Warm boot recommendations please

[The Dogmother]

This had me in hysterics today - they must all think I'm mad at work!

(no offence meant to any Sharons, Waynes, Traceys... among us! That includes you Kev )

 

Guide to understanding Thames Estuary English. Especially helpful when

talking to Chavs.

 

'spect.

 

 

*

ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building .

 

ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in "Don't tell Sharon . She'll have an

art attack."*

*

ARST - Past tense of ask. " Jordan , I must've arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room."*

*

BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. "Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa."*

*

BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar.*

*

BAVE - To wash oneself.*

*

BOAF - The two. "Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?" "Boaf" is the

reply.*

*

BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent .*

*

CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. "Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel."*

*

CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money.*

*

CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with

mayonnaise.*

*

CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)*

*

DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical.*

*

DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives.*

*

DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.*

*

DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in "Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?"*

*

EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."*

*

EJOG - A small, spiky animal.*

*

ERZ - Belonging to her.*

*

EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer,

usually for money. "My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles."*

*

EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual.*

*

FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament.*

*

FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad.*

*

FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 -1990.*

*

FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. " I ad it off

wiv fingy last night."*

*

FONG - Skimpy undergarment.*

*

FOR CRYIN AT LAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. "For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?"*

*

GAWON - Go on. "Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good."*

*

GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic.*

*

GRAND - A football stadium. "It all wennoff atside the pub near the grand."*

*

HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.*

*

IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.*

*

IFFY - Dubious. "Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's

a bit iffy."*

*

INT - Indirect suggestion. " I gave Darren a sort of int that it was time to

wash iz feet."*

*

IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels. "That

Mars Bar will go straight to me ips."*

*

JA - Do you, did you. "Ja like me new airdo, Sharon ."*

*

JACKS - Five Pound note. "Lend us a jacks, wilya?"*

*

JAFTA - Is it really necessary? "Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?"*

*

KAF - Eating house open during the day.*

*

KAFFY - A girl's name.*

*

LAD - Noisy. " Jordan , turn that music dan, it's too lad."*

*

LARJ - Enjoying oneself.*

*

LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.*

*

LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket.*

*

MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park. *

*

MAFFS - The study of numbers.*

*

MANOR - Local area.*

*

MINGER - An unattractive person (usually woman).*

*

NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. "Mum wannid to come rand but

changed er mind. That was a narra escape."*

*

NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).*

*

NEEVA - Not one nor the other.*

*

NES - National Elf Service.*

*

OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or committment.*

*

OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.*

*

ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. "I never did it, onnist."*

*

OPPIT - Go away , as in "Oi you, oppit."*

*

PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. "They're alright up front but they

got a padda puff defence."*

*

PACIFIC - Specific.*

*

PAFFUL - Having much power or strength.*

*

PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc.*

*

PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.*

*

PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.*

*

QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee."*

*

RAND - A number of drinks purchased for a group.*

*

RANDEER - Locally. "There ain't much call for it randeer."*

*

REBAND - Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. "I couldn't 'elp it.

I was on the reband from Craig."*

*

ROOFLESS - Without compassion.*

*

SAFF - A direction of the compass, opposite north.*

*

SAFFEND - An Essex seaside town.*

*

SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved.*

*

SEEVIN - Very angry. "I woz seevin when I urd wot 'e sed."*

*

TALENT - Attractive members of the opposite sex. "Dave's gan dan tan to eye

up the talent."*

*

TAN ASS - A modern terraced house.*

*

TOP EVVY - A woman of plentiful bosom. "Ere look at that, Darren, she's well top evvy."*

*

UG - An unattractive person. " Sharon 's new geezer's a bit of an ug."*

*

UMP - Upset, asUMP - Upset, as in Got the Ump.*

*

VACHER - A document which can be exchanged for goods or services. "I got a

vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park ."*

*

WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment."*

*

WAWAZUT? - I beg your pardon.*

*

WENNOFF - A fight commenced as in "It all wennoff".*

*

YAFTA - You must : "Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating circumstances."*

*

YOOF OSTALL - A place where holidaymakers can stay the night.*

*

ZAGGERATE - To suggest something is better or bigger than is true. "Craig, I must've told ya a fazzund times already." "Don't zaggerate, mum

 

[Olly]

 

I was prepared to be outraged by this, as I am proud to live in Essex, but it's made me laugh a lot!

