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Couperwife

18 YO brother for sale ...

By Couperwife, in The Nesting Box

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Janepie33 Chatty Chicken

Janepie33

Posted
Posted

I have an 18 year old son and a 16 year old daughter, both in full time college. My son has a Saturday job and used to help around the house ( less so now as A levels are looming). My daughter does very very little.

 

This created a bit of a situation. Son thought daughter was lazy and used to be mean to her - rude comments etc.

Daughter told me she couldn't compete with the "Perfect son", so she gave up and did nothing to help.

 

Like you, my daughter gets no EMA, so gets an allowance for 'doing nothing' as my son says. More resentment between the two of them!

 

They each moan to me about the other, although they generally get on and as a parent, it's a bit tricky trying to keep everyone happy,but I think the most important thing is to really LISTEN to what your children are saying to you, even though you might not be able to solve the situation to everyone's satisfaction.

 

We had a bit of a turning point when I devised a rota for making the sandwiches for packed lunches. I write the initials on the calendar and there are no arguements, when your name comes up, you just DO it!

 

Could you all think of just ONE thing (small to start off with) that you brother could do on a reguluar basis and then everyone praises him like a 4 year old?!

I have teenagers and work with 4 year olds - some need more praise than others!

 

Failing that, you could get your parents to read this thread - they obviously aren't listening to you and understanding how frustrated and resentful you are feeling.

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Janty Golden Egg

Janty

Posted
Posted

After reading this thread...thank you Mum and Dad for making me an only child.

 

I can't offer advise but I do like the laxative approach. I also giggled appreciatively at the thought of messing up his games console. Maybe a scratch across his favourite CD at a nicely chosen moment. Does he leave his stuff strewn all over his room? I would bide my time and make his life miserable. Does he love his car, for instance? It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.

 

Ignore me, I'm evil.

 

:twisted:

 

Failing that, get you exams sewn up, go to the furthest uni from home and never go back. Earn loads of money and have a brilliant life. Sad old brother will probably still be sad and living at home when he's fifty whilst you will be fabulous and happy.

 

:D

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Sunshine All Knowing Superchicken

Sunshine

Posted
Posted

Your brother sounds like mine, just a few years older(mine is 16 and in 6th form). He is constantly on the computer and PS3 frequently staying up until 2/3am just to play on his games. :shock:

 

However my parents do give him jobs to do-never very difficult ones, just hovering or doing the dishwasher. It always takes him a while to do them though whereas i would just get on and do them straight away to get them over a done with. He does do them eventually though as he knows if he doesnt he is not allowed on the computer/PS3 and my parents have frequently diconnected the internet and taken the PS3 off him so he now realises that its best to do it so then he can still play on his game.

 

I don't work, i just volunteer so i do more jobs during the week like hovering, tidying up, dishwasher, dusting etc. Also i help with tea but as my mum only works part time she can do jobs too. The one good thing is that i can cook and use most kitchen appliences. If my brother was asked to bake a cake or use the washing machine he wouldn't have a clue. Luckily my mum has got time to train him up before he goes off to uni!

 

I hope things get sorted for you,

 

Emma

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Couperwife Golden Egg

Couperwife

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oh hon :shock:

 

did you explain that ever loving brother had binned your brownies?

 

did you ask dad why he said that to you? - I think I would

 

oh, (and here is the girl thing :twisted: ) cry!! (no, im not that sort of girl!!) but sometimes a few suitably placed tears works wonders

 

try the :

 

sob, I dont know what ive done to upset brother sob, sob,

I made some brownies that he liked last time sob, sniffle

and then dad had a go at me, sob, sob, sob

 

what have I done wrong, why does it always seem to be something Ive done

 

oh, and add a bit about school being really stressfull and you are not coping, and everything is getting too much and oh, woe is you.

