snowberry Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I have a lovely friend who I met not too long ago. She's dying from a horrible disease & she's not yet 40 She is being incredible & trying to sort things for her young family while she can. She keeps on asking me legal/money questions. I am qualified in this area, but feel such a traitor giving her advice for when 'she's gone', I don't want to face up to what's happening, how the hell is she coping? Sorry, just wanted a rant. I hope it doesn't sound selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Potts Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I'm very sad to hear about your friend, and sorry for you too, Snowberry. Life's not fair and 40 is no age at all and no, of course you don't sound selfish. It's a very difficult situation to have to accept. I wonder if she might be getting through by being able to think practically and make arrangements for her family? Having someone she likes so close to advise her what best to do is probably more comforting and supportive than we can imagine. Regardless, in listening you are a godsend, not a traitor, and you will at least being doing something positive for her when things are so grim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 A dilemma - but shes asked you and obviously loves and trusts you as a friend so I think you should do what you can so her time left is spent not worrying about this but spent with her family and friends. Love and hugs Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 How horrible for you, perhaps try to focus on the fact that by helping her in this way you are making this time easier for her. Few people will be able to offer real 'help' at this time but you are It is lovely that she has someone close that cares about her and that she can trust. So sorry though for her and her friends and family, she is so young Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 You are a true friend to her and her family. Consider the honour you have, and the help yop're giving in a tremendously difficult time, What a courageous, strong, and sensible woman, yr friend is, as are you. You are more help to her now, than most who will come to her after she's gone . Brave, strong and honourable, Both of you We all take our hats off to you both. A very close friend is going through the same thing at the mo. We have 6 weeks , we think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I'm very sad to hear about your friend, and sorry for you too, Snowberry. Life's not fair and 40 is no age at all and no, of course you don't sound selfish. It's a very difficult situation to have to accept.I wonder if she might be getting through by being able to think practically and make arrangements for her family? Having someone she likes so close to advise her what best to do is probably more comforting and supportive than we can imagine. Regardless, in listening you are a godsend, not a traitor, and you will at least being doing something positive for her when things are so grim. My thoughts exactly.... unbearably sad for you all, but you are being a supportive friend to her and her family in helping her to cope in the only way she knows how. I hope that she is blessed with a peaceful passing, and that this will be some small comfort to her family, along with your support. I am thinking of you all.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think she's very lucky to have you as a friend. The fact that you are qualified to help her in this really difficult area is fantastic. I would imagine it's more help to her - more real and practical help than others can provide and more so than you can possibly realise. I would bet that she has other friends who really want to help her, to show her how much they care about her, but don't know how to - they do all they can, but it's likely to be just sympathy and support. What's happenig to her is awful, and unfair. Rather than wallowing in self pity, she's managing things by being practical and getting things organised. She's concentrating on trying to make things as easy as possible (in the circumstances) for those that will be left behind. I would imagine it is such a help and relief for her that she can get advice on these matters from someone she trusts, someone where she doesn't (a) have to find someone out of the phonebook, an appointmenr, then have to go through and explain things for the first time/ She doesn't have to go through (yet again) the story of what's happening to her, to see the pity in their face, to spend the first hour just trying to get them up to speed. With you, you already know what's happening. She knows that you will give her the right advice, she doesn't have to wonder if she picked the right person. I appreciate it's probably very hard for you, so I would encourage you to take comfort in the fact that you are really helping her, something that her other friends probably desperately want to do but just don't know how. And take some time for yourself. I woudl imagine that it's very, very draining. You are grieving for her already, and yet you are so busy giving her practical support that you perhaps aren't able to show it. to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 What a sad time for you and for your friend and her family. As others have said, it is a 'gift' for you to be able to help your friend. Although upsetting to be arranging things for after she has gone, it is taking a worry that your friend shouldn't have to worry about, away. My friend died when she was 42. I didn't even know she was ill (we'd not seen each other for a few years as I had just had my youngest and was busy with him and my friend's children were older, she'd gone back to work). I spoke to a counsellor about her not telling me that she was very ill after she'd died. She said that dying people often don't want to have to cope with other peoples sadness at their illness. Its like a coping mechanism. The fact that your friend is able to ask for help and you are able to give it is fantastic, however sad it may feel. Thinking of you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazmac Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It's very hard for you all. But as everyone else has said, you're helping her to get things sorted in the time she has left and while she's still able to do it and that will mean more to her than you might know at this stage. We lost a friend 4 years ago aged 47 and she had all her affairs organised right down to having arranged her own funeral service from start to finish - she felt ready to die when her time came, which sadly came very quickly when it did. Look after her while you can and look after yourself too xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 What a lovely and thoughtful friend you are! Your friend obviously thinks a lot of you to trust you in helping her with things that are personal to her - finances etc. So sad & so young. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 Thank you for all your kind words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
