Biker Chick Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I apologise now for pouring my heart out and posting such a long drawn out post. OH and myself were booked up to spend 5 days in Devon as from this sunday. OH suffers with anxiety and panic attacks when going somewhere new, which I try to understand, so I booked up to stay in a B&B that we have been to before and he has enjoyed. All this week he has been getting the jitters and coming out in hot and cold sweats, so finally, this morning, I made the decission, that was it really worth the hassle to go. If we did go, I would be consistently worrying about him. He has suffered these attacks for years now, sometimes he's good, sometimes he's not. He has had accupunture to help, but obviously its not worked this time. I cant help but feel disappointed, and if I am honest, very annoyed. We both needed this break so much. I cant rant to him as he obviously feels bad enough and he says he feels very guilty too, but that doesnt help me much either. Sorry if that sounds very selfish, but I feel let down to. I now feel quite tearful, and if another person at works says to me "Looking forward to your holiday?" I think I shall scream. Does anyone else have a partner that suffers like this???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 No, but I do suffer from panic & anxiety myself, although thankfully not as bad as your partner. I do find that hoildays are by far the worst thing & I will almost always have a panic of some sort on the way to the Airport or waiting for check-in. I think that its partly because I am responsible for the booking of the holiday,& its expensive, so if we have an awful time,it will be my fault I have Diazapam in my bag,which I have never taken - just the thought that it is there is enough to keep me calm & focused. Have you spoken to your Doctor about some sort of medication for your partner? It can be a great help,just knowing its there. I also find that I need to eat small,regular nibbles if I am travelling, as if I get to the point where I am too hungry,I become very unwell feeling.I often have to force myself to have a cereal bar or something,even if eating is the very last thing I want to do. As soon as the drinks trolley comes around on the plane & I have a G&T,I am fine (yes,even on a 6am flight,I have a G&T!) Sorry you have had to cancel your holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhotchick Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 What a shame. Have you any alternative plans? Would you leave OH for a day and go and treat yourself to a spa day, or some clothes shopping? Maybe meet a friend for a relaxing lunch? I have the opposite problem. My OH insists on going away every day of his annual leave. Sometimes it's nice to spend time at home. Would you plan a holiday without him at some stage in the future? Either with a friend, or maybe a craft holiday (or what ever you are in to?) Big Hugs to you. Time off work is precious anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biker Chick Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Thanks for taking the time to reply, its just so nice to get these feelings off my chest. I am going to ask my Mum tonight if we could use her holiday bungalow by the sea for a few days next week. Its only about a 45 minute drive away, so if he feels too bad, its not too far to come back home. It would be great to have some long walks by the sea, or go for a bike ride. I have been away for a couple of breaks without OH in the past, but its just not the same! I could understand his anxiety if we were going abroad/flying etc...but I am not asking that much, and the sad fact is, that he really wants to go, he just cant face feeling so bad. He has been to see the doctor, infact he went last week, and they did give him some "happy pills" (cant remember the name of them), but they show no signs of working yet. Fingers crossed that we can use my mum's place, as he thinks he will be ok there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Sorry to hear it. Very distressing and disappointing for you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Would a self catering option be better? I prefer to stay in a caravan or cottage than a B&B. I always feel very awkward staying in other people's houses, I have only stayed in a B&B twice and this was years ago for single nights on my own when I went for UNI interviews and it was horrible. I am a home body and I get quite worked up about going to new places. I have always had this panicy side to me it has improved over the years, but is still just below the surface. My ED has suffered badly over the past 5 years or so and from my own experience the only way to help her live a normal life is to make her face her fears. She has gradually improved, but I know that this is something that she needs to watch out for for the rest of her life. I hope that you can find a a way of enjoying your time off with your partner. Just read your most recent post and the bungalow sounds like a great idea. If he wants to have a break then that is half the battle. Little steps, will help as will support from you, but as I have found with my own mother and with me and ED sometimes a firm gentle nudge in the right direction helps too. The sense of self worth that you get from achieving each new step is priceless. He has to remember that he is not alone there are so many people out there with similar anxieties. Best of luck and a big virtual hug from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BocBoc Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Oh dear, that's such a shame - I can understand why you feel so miffed but he must also feel like he's let you both down. Could it be the new tablets that have made him worse? I may be teaching you to suck eggs...but has he thought about yoga? If he took some classes and learnt how to channel his energies properly and learnt to meditate, it might help. Good luck with the bungalow suggestion and I hoep you manage to getaway together soon for some quality time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Oh dear, what a shame for both of you The build up to holidays for those of us that don't suffer with anxiety like this can be stressful so I understand how your OH can get like this. You need a break though and I totally understand how you must be feeling. The trouble is so can you OH I am sure which will be making him feel lousy. Are there some lovely days out that you can treat yourselves to during the time that you were going to be away. Maybe you could have just as lovely time at home. Don't tell anyone, unplug the phone, ban yourselves from cooking, cleaning and gardening and perhaps plan some days out doing things that you wouldn't normally do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillus Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Sorry about the holiday. Has your other half ever though about having NLP for his distressing problem. It really can help and there are good practitioners all over the country. I know it works and it might be worth giving it a shot so that he can get on with his life again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 THe has been to see the doctor, infact he went last week, and they did give him some "happy pills" (cant remember the name of them), but they show no signs of working yet. Fingers crossed that we can use my mum's place, as he thinks he will be ok there. It sounds like those are anti depressants, rather than something specifically for making him feel less anxious, as those are taken as & when they are needed rather than all the time If so, anti depressants won't really help the anxiety,I wouldn't think,plus they take a while to kick in & make a difference to how he will be feeling. My tablets are like having a large G&T - anxiety gone in no time at all Might be worth going back to the Doctor & asking..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 My MIL was the same. If she did go away, she'd usually be ill when she came home. In 30 plus years she never visited us ( some might think it a bonus, but I think our children missed out as they could never show Gran their space). I do hope you have a good time though at your alternative place. I think you are wonderful to be so pragmatic so rant away on here for release. Tricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I'm so sorry you've had to cancel your holiday. Has your husband had counselling or CBT for his anxiety. I had counselling for anxiety and found it really helped, enabled me to come off of the tablets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ygerna Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 It is possible that your OH has been given anti depressants which can take up to three weeks to kick in. Perhaps go back and explain that these episodes are related to certain situations, which you can pre-empt and so you want something for an instant effect, rather than something to take continually regardless of whether he will be put in situations of anxiety. Sorry about your holiday, and I hope you enjoy the week in the bugalow instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jomaxsmith Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I have struggled with an anxiety based problem in the past which made holidays seem more of a chore to be dreaded than something to enjoy. I had a course of hypnotherapy a few years back and it has really helped me to conquer my fears and to enjoy experiences that should be fun. It could be worth looking into for your oh. Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
