Goosey Lucy Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 (no-one should read this bit because it's shameful, but I was going to lay my cleaner off to save money. After about a million people telling me what a tip the house would be, I've just rang her today and told her that she'll be staying) Not shameful at all, if you can afford it it will be worth every penny and more, you will have much more important (and enjoyable) things to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Keep your cleaner, some sort of order will help your sanity Everyone has different views on this but I breastfed for 6 months (when she decided to stop) with mixed feeding latterly as I had to go back to work. She thrived on this and is now a super-fit swimmer who (at 13) is bigger than me. Some babies sleep, some don't... they all seem to sleep better (and so do you) when they are in their own room after the first month or so; it doesn't mean that you love them or bond with them any less. If you are at home, then try to get some sleep when the baby naps in those first weeks when you need the rest to help you heal. A friend co-sleeps with her two and breastfeeds both (they are 9 months and 3.5 years, her OH sleep permanently in the spare room, none of them get any sleep and both children are desperately clingy... I keep my gob shut about my views on this arrangement. Just go with what suits you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I have 3 children youngest 16 so my experience is from quite a long time ago, but the memories are still fresh! I did all the care for my children and it will be fine as you can take a nap when baby is sleeping so although tiring you can cope (I had c sections with all three) Keeping your cleaner on is a good idea, at least at first until you see how things are going. With regards how often a new born is up in the night it just depends on the baby. My first seemed to be the last in my antenatal group to sleep through the night but my second managed after a week!! My third was a reluctant sleeper, you would have thought by number 3 it would have been easy to manage.....he is still reluctant to sleep and then when he goes to bed won't get out With regards breast feeding I was exactly like you in wanting to breastfeed. I managed with the second and third but not the first and it was mainly down to bad advice at the hospital. I do not know what is recommended now but in my day you were told to let baby feed for as long as they want. My babies were all very sucky! So my first baby just fed and fed. Well not feeding just comfort sucking. I remember the nurse after he had been 'feeding' for 40 mins bringing a rather horrid, well used, dummy to give him. Of course long sessions lead to pain and difficulty feeding. They had a breast pump but in the early days I found it impossible to use. I gave up breast feeding at 10 days He later had very bad eczema and I blamed myself. It was a totally different experience with 2 and 3. Mainly because I had taken a sterilized dummy in with me and because I was in a room with an experienced breastfeeding mum. She was horrified that I had fed my first for so long and told me to feed baby for a few minutes each side each time for the first few days when they want fed and then give the dummy. ( I do not like using dummies and only used them for a couple of weeks until I was able to deal with longer 'feeding/nursing' sessions - it is possible to use them for a really short time just to get things established. Mine found thumbs and fingers for comfort when the dummy wasn't there). I think it is important to let your body build up to the longer sessions because if you get sore you will feel like giving up. Positioning of baby is really important too. Books can show you this though. Also when feeding put the baby on a cushion or pillow as it is a better height. I also found in the early days that I could feed better on the left side (maybe due to being right handed) and if the right was a problem I would put baby with legs under right arm and it altered the position to make it more comfortable. If at first you don't seem to have much milk or it doesn't seem to flow well it will do eventually! Sorry to have gone on a bit but I was just so annoyed at what happened to me and know things would have been different if I had had better advice and more confidence in the fact that I could produce enough milk to feed the baby. Wishing you well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Sorry Im going to sound uber-militant here but sleep is not a privilege of the working man but a basic human requirement as is food and shelter, and without it you will go mad. Ask your husband how he feels about planning to leave his precious offspring alone to be looked after and driven around by someone who is mentally unstable. You wont be sleeping and eating bonbons all day when you are at home with the baby, you will be doing everything plus babycare. And babies dont hear snoring, imagine how noisy its been in the womb! If your OH doesnt see how often sleep is disturbed he will have no appreciation of how relentless it is. My first slept at 12 weeks, second partied all night for a year. best tip is make sure the baby isnt too hot as the body rests when the temperature drops. As for breastfeeding I did it twice