Alis girls Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My 18 year old who was thrilled with his A level results has become suddenly very stressed re uni in Sept. Obviously theres a lot to do and OH and I are helping as much as poss. He's become snappy and argumentative and its not helped by a friend whos son is oober organised and never stops blathering on about it. Is this normal? If so any ideas on how to gently nudge him along. Uni has always been his plan. Hes going to Bristol (we are London) so not too far. I left home at 18 - I was immature and very homesick. Its not helped by another friend who appears to have been tipped out into London at 18 and left to find a home, job etc and did brilliantly. I know they mean well but it all goes over his head. Heeeeeelp! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 It's probably just that he's feeling a bit scared and finds it easier to snap and argue rather than say "help, mum, I'm scared" - you can understand that, at 18 . I ended up doing a lot for my 2 as they were totally disorganised and totally unaware of what needed doing . It all ended up fine in the end. Once they get there and find they're in the same boat as everyone else, it all seems to work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Thanks _ I knew I'd get reassurance from the forum knowing theres lots of mum already been there. I have done a lot already - the good thing is a lot from his school are going and hes keen to get in on the social side. My mum told me I couldnt come home for 6 weeks when I left home - she knew I wouldnt got back. What have others done bearing in mind distance etc? I think we will have to make a trip down 1 -2 weeks later as one trip in our not very big car wont surfice even thou I am aiming on essentials only. Thanks ANH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 You can do some shopping when you're down there to save space. We just dropped our 18 yo for his gap year job yesterday and went and bought duvet etc after we dropped stuff at his digs (mostly cos he forgot to pack duvet despite me looking out a spare and reminding him many times then bed turned out to be a double not the single he said it would be ) I had to keep on at my son to sort things out he's fortunate his dad visits the office in same town once a week and I arranged meetings at an office close next Friday so will pick him up for w/e home visit Friday evening. I have a bag of bits and pieces we realised we needed when we dropped him yesterday - eg clothes hangers For Bristol your son would be worth planing ahead when he's coming home and booking train tickets ahead - does he have a rail card ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 He'll be fine if he already knows people who are going too . That makes socialising so much easier. We're only an hour away from our boys' uni so it's been pretty easy for us. We did have the complication of having 2 boys and 2 lots of stuff needing transporting at the same time so it's just as well it was only an hour's journey! It's always amazing how much stuff they seem to need - especially as their rooms were miniscule . Good point about the railcard - both of mine saved a lot having one. Check out the NUS Extra card - they often do deals on railcards (and give you other benefits too like money off a Virgin mobile bill and half price Spotify). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Uni is a massive step for them, but most settle in really quickly and have a great time. We are lucky I think that DS starts next Saturday 6th because he hasn't had time to think about it really, he has just had to get cracking. We are leaving on Wedneday so that we can break the journey to see his grandparents on route and spend some time in Edinburgh to see the sights before driving him to St Andrews on Saturday. He is just beginning to realise how far from home he is going to be, but still eager just to get going. I remember when ED went to Bristol she had to wait until the end of September and the wait drove her mad, most of her friends went to their respective uni's first. He will be fine, just try to keep him occupied, my DS is spending as much time with his friends as he can, he said a few emotional goodbyes today and will have some more tomorrow night. Bristol is great for societies, so tell him to go to the freshers fair at the end of the first week, my ED will be on the Motorsport stand. The societies are a great way to meet people from all year groups and backgrounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Sorry, I haven't dealt with this but I thought this might make you laugh - a different sort of home leaving. ES was sixteen when he joined up and went to Army college in Harrogate. Leaving him there was quite distressing to us all. They weren't allowed home for six weeks. When we eventually got to chat I asked him about his first night, what they did to socialise and settle in. He said they had bit of a mass fight for fun and then rode their ironing boards as though they were surfing. A couple of lads had been tearful but this apparently broke tensions and helped them settle. I think it was quite difficult for them. So basically my advice would be have a fight then climb on your ironing board which on reflection isn't very helpful. Seriously, I've told my kids in difficult times that when they're unhappy to wake up and say to themselves ' yes, I can give up and go home, but not today. I'll first see how today goes' It's enough to get them through each day. I stole it from Aragorn's speech before his battle with Sauron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavclojak Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 You know what they say about those closest to you, they are the ones who get e most flack....it's perfectly normal for him to behave like that, it's a scarey time isn't it. Such a massive change for him and despite the fact he is off to Uni, he is still young to be going it alone. He will do lots of bonding during freshers week and my oldest two had buddies assigned to them when they started Uni. A little tip....I used to do an online tesco shop, once a month and have it delivered to halls for them, all basic products like tinned soup, beans, dried pasta, sauces...loo rolls and a little treat like chocolate etc etc. didn't cost a lot but at least I knew they had some decent food to eat.....although they may have swapped it for a bottle of cider Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PixieDust Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I have not felt this personally as I did my degree at a uni which was a bus ride away from home, so I didn't live there. However, having spoken with a lot of people on my course, they were a cross between petrified and excited. Most had never left home. Some got very homesick. I started my course with I think it was around 1200 other people. Only 300 graduated as the rest dropped out. I found people in the first year were quite tempremental especially in the first 6 months. As I was in my late 20 's and classed as mature student, I found the younger students felt they had something to prove so loads of pressure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 That is quite a shocking statistic that