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Office party fall-out

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Interested in your opinions on this one (the staff are divided):


Male member of staff (pretty near top of pecking order) gets drunk at staff party and makes rather rude (some personal, some complimentary) comments while talking to female member of staff (closer to bottom of pecking order). She thinks about it for a day or two, then mentions it to female teacher who says "report him". She goes to head teacher. He claims he has no recollection of saying any of it.


If she takes it further, he could, at worst, be struck off.


She has history of attention-seeking, inappropriate (and on occasion, drunken) behaviour and is quite obviously loving the attention, going round making sure everyone knows exactly what he said to her. She often gets wound up at the slightest thing and rants for days/weeks afterwards.


He has history of womanising, having left wife for school colleague. Also tends to flirt with colleagues and never misses a night out, usually being the only bloke.


Is she right to report him and take it further or should she accept his apology (already given) and put it down to experience?

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what goes on at a staff party, stays at the staff party in my opinion. :?


It was said outside of the workplace, in the heat of the moment and people tipsy.


I work in a large department, with lots of gossiping etc etc so well used to rumours and hearsay going on at work and I tend to keep my head down and get on with my job :) . Other folks in the department revel in it though!

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I agree with Chelsea, plus I do think people need to take some responsibility for the way they behave as it really does have an impact on the way people behave towards you. You can't spend all your days attention seeking then complain when someone pays you attention in a way you don't want. It doesn't sound like he's done anything that she hasn't done in the past, there again I don't know exactly what was said. Human beings are fallible, they say and do things when they've had a drink that they would never dream of saying when they are sober. Providing he isn't an out and out racist / sexist / bully or the like I think she should take it in the spirit of yet another office party drama!


Office parties, I love 'em!


Mrs Bertie

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I agree...six of one and half a dozen of the other.


I'm of the school of thought that reckons a woman should be able to deal with an oaf with a public and withering put down.


If he were to behave like that in the work environment then she would have cause to complain and would be justified in taking it further.


She sounds as if she got what she wanted....a bit of attention.


Any witnesses? If not then she won't get far. She could be making it up and if she has a history of attention seeking he is likely to know and will use it at any tribunal.


You have to enquire about the motives of the person who advised her to report him.


It might do him more harm if info trickles out to his wife.

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I'm glad to see that you all share my opinion (I knew you lot were all sensible :lol: - apart from where chickens are concerned, of course :wink: ).


I'm surprised at the teacher who told her to report it. She's really nice and down to earth. I'm not, however, surprised at another teacher who is egging her on to take it further - she's a pain.


I absolutely agree that if it happens out of the workplace, you just forget it and move on. It wasn't a physical assault, just drunken ramblings.


Hopefully, with the holidays upon us she will forget about it (although she does have a habit of bringing things up again and again (and again and again :roll: ).


Another staff do this Friday (a leaving do for a teacher is doing a swap with an Australian teacher for a year). It's just lunch so let's hope everyone can behave :pray: .

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What goes on at office parties is a social thing and you tend to find that people you work with aren't always the people you would socialise with by choice


Sexual harassment shouldn't be tolerated in the workplace, but works doos are not the workplace.


The job I do is still pretty much male dominated, and the few ladies that work with us are used to that environment, and give as good as they get and are well respected fot it.



There are boundaries all the same, there is a difference between having a laugh and being a sleaze ball as our ladies put it!



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I used to work in an all men enviroment - where they made fire engines. No firemen sorry! :wink: I was told at interview how they'd try to embarrass me & be rude. I had to give as good as I got, sometimes being rude back - but knew how far to go! It was just friendly banter & a good laugh.

Sadly the company went bust - but I miss the respect and daily laughs I got from the lads. Being the only woman in the workplace at the beginning was funny - bacon butties bought for you, bottles of wine & choccies at Christmas - no end of drinkies when we were on doos! Bless! I had a boyfriend (now hubby) & they had girlfriends - so it was just chitty chat!


