Cinnamon Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 It is a seething mass of hormones here at the moment. My eldest has had a mad crush on a boy for several months,but has never had the courage to "ask him out",despite us telling her that she needs to be brave & do it before someone else does. Today the youngest daughter has decieded that she likes him too, has asked him out,& he has said yes The eldest is in floods of tears in her room. The youngest knows full well that she has been disloyal, & a little bit mean. I need a stiff drink & some sound parenting advice,please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I can't help but laugh! Sorry! I feel really sorry for you, to have to put up with both of them, girls at our age are all like that at some point, it makes me laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 ...........and I am sure that 14 year old boys are no trouble at all, are they ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Sorry Sarah, but I have no advice - all I can remember from being a teenager is that no-one understood me, and that the boy I fancied for the whole of high school fancied my best friend! My lot aren't quite old enough for teenage hormones (although my eldest does a good impersonation of a teenager sometimes, despite having a good 4 years to go!), so all I can say is this: My mother was ALWAYS there with an understanding ear, even when it was for things she possibly didn't want to hear (smoking ), and I always knew she would mop the tears if required. She has never judged, just listened, and I love her for it. She very possibly drank litres of gin to cope with the stress of having a teenage daughter, but the 2 of us survived the 6 teenage years with no scars! Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 ...........and I am sure that 14 year old boys are no trouble at all, are they ? I don't know, I can't remember being 14! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Sorry Sarah, but I have no advice - all I can remember from being a teenager is that no-one understood me, and that the boy I fancied for the whole of high school fancied my best friend! That happens all the time too, both genders! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Sarah, I don't envy you! Such a lot of mixed things going on. One DD with total heartbreak on 2 fronts and the other elated, all intertwined. And where can you put yourself without siding with one or the other? The more I think about it, the more I feel for you. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronze Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I guess you need to explain either its the right guy for the youngest in which case the fact that they are together is the best thing, and if hes not the right guy then he'll soon be a free agent again anyway. I don't envy you at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Crikey.... I only have one daughter so nothing like that cropped up. Phew...I don't envy you. It'll all blow over eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Errrmmm - how are things today? Did not see this last night but my advice would have been - leave them to it. There is nothing you can do to make the situation any better. I don't have a sister but I know that I would have been furious if my mum had tried to give me advice on my love life. Just give them a few hugs if they need them. Of course I am speaking as the mum of a lone, uncomplicated, five year old. In 8 or 10 years time feel free to send the 'leave her to it' advice right back at me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 (edited) Well, the plot thickens! I am not sure whether to laugh or cry to be honest. All this happened last night at the girls Sea Cadets meeting ,which my eldest couldn't go to as she is ill, but my youngest did go to,along with the boy in question & Eldests best friend. It seems that Youngest did not ask this boy out at all, but eldests best friend decided to phone her & tell her that to wind her up - nice,eh? Best friend knows that Eldest daughter is mad on this boy,& certainly knew how to hurt her in the most horrible way - by saying he was now seeing her own sister. Eldest has firstly been upset about the rumour,& is now upset that her best friend could have been so nasty. She is also feeling guilty for being ghastly to her sister,for no good reason. Little sister is miffed we all thought the worse of her This is the second time Best Friend has done this sort of thing - it is always with the intention of setting my 2 girls,who are close,against each other. She (best frined) has no close siblings - could it be a jealousy thing????? I am all for phoning her Mum & telling her what this girl has done,as in my eyes it is just plain nasty behaviour......... If it were my daughter,I would want to know Edited February 13, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 absolutely what Tina said!!! - spot on!! (which is, I'm sure, what you are doing.) there is simply nothing you can do to engineer different outcomes in their love lives - or their relationship with one another. the watchword that I teach in parenting classes is this: "The only behaviour you can change is your own." (and in changing your behaviour, you change the behaviour of those around you...) in this case - just what Tina said - your job is to be supportive to both of them as and when they need it - not to manage their love lives!! but that is SO not easy! Good Luck!! (some choppy waters ahead, I think!) Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Definitely a jealousy thing I would guess. What a relief for you that your girls are not actually at war. Is this boy worth anyone's tears I wonder. They seldom are. Hands up all those who are glad they are no longer a teenager! