4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[Couperwife]

oh heavens

 

have you spoken to mum and dad about this (without getting wound up)

 

and explained what he is up to.

 

have you considered staying out until Mum and dad get home so they see what he "doesnt" do.

 

have you considered talking to him like a child "if you dont like your dinner as I made it, then I assume you are making tomorrows dinner - hey Mum and dad, big brother is sorting out food tomorrow..."

 

Parents can do something, he is still living under their roof, by their rules, there is no reason for him to behave inappropriately towards anyone who lives in the same house as him.

 

(((hugs)))

 

cathy

x

[kitbag]

Blimey! I'm sorry to hear this! Could you try talking to him without shouting or getting cross and saying what's bothering you instead? I would try suggesting doing one thing when he gets back from work - like lighting the fire or chopping the veg. Just taking it one step at a time!

 

Sorry I can't offer much advice , but we are all here for you if you need to rant!

 

(((hugs)))

[Ardene5]

Hi

We know how you feel and think you should talk to your Mum & Dad and explain that should he not offering any help to you in the kitchen to make a meal. Therefore you are not prepared to make the meal for him.

He should be cooking for you or helping in making the meal. If he was to leave home what or how would he eat. If he can not cook he should learn after all he should be putting something back into the family.

 

Hope this helps you.

 

Best regards

 

Ian & Valerie

[Couperwife]

then stay out late, for a week, and wait and see.

 

has this been going on for some time?

 

I dont know what else to suggest, other than talk to your parents when he is out

 

((((hugs))))

 

cathy

x

[milli]

I've been there, not with the rudeness though - my brother and I have always got on well bar the odd argument. However he has never pulled his weight around the house, I used to speak to my parents at least weekly about it but it never went anywhere. He is 28 now, still living at home and just starting to help out around the house.

 

I must say though that since I have moved out and got married and been away from it all I've discovered a lot of reasons behind things that I never considered before. My brother was born 9 weeks early and had a few problems because of it. My mum has always felt guilty and responsible and therefore always gone easy on him and wanted to protect him. She can't bear to let him go to work with dirty clothes (the consequence that would arise if she stopped doing all his washing) as she is scared he will get fired. She thinks this because she is always worried about him being out of place and bullied which is what has happened throughout his life as a consequence of his early problems.

 

So I know that none of this probably helps you right now but I just wanted to say that sometimes there are reasons behind things that we don't see (because we don't know and have never been told) and that if wasn't for him being unbelievably rude to you then I would just advise trying to get on with your life knowing that you are taking the high road and living your life to the best of your ability.

[Geoid]

Get home earlier than him and tamper with is PlayStation (remove the fuse of something)

He he he

[kitbag]

Get home earlier than him and tamper with is PlayStation (remove the fuse of something)

He he he

 

Hahaha thats actually not a bad idea ..

 

 

[Egluntyne]

That is brothers for you Laura!

 

He is winding you up because he can see that it is getting to you. Laugh it off and give as good as you get and he will soon stop.

 

Maybe your parents could have a little word with him if it really is getting too much, but if you ignore it and make a joke of it, he will no longer get a kick out of it and will lay off.

 

I bet he'd stand up for you and leap to the rescue if you needed his help despite the fact that he is being a pain now.

 

Happy families eh?

[Ygerna]

I feel your pain

 

Brothers. However, a cunning plan is required. You need to HAVE to attend a residential course as part of your Studies. Give them advance notice so that it isn't a surprise. Then come and stay with one of us Omleteers After a week they should at least be aware of how much you do, and how much he doesn't do. When you return, after a lovely relaxed break you can lay down new 'rules'. For example you could have a 'study' evening where you go straight to the library after school/college (I can't remember which it is) and stay there until at least a half hour after your parents get home. At weekends you might have a regular club/meet/other social gathering to attend. This may be real or simply an afternoon off for you to mooch aroun the shops, attend the cinema, chill out in starbucks with a massive mocha. Basically, the plan is that you are not there 7 days a week, and it will give your parents the chance to change their ways, for it seems to me that the solution is to get them to parent him, rather than bully you. I dont know how old you are, but, is any of this feasable? I am happy to offer a bed for a couple of days during one of the holidays.

 

Sending you some cyber hugs, and oodles of support.

[Lesley]

Your parents are hardly going to turn out a well rounded adult, able to cope with the real outside world are they

 

When you try to talk to them do you all sit and discuss things or do you try to catcha good moment and launch into it?

 

It may help if you could make an appointment to all sit down together and discuss the problem properly - each taking a turn to speak without interruption. Or, try writing it all down without being accusatory and asking for the chance to also have a chat about it after they've read it.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

You poor thing, Laura . It just sounds so exhausting and frustrating . I'm not sure what to suggest (although I like Fred's suggestion ).

