4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[chooklady]

I need some help from you lovely people before I beat myself up completely.

 

Some time ago I decided I wanted to be a driving instructor, I thought it would be a good idea as apart from really enjoying driving it would fit in with my life very well.

 

I did my theory in March and passed and now I'm doing the first part of the practical stuff. I am really down about it at the moment and I am 90% sure that it isn't right for me after all. I was supposed to go today but have made up an excuse not to go. I have told OH who is not particularly impressed, it wasn't cheap and |I haven't made this decision lightly. I just feel so stressed about it all, it is so exacting and I feel I can't cope.

 

I need to feel happy about it and I don't but I don't want to upset my OH, we've had a lot of things go wrong recently that has entailed a lot of money and I feel I'm letting him down and myself. Am I doing the right thing by giving up? But I can't go on feeling how I'm feel at the moment.

 

I'm at that point in life where I'm not sure where I'm heading, I've been a full time Mum for 16 years, I need a job of some sort but I don't know what and there aren't any around either.

 

Sorry for all of this,

Thanks for reading.

Nicola

[fluffyknickers]

Hi, I know how you feel - been there and done it.

 

How much more would you have to do to qualify? Will it cost any more to qualify or is it already paid for?

 

What i am getting at is, is it worth just finishing it and getting it over and done with and qualifying and then you never have to do it again if you dont want to but at least its done and completed and IF you ever did need to you at least have it there.

 

Just some thoughts.

x

[Willow]

Sorry you are feeling down about it all at the moment.

 

Since you've commited the money I'd been inclined to finish but rather than thinking about becoming a driving instructor as soemthing you have to do at the end, think about it as giving you the option of doing it if/when you want to.

 

If it is proving too exacting look at what is stressing you and think about ways of reducing that.

 

Do you need some 'me' time because it's hard to fit everythng in ? If so explain to OH that is what you need to ensure you make the most out of the money spent on your training.

 

Hope things look more positive soon.

[chickenanne]

Personally, I think if the money is already committed /spent, then is best to see it through.

It might get better as time goes on.

The advantages of the job are pretty good: choose your own hours, for example, and yet relatively secure: people will always need driving instructors.

 

I'm sorry it's not working out for you just now, and I do agree that it's a mistake to spend your life doing something you hate. But as you say, it's a difficult time to find work, there were things that drew you to it int he first place, and this was very early in the practical side of things, which you may enjoy once you get more into it. Try to finish the course if you've already paid for it. That way, you have a very flexible skill /qualification which you may be glad to be able to use in the future.

[clootie]

Do you think that maybe your self-confidence has suddenly decided to nose dive now that you are nearing the end especially since you've said that you have been a full time mum for the past 16 years? It's not easy getting back out there but I applaud you for taking it on.

 

Can you have a break for a week or so, just to give you some thinking time? It would be such a shame to come so far and give up only then to regret it further down the line.

[chooklady]

It is all paid for and it does seem such a waste.

 

I think I'm getting a bit menopausal, everything gets on top om me these days and there always seem to be so many things to do, sometimes I feel I could just run away.

 

I really think my brain is not up to the challenge these days, I cannot remember things very well at all which is really not good, there are so many things to remember when you are an instructor.

 

I have been bottling this up for weeks, I feel like I might explode.

 

There is still a long way to go and 2 more exams to pay for, I have to hire a car for the tests as I currently own an automatic so that's more money.

 

I'm not sure anymore whether I need it that much

[clootie]

I misunderstood, I thought you were almost there Chooky, come and see me for a brew - I'm not a million miles away from you and you can let off some steam

[Willow]

I think I'm getting a bit menopausal, everything gets on top om me these days and there always seem to be so many things to do, sometimes I feel I could just run away.

 

Could be the case - your GP can do a test. I have been really struggling with memory last few weeks and wondered about being menopausal. I want to have a good chat to my MIL before I go to the GP as I know she looked into HRT etc extensively and she's a nurse so I thought I'd get her recommendations first ! And I found even with really rubbish memory compared to usual for me I still seem to keep track of more things at once than my OH

 

Go talk to your GP asap and explain everything. That is what they are there for and they will be able to help.