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 The daft thing is that my daughter is a good 6 inches taller than him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 My daughter becomes a teenager tomorrow..............think i may delay her birthday My son is 2 years older so already well into teenage hormones, mood swings and grunting in reponse to questions asked But then boys as teenagers are completely different to girls as teenagers. We have had a few problems with a particular friend of daughter stirring things and needing to be centre of attention (steming i think from jealousy and insecurities) and not wanting daughter to be friends with other people (although friend has lots of different friends and rotates between them ) We have had lots of tears . I try to provide a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear. I have found that letting daughter talk it through and get out all her emotions helps and normally by the next day her and friend are best friends Is it just me but teenage girls today seem to be best friends one day and arch enemies the next..................when i was a teenager my friends were always my friends, we weren't horrible and nasty to each other (as teenagers seem to be now) and repected each other and our own individual ways. We're all still friends now. Was i just lucky My teenage son isn't like this with his friends............his mates are his mates, no conditions, no ups and downs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 The daft thing is that my daughter is a good 6 inches taller than him Love renders the smitten one blind. He might have not had his growth spurt yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Pam, it's not just you. Your story sounds very familiar to me. I've been through similar with both DD1 and DD3. Girls are horrible! Sarah, I can't understand why Cleo didn't say that she hadn't asked this boy out. And what a horrible 'friend'! I would be steering well clear of her now. Is the boy involved at all? If not, I'd suggest to Devon that she asks him out straight away. You can organise a decent outing for them. He who laughs last, laughs loudest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I was a HORRIBLE teenager...I used to answer my mum back, shout, go out without asking, come home late etc, I was very outgoing where as my sister was as quiet as a mouse and sat in her room playing records !! (she's 3 yrs older) I would say I became rebellious at about 13 and it continued to 16 I knew how to wind my mum up, but I would never dis-obey my dad and did everything he told me Im very close to my mum now and admit to everyone how horrible I was, quite embarrassing when I think of how I was back then. I dont know what advice to give you Sarah, maybe just by being there as a good listener for your daughters, taking deep breaths when they wind you up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I was a nightmare too, so perhaps not the best person to ask That BF sounds a real c*w, best ditched if you ask me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Wow, I am SO pleased I've got boys! But all my friends who have girls are going through the same thing as you. And I too was a nightmare teenager - very rebellious. It's obviously a girl thing isn't it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Blimey Sarah, what a horrible situation. It definitely sounds like the 'best' friend is jealous. I had a so-called friend who did some very mean things to the girls in our friendship group and looking back she was obviously extremely jealous of everyone else. She had a very strange family life and must have been incredibly insecure as a result. Easy to see with a good few years hindsight but really upsetting when you are a teenager and stuck in the middle of it. At least your eldest might be a bit wary of what her friend tells her in the future. I of course was a perfect child ( ) and never caused my parents any grief at all.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Wow, I am SO pleased I've got boys! But all my friends who have girls are going through the same thing as you. And I too was a nightmare teenager - very rebellious. It's obviously a girl thing isn't it! Don't count your chickens Snowy! - my daughter was not really any trouble - but my son was a pain from the age of 14 until at least 21 We clashed all the time. I knew underneath that he was the same gentle person - and he did eventually re-emerge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate in NZ Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Oh, Sarah, what a load of confusion, teenage silliness and over-heated hormones. Poor you being in the middle of it. I am tempted to say something like "bang their heads together" , but am very aware that that isn't really sound advice, and you can't do it.............. but isn't it tempting I'd suggest along with all the others to just let them get on with it. Be there for them, let them know that you're always there to listen, support and so on, and that you love them completely even if rotten friends are doing a great job of denting confidence. How about a half term girly day........ attack each other with face packs, nail varnish and hair straighteners (or whatever) and see what chat ensues. Immi and I often make time for that, and it's amazing the confidences that she comes out with when we're relaxed and giggling, and the times that I'm able to lavish praise on her, especially in areas where I think her confidence could do with a boost Teenage boys can be just as horrible though......... less catty and manipulative in my opinion, but more aggressive and nowhere near as supportive of a mate in trouble as girls can be. But that's just my opinion, based on my teenagers, and they're all different, and all growing up and trying to work out their own values and opinions, oh, and testing out their boundaries. Keeps us parents on our toes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
