Warm boot recommendations please

[Christian]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

 

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

- Alan, age 10

 

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.

God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

- Kristen, age 10

 

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

 

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

- Camille, age 10

 

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

 

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

 

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

- Derrick, age 8

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

 

(1) Both don't want any more kids.

- Lori, age 8

 

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

 

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know

each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

 

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

 

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

-Craig, age 9

 

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

 

(1) When they're rich.

- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

 

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

 

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)

 

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

 

(1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

 

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

 

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

- Kelvin, age 8

 

 

And the #1 Favourite is........

 

 

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

 

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)

[Snowy]

 

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

 

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

- Derrick, age 8

 

 

Christian, where do you get them from? Brilliant - out of the mouths of babes! I think Derrick saw me and OH out with the boys today

[Chicky G]

So of those were so sweet, and others.... oh so true.

[Egluntyne]

Out of the mouths of babes.........how funny.

[Mrs Frugal]

They're smashing Christian !!

[Lesley]

Some very wise children

[Paola]

Love it Weeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeee

[theherd123]

Christian you have really cheered me up!

 

Love the one about 'calling the newspaper & make sure they write me in all the dead columns!!!'

[Looney]

These are great

[Christian]

Christian, where do you get them from? Brilliant - out of the mouths of babes!

 

i have soooo many more Snowy but its a family forum and wouldn't dare post them

[Snowy]

Christian, where do you get them from? Brilliant - out of the mouths of babes!

 

i have soooo many more Snowy but its a family forum and wouldn't dare post them

 

Wise boy!

[Christian]

Heres another one

 

Signs

 

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT

GOES OUT

 

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

 

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR

FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

 

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE

DRAINING BOARD

 

Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR

WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

 

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

 

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

 

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE

1 ST FLOOR

 

Notice e in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD, FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL

CHARGES.

 

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

 

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T

WORK)

[theherd123]

Some classics there!

[Christian]

SATAN'S TEMPTATIONS

 

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and

spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman

would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.

 

And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that?

 

And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips".

 

And lo they gained 10 pounds.

 

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that

Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane

and combined them.

And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

 

So God said "Try my fresh green salad".

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.

 

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

 

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to

cook them".

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped

lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.

And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

 

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with

potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into

chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.

And Man put on more pounds.

 

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those

extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not

have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started

wearing stretch jogging suits.

 

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still

satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.

Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, And super

size 'em". And Satan said "It is good."

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

 

God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then ........ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

 

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

 

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word

on nutrition and health.

 

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than

us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart

attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer

heart attacks than us.

 

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what the **** you like, Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!!

[Looney]

[Lesley]

[Helly Welly]

 

Making me smile today Christian