 

I think the plan to get them all to appreciate how much you actually do is a good idea. Stop feeling guilty if you're not there to light the fire or peel the veg. He should be the one feeling guilty but is obviously incapable of that emotion .

 

And above all, try your hardest to keep calm and serene when he's having a go at you. If he sees you're not reacting, maybe he'll not bother so much .

 

Sweetheart, it sounds like you are so much more mature, grounded, helpful, practical and sensible than him. Your parents should be very proud of you - I think I can speak for all the Omleteers when I say that we all are .

[Seagazer]

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time Laura.

 

One thing that sprung to my mind is...... does your family have old fashioned ideas, you know girls do the housework stuff and the boys do all the diy, putting the rubbish out type of things? My family was like that. My sister and I had to do the cleaning, mum did all the cooking, dad supervised and basically my brother didn't do anything (he was away in the navy most of the time).

 

I have to say that my brother was very grumpy at about that age and my ES can be incredibly grumpy sometimes (he's mostly lovely with me but with his younger brother its war).

 

I think the division of labour is unfair but if you've spoken lots of times to your parents I'm not sure how you can change it apart from not doing anything. But then you are likely to get into trouble.

 

Sorry, I haven't been much help.

[Dodge]

It looks to me that you are being completely taken for granted in your house, not only by your brother, but your parents as well. Your parents have 2 children living at home and yet all the chores are directed at you. I assume that your brother is paying his "keep" so thinks that he can do as he likes at home including using you as a doormat.

 

Do you have a close friend that you could ask if you could stay with them for a few days?

If so, I would then pack a bag and announce at the tea table that you will not be taken for granted any more and tell them all that you are leaving home. On the way out give your mum a letter which you have prepared listing all the reasons why you feel you are being taken for granted, so it is in black and white for all to see.

 

This is drastic steps I know, but unless you take a stand, then you will never get out of this rut. After a couple of days, I am sure your parents will have had a rethink about the way they treat you and hopefully sort out your bone idle brother once and for all.

 

Kind regards and good luck.

[earthmam1]

I feel your pain

 

Brothers. However, a cunning plan is required. You need to HAVE to attend a residential course as part of your Studies. Give them advance notice so that it isn't a surprise. Then come and stay with one of us Omleteers After a week they should at least be aware of how much you do, and how much he doesn't do. When you return, after a lovely relaxed break you can lay down new 'rules'. For example you could have a 'study' evening where you go straight to the library after school/college (I can't remember which it is) and stay there until at least a half hour after your parents get home. At weekends you might have a regular club/meet/other social gathering to attend. This may be real or simply an afternoon off for you to mooch aroun the shops, attend the cinema, chill out in starbucks with a massive mocha. Basically, the plan is that you are not there 7 days a week, and it will give your parents the chance to change their ways, for it seems to me that the solution is to get them to parent him, rather than bully you. I dont know how old you are, but, is any of this feasable? I am happy to offer a bed for a couple of days during one of the holidays.

 

I think that is good advice. I have thre boys 18, 20 and 22 and believe me when they reach a certain age (10 - 20ish) they are from another planet. It does sound to me that there are anger and perhaps jealousy problems on his part. It may well be the only answer is to completely ignore him(very hard to do) or get help (insight ) from other members of your family. I also love Freds idea

 

sue

 

still messed up the quotes bit

[clootie]

Put some Senecots in his dinner of an evening (not too much mind ) that should keep him out of the way for a while and clean him out at the same time!

 

Naughty Clootie (yes I too have an older brother so I'm not that malicious)

[stoice]

I have the same brother!

 

Only mine is now 32 and I've moved out but he is still at home. I don't see him ever leaving as he's got it made. My mum does everything now, she's his maid, cook, cleaner etc. It's his hotel. It's only as i moved out i realised how much i DIDN'T do around the house compared to owning my own home. I would hoover and cook some meals etc. But it was still more than my brother ever managed. He developed his behaviour of non-participation mostly from watching my dad. He's never helped with household chores but then he works every hour in his home office as he's self employed only my brother seems to ignore that fact and copy the 'no housework rule' as if it's a rule for all the men in the house.

 

His attitude stinks too. We've never really got on. Always fought. Similar stuff to what your brother says Laura. Often had me in tears. But since I've moved out it's better. Mostly because then I don't have to see him for weeks on end. My parents complain about his attitude that he directs towards them now! Yet they never do anything, just roll their eyes and ignore it. feels like they created a monster but now he's in his 30's they can hardly 'put him across their knee'

 

It's very frustrating. He has got better as he got older. He's still bone idle but every now and again will do something really nice in another way that surprises me.

 

I'm sorry this doesn't really help you Laura but I'm just letting you know that you're not alone. It seems a few of us have troublesome brothers to deal with.

 

Sending you hugs and hope things improve.

