HarrisonFamily Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Hello As some of you may be aware from earlier posts I have inherited the task of looking after my 86 year old Aunt, yesterday i took her back to the local memory clinic (the so called specialists in the area) as she has got so much worse this year....I found out that last November they asked her if she wanted to keep taking her alzheimers medication and she said no so they stopped prescribing it....I was completely unaware and believed that one of the daily tablets she was taking was for her alzheimers, they gave her a memory test but said she had one of the lowest scores they had ever seen so as medication would not help they will sign her off again......social services will not help as she has too much money in the bank..... I have carers going in 3 times a day through an agency but they do not communicate and even though I have sat down with them and explained the situation the message is not getting through....e.g she had no hot meal all week as they kept asking what she wanted to eat and she would say sandwich, she cannot make a decision and would not remember the name of a hot dish.....I am going over once a week minimum and spending lots of time on the phone but with this a full time job and my family I am making myself ill.... My Aunt is quite a social person and part of me feels she may actually like living with others in a care home but she gets so upset at the thought of a home and wants to stay in her home of 50 years.... Has anyone any experience with live in carers ....how do you find one..how much do they cost...what do you pay for on top of wages...I am assuming you pay them holiday etc but what happens when they are away...... I have only seen bad press with regards to care homes ...anyone have any suggestions of any recommendations for Gillingham in kent..... Any help would be appreciated as I have no idea..... Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I really sympathise with your position - it's a very difficult place to be in, and I had to do this some years ago for my father. Living at home is often better for some people, especially if they are aware of their surroundings, and it can be cheaper - care homes are extremely expensive. On the other hand, in a good care home you get continuity of care - no worries about the carer not turning up, and so on, and they are more likely to be adapted for older/less mobile people. My friend has organised live-in carers for her father and I think that she used an agency, because they take care of things like CRB checks and so on. It's still quite expensive and you have to make sure there is a suitable room for them, and you'll usually need two or three so that they can work to a rota. There are good care homes out there, they get a lot of bad press but they are not all bad. It's a time-consuming business but the best thing to do is go and visit some - see what the residents are doing, e.g. are there activities organised or are they just parked in chairs, do they get hairdressers visiting, and so on. This is a very emotive subject, and we all feel bad about the idea of 'putting' someone in a home - but the reality is that with family, work and other commitments sometimes full-time care is the best solution for them. You say that it's making you ill already. Think about your own children - or nephews/nieces - when you are old, would you want them to be spending all their time looking after you? I'm guessing that our answer would be 'no' - you would want them to live their lives fully, whilst of course making sure you are well cared for. I'm afraid that your aunt may also not be making conscious decisions - she doesn't want to leave her home, but she is perhaps not capable of recognising the risks and problems that surround her staying in that home. Sometimes we have to make choices for other people which are not the ones they would make themselves. Sorry I don't have any real practical tips, but what is best for your aunt is going to be the solution that is also best for you and leaves you time to visit and organise things for her without being run ragged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohcarolina Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 My boss has his elderly mum in a home that I think is in Rochester. He looked at quite a few. I'll ask him Monday and get back to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 My dad was in a care home for 4 years until he died this June. He wasn't really aware of where he was so it was a good option for him. Sadly, his whole life's savings went into paying for it though. I did feel like I didn't really have to worry about him as he had a whole team of people looking after him. My mum, who has terrible short term memory loss but is very aware of her situation and surroundings, would absolutely hate a home and I would choose full time care at home for her if it came to it. She currently has carers 3 times a day. Sorry, that's not much help but what I'm trying to say is that I think it very much depends on the personality, temperament and awareness of their situation of the person concerned. I hope you can come to a decision that suits everyone . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 You say that she likes company, therefore a specialist Alziemers care home might be the answer, like others have said there will always be someone there for her that way, with activities arranged etc and a regular routine. My Grandad was in a lovely home for the last two months of his life, no one within the family would have been able to give him the level of specialist care that he had there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken shack Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 We had to put my MIL in a home when her Alziemers became to difficult to handle. My children were very young at the time and if we took her out of her familier surroundings she was very confused. The last Christamas's she spent at our house she thought she was at a hotel and my mother was a waitress. She said to me "I don't think much of the food and the waitress is very bosy" She was refering to my mother. She was right there. We managed to keep her in her own home with a wounderfull carer going in three times a day. I would go once a day and my husband every couple of days. We had to disconect her gas cooker incase she turned it on without lighting it or burning herself. The following Christams we felt it would be better if she stayed in her own home however her carer was unable to do some of the days over the Christmas and new year so we set up a rota with by BIL and SIL. The only day we were unable to cover was 28th Dec and my BIL and SIL said they would do that day. At mid-night they rang to ask if we had been round. That day she did'nt even have a hot cup of tea, she was unable to even make herself a sandwich. Hubby and I decided that this could not continue and arranged for her to go into a home. This was not taken lightly may I add. The day my husband took her she was quite lucid which made matters worse, she also woundered out one evening and the poor woman found her way home on foot about 3 miles. It was heart breaking but I believe we made the right decision and we did keep her in her own home for as long as we could. Please don't beat yourself up over this. I hope my experience helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merlina Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 My friend is in a not dissimilar situation with her mum. She's got a live in carer who is actually a (mature-ish) student nurse The student lives there rent and bill free but isn't paid. Her job is to oversee the 'daytime' carers and watch out for the elderly lady in the evenings, do a little light housework, help the mother in to bed (this way she can go to bed much later than the carers allow, which she prefers) etc. My friend 'got' her through