and the trick for me was to tickle the baby awake so it didnt fall asleep at the breast after 10 mins then wake up hungry again- the first bit of your milk is watery for rehydration, the hindmilk is the nutritous and satisfying stuff that knocks them out for a good while I used to blow gently on baby's face and tickle his feet! Excited for you! Enjoy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Teddy has slept through since he was a couple of days old, but I'm very lucky (and I keep him awake in the evenings). Mog slept through from a couple of weeks old, but by sleeping through I mean midnight until six for a feed and then asleep until eight thirty-ish. Which is fine for me, but my husband needs longer than six hours continuous and finds it hard if he gets woken up. Mog went in her own room at four months and slept beautifully thereafter. Honestly, this would all be quite easy if the wretched cats hadn't all developed a hideous form of cat flu and I wasn't stuffing antibiotics down their throats and force feeding two week old kittens (and burying most of them ). Still, the worst adult cat started eating again today - Woo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaJC Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Sorry Im going to sound uber-militant here but sleep is not a privilege of the working man but a basic human requirement as is food and shelter, and without it you will go mad. Ask your husband how he feels about planning to leave his precious offspring alone to be looked after and driven around by someone who is mentally unstable. You wont be sleeping and eating bonbons all day when you are at home with the baby, you will be doing everything plus babycare. And babies dont hear snoring, imagine how noisy its been in the womb! If your OH doesnt see how often sleep is disturbed he will have no appreciation of how relentless it is. Forgive me, I think I've given the wrong impression entirely! It was me telling him I'd do the nights, he's more than happy to do the night shift, can't wait in fact. The only thing he's iffy about is nappies but I don't really blame him Aunty-e, poor you with the baby and the kittens, I'm glad to hear they're getting better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 The only thing he's iffy about is nappies but I don't really blame him Ohh noooo, no iffiness allowed in that department . Start him on nappy duty from day one . In fact, do it together in the hospital - good bonding session for you both and vital to have another pair of hands until you get used to it . I had trouble breastfeeding ES and after a month or to went onto combined breast/bottle till he gained weight consistently. I then stopped the bottles and fed him for 14 months (only morning and night for the last few months). Top tip, don't eat strawberries while you're breastfeeding. I did a couple of days after he was born and let's just say Vesuvius had nothing on my ES's ickle bottie shortly afterwards . (I think it was strawberries, it was 18 years ago .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My OH was not good with nappies! The first time I left him for a full day with ES (who was 18 months) I returned to find that one nappy change had appeared so daunting that he had to shower him off in the bath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Blimey - I made my OH practice with nappies before Mog was born (we use terries) and although he's slower than me at them, he's pretty darn good. We did have the occasional shove em in the shower moment. I think everyone does at some point... I have Teddy in a sidecar cot in our room - he spends most of the night in it, but when he wakes for his first feed, it makes it so much easier just to hook him over and removes the risk that I will drop him off the side of the bed when I fall asleep breastfeeding. I dropped Mog twice, but she seems ok I wouldn't co-sleep much longer than six months though, and I'll probably kick Teddy out around the same time as Mog (four/five months). It's sad the first couple of nights, but then it's SO much nicer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercedes55 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I'm a mother in law and I'm just glad my daughter in law doesn't feel like that about me or I would be devastated. Being a grandparent is such a wonderful thing, not just for the maternal grandparents but for the paternal ones too, yet so often us mother in laws are given a bad rap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I'm a mother in law and I'm just glad my daughter in law doesn't feel like that about me or I would be devastated. Being a grandparent is such a wonderful thing, not just for the maternal grandparents but for the paternal ones too, yet so often us mother in laws are given a bad rap It takes all sorts Mercedes55 - my ex-MIL was the witch from hell, but Phil's folks are a dream and Rosie now considers them to be her 2nd set of grandparents I am sure that you're a wonderful grandparent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaJC Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 I'm a mother in law and I'm just glad my daughter in law doesn't feel like that about me or I would be devastated. Being a grandparent is such a wonderful thing, not just for the maternal grandparents