4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[Happy chickens!]

Am on here late at night searching internet for guidance on a situation I wish I hadn't been made aware of earlier this evening. One person I work with has received a lot of texts from another person, sometimes numerous ones in a day, chasing up work, suggesting meetings and often innuendo.

 

It's not bullying as such, but it is embarassing, the sender is an older, married lady, the receiver younger and a bloke. It could definitely be called harassment.

 

What is best way to help the sender see the error of her ways without causing a big fall out - they will still need to work together?????

[Egluntyne]

At my place of work it would be a disciplinary matter and such activity is mentioned specifically in our contracts.

 

Advise your friend to check this.

 

It definitely is harassment and he shouldn't have to be putting up with it.

 

If a word with the instigator doesn't help, he should refer the matter to his superior and keep all damning evidence.

 

It could in fact be a matter for the police, were she to continue.

[Happy-Mama]

Hi, not the best situation. Is it possible to have a quiet word with her explaining that the texts are inappropriate without making it sound like a complaint has been made just to let her know they could be construed as harassment? Is it a company or private phone she is texting?

[Snowy]

Difficult, but he needs to have a quiet word with her first - along the lines of he is uncomfortable with the amount/content and no offence, but can she tone it down a bit. Yes she may be upset at first but she will get over it (if she doesn't that is her choice), but she would be more upset if it went further before she had been made aware of her error.

[Lesley]

I agree with all above but.....

 

I think he would be wise to make sure he has some proof of what has been said in some of the texts that he could keep as insurance. It would be awful if it turned into a 'woman scorned' sort of situation whereby she, as a senior member of the Company, might keep her job and he would lose his.

[Happy chickens!]

Thanks for all of the above - it makes you realise how something that probably doesn't seem serious at first can make a very awkward situation. I have a meeting with her this morning about something else, so am going to see if I can broach the subject with her, as I don't think (I hope) she doesn't realise how she has been coming across. Small organisation, no formal hr or anything - complaints procedure certainly doesn't refer to this sort of situation!!!

[Chucky Mama]

Oh dear, it makes me cringe to hear this sort of things. People do seem to say things in texts and emails that they wouldn't dream of saying to someone's face. My toes curl with embarrasment for both parties Good Luck

[Patricia W]

maybe she's just discovered texting and is eager to demonstrate her new skill? As an "older woman" my texting is so slow it's a medium I avoid! I'm famous/infamous for my short texts. Especially when someone has sent me a very long one and all I reply is "yes, no, ok!

[Redwing]

I think a light approch is best something along the lines of 'go careful with your texts to X, he has a girlfiend who may not be happy if she sees them' sort of gentle warning, if it persists, he can take it higher, after all she has a chance to stop after the gentle warning

 

If you have already spoken to her I hope it went ok

[The Dogmother]

Me too Patricia, perhaps it's the Banbury Phenomenon?

 

I agree with all above; she would probably be terribly embarrassed if it went too far and she hadn't realised the error of her ways. Is she new to her position and wanting to show some authority?

 

Certainly not to be tolerated in any case. I firmly believe that work communications are better face to face if at all possible.

[Happy chickens!]

Had meeting - didn't go very well. She arrived first, very upset because he had stopped returning calls/texts saying no idea why and thinks he's very rude - but she had called him 4 times before 9am and thinks that he's the one being rude ...

 

He clearly didn't want to talk about what was inappropriate in the texts - although had shown them to me yesterday and, whilst not really dreadful, rather suggestive and not what I would want from a colleague. So went along the lines of getting them to agree about the best times to communicate and that face to face always best if possible.

 

She was clearly unhappy - feels that everything had been going swimmingly until couple of days ago when the tone of his texts changed to abrubt style - obviously at point where he felt unhappy about hers, but not getting the message across.

 

Claret, you are so right, she is taking over some of my responsibilities so I am 'training' her, so feel very awkward about the whole thing.

[The Dogmother]

Oh dear, defensive by the sounds of it

 

Can you get them together in a meeting and agree some ground rules about communication, so that each understands what is acceptable in both timing and tone?

 

I once worked (not for long!) for an overbearing female boss who thought it quite OK to ring me up at 8am about work. I explained (in front of witnesses) that that time of the morning was personal time and that I would be likely to be changing nappies if she called me then.

 

I left soon after.

[Happy chickens!]

Yes, Claret, very defensive!! Hope they both get things in perspective soon, think we're going in the right direction now, fingers crossed, touch wood, etc etc.

[The Dogmother]

I hope that she calms down after her initial defensive actions.

 

That'll leave you in a position to start with a clean sheet and draw up clear guidelines.

[WitchHazel]

Hi

In the first instance, this chap should *tell* her that he doesn't appreciate the suggestionsin the text and that he would like her to stop. He doesn't need to be rude, just firm.

 

He should make note of the date he told her, what he said and what she said.

 

If she continues, he should then escalate it through HR, using the company's Grievance procedure.

 

It is very important that he tells her plainly first though. In many cases like this (and in bullying cases, believe or not) the perpetrator does not realise that their actions are causing a problem. A good Grievance proecss will make this the first step anyway.

[Happy-Mama]

Hope it all gets sorted out without too much drama. While I agree that it would be good if he spoke to her and she took it on board and it was all good from there. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable addressing her himself many people who are being bullied or harassed in the work place can feel uncomfortable and dread the thought of speaking to the one doing the bullying or the harassment directly themselves in which case I think he is better speaking to his supervisor or going straight to HR with the issue for help in resolving it.

[Happy chickens!]

I think that the message has got across, and they seem to be working ok together again. (Touch wood) She's a very friendly, bubbly person, just think she got carried away, but was very awkward trying to sort out!

[Snowy]

Well done for sorting it out tactfully

[Happy-Mama]

Really glad it is all sorted out now! Well done