the nursing school - and is very worried about losing her when she finishes the course as by all accounts she's a perfect angel When the student went on holiday at Xmas, the mother went into a respite home for a 'holiday' - she really didn't like it and found it very confusing, but they've found a different/more homely respite home for next time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 I sympathise. About 6 years ago my Mum,who was only in her mid 60's at the time,took a fall down the stairs which caused a brain bleed.She wasn't found for 3 days,by which time irreparable damage had been done to her brain,leaving her with symptoms very similar to Dementia or Altzhiemers. We knew she could no longer live alone,as she needed 24 hour care,& nor could she live with any of us,so we decided to look into care homes. It needed to be a secure unit as she was lively enough to try to regularly escape from whichever Hospital she was being treated in at the time! We saw some true horrors,but came across a wonderful place run by Barchester Homes,where she very happily & safely lived out the rest of her life,until her death a couple of years ago. The staff were amazing & we never had any worries about her happiness or her well being while she was there. It was not cheap,but Mums county council paid for her care & helped me to make any claims from the Government for additional financial help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 I think, but am not sure, that there is a ruling being put through at the moment, that if anyone is statemented as being too ill to live on their own, ie Dementia, etc, then it is classed as illness, and therefore the Satae is responsible for the payment of the care. I maybe am totally wrong, but it is worth perhaps asking at CAB? Good luck with it all: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueandwhite Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Hi I work for a charity Penderels Trust. We support people who are eligible for a Direct Payment (including those with Alzheimers but due to mental capacity may need a nominated person to run it) to either employ their own Personal Assistant (or carer - not a family member living in same house) or continue to use an agency. It is more flexible but if you go down the PA route you become an employer which means you choose the person(s), what they do, when they come in etc. We are able to support with this, ie all the HMRC stuff, recruitment, employment law etc. Some councils contract with us, some use other similar providers, some have recommended lists etc. Our website is www.penderelstrust.org.uk I'm not advocating you use us as like I said many others to choose from but have a look at the website and it may give you ideas/info. Or google direct payments. Also there are Alzheimers cafes - sometimes run by Age UK which are fantastic (I know this from previous job!) All the best with you Aunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hilda-and-evadne Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 My Aunt is quite a social person and part of me feels she may actually like living with others in a care home My mother was put in a failing nursing home by social services - every bit as bad as the horrendous homes that you sometimes see investigated in the press (long story) - but eventually we were able to move her to a wonderful nursing home. Going to a care home really should be a last resort. Life there is not as portrayed in amusing tv series, like a hotel with lots of genial residents with all their marbles and a few endearing eccentricities. but she gets so upset at the thought of a home and wants to stay in her home of 50 years.... This is important. Please don't make her hate you for the remainder of her days. Has anyone any experience with live in carers ....how do you find one..how much do they cost...what do you pay for on top of wages...I am assuming you pay them holiday etc but what happens when they are away...... I wish we had not trusted the NHS and the social services but we had never dealt with this situation before, and we didn't know what to be on the look-out for. My mother's GP said that care in her own home would be "expensive" but it could hardly have been more expensive than the nursing home(s): about £36,000 per year. If you are looking at care homes, I'd suggest choosing one that has silent patient alarms (the alarm shows up as a light on the nursing console), does not smell of urine on every floor, and where the tvs are not on so loud they can be heard in every room. Another good idea is to read the residents' noticeboard, if you can. The failing home was advertising for untrained volunteers because they were so short-staffed, they tried to get money from me for "pocket money" for my mother, they opened her post (breach of national guidelines), male staff would go into my mother's bathroom while she was sat on the loo. I could not sleep until I had got her out of there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarrisonFamily Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 My sister has agreed to start helping out.......so hopefully with carers as well she may stay at home. My sister has said if it can be a full time job for her she may even move my Aunt in with her ....not sure how this works legally but I am also sure my sister doesn't realise how much care she needs..... I just keep praying she will die at home soon.....not sure if that is a prayer you should pray but for her to die at home would be what she wants.... Thank you for all the messages Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shirl Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My nan was in a care home. She didn't want to go but the carers weren't caring for her and she couldn't cope. For her it was fantastic. She came alive with all the people there and the interaction she got from them. However I do know she was lucky to be in a good home. From persoanl experience I know how hard it is to find a good home and how it is so hard to know what it's like until your loved one is there. I hope things improve for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spinning Top Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 So sorry, what a horrible time for you all. This is only based on a short viewing but seems to back a previous comment - I was thinking of returning to nursing a couple of months ago and visited the 'Memory Lane' unit at our local Barchester Home - very impressive. If you've got a similar local set up locally, it would be well worth a look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckmum6 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 My mum spent two years in a home after a stroke at the age of 69, before she died. She had no choice as my father wouldn't have her home, as he had already installed his mistress in whilst my mum was in hospital. My brother and I fought my dad regarding the home as the one he choose was horrendous, we found a very good, small and caring home. It was a abosolutly the right choice, but still not her 'home', she only just really beginning to settle just before she died. I feel guilty that she couldn't come and live with me, but I had two small children and a demanding job. Gut feeling accounted for a lot in making a choice, you just had to imagine living in the places. Look at what the staff are doing, are they doing a task or dealing with an individual,try visiting at different times of the day, busy times like meal time and slack time in between. It won't ever be home, as they are institutions, but most of the staff were intrested and cared for my mum. It is very very hard driving away and leaving someone you love, as whilst physical needs are met, I think councilling is needed to support with the dramatic emotional affect of living in a home, something that is completely ignored. Good luck with your Aunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