but for the paternal ones too, yet so often us mother in laws are given a bad rap It takes all sorts Mercedes55 - my ex-MIL was the witch from hell, but Phil's folks are a dream and Rosie now considers them to be her 2nd set of grandparents I am sure that you're a wonderful grandparent. Absolutely. You can't expect everyone to like everyone else, and just because they're related to my partner doesn't mean I have to like them, and every relationship is different. As awful as it sounds, they're his parents, not mine and I'm under no obligation to them and nor are they to me and to be entirely honest, they didn't do an especially great job raising their own children, so I can't imagine they'll be much use with mine. I'm sure you're a lovely grandparent and a lovely mother in law, and if it's any consolation karma will eventually kick in and I'll probably end up with the daughter in law from hell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Being a MIL must be one of the hardest relationships to have. I think especially to a son's partner. I am at the stage where possibly within the next 10 years I could be a MIL (or multiple MIL). It must be very hard to bite your tongue and try not to interfere. I have a lovely MIL who is a great example as to how to do it! One thing I remember her saying is not to say anything derogatory in general conversation about boy/girlfriends of the children as you may end up with them as in laws! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercedes55 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Being a MIL must be one of the hardest relationships to have. I think especially to a son's partner. I am at the stage where possibly within the next 10 years I could be a MIL (or multiple MIL). It must be very hard to bite your tongue and try not to interfere. I have a lovely MIL who is a great example as to how to do it! One thing I remember her saying is not to say anything derogatory in general conversation about boy/girlfriends of the children as you may end up with them as in laws! That was very good advice your own MIL gave you as I guess it is easy to say something derogatory in general conversation without even realising it. I had never really thought about being a MIL before my son got married. He met his future wife when she was only 14yrs old so we had a lot of years of getting to know her before they got married. I try very hard to be a good MIL and I never interfere, nor does my OH. As far as I am concerned my son and his wife are both adults and how they live their life and what they do is their business and not mine. If we are asked for advice then we will give it, but I do always say to them that any advice I give is just based on how I think so isn't necessarily right We have an adorable 3yr old granddaughter and once again we don't interfere with how they bring her up as I am no expert and also things have changed so much since my son was a baby. I probably talk to my DIL far more often than I do my son and we can quite easily talk on the phone for well over an hour without even being aware of how long we've been nattering to each other. There are certainly times when I have to just sit and bite my tongue, but that's mainly about my DIL's family rather than her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I am lucky to have a great relationship with my MIL, having said that she does live 150 miles away. She considers me a female ali in the world of awkward men With our first I was in hospital for 3 days, they travelled down and back in a day one the first day just to say hello to their first grandchild. they then went away and came back to stay overnight about a fortnight later, they were prepared to share a single bed and helped with cooking cleaning etc. I had my second child at home and the inlaws came on the second day with my OH's nan too. That was a bit more wearing, because we had a toddler too and I had not had 3 days bed rest, we were both grumpy and they soon went home The inlaws took a month to come down to see child number 3, they were older by then and haven't actually been down since, we do all the travelling now and usually book cottages on neutral ground, so we can visit but have our own space. Having a baby is like any new experience, it takes some getting used to, but don't listen to too many scare stories, there are far more positives than negatives, we are designed for this purpose so just go with it and good luck. Do relax about the housework though, you can get back on track when they are sleeping through and napping in the afternoons. My house is far more untidy now with 3 teenagers than it was when I had small children who were in bed early Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoopsie Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 There's some very good advice on here! One book I DO recommend (I actually carry it in my car for tips to advise women) is 'The Food Of Love' by Kate Evans. It's informative, well researched, funny and SENSIBLE which is not what you normally find in a parenting book! Hope the birth is everything you want it to be - even if it doesn't go the way you think you want it to be now. Yay Omlet Aunties on Baby Watch again (we all went crazy waiting for Callychook)!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
