Warm boot recommendations please

[CatsCube]

What can you do.

 

My partners dad is awull, since Noah was born he has always bought him gifts that are designed for childeren far older. For his first christmas when he was 2 months old he bought him a pair of toy guns that fired foam disks!

Recently he was started buying him stickers as he was told how much noah loves them, the problem is that they arnt buying him nice fun paper stickers, they are buying those little plastic ones designed for card making. They brought him round a sheet yesterday and started sticking them all over his toys with him, I said to them please dont let him have the tiny ones (some are only 5mm in size) as he just puts them in his mouth and its not safe. So what do they do, peel them off for him anyway and just say oh put them straight on, dont play with them, like a 2 year old is going to understand and do as they are told. Of course 30 seconds later he is peeling them off to play with, so I sit there in front of them removing all these stickers they have just bought and screwing them up to put in the bin.

Now last night OH gets a phone call from him to say that they have got him a motorisedride along bike for Xmas! Now I know some of these are designed for age 2+ but I really dont want him having one, for starters he already has a ride along peadle trike witht he handle for me to help guide it, plus he has a little sit on car which he plays on round the house. Now he suggested we use this motorised bike round the house!!! no way, he will just drive into stuff and we dont have that much space. Our back garden is tiny and full of chickens so he cant ride it there, and that means using it outside in the street and taking it to the park, but without a guide handle I dont feel its very safe, as he will just stear it of the kerb and I cant exactly grovel along the floor with Dylan straped to me, holding onto the handle bars for him. Plus their is the matter of storage. as it is we have to keep the buggy in the car boot as we dont have space in the hall for it, so where are we ment to keep this thing??

 

Basically its going to just end up going into the loft, which they will then get all offended by and it will cause arguments as its a very expensive and extravigent gift. I dont really know what to do or say. Am I just being totally unreasonable?

[The Dogmother]

I totally sympathise with you Cat - my ex-MIL was exactly the same. I gave up suggesting more sensible and appropriate toys (you'd think she'd never had children of her own ), I was called an ungrateful cow etc. I ended up just gritting my teeth and donating them to someone whose child they suited.

 

Thankfully I don't have contact with her any more.

 

Sorry, not much help there, but plenty of sympathy. Have you tried suggesting things, which you know Noah will like?

[Guest]

can't you get your partner to have a quiet word with his dad?

[xChicken04x]

Of course you aren't being un-reasonable, a 2 year old on a motorisedride bike! Whats wrong with a nice jigsaw puzzle or a colouring book??? You have tried nicley asking the grand parent to not let your son play with the smaller stickers and he ignored it, now you need to tell him. Make it very clear that you don't want your son playing with these things. As for the bike thing, you can either tell the grand parent to take it back to the shop as you don't have enough room for it and you dont want your son playing with it, or you can smile sweetly and put it in the loft and say that you think he is to young for it and he can play with it in a few years. (Then burn it.)

You really need to tell the grand parent how you feel, or where will it end? A car?

 

Good luck!

xx

[Christian]

My niece is 2 on the 29th December (nightmare time for all my Family birthdays ) and I asked what she would like! Not rocket science!!

 

So she has got a peppa pig ruck sack and dvds for her Birthday and a Dora toy, Dora annual and Dora bits for Christmas!!

 

I would never just buy something I fancied for her without checking first!

 

Some people!

Edited December 5, 2007 by Guest

[The Dogmother]

Do you think it's help if they received a little 'letter from Noah' letting them know what he would like?

 

As it's OH's family - he really ought to deal with the problem.

[Guest]

We always make sure that grannies, uncles, friends, whoever wants to buy the children a present, know exactly what they want for their Christmas! It saves inappropriate presents, and also saves wrinkled noses on Christmas day, as children try desperately to look grateful for toys that they will never play with...

[Cinnamon]

Of course you are not being unreasonable, & I sympathise.

 

My in laws always give the girls money for Christmas, but this year, as well as the £50 they have given them each,yesterday they gave them both another £50 as 'pocket money'

 

It annoys me as I want them to get some money sense, & earn it if they need it, not be given what I consider rather large hand outs at inappropriate times of the year

 

You can never win with family....................

[CatsCube]

Thing is for his recent birthday, everyone else asked what he wanted, they didnt they instead asked OHs Mum what she was getting him (bath toys) and proceeded to get the same thing. Normally when they buy these inapropriate gifts its not a problem as they are inexpensive, but this is a very expensive item to just get rid of or give away. Plus no doubt they would come round to take him to the park and ask to use it and I would have to exlpain that we dont have it.

 

Its very hard to talk to the man, untill recently he had stoped talking to us, after my OH asked him if he could visit at weekends or evenings, not during the day is I was finding it hard to get my study done. He took this as meaning we were not allowing him to come and visit his grandson. And I end up being the bad guy who said it! and this will end up being the same, OH said nothing to him at the time, then it will look like he spoke to me and I said he wasnt allowed this present, and they will take it as meaning he isnt allowed to buy his grandson gifts or something stupid.

