Old Speckled Hen Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Should you be allowed to put wind chimes and plastic flowers around a grave? What do you think of this? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12396991 When I lived in the London suburbs there was a local family gang of minor miscreants, thought they were the Krays rubbish really,everybody laughed at them but they were always in and out of jail. Well, when their mum died you could be forgiven for mistaking the funeral for a state one. She is buried just inside the gates and the grave is lit up like an OTT Christmas house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Not keen - it looks a bit tatty. I think the Mexicans have got it right with their sugar cube tombs, bright flowers & the Day of the Dead celebrations....I think its all very festive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't like it, a small token is fine but wind chimes and mobile phones hanging from trees are too much. I bet the people responsible didn't asked others who tended plots close by what the thought. I personally cannot understand anyone wanting to be buried. Sage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Speckled Hen Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 I personally cannot understand anyone wanting to be buried. Sage I quite like the idea of this http://www.promessa.org.uk/index.php Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I personally cannot understand anyone wanting to be buried. Sage Me neither,actually. I am happy to be cremated totally privately,no funeral,then chucked in the garden or a nice woods. ....or turned into a couple of Diamonds,maybe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I can see why some people don't like graves like that. I'm none too keen myself but then I don't visit graveyards and prefer to believe that the loved one lives on 'with' you. I like the look of that Promessa site OSH, one to bookmark.... burning or freezing - I just don't want to be buried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenNutter Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Personally I want to go out on a burning raft in the middle of Fairhaven Lake, in Viking fashion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffin Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I agree with the councils that have set a limit on how many decorations are allowed but they should all ban artificial flowers! However, that's easy enough for me to say sat up in my ivory tower, with my four healthy children, who am I to say how others can mourn the loss of their child? Most of the paraphenalia seems to come from the graves of babies and children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I find the OTT grave decor awful. I have my burial plot organised in my church yard where the gardener keeps it in splendid condition , lawned, trees and modest headstones surround the church.Keep it in perspective . Life is for living, i don't want a mass of display after i've gone. I wouldn't like it whilst still breathing and i'm sure i won't after i've gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't like all the stuff that is OTT - windchimes etc. But feel in 2 ways about plastic flowers. Some are so realistic, and look good, survive the winter and don't need to mourner to keep watering freshly cut flowers (especially when the graveyard has no running water). My MIL lost her husband 10 years ago, and puts fresh flowers on the grave most weeks - but in the winter over Christmas had some (small) plastic Poinsetta on the grave. Looked lovely, the frost/ice didn't affect it, and meant he wasn't forgotten. They have since been removed, and fresh flowers are back. So to ban them out right I think is wrong - but used to extreme can intrude on other graves and other mourners which is not right. Also, those left as a permanent fixture when the grave is otherwise ignored and unattended I think are wrong - they fade and just look tatty if left for months/years at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I think you should do what you like. It brings joy, colour & happiness to a sad & dull place. I would like my remembrance place to be all glittery, fairy lights & lovely flowers. Oh & if possible nice music playing & a dove cote! It's not disrespectful - it's nice. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bramble Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Mmmmm, in two minds about this myself. I used to think, as others have said, that artificial flowers on a grave look a bit naf. But, I visited a friend's grave about a month before Christmas (I've NEVER done it before), the grave is miles away from here so I can't go that often, so when I went back a few days ago I was mortified to see that the flowers I had left in early December were still there and looked absolutely dreadful (no one else has, apparently, been to the grave between my two visits). I felt awful that the grave was left for so long with dead flowers on it, but I'm not keen to put artificial ones on it, anyone got any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I don't like the tacky displays but discrete artificial flowers are acceptable. In a playground near friends one family maintained a 'shrine' to their son who had died on a school trip (so not near the playground). It was horrible, the playground was for younger children so very hard to explain what all the tat and football tops etc were for. I appreciate the childs death must have been very difficult for his parents but I felt the display was totally inappropriate and given his age couldn't really work out what the connection with the playground was as he'd have been too old for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickweed Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 There is always a bottle of Guinness standing in front of a memorial next to that of my parents I often wonder if it actually contains any beer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Speckled Hen Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 There is always a bottle of Guinness standing in front of a memorial next to that of my parents I often wonder if it actually contains any beer What a wonderful idea That's it then. A bottle of Old Speckled Hen nestled in the bole of the hawthorn planted on some windy hillside with my promessa remains. Hubby wants to keep my ashes so that he can be scattered on the fells with me. I am a little older but that's assuming a little, don't you think? I don't visit graveyards. I can remember my dad in the song of a blackbird and the first snowdrops of winter and I'd rather forget the first husband, but I think silk flowers are nice and you should be