BERTIE MCSQUIRTY Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 just to update you all the manager rang me this afternoon, she has interviewed the chap, who has ADMITTED most (majority) of his comments to me. he is now to receive training and a note on his personal file. it seems to appear that he may have learning difficulties reading between the lines of what she said. However at this point i am happy at this outcome, and hope that he learns from this. BTW i am over 40, but was completely shellshocked at the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Gosh - well done for reporting it, and it sounds as if they are treating it seriously. Having learning difficulties is no excuse for behaving like that - if he's able to operate a checkout, he should also be able to behave appropriately in a customer-facing role. I hope that's made you feel slightly better about it, as you say he might have said that to a teenager or someone less able to deal with it, so it's good both that you let the supermarket know, and that they are tackling it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 That seems reasonable, given his circumstances. AM glad that you are satisfied. A voucher by way of compensation would have been nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 No I agree and if he is in contact with the public then he should be trained or removed to an area away from them so he cannot be a nuisance. I also encountered a child a few yrs back at the swimming pool, ES wanted a quick go on the machines in recp when this larger kid (rather obese) started crowding him - I asked him pleasantly enough to leave my son alone and in front of me my son who was about 9 and my toddler he went off alarming. I was very shaken and couldnt see a parent or guardian and both kids were upset. I went back the next day and spoke to management who said the kid had learning difficulties - I explained that as it maybe there was no adult with him and he was unpleasant enough I felt to turn violent. If he had been an adult I wouldnt have hesitated to reprimand him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Obviously I don't know exactly what was said because we have been spared the explicit details, but to me it sounds like it was just sexual innuendo? Perhaps it wasn't appropriate for the workplace, but depending on what exactly had been said, I would probably have just taken a comment like that as a complement! Sometimes people can be a bit prudish and read too much into things, not that I am saying that is what happened in this case. I probably wouldn't have complained in the first instance though, as unfortunately we are a nation of complainers and we all seem too quick to try and get something done, I would probably have dealt with the problem directly at the source and ensured that the operator knew his actions were inappropriate and that you found them unacceptable. Still, well done for getting an outcome you are satisfied with though, whether or not he will learn from his mistakes only time will tell, you could just be ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Can I assume that you are male? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I can think of one supermarket in particular who employ a lot of people with "learning disabilities" if that is the right label, and I applaude them for it - these people often find it very hard to get employment and so have some level of independance. I guess this is the down side to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Can I assume that you are male? You've rumbled me!! I must see something different from a man's perspective, men are from Mars and women are from Venus and all that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 men are from Mars and women are from Venus and all that... This is my all time moth loathed book and I absolutely hate that phrase. I noticed men often use that phrase to put a women's viewpoint down. Not saying you used it like that in this circumstance but I still hate the phrase. One of the reasons why women may have a different viewpoint on the comments made is too many of us have been on the receiving end of unpleasant and potentially dangerous behaviour and we know that someone who thinks crude comments are acceptable to make to a customer could well escalate his behaviour if he gets away with it. Certainly by the time we reach 40 we all know the differene between a compliment and a crude comment... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 but to me it sounds like it was just sexual innuendo? I would probably have just taken a comment like that as a complement! But there is a time and an place for this sort of behaviour and probably with someone you know (said in a joke manner) I think he's a bit creepy and weird for saying it out of the blue like that to be honest. Gives me the shivers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Can I assume that you are male? You've rumbled me!! I must see something different from a man's perspective, men are from Mars and women are from Venus and all that... Now had did I guess? You have obviously never been harrassed by a member of staff that you smiled at once to be polite. It has happened to me twice recently. That member of staff misreads the smile as you 'fancying' them. Believe me it is not flattering having someone following you around a shop being a nuisance and then to the car park in the dark. It is actually creepy and frightening. It is not too much to ask to be able to go shopping without having to deal with this sort of innuendo. These are not flattering comments that we are talking about or the odd wolf whistle. This is someone making overt sexual comments - when shopping Oh, and I am not a feminist and I am a mother of 3 and I don't go around wearing sexy clothing when doing my shopping. I just smile at people to be polite Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 .... I would probably have just taken a comment like that as a complement! I don't think we have welcomed you to the forum cluckingclucker. We would love to hear about your chickens. Why not tell us all about them in the 'Welcome New Members. Introduce Yourself Here' thread at the top of the Nesting Box? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 men are from Mars and women are from Venus and all that... This is my all time moth loathed book and I absolutely hate that phrase. I noticed men often use that phrase to put a women's viewpoint down. Not saying you used it like that in this circumstance but I still hate the phrase. One of the reasons why women may have a different viewpoint on the comments made is too many of us have been on the receiving end of unpleasant and potentially dangerous behaviour and we know that someone who thinks crude comments are acceptable to make to a customer could well escalate his behaviour if he gets away with it. Certainly by the time we reach 40 we all know the differene between a compliment and a crude comment... Can I assume that you are male? You've rumbled me!! I must see something different from a man's perspective, men are from Mars and women are from Venus and all that... Now had did I guess? You have obviously never been harrassed by a member of staff that you smiled at once to be polite. It has happened to me twice recently. That member of staff misreads the smile as you 'fancying' them. Believe me it is not flattering having someone following you around a shop being a nuisance and then to the car park in the dark. It is actually creepy and frightening. It is not too much to ask to be able to go shopping without having to deal with this sort of innuendo. These are not flattering comments that we are talking about or the odd wolf whistle. This is someone making overt sexual comments - when shopping Oh, and I am not a feminist and I am a mother of 3 and I don't go around wearing sexy clothing when doing my shopping. I just smile at people to be polite It's not until you've been the target of such unwelcome comments that you find it unsavoury a sometimes even distressing. I think it's safe to say that I don't agree with cluckingclucker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 And what if this was said to a younger woman,a teen or even a child? Young girls are so grown up in appearance these days that it could be easy to mistake a 13 year old for an 18 year old,& any sexual comment would be obviously inappropriate then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 And what if this was said to a younger woman,a teen or even a child?Young girls are so grown up in appearance these days that it could be easy to mistake a 13 year old for an 18 year old,& any sexual comment would be obviously inappropriate then. I agree with that one. My just 14 year old daughter gets quite frightened by some of the attention that she is now getting. What is it with the need to make strange noises around girls/women Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Some of the young lasses around here are 'well developed' for their age, and dress provocatively. Sadly they aren't mature enough to cope with the sort of attention that it provokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Years ago I would have been embarrassed, but now I turn the tables. Nowadays any "funny" comment made is returned with interest - that usually does the trick. They can't complain about you because they instigated it. Of course you get a lot of satisfaction at making them feel uncomfortable - which is what they want you to experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docsquid Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Only just caught up with this. It sounds horrendous, and it is a good thing that the manager did respond - the alternative would have been to go to the police, who should take this thing seriously too. It is fine to give people with learning difficulties the opportunity to work at a supermarket, but if a person is known to have difficulties with social interactions, then their role should really be back-room - it doesn't mean they can't work there, just that their interaction with the public is kept to a minimum, and the staff working with them can be primed to know what to expect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Did I miss something? I only responded with my point of view and it seems to have been taken the wrong way and I'm sorry if I've caused any offence. I used the men are from Mars, women are from Venus comment to illustrate the differences between the thinking of men and women, I've never read the book and I can assure you it had no malice behind it. I only read the original post and to me it didn't sound that bad, what was said wasn't actually revealed, so I don't know exactly what had been said, but it honestly sounded to me like it could have been a complement that was made and it could have just been taken the wrong way. I would genuinely love it if someone commented on how good I looked, whether I knew them or not. I did say that it might have been inappropriate, but it's still not exactly life destroying is it? If it was a horrendous experience then of course she has my utmost sympathy. Bearing in mind that it's hard to tell anything like this over a forum without all the facts, I don't think it quite constituted the tirade of abuse that seemed to follow. And some of you started wondering off topic as this had nothing to do with young girls, but as you've brought it up I don't think some girls are quite as innocent and sheltered as some of you are making out. Many of them wear makeup and provocative clothes at a very young age for the purpose of attracting male attention, they've moved on from playing with dolls and there are several girls at the age of 13 that are getting pregnant by their own choice and I've no doubt that some of them have been practising for it for some time before that, so I find it a tad insulting to play the weak female victim card, when men and women are supposedly regarded as equal in this modern age. Anyway it has been lovely meeting you all, what a welcoming and open minded lot you are at least the conversation has been stimulating and an eye opener if nothing else... My chooks are fine though, thanks for asking Egluntyne... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 And some of you started wondering off topic as this had nothing to do with young girls, but as you've brought it up I don't think some girls are quite as innocent and sheltered as some of you are making out. Many of them wear makeup and provocative clothes at a very young age for the purpose of attracting male attention, they've moved on from playing with dolls and there are several girls at the age of 13 that are getting pregnant by their own choice and I've no doubt that some of them have been practising for it for some time before that, so I find it a tad insulting to play the weak female victim card, when men and women are supposedly regarded as equal in this modern age. My daughter aged 14 wearing jeans, hoodie, wellies & NO makeup as she is not allowed to wear makeup had a DHL driver slow down and shout sexual comments walking in our village. Is she responsible for that? Short of wearing a burkha what is she supposed to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 Disagreeing with your point of view hardly constitutes a 'tirade of abuse', cluckingclucker. Also, threads do meander a little, as does face to face conversation. That is no big deal. It has not veered madly off topic. I don't see the weak female card being played here by any forum member, what I do see is women expecting men to realise that, as you say, this is the modern age, and that women are equals, and should be afforded the same respect and good manners as any man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 My daughter aged 14 wearing jeans, hoodie, wellies & NO makeup as she is not allowed to wear makeup had a DHL driver slow down and shout sexual comments walking in our village. Is she responsible for that? Short of wearing a burkha what is she supposed to do? I really don't know what you want me to say, there are billions of people in the world and I can't provide a reason for why everything happens in every situation, I don't know all the facts so I can't really comment, but perhaps she just looks older than she is? I don't know, your working my brain too hard on a Friday afternoon - it's already in weekend relaxation mode! But still at the end of the day I wouldn't be angry if someone complemented my daughter in that way (perhaps that is the difference between a man and women’s point of view - or perhaps I am completely on my own here and there is no one else like me in the whole world). Forcibly touching etc is a different story altogether! The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is what I have instilled into my kids and there is a difference between a passing compliment and a comment from an seedy stalking child molester (or at least I think so anyway). My children have been brought up to not worry about what other people say or think about them as long as they are happy and acting in a lawful manner etc, they let me know if anything has ever been said but they just shrug their shoulders and don't take anything personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 If BertieMcSquirty found what was said to her to be unacceptable, then it was unacceptable no matter whether other people might take it as a compliment, laugh it off or be flattered. It's not an objective matter, however the very fact that she felt unable to repeat it on this forum indicates to me that it was more than a lighthearted compliment. Speaking personally, I find the views expressed above to be totally unacceptable. Thirteen year olds, whether boys or girls, are regarded as children and they are afforded protection by law. Some unfortunate children who don't have the support and help they need do indeed get themselves pregnant. They are still children, and not 'equal' nor are they playing at 'weak female victim'. Women still suffer abuse, domestic violence and discrimination despite changes in legislation, and there's absolutely no reason to put up with casual verbal abuse from anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 DIsagreeing with your point of view hardly constitutes a 'tirade of abuse', cluckingclucker. Try seeing it from where I'm standing! what I do see is women expecting men to realise that, as you say, this is the modern age, and that women are equals, and should be afforded the same respect and good manners as any man. I agree 100% with this, so I don't understand what the problem is. I would be happy if a female wolf whistled at me or complimented me or my body, so I don't see why some women find it disrespectful to be on the receiving end, personally I see it as a form of appreciation and a humorous ice breaker. I treat others how I like to be treated so if I ever meet you I would welcome the odd wolf whistle or two and if you’re lucky you may even get one back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 My daughter aged 14 wearing jeans, hoodie, wellies & NO makeup as she is not allowed to wear makeup had a DHL driver slow down and shout sexual comments walking in our village. Is she responsible for that? Short of wearing a burkha what is she supposed to do? perhaps she just looks older than she is? Oh, so that makes it OK But still at the end of the day I wouldn't be angry if someone complemented my daughter in that way ( What you don't understand is that these are not complements. I would be very shocked if you were happy for this driver to have shouted to your daughter (or girlfriend or wife for that matter) what this grown man shouted at my 14 year old child. We are not talking wolf whistling here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