 

I would suggest getting him books as were are trying to build him up a nice library o books, but knwoing them they would get him books designed for a 10 year old!

[The Dogmother]

I have the same problem with my sisters's two - they are completely spoiled and have far too many presents, so I was giving them something from the Send-a Cow' website. Partly because there wasn't anything they needed, and partly because I wanted to teach them some social responsibility... they didn't understand at all and my sister made it quite plain that 'proper' presents would be expected next time. It's not like they need anything material

 

Just had a thought.. could they be encouraged to put some money in a savings account for him instead? That way it would be useful in the future.

[Louise]

I am not materialistic at all and when people ask me what I want I usually say 'nothing'

 

They then proceed to tell me I am awkward to buy for and I say why - just don't get me anything

 

This last year I got absolutely nothing at all whatsoever for my birthday - did the world end - no

 

Actually thats not quite true Lesley sent me a card which was a nice surprise when I got back from spain

 

This all stems from childhood when presents were things I needed I often got new pyjamas etc for Christmas and it made me appreciate things for what they were but now it seems that children are spoiled with so much stuff they no longer understand the value of anything

 

I have gifts for my parents for christmas but I don't expect to get anything at all myself

[BeckyBoo]

I am SO itching to reply to this as I have EXACTLY the same problem with my in-laws. They are the reason my eldest started eating chocolate at 6 months - because I ad to go back to work and they looked after her for me, I wanted her drinking water and eating fruit, but oh no, "it never hurt our two" - they have no teeth left - so now she drinks squash and eats sweets! As for presents, my sister-in-law STILL lives at home and is treated like a baby - has her breakfast lunch and dinner made for her, does no housework, and she has an entirely disposable income. So at two each of mine had / have a TV in their room. In the end despite me asking, begging, shouting getting SOOOOOO ANGRY about them totally disregarding ANYTHING I said about my OWN children that in the end I gave up, but it made me so stressed and cross it was just awful. I used to dread Christmas - they would turn up with three bin bags full of presents never having asked anyone else what they were getting. GOOOOOOOD I'm getting cross just thinking about it.

 

ANYWAY, the answer is to say, oooh, how lovely, what a lovely present, tell you what, we'll keep it at your house then he'll have something to play with when he visits. See how they like having to store enormous toys that need 14 size D batteries and make awful noises!

 

Good luck, you SOOOOO have my sympathy

 

Mrs Bertie

[Guest]

if he's a reasonable bloke then he'll understand the perfectly legitimate reasons you've given us for not wanting it.

 

Get OH to explain them to him or do it yourself.

 

If he gets sniffy then he's unreasonable and you'll have to put your foot down.

 

It's your house, your child, simple as that.

 

do it now while they still have time to get their money back on the gift.

[Guest]

ANYWAY, the answer is to say, oooh, how lovely, what a lovely present, tell you what, we'll keep it at your house then he'll have something to play with when he visits. See how they like having to store enormous toys that need 14 size D batteries and make awful noises!

 

 

 

brilliant idea!!!!

[Egluntyne]

What a nightmare.

 

We have had our fair share of daft gifts over the years........and you are expected to "ooooh and aaaah" over something really expensive that your crestfallen child absolutely hates and would never have asked for.

 

My late MIL was always giving them religious books and statues.

 

They went straight to the charity shop as I won't have them in the house.

 

She also used to give them cheap nasty and dangerous toys that I binned at the earliest opportunity. They never lasted long anyway.

 

Without causing a major todo....there are few ways round it.

 

Happy families.

 

The expensive unsuitable gifts are all about control and not about the child anyway.

 

In the end I persuaded her to open a Post Office account for them all and put a little in at each Christmas and Birthday....and just give a stocking filler on the day.

 

The idea went down quite well, to my surprise.

 

Maybe you could suggest that.

[CatsCube]

Oh Mrs Bertie sounds so familier. Why is it always the inlaws! when its your own parents its not a problem, they know what you want and do as you ask, inlaws are always akward, and you can never tell them as they are not your parents so it never goes down the right way.

 

I did think about the keeping it at his suggestion, but he never look after the boys as I would be to afraid of him acidentally killing them! No really, they had Noah a couple of times once before and did everything wrong and did some really risky stuff without having a clue!

 

I think I will ask my mum today what he thinks, as she knows what an akward sod he is, and get OH to call him tonight and suggest he takes it back. I just feel bad if it gets shoved in a cubard and not used when its very expensive.

[Guest]

if all else fails, sell it on e-bay and if they ask, say it broke so you had to throw it away!

 

mind you, with a child around, the truth might come out of little mouths!