I think the above scenario is way out of hand. Sounds like they are out to cause grief for each other. Both as bad as each other, they should forget it!



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I doubt, even if she did take it further, that anything serious would happen to the man. As others have said, a works night out is a social situation, and not a work situation, so I don't think it can be dealt with by anybody at the school. If he's already apologised, and did nothing that could be considered a police matter, then she should get on with things, and accept that the same thing could have happened to her in any public area, with a stranger, whom she would never have had the opportunity to get an apology from.

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I don't mean to be unkind, but it sounds to me that this female colleague is quite enjoying letting everyone know how he paid attention to her, as if she thinks that makes her appear 'unwillingly irresistable'... If she didn't like what he said at the party, she could have just walked off, which is the sensible thing to do when someone at a party who's had too much to drink is starting to say things one doesn't want to listen to...

The fact that she talks about it to everyone, and would even consider taking further action, shows her as a manipulative person, and much less trustworthy that the drunken guy himself... after all he said whatever he said at a moment of drunkenness in a party, and she is the one dragging it all into the work place, where it wasn't to start with... I think she should realise that her morals are appearing as dubious as his, if not more...


As I said maybe I'm being unkind, but as many people here seem to think to, a party is a party, mistakes can be made, and there is no point turning a drunken mistake into a case of work discipline... It just wouldn't be fair.

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well, just to play devil's advocate for the moment, I don't agree about the workplace and the office party as 2 seperate entities. You are still work colleagues wherever you happen to be and just because you are out of the work place, shouldn't mean you have the right to treat your colleagues with dis-respect or rudeness.


Managers or senior colleagues especially should show some restraint at work dos where alcohol is concerned. IMO


I find it quite worrying that he is clearly senior to her in the pecking order and if he was using his seniority to bully/harrass her, even at a works do, then that's a VERY serious matter.


HOWEVER, the fact that she is going round telling all and sundry is not helping her case at all. If she had any self respect and common sense, she'd have a quiet word with the powers that be and take it from there.


I don't know these people so I can't really make a totally informed decision but if someone did this to me, whether at work or not, then I think I'd report it (depending on the severity of what was said) but I wouldn't make a big deal of it with my other colleagues, it's none of their business and she's wrong to involve everybody else.


It does concern me when I hear people saying she seems to have received the attention she was asking for. Sounds a little like "she was asking for it"!!! I'm sure you know what I'm referring to.

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I'm with the forgive and forget school of thought - he shouldn't have behaved like that, but then she oughtn't to be making the most of it and needs telling so. Perhaps she ought to avoid him in future - when he finds no-one talking to him, he might mend his ways.


Personally, I'd have told him at the time what I thought of his behaviour. I work with nearly all men, in a very male dominated industry, but would never expect any of my colleagues to behave like that, and they know it!


They have the odd silly moment.. like 'guess whether she's wearing knickers' :roll: but I just let them get on with it - I get plenty of chances to take the mick back.

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Ziggy, you've got it spot on although I actually agree with everything everyone's saying.


The bottom line is:

  • he should exercise self-control as he's in a position of authority. (Also he knows what she's like so should just keep away.)
    she should be careful how she behaves as people can get the wrong idea about the kind of attention she wants (there has been ridiculous behaviour at another party and also a staff w/e away.)

Let's hope they do both at the leaving do tomorrow :pray: .

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Sounds like both of them could do with learning how to behave more appropriately at work related events, self control doesn't seem to be either of their strong point...


One would hope that what is happening now will teach them both a lesson... though again, when alcohol flows too freely, lessons are easily forgotten...


One a slightly different slant, but this reminded me of my old office parties, I remember a girl at a work disco who got all over some guy, left with him, once back at work happily chatted about him and what happened after they left the party, then a day later invited us all to her boyfriend's (not the guy from the party, another guy with whom she had a 'stable' long term relationship) reastaurant opening, fussing about him and so on, as if he was the only guy she'd ever have eyes for... I was very puzzled...

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