 

Can you defer the practical and not lose money ? Just worried you'll regret it later when you've feeling more yourself

[Lydia]

Hello there

 

I'd be inclined to try and finish it if you can, if only for the sense of achievement that the whole business is done and you did it despite not feeling your best.

 

It sounds to me like you're maybe having a bit of a crisis of confidence. You passed the theory so your brain can remember things, it's just a bit out of practice (and probably full of all the other things that a full time mum needs to remember!). When I feel overwhelmed I make lists. I list everything I have to do, even the little things like "post birthday card" or "answer Xs email". Then I break the list down into things I must do today, things I should do today but could wait until tomorrow and things that can wait until, say, the weekend. If I'm really stressed I've even been known to plan a timetable with it. Sounds anal I know but I have a clear plan of what I need to do and I get a sense of achievement by crossing the stuff off when its done.

 

I use the same technique at work.

 

Perhaps the way to think about your course is in terms of units of time - only x number of weeks/days and that bit will be complete, only x number of weeks until I complete it etc. A bit like those tickertape graphics some people use on here in their sig.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Chucky Mama]

Poor you, it is so difficult getting something that suits after 16 years of being a full time mother. Even when you do find something suitable you will have times of low self confidence and self doubt I am sure. My brain is like a sieve these days so you are not alone. Any information that is not relevant to day to day organisation seems to go in and leak straight out of my ears . I was out of the workplace whilst my children were pre school and have now found a job that whilst can be lonely fits around our family life. There were times along the way - and still are when I feel like crying and packing it all in. However, my brain does still work and my self confidence is high.

 

Believe in yourself, try not to over think everything. You passed your theory which is a big plus. You can do this! Why not finish the course, if you decide not to go ahead and teach then so be it but to pull out now is not going to acheive anything. You will just beat yourself up about pulling out. Or you could work long enough to pay for the course if that is possible and then you have lost nothing. Well done for getting out there and giving it a go

[Aga n Chickens]

I passed my driving test about 30 years ago and have only driven a dozen times, and only twice on my own. We only ever had 1 car and OH needed that for work. I was lucky to have a colleague who gave me a lift into work, so we never entertained getting another motor.

 

Now that I am not working OH suggested that I get in a bit of practice and when he retires in a few weeks we can share the driving.

 

Now whenever I think about getting behind the wheel my mouth goes dry and I feel a panic attack waiting to happen

 

I never really took to driving, seeing the driving test as just another exam to pass and not thinking about getting what I now realise was the experience of driving.

 

Even when I did have a go my knees turned to jelly and my stress level rose.

 

OH has kindly kept me insured to drive on his policy thinking that I might have a change of heart.

 

Reading your post has made me wonder if I would benefit from a few 'catch up' lessons with an instructor with your experience ?

I might be able to relax with an instructor who could emphasise with my lack of confidence and know that if I gave it my best shot and took it one step at a time, who knows, I might even make it to the supermarket and back on my own if OH wants to stop in the garden.

 

Christine

[Seagazer]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. My cousin trained to be a driving instructor about 4 years ago. It took her quite a long time and she found it very frustrating at times.

 

Is it that you really don't want to be an instructor or just the going back to work thing? I've been doing computer courses for the last 4/5 years in readiness to go back to work but I only want to go back to work about 30%

 

I must say after having helped teach both my eldest kids to drive I take my hat off to instructors.

 

It might be worth going and having some blood tests done though because if you are menopausal then that really could be affecting you.

 

I hope you manage to decide whats best for you.

[Lewis]

I'd say go for it if you wanted it that much to start off with .

 

I don't think you'd have got this far if they didn't think you were capable so they believe you can do it, it just takes time as with anything. Maybe have a week off and then get back to it.

My friends dad is a driving instructor and I think the hours and job work for them .

