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Old Speckled Hen

Graveyard displays

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Remembering someone who has died is not about piling as much 'tat' onto a small plot somewhere the person has probably never even visited before. some of these plots appear to be in competition with each other, are those who don't adorn with as much 'stuff' deemed not to care as much? I personally find the need to bury to be quite selfish, there is only so much space on this planet and yet we insist on burying what is to all intents and purposes a piece of rotting meat in a very large and expensive box, in the ground, for it to contaminate forevermore. We have no need for graves and stones anymore, our public records ensure that we are all listed and trackable, so will not be forgotten.

 

I've lost a lot of close relatives in the past 10 years (roughly one per year) and the thought of those who have been buried, lying under the ground, stone cold and alone, I find quite disturbing. On the other hand, those who have been cremated are back to the dust that we all came from, the body is gone and the spirit is free.

 

Just my opinion though :?

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Remembering someone who has died is not about piling as much 'tat' onto a small plot somewhere the person has probably never even visited before. some of these plots appear to be in competition with each other, are those who don't adorn with as much 'stuff' deemed not to care as much? I personally find the need to bury to be quite selfish, there is only so much space on this planet and yet we insist on burying what is to all intents and purposes a piece of rotting meat in a very large and expensive box, in the ground, for it to contaminate forevermore. We have no need for graves and stones anymore, our public records ensure that we are all listed and trackable, so will not be forgotten.

 

I've lost a lot of close relatives in the past 10 years (roughly one per year) and the thought of those who have been buried, lying under the ground, stone cold and alone, I find quite disturbing. On the other hand, those who have been cremated are back to the dust that we all came from, the body is gone and the spirit is free.

 

Just my opinion though :?

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

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My cousin died a month before her 22nd birthday some 30 odd years ago. I know my aunt deeply regretted having her buried, she wishes she'd had her cremated. It really upset her thinking of her there.

 

My hubby feels no need to go to the crematorium where his Dad's ashes are scattered although if we are there, sadly for a funeral, then we do go to the bed where his ashes were buried.

 

I quite like having a grave to visit for the past generations ie war graves and my ancestors but I have no wish to be buried myself. I enjoy doing family history and its sometimes quiet emotional to find a gravestone of a relation. Not quite the same just looking it up in a book. :?

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My mum's ashes were scattered at the garden of remembrance at the local crem.. She died 30 years ago this year, and the garden has undergone a lot of redesign and refurbishment since then and without any sort of marker stone, it is virtually impossible to know where exactly she was scattered now. I used to share the view that it didn't really matter where she was, until her sister (my second mum) died a few years ago , and the family decided to sprinkle her ashes at her favourite holiday destination. For some reason it made me feel absolutely bereft, to have no place to go and put flowers :( . We lost my Dad this year, and I'm pleased to say that his ashes will rest under a marker stone in the very pretty churchyard of the village church in which he was baptised. We are still waiting for the monumental mason, but personally I'm finding a lot of comfort in the thought that for the first time I have a place that i can visit.

When you die, your body belongs to your executors, and so you can only express a wish as to its final resting place, and I think that that is right.....it is surely up to those left behind to decide how they want to remember you, and what they are comfortable with?

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As you might expect, as a vicar, this is something I have to deal with ALOT. The church regulations are quite strict about what is and isn't allowed - but it's just not possible to stand guard so we get all sorts of extraordinary things popping up...my personal pet hate is the animals with solar powered lights in their eyes which glow after dark in an alarming fashion.....

We have an impossible task trying to get people to take their plastic wrappings ffrom flowers, and indeed their worn out & faded plastic flowers away - and it's all too easy for the churchyard to turn into a rubbish tip (I work in a fairly poor estate parish) - and there are times when I long to just get a dumper in and get rid of the whole lot!

However, I know that those who bring such tributes are doing the sort of thing that they like themselves...I might never want a plastic flower in the house, but alot of my parishioners think they are beautiful......so I don't think it's fair to impose my idea of "good taste" on them and the state of my churchyard is a pretty good expression of the local culture, really....so it's probably just as it should be.

 

I worry that people somehow believe their loved ones are "there" in the church yard......For me, the body while precious and special as it was the shell in which we recognised the person we loved, loses its value once they are gone...It should be treated with respect but not clung to - either via an urn of ashes on the mantel piece or daily visits to a grave. I never visit my parents' grave - not just because it's a good 3 hours drive away but also because I know they aren't there in any way. I believe their souls are safe with God and that the love that I shared with them is part of me as much as the genes they passed on.....so they are with me in who I am.

 

Sorry if that turned into a sermon! Just don't stick plastic anythings anywhere to remember me.........not even an eglu!

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I now have a wonderful image of a field full of different coloured Eglus, each marking the final resting place of an Omleteer, with the name etc carefully carved upon the door. The doors could be open during the day and the ashes encased in an egg shaped recepticle resting on a bed of straw/aubiose/shredded paper (delete as appropriate!) in the nesting box!

 

Lovely 8):lol:

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Sorry if that turned into a sermon! Just don't stick plastic anythings anywhere to remember me.........not even an eglu!

 

*snorts*

 

That made me laugh K :lol::lol::lol:

 

My much loved grandparents are buried down where my folks live, the graveyard is very tasteful and minimalist but I don't ever go there, like some other here, their memories and love lives on with me - I'm in no way religious (despite being brought up RC) but I feel no need to go to a certain place to remember them; they are with me most days in my thoughts and when I see things which remind me of them - they were Italian and great homemakers/cooks, so cooking (wearing my Nonna's pinny as I am now) or tending my chooks makes me think of them.

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This is close to me heart.

 

I lost my Mum a couple of years ago & never,never ever visit her grave,as I just don't want to.

I didn't attend the internment of her ashes either - I had said my goodbyes in my own way..

My siblings cannot understand this at all & think of me as cold & hard....I think I am just more over it than they are & am a pragmatic person.

 

The culture of exhibitionist grieving is something I find both distasteful & unnecessary,but I am willing to live with their need to tell the world how much they miss Mum via facebook on a regular basis.

Its just a shame they cannot see my point of view too :?

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Yes...one of the things that I ALWAYS say to families whom I meet through funerals is that there is no "right" way of grieving or of showing your love for the one who has gone...

For some people, daily visits to a grave may be genuinely helpful; for others, memories and/or a certainty that their loved one is safe with God will mean that graves are almost irrelevant.

The one thing I AM certain of is that those who have died will know and understand all that we are trying to say as we mourn them in our different ways.

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