 

it may get an interesting reaction

 

 

either way, hope things settle soon

 

(((hugs)))

 

cathy

x

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kitbag Chatty Chicken

kitbag

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oh, (and here is the girl thing :twisted: ) cry!! (no, im not that sort of girl!!) but sometimes a few suitably placed tears works wonders

 

try the :

 

sob, I dont know what ive done to upset brother sob, sob,

I made some brownies that he liked last time sob, sniffle

and then dad had a go at me, sob, sob, sob

 

what have I done wrong, why does it always seem to be something Ive done

 

oh, and add a bit about school being really stressfull and you are not coping, and everything is getting too much and oh, woe is you.

 

it may get an interesting reaction

x

 

Ive done this before with my sister and parents. Trust me, it works! :whistle: *evil laugh*

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Janty Golden Egg

Janty

Posted
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Is there a family member that you could go to live with?

 

This situation is really sounding unbearable. If it continues to make you feel like this then your exam results will suffer and your future plans will be jeopardised. If living in your parents' house with your brother is making you feel this bad then you need to move.

 

If moving is not an option then try your best to study elsewhere. Local libraries have study rooms and although this is not always the most comfortable of options, it gets you out of the house, away from conflict with your brother and gives you time to concentrate.

 

As I said before, work your socks off at college then get away.

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ChrisP Frequent Layer

ChrisP

Posted
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Honey I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rubbish time :(

 

What year are you in at school? Yr11/12? Have you tried sitting your parents down and explaining that this is an important time of school and you should be able to come home and work on your school work, not on what your brother hasn't done?

 

And why don't you make him some special brownies in future with some salt in :twisted::shh:

 

Try and keep your head up hon, and remember, we're all here to listen to you when you need it :)

 

Christine x

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Looney Effusive Egg Layer

Looney

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Posted

Poor you :( It really sounds like you are having a truly rubbish time. I can't believe how your Dad spoke to you :shock:

 

You need to focus on you. Stuff the other stuff! :wink: It sounds like you can't do right for doing wrong so put yourself first. Try not to react to immature brother, him getting reactions from you is his way of exerting his power over you. I think he feels threatened/jealous of you so putting you down is his way of controlling you.

 

And perhaps next time you are criticised for not doing something by your parents you should ask for a copy of the 'how to be a perfect daughter book'! :roll::lol:

 

Slightly different situation to yours but my parents made it impossible for me to talk to them and I couldn't do anything right so I just became very good at not letting them know what I was up to! I did some quite scary things as I just rebelled and they didn't have a clue. Quite sad as when I went to uni my Dad got all emotional and said he felt like he'd missed out on his daughter from age 14 to 19.... Whatever you do, stay safe!!!

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kitbag Chatty Chicken

kitbag

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I know this is going to sound really horrible, but I just feel like not coming home after college one night, not telling them where I am, and turning my phone off.

 

I've been through the rebellious stage .. Smoking, getting incredibly drunk etc etc .. I barely spoke to my parents then, and I reckon I was alot happier aswell ....

 

 

It doesn't sound horrible at all!! I know how you feel! I too have been through the rebellious stage and although it was fun at the time, I wouldn't go back!

 

Have you thought about perhaps going away with friends at Easter for a well deserved break? It doesn't have to be expensive - just a camping trip or something! :)

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kitbag Chatty Chicken

kitbag

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Posted
I know this is going to sound really horrible, but I just feel like not coming home after college one night, not telling them where I am, and turning my phone off.

 

I've been through the rebellious stage .. Smoking, getting incredibly drunk etc etc .. I barely spoke to my parents then, and I reckon I was alot happier aswell ....

 

 

It doesn't sound horrible at all!! I know how you feel! I too have been through the rebellious stage and although it was fun at the time, I wouldn't go back!

 

Have you thought about perhaps going away with friends at Easter for a well deserved break? It doesn't have to be expensive - just a camping trip or something! :)

 

Omg Megan you're a genius! Thats such a good idea :D .

 

Aawww thanks Hun!! Glad I could help!! :D

 

Xxxxx

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