Home made run and house for sale

[Olly]

Crikey ANH ... I have only just caught up with this, been off forum for a day or so. I don't know what to say about your mum! It does sound like a cry for attention more than anything else, but I'm no expert. Have you spoken to the CPN since it happened?

 

big hugs, keep us posted on what's happening. I do hope things level out again for you a bit.

[Gamebird]

I'm afraid I have no advice to offer as I have never been in your situation but having read all your posts I can't help but think what an incredibly strong person you are.

 

You always manage to keep a sense of humour through the most difficult situations and while I'm reading your story Kipling's poem 'If' keeps coming into my head.

 

IF you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

[jackiepoppies]

OMG.....says it all don't it! Almost made me cry!

 

Not posted for a while ANH, but reading yours and thinking of you.xxx

[Seagazer]

Life must be so hard for you ANH - keep strong.

[chickencam]

It sounds like you are a product of yourself largely ANH keep your chin up

[AnnieP]

ANH, you know I read this thread, but never seem to have much to contribute: Everyone else always does such a great job, but I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and wishing you well. Hang on in there.

xx

[Mutrix Farmers]

ANH - hearing what you are going through made me tearful, so I dread to think what it's doing to you! In everything you have posted that I have read you sound so strong and confident. You know the truth about the past and the people in it. Your mum is just getting old and frightened, many old people get self pitying, especially if someone else is getting more attention than them!! Talk to those you love and ask them to support you emotionally, they may think you are coping when really you need extra help!

 

Keep smiling ANH, will pray for you (it works for me)

 

I'd hug you if I could xx

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thank you for all your kind words, everyone. It really helps .

 

Mum phoned me at work today and started going on and on about how Dad is really unhappy in the home, he wants to leave it, he isn't getting looked after properly, the staff are awful (more racist comments - about someone she thought was great a few weeks ago ). I tried to suggest that moving him might not be a great idea in his condition and that another nursing home might be just the same. Her solution: bring him home . I said we couldn't do anything immediately, so she should speak to my brother, the doctor (she made really derogatory remarks about her too) and the nursing home management before deciding anything.

 

She did agree it might be an idea to wait till the pacemaker's fitted. Not holding my breath about that, I wouldn't put it past her to cop out again (although she knows they won't postpone (her word) it again.

 

Went to see Dad myself as usual today. I asked him how he felt about where he was living. He wasn't sure where that was, so I told him it was a nursing home. "Yes, it's fine. I've not been here long enough to know really." I asked him a few times and each time he spoke fairly positively about it. So where Mum's got this rubbish from I don't know . She would argue that he speaks to her differently but I disagree. I don't think he distinguishes between wife and daughter and tells us both the same thing.

 

Hopefully it's just another one of her outbursts and it'll fizzle out.

 

Managed to ascertain that she doesn't seem to be suffering any side effects from the overdose. I tried to find out (on the internet) the consequences of taking what she says she took and it doesn't sound good. I can only imagine she's exaggerated what she actually took.

 

Any nurses/doctors out there who could shed some light in a PM?

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Mum phoned this evening all fired up after speaking to her friend Anne. She agrees with Mum (well she has to, "Ooops, word censored!"ody's allowed to disagree ) and suggested to her that the GP surgery should be told about her concerns and should check up on Dad - that way the nursing home will "watch their step" as they'll be under scrutiny.

 

She's forgotten that the surgery we use is the surgery responsible for the nursing home .

 

She then said we'd gone about it all the wrong way, we should have got a recommendation for a home from the doctors. WE DID - they recommended the one he's in .

 

She maintains he was almost in tears this morning. Well, he wasn't when I saw him. She says I always look on the positive side - well, it works for me (which of us is happy with their life, I wonder ).

 

Parting sarcastic shot, "well, all's well with the world then" - and slam, down goes the phone.

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

[Egluntyne]

Oh heck....I don't know what to say.

 

It is two steps forward and one step back all the time for you.

 

I hope the CPN gets a chance to see her whilst she is in this frame of mind.

 

At least your Dad seems reasonably content.

[WitchHazel]

You can't win, can you? What a terribly frustrating situation.

 

I wonder if there is a support group for friends and relatives for this kind of thing? I mean the kind of "Al-Anon" equivalent of "Alchoholics Anonymous".

 

I odn't have anything practical to suggest - apart from maybe getrting your mum, dad (and possibly brother) in one room and then asking about how he feels about the nursing home, possibly pushing the point that mum says you hate it etc etc. You all need to be there so you all hear the same thing.

 

<<>> to you.

[Olly]

oh dear ... I think you have to go by your own view of how your dad is. If he seems happy enough where he is, then that's your guide.

 

Experience tells me that different people see things quite differently in these situations. My sister visited my mum in hospital about every two weeks, while I was there every two days; I never heard mum asking to go home, in fact she fully appreciated that hospital was the best place for her at that time. (She was in full possession of her faculties, luckily for us). After her death I was astonished to hear my sister saying that mum had repeatedly begged to be allowed go home.

 

My sister sincerely believed what she was saying, even though none of my brothers and sisters or I had ever heard mum express this. I had to conclude that she'd rewritten what happened in a version that fitted better with her own picture of events.

 

If your dad seems ok to you, then he is ok - your mum, unfortunately, has her own agenda in this.

[MedusA]

If your dad seems ok to you, then he is ok - your mum, unfortunately, has her own agenda in this.