only one quarter of those who started graduated My biggest worry for my son is that he will not get out of bed, I am hoping that having his girlfriend around who is quite active and sociable will help. He has a tendency to go through dark patches where he can't be bothered to do things, I am hoping that this is an age thing rather than a depressive tendency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percy049 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Thanks ANH, I didn't realise NUS cards gave you Railcard discount! Everyone I've spoken to is both excited and nervous for uni. I've found it a lot less daunting now I've found people in my flat. I'm also planning on buying some items when I get there, as there is a Tesco about 5 minutes walk away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Thanks everyone - I think OH has had a chat with him as he seemed more motivated today. It doesnt help that finding a summer job was impossible but hes keen to get p/t work to help with costs when he gets there. The uni have set a timetable for things so I have disc this with him. I keep hugging him - I dont know why hes much bigger than me now and hes not complained about his soppy mum so there you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I hope all goes well for him. We are off on leg one of our journey in the morning, I have just been filling out a medical form for him to register with a GP in Scotland and he filled in his height as 6" which made me laugh uncontrollably, I think that the hysteria has now set in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 As others have said, its a mixture of nerves and excitement about moving away, making new friends and becoming independent. I was too busy in the first few weeks to think about home and as all my friends were at various Uni's, when I was home for the weekend it was either to work or see family. I guess the best thing would be to get him to write a list of what he needs and him start collecting it together (I gathered it all on the spare bed) then you can leave things out he may have not thought about? I found out in the March which uni I was going to so my accommodation etc was all confirmed and I didn't have the sudden rush after A Level results. My school friends and I went to IKEA early September to buy all my kitchen stuff, towels, bath mat, (...and of course unnecessary tealights! ) which was when it all became real! I got a free Rail card (and Taste card) with a Natwest student account - it's still valid until October 2015 even though I've now graduated, so may be worth looking at that as I saved a lot of money on trains with mine. I bought an NUS Extra card in first year and don't think I ever used it but worth a look at the benefits if you think you will use it. I'm going back to Uni on Tuesday, this time it's 4 years in Slovakia! I've not yet started to pack but have written a list as most things I either have or need to buy out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 You'll be an old hand by now, Lewis . Bit different doing it all abroad though - best of luck with it . My ES just found out today that he's got an unconditional place for a post-grad course in Edinburgh for Advanced Digital Security and Forensics . Cutting it a bit fine, he starts on Monday . He'll be living at home though so none of the hassle . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Made the mistake of going to Ikea the other day. It was like a bank holiday with parents and kids doing their university prep shopping. Mums/Dads quite enjoying themselves filling the trolley with teens pretending to be sulkily cool. Inwardly laughed at one scenario where a teen girl insisted she only needed one set of bedding and the Mum insisted that she might want to wash stuff occasionally. DD is finally moving out which will mess with the hormonal balance of my household. I think more chocolate will be needed- urgently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 We bought DD a spider catcher, she's very pleased with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 Patsy - my big strapping lad is a wuss with spiders - so that might go on list later. This morning he asked if I'd got him a feather duster. I nearly choked to death - visions of him wafting around like Hyacinth Bouquet flashed into my head. Hes got some duster and polish. ( i use my feather duster for cob webs) He also watched me peeling spuds with my new peeler (not cheap from Herts show) and said " have I got one of those" Hes got a bog standard Tesco one. All this domestic god business is un nerving - long may it last. I dont do Ikea - I hate the fact it is like a dream and you cant get out till you've seen everything, the girl buying one set of bed linen will soon learn - smellie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Dropped my boy off in St Andrews on Saturday and he was so happy with where he was that it made it much easier to leave him. We had spent three days with him on the journey up and a couple of days doing tourist things in Edinburgh which again made the goodbye easier. He did all of his own packing and only forgot one thing and that was his trainers which I will have to post to him, but apart from that he did really well. They are funny he couldn't wait to set up home in his room, although I bet it is a mess already Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Glad to hear it all went well at St Andrews, CC . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Glad it went well CC We're through the first week of the gap year job. ES didn't ring me once which told me he was enjoying himself He came home this weekend with a bag stuffed full of washing including sheet and duvet cover. He won't be home for three weeks now but he will see OH one evening a week in the middle of the week every week which ES feels makes a big difference to him in terms of how far away he feels. Next year when he's at uni we'll see more of him as he'll have holidays at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 I'm feeling very relaxed about ES starting Uni tomorrow for his post-grad course . Well, he is 22 now, living at home and the Uni is only a couple of miles from home and just up the road from his old school . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 i am getting there but my son has to be nagged to do anything - today he started getting snarky about having to wear a helmet cycling. I have always insisted on it for both kids - I recently saw on the TV a young man who is brain damaged from being knocked off his bike and his dad is petioning for helmets to be compulsory. I am ready to throttle him. That and YS took school torusers off last night and lost them in the house I had a spare pair luckily otherwise he'd be there in his underpants Its like living with a pair of moody Chippendales. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 So much for ES's first day at Uni Discovered too late that he should have been in for an induction day - they should have emailed him but didn't . Don't suppose he's missed much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I feel your pain - probably didnt miss much and if he didnt get email not his fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