able to plant a few bulbs or something. Wind chimes and lights, well no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I rarely visit graves either,but did visit my dear sister-in-laws a few years back & chanced across a wonderful spectacle. Just over the way there was a HUGE Caribbean funeral taking place. All the ladies were larger than life & dancing around in bright frocks & huge hats,to the jazz band that was there,blasting out an up tempo jazzy version of 'When the Saints go marching In' They were having the most wonderful time & it was a real joy to behold. When they finished they walked past where I was tending the grave & told me that I was doing a wonderful job in keeping it tidy. I noticed they had hankys up wiping away their tears,but were singing,dancing & laughing too. THATS the way to do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sari Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 In my family's culture, we don't visit graves or anything, most of my relatives have been cremated, and scattered. We celebrate and remember t home or other special places. The OH is Catholic/Jewish so they visit graves ALOT!! I don't personally like the tatty graves, but near the Crematoria in Gilroes in Leicester is the section for children., and actually the well kept graves look rather sweet. My Mum lost several babies late term and stillborn, and as was the practice at the time, the babies were taken from her and incinerated at the Hospital. I know she would have liked something different....so who knows how any of us would be if we lost a child. I had several miscarriages, but the latest was at 18 weeks, so was happy for the hospital to cremate for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Mmmmm, in two minds about this myself. I used to think, as others have said, that artificial flowers on a grave look a bit naf. But, I visited a friend's grave about a month before Christmas (I've NEVER done it before), the grave is miles away from here so I can't go that often, so when I went back a few days ago I was mortified to see that the flowers I had left in early December were still there and looked absolutely dreadful (no one else has, apparently, been to the grave between my two visits). I felt awful that the grave was left for so long with dead flowers on it, but I'm not keen to put artificial ones on it, anyone got any ideas? Bulbs - we have spring bulbs planted on my Gran and Grandad's grave, my Gran loved daffodils as she was going blind in her last few years and it was one flower she could see when we drove around the countryside. The family churchyard has very strict rules about graves as it is a 'wildlife churchyard', no marble, no kerbstones etc. and gravestones have to be local stone - my Gran's was the first one to be erected after the rules were tightened up and a lot of people have commented on how it sits so well in the area. I plant shrubs or trees at home for births and deaths. You can find bulbs to fit most seasons as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Frankly life's to short so live & let live I say it would be a very dull world if we all did and liked the same things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Personally I don't really like all the plastic bits and bobs that appear on some graves. We only visit one grave, we had my Nan's ashes buried into her Nan's grave. Mum and I go and put flowering plants in March for Mother's Day and then in November for my Nan's birthday. The churchyard is lovely and very calm and pleasant. It would be ruined with all the other stuff on it. There are also bulbs in the grave so it always looks pretty. They have a memorial etched on it for my mum's Gt Uncle that died in France so someone always puts a poppy on the grave in November. I'm not sure how I'd feel about a child's grave though. Hmm difficult I think. I can see how relatives would probably want to make it more appropriate to a child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadietoo Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I personally would only use fresh flowers , but I think what matters most is that people are able to express their grief, and do what feels comfortable to them...and if it helps them to be able to get on with their lives, thinking that their loved one is enjoying the wind chimes or mobile phone or whatever, then who am I to say they shouldn't do it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavenders_Blue Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm not a big fan of OTT graves myself. Good quality artificial flowers I don't have a problem with, but garish, gaudy graves I really don't like. Personally, I'm planning to be buried at a green burial site so no headstone or anything and nothing for anyone to have to maintain. I'd prefer people to remember me in memories and photos, not by visiting my grave (where I'll have decomposed anyway ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JillM Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 My father died in 2003, my mother in 2008. They were both cremated and their ashes scattered over the Garden of Remembrance by the crematorium. I have never felt the need to visit the area. They are in my memories, and my childrens memories, and in our hearts. We will never forget them and don't need to go there in order to think about them. But my mum lost my young brother prematurely when she was about 6/7 months pregnent. He went into the hospital incinerator, and I know she wished she had had a grave to visit to help her cope with his sudden death. She used to like walking around the childrens section of the cemetary with all the windchimes, ribbons and teddybears. It helped her to cope at a time when other people didn't want to talk about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I put artifical flowers on my father's grave as rabbits just eat any live ones instantly - I'd rather there was something there than nothing at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My (adult) cousin died suddenly a few years ago and she was cremated. Her gravestone and plot is still really colourful, lots of flowers - real and a few artificial. There is nearly always a tea light candle burning there for her too. I think it does help the family to give somewhere to go, talk to her/about her and mourn. I'd much rather see (nice) artificial flowers than an empty grave. Other relatives had their ashes scattered and to be honest, I wouldn't even know where the place is. For them its about the memories, rather than going somewhere to think about them. Obviously people deal with things and mourn in different ways but I think banning them is quite disrespectful . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
