the younger children. Hope it goes well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 it can also help sometimes (if you're going to offer answers) to explain that it is not a total fabrication... the story is, of course, based on the real-life character of St Nicholas you probably know the story - but there's a good basis here: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38 it is also a great creative idea to collect stories from other cultures that offer the same message about generosity and giving at Christmas.. most famous among these are the stories of the "fourth wise man" or the Russian story of Baboushka.. (she may have heard these in school anyway) but there are loads more. I have a book that I use every Christmas with schoolchildren called "Joy to the World" by Saviour Pirotta - which contain the equivalent traditional stories from countries such as Ghana and Mexico one is about a magic Gourd, one is about a camel, one is about the poinsettia plant... Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepe Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Hi Clare! Everyone has given great advise, I've worked with children for almost 20 years and like Phil said, ask her what she thinks. Alot of children hear the other kids saying FC is'nt real but choose to ignore it because they probably think they won't get any presents, so they keep quiet, but gradually they start to work things out for themselves. My son is twenty now and he was probably about 9, when he said he spotted the same carrot in the veg basket that we had put out for Rudolf He did'nt tell me this story till much later, but we still did all the lovely things and I'm sure he will one day for his children.Any way, like you,I believe in all things magical(I have a fairy door in my garden) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks so much guys, i will try to remember all the advice for when she asks me this evening (not easy when you've got a thick cold and cotton wool for a brain ) I will let you know how I get on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 It's a toughie Clare Harry and Jules are both at that sort of age. I think as soon as Harry went to Junior school he heard bigger children saying FC didn't exist. I personally don't think either of them fully believe in him, but a little part of them holds on to the myth as do Dan and I We did track him last year and the year before and they were very interested in how close he was to the UK and they soon went to bed when he got near to the west mids This is probably our last year when we will do the letters thing as I think Harry will be too old next year (he will be a big school boy) and will start rolling eyes and huffing when these sort of 'babyish things' are mentioned We have to make the most of these times as we can't get them back I don't think I will tell Harry and Jules he doesn't exist, as I have said I think they already know, we will just have to develop other little traditions instead of the letter writing etc I will still leave him a mince pie and a can of Banks's (didn't you know FC came from the Black Country) Best of luck Clare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Thanks Debs, perhaps they will exchange notes on Sunday I hope the weather clears up before then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I played along with my parents for years....Never quite knowing the truth, but always too afraid to stop believing entirely, just in case he didn't come! I think a straight, but clever answer would suit here: My parents told me something along those lines pretty much for every difficult question I ever asked : "Everybody thinks differently and you have to make up your own mind what you believe. "Ooops, word censored!"ody should ever tell you what you should think". It shut me up every time...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Let me know what you say first, I don't want them spilling the beans and ruining things for Rosie I do suspect she already knows the truth, they do grow up too quickly now don't they? As for the weather I think the rest of the week will be really nice, dry with a bit of sunshine See you Sunday and good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 We were told as children that if we didn't believe in Father Christmas (I refuse to call him Santa) then he wouldn't be able to come to us as the special Christmas magic only applied if we believed. Any non believing children would have a few presents left by their parents, who would not want us to be disappointed on the big day. They might not be as special as the ones left by F.C however, and we were left to make the decision and take the risk ourselves. It worked.....and my children were told similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