 

The money you've put into it will be got back after you pass and start teaching wouldn't it, I've no idea how much it costs, but if you didn't want to upset your OH, maybe pass, get the money back that you spent and then see if you want to carry on? I'm sure he'd understand if you really didn't want to do it.

 

Good luck with which you choose.

[chooklady]

I'm not really sure what is bugging me the most, I am afraid of the big wide world and I really not sure whether I would be suited to teaching other people, I'm just so unsure.

At the time it was the only job I could think of that would seem to fit in fairly well with family life, I was hesitant and OH said give it a go.

I'm not sure if I want to be responsible for putting more youngsters on the road, they have no idea how dangerous it is and I think there needs to be a lot more in the driving test that helps them survive on the road rather than teaching them how to reverse round a corners etc.

 

I am not motivated enough, I'm happy doing what I do which is running a house and family, I can do most of that with my eyes closed, I suppose I don't really want to leave my comfort zone because I am unsure of the outside world.

[chick wiggle]

Could it just be a hiccup in your confidence? I understand how you feel at the moment. I used to work in a bank then left to have children. I didnt work for nearly 10 years and then went back part time. Incredibly after only 3 months I found I was pregnant again and left. When my youngest started school I wanted to work but something completely different. I wanted to drive lorries.. big lorries. So my OH said go for it, just like yours. I had several times when i thought I wanted to jack it all in. I failed 2 tests, one test was cancelled due to snow and then there was the 'woman in a mans world' thing to cope with aswell. I very nearly gave up, my confidence was so low, I must have felt how you do now. However, I carried on, passed my test and now I love it. I cannot imagine ever working in an office ever again. I say carry on if you at all can, pass your exams and hopefully this awful feeling will be in the past and you will have a new, exciting and very rewarding career. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[jess]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Life is too short to be struggling through something you don't want to do. Find something that makes you happy and do it. OH being mad is fine, but it is not his brain or his life.

[chooklady]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Life is too short to be struggling through something you don't want to do. Find something that makes you happy and do it. OH being mad is fine, but it is not his brain or his life.

 

You are very right jess.

 

I don't feel comfortable with it all at the moment, not going today felt like a huge weight being lifted of my shoulders. When I feel that worried about something I get to the point where I actually feel physically ill because I get so worked up.

 

I have always enjoyed arty type things and cooking. Trouble is I'm not qualified in anything like that. My ideal life would be living in the country somewhere, owning a little tea shop, chickens, goats and pigs growing my own fruit and veg and writing a novel. It's a nice dream I'll hang onto that.

 

OH has come home and gone out again as he does on Mondays and hasn't mentioned a thing, I want to talk about it, he doesn't seem annoyed or anything I just know I will get upset when we talk about it. I don't find it easy to talk like that and expose how I'm feeling.

[Space Chick]

I think Women and Mums make great driving instructors. I may sound stereotypical, but Mums have developed a unrivalled sense of patience, common sense and compassion. All valid and vital skills for a driving instructor.

 

Also, some women prefer a female instructor, so there's definitely a need.

 

Why not keep your options open, do the course as you've paid for it. Can't you borrow a manual car for your test? Then make your decision. I understand nervousness about the big wide world after being out of the workforce for 16 years, so I really admire your courage for starting

 

I echo that you should do what makes you happy.

[chickenanne]

It sounds like you've already decided, to be fair. I would so recommend you don't quit; until you have something else definite to go and do stick at it.

This is going to sound odd, but it's up to you how you feel about the course: there isn't some wierd outside force making you feel a certain way. You're in control.

[Chucky Mama]

I am not motivated enough, I'm happy doing what I do which is running a house and family, I can do most of that with my eyes closed, I suppose I don't really want to leave my comfort zone because I am unsure of the outside world.

 

If this is the case then I think that you need to stop. This does not sound like the right path for you to take. Being a driving instructor is a very stressful job and you don't sound ready for that kind of stress.

 

Why not try volunteering at a local charity shop or something similar to 'get you back out there' and then see how things go. Jobs do have a way of finding you. How about helping out at a school hearing readers or being a dinner lady They may not sound very glamorous but it will give you the opportunity to get out into a working environment with no pressure.