[BeckyBoo]

or you could try "thank you so much, what a lovely gift and so generous, but he'll never use it, I'd hate him to break it if he's too young for it, why don't you a) keep it til he's older (the old storage thing again!) or b) take it back and get something less expensive, I couldn't possibly accept something from you that had cpst so much"

And even if yours never visits (lucky you - my in-laws do the childcare for which I am eternally grateful but it really means I just have to bite my tongue half the time!) he can still keep stuff there "just in case"

 

Good luck, In the end here I just had to learn to live with it, which is why you can't even get in our loft!

I quite like the "oh dear he broke it / sell it on e bay" idea. Or you could theme his birthdays - "he really likes Spiderman or In the night garden, or whatever it is, so we're all getting him only presents to do with that." And the idea about him writing a letter to santa asking for whatever then passing that on is good

 

Mrs Bertie

[Egluntyne]

You could always try the "tell you what....why don't you keep it at your house and then he has something special to play with when he's there" tack....

 

......and then don't visit.

[Snowy]

I sympathise Catscube

I'm very fortunate to have quite understanding in laws (they live too far away so only send money - then I buy them what they really want! ) For those that live closer, we do a letter to Father Christmas that, unbeknownst to the boys, gets sent to the relatives instead. I don't like doing this particularly, but it does work both ways and we get a copy of their childrens letters. We also have an agreed upper limit of £10 each child as we are all always skint!

[CatsCube]

Hmm I love the ebay idea, if it wasnt for the fact I know he will come round wanting to take him for a walk with it and I would have to explain things.

 

If he kept it at his, I would be terrifed if him having an accident on it but steering himself into a road, lake, down a hill etc

 

I would feel very cheeky in having Noah do a letter, as he cant write yet or even talk, lol I would basically be a letter from me telling him what to get. I bit like wedding lisrsm I always felt rather rude sending those out.

 

He never asks any of us what we want for birthdays/xmas and buys really rubbish stuff, normally things he would like for himself. Normally if we get in there quick we make suggestions to him for each other, so I think in future I will have to try to do this with the boys.

 

And this year just let OH make the dreaded phone call asking him to take it back and get something else, and see if he disowns us for being ungreatfull.

 

Your advice has been much apreciated, I just wanted to know I wasnt just being unreasonable in thinking this was a very inapropriate gift.

[chickencam]

Sometimes polite but firm works it's worth a try.

 

My MIL is lovely but she is a charity shop rummager and she always gives the kids tons of stuff which they don't want and we don't want to give house room to. Fortunately they live 150 miles away and don't like travelling so when we get home after our Christmas visit we sort the stuff straight away and give it to our local charity shops.

 

My own mother who also never visits tends to give good quality gifts which are just as inapropriate, so her items tend to go on ebay the next year to make money for stuff we do want.

[chickenlover]

Why not just tell him that you love the gift but would find it better if he buys it for him when hes older, because its such an expensive gift hes to young to appreciate it, and when he 5/6 he will absolutly love it and just hope that by the time he is 5/6 your inlaw will have forgotten about it. This way you are thanking him for being soo genorous but telling him it is inappriate at the same time, hopefully without hurting feelings

[CatsCube]

Well I have just got off the phone to the MIL filling her in on whats happened (they are divorced)

 

A couple of interesting points were raised. She said it sounds like he is trying to buy Noahs affection as he doesnt get to spend much time with him. In the same way that he used to buy OHs affection when he was young, to make him appear better than her (he used to be very manipulative and try to turn him against his mum, and its only been in the last few years that the relationship with his mother has been repaired). Also he is spending more on Noah than we have spent on both boys combined, now he is too young to know or care at the moment but as he gets older he will realise and it will be hard to get him to appreciate the value of stuff getting such extrivagent gifts, plus he wont care what his own parents buy him. Apparently he is doing exaclty what his parents did, they used to spend more on OH then his mum and dad did and it was all very akward.

 

Basically we have been working out the best way of saying something, and its going to be a case of making it sound like were thinking of him. Point out that we cant use it in the house as once Dylan is crawling their will be the risk of noah driving into him and hurting him, noah is to young to control something motorised and the garden is to small, he will not be safe in the street with it as they dont have adult handles for guidance, plus he already has a peddle bike and a car, and we have no where to keep it. So it would end up getting very little use for something so expensive.

 

Suggest to him instead that he gets him books. We can make a list for him of what he already has, Im sure his dad would be happy to encourage reading with him, as he reads to kids at school etc.

[Egluntyne]

Sounds as if your MIL has got it in one.

 

I'd bite the bullet....saying stuff like you really appreciate his generosity etc, but.....

 

If he wants to dole out money. you could suggest that he puts it into an account for your sons' education. I'm not suggesting Eton or Winchester but the building of a little nest egg for when they go to university etc. Well worth doing.

 

Good luck.