 

I agree with Olly, ANH. If the GP does cover the home that your Dad is in, you could ask her to let you know what he/she thinks of his care and his feelings, to back you up. You have done the best for your Dad, as advised by all the professionals involved, so don't feel guilty, or let your Mum get you to do something you know is not in your Dad's best interests.

 

If your Mum is as fiesty as she seems, she probably exaggerated her recent OD attempt, but if the CPN was concerned, they would have got some tests done, surely?

 

*supportive hugs*

[Ain't Nobody Here]

The problem is that "Ooops, word censored!"ody knows about Saturday's "overdose". She insisted I didn't call anybody. I was in a terrible dilemma about it but my brother and I agreed that we would do as she said. If we had told anyone, she would have been carted off back to the psychiatric hospital which really would have been the worst thing for her.

 

Believe it or not, she's at the infirmary as we speak, waiting for the pacemaker . My brother spoke to her last night and she talked about going ahead with it but she didn't tell me. She told my brother that we'd had an argument (no, she put the phone down on me because I wouldn't agree with her about dad ).

 

I had to phone the hospital to confirm if she was actually there.

She says she's staying in overnight because they won't let her go home alone (and obviously I've abandoned her so she's all alone ).

 

I've told the nurses a little about the situation so they know I'm not an evil person despite what she says .

 

It's not all bad though ... my brother says last w/e my dad was saying what a lovely girl I was (well, I can't disagree can I, he's my dad - well, maybe the "girl" bit's an exaggeration ). Mum didn't like that at all (she actually mentioned it to me too last week so it's obviously rankled). is all I can say .

[MedusA]

Have pm'd you, ANH.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Saw Dad yesterday. The first thing he said was that someone had told him Mum had died . He was adamant that someone (he thinks his sister - she lives in Canada) phoned to confirm it and someone else came in to tell him. I reassured him she wasn't and was in the hospital getting the pacemaker.

 

He has been rambling a bit recently - saying Mum's connected to royalty and was doing a presentation, insisting there were ants on his bed, and still indignant about the "punchup" he had with some bloke .

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Mum had the pacemaker fitted. The hospital called me this morning to find out what the arrangements were for getting her home. I told them I could come and collect her at 1pm. They phoned me a bit later to say Mum didn't want me to collect her . She was going to get a taxi to visit Dad and wait there (till 7pm ) till my brother came to collect her. So I don't know if she just doesn't want to see me or she was just saving me the bother - I suspect the first, when has she ever "saved me the bother" before .

 

Never mind, at least that's 3 more days I don't have to have anything to do with her . Over to big brother - good luck to him, he'll need it .

[Olly]

Phew, I'm glad she's had the op - one less worry, and perhaps she will be a bit better if her heart is stable.

 

Sorry to hear about your dad. I don't know exactly what his problems are, but my father developed dementia as a result of Parkinson's disease, and it was very similar - periods of lucidity interspersed with hallucinations which were clearly very real to him. Does he still have the water infection?

 

I should make the most of a few 'mum free' days! You have done your duty towards her a hundredfold, and no doubt will step in again when she needs you. Enjoy the break!

[jackiepoppies]

Hi ANH!

Good to know your Mum has finally gone ahead and had the p[e]acemaker.

Does your BB know he is collecting her at the home? Don't want him to have a heart attack!

As for your Mum being royalty....quite understandable the way she plays up and 'presents' her thoughts on various subjects!

As for the ants....not a problem...the government have promised to clean up hosps. etc. AND as for the punch up... was it your dads or Poets who spat his teeth out?

Take care, enjoy the break! xxx

[Guest]

gosh, do they really fit a pacemaker and let you out the same day!

 

Jackie, my dad didn't spit his teeth out

 

xxx

[Tiggy]

all I can say is that you must have the patience of a saint, luckily my mom has been behaving like this for years so we are all used to it, look after yourself

[Egluntyne]

Let's hpe your mother will become a bit more lucid now that blood is getting up to her brain without interruption.

 

 

I hope your Dad has a decent weekend.

 

Enjoy your three days of freedom. You have more than earned them.

[WitchHazel]

At least that's one less thing to worry about, now she's had the pacemaker fitted.

 

I;m really sorry to hear that your Dad is losing touch with reality, hopefully seeing your mum will cheer him up.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Just had a call from the home to say Dad fell this morning trying to go to the toilet by himself. He doesn't seem to have hurt himself so that's a relief.

 

I asked if Mum was there - just at that moment she turned up. So she lied to the hospital about going straight to the nursing home (they told her she shouldn't be alone) and went back to her house till just now.

 

BTW, his leg's not swollen any more so the clot must have dispersed and the UTI is clearing up apparently.

 

WitchHazel, I'm not sure if a visit from Mum would cheer me up .

 

Jackie, I think you're thinking of Poet's Dad's tube thingy that shot across the room when he coughed (is that right, Poet?) . My Dad's got all his own teeth so I'd be worried if he'd spat them out .

 

Tiggy, my Mum has actually been like this for years too - so why am I not used to it yet?

[jackiepoppies]

You're quite right ANH.... ....put it down to my age [and not the local wine!] that the brain is a bit befuddled

Keep smiling xxxx Jackie

[Helly Welly]

Blimey ANH, i'm running out of ways to say, it doesn't get any easier

 

Enjoy these three days. Goodness only knows, you've earnt them, just try to relax and do something normal!

 

 

I'm sorry about your Dad. As long as he's happy, that's the main thing, whether he's hallucinating or not. He could hallucinate something nicer than ants in the bed though, ooh, it makes me shudder.

 

Me, i'd hallucinate myself a nice Brad Pitt of George Clooney