Cinnamon Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I don't want this to come across as a moan,because I am not moaning,but my family have really made me cross. We are a small unit - Dad,Little brother,Little Sister & myself,so you would think it wouldn't be too hard to see each other once in a while. We all live in the same area too. But,my Dad lives his life through my brother.He is quite obsessed with him,to the point where my Sister & I fade into the background. He never comes over,he doesn't bother returning my calls. When I invited him over for Christmas last year he said yes, then went to my brothers instead when another invite was given (as did my sister - we were not invited) If he wants Hubby, who is very handy,to do somthing in the house he will call,but only then. Other than that he makes no effort to see me,Hubby or the girls,preferring to go to golf all day to the club where my brother is also a member & his wife works.They see him on a daily basis. So, my sister has organised a meal for us to get together in a couple of weeks time, as its her & Brothers birthdays.We could all go,although it did mean a fair bit of date juggling on my part. I got a message this morning that Dad can't make it & can we do a week later instead - well, no actually as we go on holiday that day. So Dad asks my sister to ask me if we cannot go on holiday a day later Of course,we cannot. So now they are all meeting on that day without us I am so annoyed as I really wanted to see everyone,but it seems that if Dad can't make it then rather than those of us who can come still getting together still for this long standing date,then they will all go on a date that we really cannot go.Makes me really feel that Dad once again doesn't care if I am there or not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Sarah i dont really know what to say 'Rock and hard place' spring to mind as it seems you're damned if you do and damned if you dont. Lots of love and hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Oh Sarah, what a situation. Does your Dad know how you feel? Sometimes it's easy for men to miss these things (I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's the old thing that we see things that they don't) and he probably feels that he has more in common with your brother as a man, and has not given it any thought at all. The holiday situation is made worse by the way you feel. Had you been seeing your Dad and family regularly you would have put it down to 'one of those unfortunate things' and arranged to see him afterwards. It will do you good to get this off your chest to your Dad, Brother and Sister. It will probably reinforce in them just how much they mean to you, which is always good to hear and good to give. I hope you get this sorted before you go away. It will lift the stress off your shoulders a little, and maybe you can make more arrangements to spend the day together afterwards. Make the first move Sarah. You'll feel better for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keanie Bean Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Thats such a shame, families can be so ARGGHHHHHHHHHHH sometimes. Is it possible to point out how this has made you feel witout the situation all going a bit mad. Sarah.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Happy families eh? Your Dad hasn't much idea if he thinks you can delay a holiday....just like that. If it was a bucket and spade job at Skeggy maybe, but not if you are going abroad. I'd make sure your OH is "busy for the forseeable" next time work is required. What a shame, but you have tried your hardest. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy&cake Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Oh poor you. I didnt want to read then not reply. Maybe you could tell your brother how youj feel and he could explain it to your father, if your father adores him? I hope you feel better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffie Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Oh Sarah this is a difficult one. How about a good old fashioned sit down and talk about it I also think sticking to your guns is a positive move BBxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted May 7, 2008 Author Share Posted May 7, 2008 Well, thanks everyone Its no good speaking to Dad about it.he is totally self obsessed I am afraid ...his life revolves around himself,my brother & golf, in that order It just really bugs me that if N couldn't make it for whatever reason Dad wouldn't even dream of going out just with us & my sister. This sort of thing has been happening for years & years now, but I just wanted to let off some staem, so thanks for that. One thing it has taught me is that I will NEVER EVER show any undue favouritism towards either of my children at the expense of the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I didn't want to read and not reply either, but I have nothing else to add other than what the others have said.. but here have this....... HUG! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omletina Kyckling Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Oh Sarah, that's terrible. I hope you manage to sort things out one way or another. I'm sending you lots of hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Sorry your in such a horrible situation, Sarah. My Mum can be a bit like that at times. My youngest brother is the favourite, but things aren't nearly as bad as your situation. At least she calls me regularly for a chat! She really upset me a few Christmasses ago though. She'd been on about having a new toilet seat, with sand and seashells etc, you know the sort of thing I mean. Well, I bought her one, but when she opened the present she said, "Oh no. I don't want that!" 2-3 years on, she's bought herself one that IMHO isn't nearly as nice as the one I bought her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 I suppose this is an upside to being an only child. There aren't many, and my parents are very self contained and when I go for a visit which means 150 mile drive I still have to fit into their retired schedule woe betides us if there is a traffic jam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate in NZ Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 Oh Sarah, how frustrating Families really can be a pain in the posterior sometimes, too much taking other family members for granted I think, and a general lack of consideration. I don't know what to say beyond what the others have already suggested, but whatever make sure you get off on that holiday and have a great time. I'm having a similar amount of grief with my family, 2 sisters, 1 mother and I'm trying to arrange for myself and the children to drive oop north to see them before we emigrate......every date we suggest is inconvenient. They'd like a midweek just when Seb has his GCSE's but I'm not doing a 250 mile each way journey on one day and I'm not preventing him from taking any of his exams....if that was an option I'd be in NZ already. So that week is out. Alternatively they want our very last full weekend in the UK, but that weekend is MIL's birthday, Immi's birthday & my work leaving do so it's a busy one and I'm not rearranging 2 important birthday celebrations just to keep my difficult family happy. At this rate though I'll be off to NZ without seeing them and that would be a real pity . They do have 4 weekends and several mid week dates to choose from though, were even offered last weekend with the BH to make it longer but declined Aaaargh......families . Good luck with it, I hope that you can sort out some kind of compromise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 How frustrating for you Sarah. My sister and I are very different and can go all year without comunicating, but she'd never not include me in something like that. It's hard, isn't it, but I just get on with my little bit of the family and it's fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 This is really frustrating for you, sarah. How does your sister feel about the situation with your dad? Is your brother more sensitive than your dad, so could you talk to him about how you feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted May 7, 2008 Author Share Posted May 7, 2008 Is your brother more sensitive than your dad, so could you talk to him about how you feel? My Brother is a lovely chap but is the sort who won't rock the boat at all. He is all for the quiet life. We get on really well, as do my sister & I, but I do find that the situation makes me feel a little resentful towards him, which is silly as its not his fault. He is well aware of how Dad is & it drives him mad too - Dad phones him at least twice a day. Dad is an odd one. This Easter for example he didn't come over with eggs for the children, something he always usually does, & I thought fine,he has forgotten,but then I found out Brother & his wife got eggs from him. I don't care for myself,I don't like chocolate,but it was hard explaining to the children that Grandad had been a bit forgetful Its soooooo much easier if I concentrate on my lovely Hubby,darling girls & myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 not much to add, but wanted to send my sympathies ... sounds as if it's your Dad who is the problem, rather than the others. It would have been nice if they'd support you though, so that when he said he couldn't make the original date they'd insisted on waiting for a date that you could make. Families, eh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted May 7, 2008 Share Posted May 7, 2008 My sympathies Sarah, you must be feeling rotten about it all. I know what I'd do though (although probably a course of action I'd regret later ) I'd go and have a right good rant at them all, make it quite clear how their behaviour had upset me and storm out slamming the door behind me. I'd feel a lot better and they would soon get over it It might also make them think twice next time I think I have a bit of italian blood in me from a great great grandmother somewhere down the line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