[chooklady]

I am not motivated enough, I'm happy doing what I do which is running a house and family, I can do most of that with my eyes closed, I suppose I don't really want to leave my comfort zone because I am unsure of the outside world.

 

If this is the case then I think that you need to stop. This does not sound like the right path for you to take. Being a driving instructor is a very stressful job and you don't sound ready for that kind of stress.

 

Why not try volunteering at a local charity shop or something similar to 'get you back out there' and then see how things go. Jobs do have a way of finding you. How about helping out at a school hearing readers or being a dinner lady They may not sound very glamorous but it will give you the opportunity to get out into a working environment with no pressure.

 

I think you are probably right, I think I need something with not too much responsibility or pressure, I still have a 'lot to do' as a Mum. I'm always busy, kids, the dog, garden, my Mum's garden plus all the other stuff. I don't really think men understand or realise what we do, some days I don't sit down from getting up in the morning until about 8pm and he wonders why I'm falling asleep by half nine.

 

I did work at my local secondary school down the road about 5 years ago, only for 9 weeks while someone was off through sickness. I was offered another job at the end in the food tech department but I had committed to my puppy at that stage and it would have meant leaving all day which wasn't what I wanted to do so I turned it down. I contacted them the other day but they don't have any jobs at the moment.

 

Thamks for all your thoughts, will talk to hubby tonight and see what he thinks although it has to be my decision ultimately.

[Chucky Mama]

I think you already know in your heart that it is not right for you. I am sure that there will be something that is ideal in your local area. You may be able to find something that you can start after the summer school holidays. I agree that men don't often realise how busy our lives are with the day to day running of a home. I work from home when the children are at school and I have to stop myself from crowning my husband when he goes off to work saying 'what do you have planned today' as if I have another day of leisure waiting for me.

[Dodge]

I don't really think men understand or realise what we do, some days I don't sit down from getting up in the morning until about 8pm and he wonders why I'm falling asleep by half nine.

 

From a man's point of view, my OH gets home from work at 5pm. She has a cup of tea and then does the ironing, then takes the dogs out for an hour, then makes dinner and hoovers up. I get home from work and slump on the couch with the "I’m knackered” routine and "what's for dinner?"

 

I can assure you that without my OH I would be totally lost, so I can fully understand where you are coming from.

 

It looks as though you are having a mid life crisis and so you need to take stock of your situation and make the right decisions, for you first and foremost.

 

Everyone is entitled to make a mistake when choosing a possible new job; you have given it a try and decided that it's not for you. It is obvious that if it makes you physically sick just thinking about it then now is the time to draw a line under it and cut your losses and get out.

 

Why pile more money and effort into something that you hate?

 

I think your OH sounds very understanding and will support your choice.

 

If it was me, I would without question.

 

You might think that you are letting everyone down, but your personal happiness and well being are far more important.

 

Why not just get a little part time job to ease yourself back into the employment market?

This will let you build up your confidence levels and gain valuable work experience without too much stress.

 

Perhaps then another year or so down the line you could try something a bit more ambitious. Just take it nice and slow and with your family's support I am sure you will do well and more important will feel a lot happier in the process.

 

Kind regards

 

Dodge

[Happy-Mama]

Hi, not sure I can offer much advise but can definitely sympathise with your position as I am feeling the same way about the accountancy course i am currently doing. To be honest i am not happy doing it at the moment and with a baby on the way I don't feel I have the time thankfully my OH is very supportive and doesn't mind if I quit completely or take a short break or keep going. At the moment i am trying to see if i can take a break from it until i have time to see how I really feel about it. Is this something you can do with your driving instructor course? that way you could put it on a back burner for a while and give you time to think clearly about it all?

[Redwing]

I'm really sorry you are having a hard time

 

How about other jobs that involve driving but that don't put you under the same pressure, something like meals on wheels, grocery home delivery (if you are strong!) or taking elderly or special needs people shopping? they are all things that can be done part time and give you a chance to interact with some interesting people