 

I was on the train last year when I heard two women talking about 'Wowls'. I couldn't work it out ... until one of them said 'Yeah, you know - that Wowl that swum up the Thames ....'

 

[The Dogmother]

Phew! Glad you weren't offended... I loved it so much that I took the risk, hoping that you'd all laugh too. I used Pengy (if she'll excuse me) as my yardstick - I knew she'd find it funny

 

I sometimes have a hard job working out the Banbury accent and I've lived here for 13 years now!

[Egluntyne]

Very funny. There must be a Yorkshire version somewhere!

[Cinnamon]

Love it

[Charlottechicken]

 

I love regional slang

[Guest]

Phew! Glad you weren't offended... I loved it so much that I took the risk, hoping that you'd all laugh too. I used Pengy (if she'll excuse me) as my yardstick - I knew she'd find it funny

 

I sometimes have a hard job working out the Banbury accent and I've lived here for 13 years now!

 

I did find it funny and a bit sad. I do talk just like that and I hate my my accent! I wanted to get elocution lessons but they have proved hard to find.

[The Dogmother]

Oh please don't Pengy, we like you just the way you are

 

I love accents too.

[Guest]

I soo hate it. Yesterday some of my year 9's started taking the mick. Jeez they live in Thundersly which is not the nicest bit of Essex but they talk better than me. Mine is London Essex as I grew up in London Borough of Havering.

[The Dogmother]

My BF of 24 years standing is an original eastender and proud of her accent - I just love her to bits and she wouldn't be the same without sounding like Barbara Windsor.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

That's brill! Funny, you don't imagine Omleteers having accents . We all speak with Received Pronunciation surely ? (That's wot them posh peeps talk innit .)

[Guest]

I soo hate it. Yesterday some of my year 9's started taking the mick. Jeez they live in Thundersly which is not the nicest bit of Essex but they talk better than me. Mine is London Essex as I grew up in London Borough of Havering.

 

oi!... nowt wrong wiv 'avering

 

Fill

[chickenlover]

BRILLIANT, now i can understand what my nephew is saying

[chickenlass]

Very funny. There must be a Yorkshire version somewhere!

lol I know that I was shown a Geordie one once [i'm from Darlington originally It was hilarious.

[Roxanne]

You mean they don't talk like that in Borehamwood!!!?

[Charlottechicken]

I was shown a Geordie one once

 

A friend had a Geordie guide to computing, I think the start key said "Howay" or something like that

[chickenlover]

Not all of us, just the young ones, oh and the occational adult

[The Dogmother]

You mean they don't talk like that in Borehamwood!!!?

 

Some do, but then so do some Banburians!

[susanbb]

My accent is "pure, dead brilliant" After all, born in Scotland(yaay) and stay in Slough. Got to be classy babe me

[susanbb]

It did make me also. Regional accents are brilliant and people should be proud of them

[Fabergé]

Very funny. There must be a Yorkshire version somewhere!

 

Not quite on exactly the same lines but funny anyway.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qdsv2CRHjk

[Guest]

I do have to say I didn't realise Minger was an Essex term.

 

I once had a computer game on the screen in the classroom (control lesson) and the class were practically shouting in unison

 

"GET THE PINK MINGER!!!"

[The Dogmother]

Brilliant!

 

I think Minger is a universal term now - spread by the 'Meeju'!

[Jules.]

My very good friend is a Geordie. After living here for about 20 years she still has a wonderful accent. I spoke to her on the phone earlier & she was talking about her FIL who has his leg in plaster at the moment. She says "plaaaster" which tickles me.

When I told her I liked the way she says it she said her husband didn't realise that Geordies are posh- she also says maaaster, as in Head maaaster!

She's coming to baby sit tonight while Stuart & i go to a meeting at church. She has a son who is the same age as Alexander & they all (Alexander, Ethan & B) are all best friends. B will be coming to our house- when I told my boys they went "yay!"

[Egluntyne]

That's brill! Funny, you don't imagine Omleteers having accents . We all speak with Received Pronunciation surely ? (That's wot them posh peeps talk innit .)

 

I sound like Bernard Manning or the Gallagher Brothers so I am told.