Maybe suggest a rota to divide chores equally?

 

S xxx

[Mrs Webmuppet]

He sounds like my brother.

 

He is two years younger than me but he is still a pain ( and he's 40 now) I remember him doing very little when I lived at home because he was a total disaster.............I believe he can just about make a cup of tea now.......He married some years ago but I don't think his wife lets him do much. He is all brain and absolutely no sense. I am the practical one

[Cinnamon]

Your parents are hardly going to turn out a well rounded adult, able to cope with the real outside world are they

 

 

 

Quite.

 

I think there is a tendancy for some parents of a certain generation to treat their sons like kings, letting them get away with whatever they like,at the expense of their daughters who 'should know how to do housework'

 

Very messed up if you ask me

 

A few people I know have even sent their boys to private fee paying school, while their girls go to the local comp as 'its not so important for girls'

 

You have my sympathy Laura, & I do hope that your folks are modern enough to be able to see what they are doing.

[Chook n Boo Mum]

Re: 18 YO brother for sale ...

Laura, you really aren't doing very well on the sales pitch, he's not looking a very attractive purchase....maybe free to a good home (or first passing tramp ) would be more appropriate !

 

You have my sympathy with the ratbag brother, I have a ratbag sister, but since we left home, life has become much more bearable, although she still talks down to me as though I am a piece of dirt at times, and can never do wrong as far as my Mum is concerned

 

All the advice above is good stuff, learned through experience, I hope everything settles soon....if you are near me, or you don't have to attend college for a few days, I'm happy to offer a bed for a few nights if it would help too.

 

{{{hugs}}}

 

Sha x

[Cooks]

Things get better Laura trust me!, I had your brother I am sure I did and he's now a very nice person, but living with him was hell.

 

Try ignoring his every little comment, I did, I only spoke to mine if there was a nice comment or normal conversation if there was a nasty comment I would ignore he even spoke. Or at one point I laughed in his face, hillariously for weeks every time he said something nasty.

Your too nice a person to let this get you down, your stronger than that, rise above it, you can do it. xxxxx

[Couperwife]

Try ignoring his every little comment, I did, I only spoke to mine if there was a nice comment or normal conversation if there was a nasty comment I would ignore he even spoke. Or at one point I laughed in his face, hillariously for weeks every time he said something nasty.

Your too nice a person to let this get you down, your stronger than that, rise above it, you can do it. xxxxx

 

I like this idea CM

 

I offer this advice to children at school.

 

hope things settle soon Laura

 

more (((hugs)))

 

cathy

x

[Rhapsody]

Blimey! You poor thing. I agree with the others, you have to stop being your brother's maid and whipping boy. Explain to your parents that it is the 21st Century and the situation at home for you is intolerable. Then go stay with some friends (or just stay out until they are home then refuse to do any chores when you get home just like he does) and let your parents put up with the monster they have created alone for a while. Do not feel guilty if your parents are having to come home to a thirsty dog and a cold house, they are responsible for this problem, but letting you suffer the consequences means they don't have to. (sorry if that sounds harsh on your folks I'm just trying to be honest)

Failing that I am quite happy to come over and ding him upside the head for you.

[Cooks]

@ Rhapsody he sounds like he needs it actually.

[Mutrix Farmers]

Really sorry to hear of your woes Laura. If moving out isn't an option, you really need to talk to them all (including brother) about how you feel. But this time it mustn't turn into a fight, put your points over from how the actions/words make you feel.

 

Mum and Dad don't sound like they are helping your brother turn into a well rounded responsible adult, he just sounds indulged and spoilt. Some parents have difficulty accepting that their little boy is grown up, they seem to accept it better with girls. Also boys/men don't see things need doing, so he doesn't fill the dog's water bowl up because he doesn't realise it needs doing (I know that sounds illogical to a girl but it's true none the less). He might sound like he resents you but it could be that he feels inadequate compared to you and deals with this by ridiculing you all the time.

 

I've heard of 2 approaches; 1. pity him or 2. ignore him completely, act like he doesn't exist (although I like Fred's suggestion to take the batteries out of the playstation)

 

Big hugs to you Laura, I hope you find a solution.

[Seagazer]

I think Mutrix Farmer has a point there that on the one hand he might not actually notice that things need doing. My OH could quite happily live in a pig sty and often doesn't notice things and dare I say it do you automatically do it for him so that he doesn't really have a chance.

 

Sometimes mums are like this when they have a baby. The hubby feels inadequate and then gives up trying to do things for the baby cos the mum says 'oh just let me do it, you don't do it right' sort of thing. Does that make sense. Now that I've written it down I actually know that I do it with my family with the ironing. I like ironing and I think they are useless at it so I always stop them or redo it

 

Thats it I'm going to stop doing it for them otherwise they will never learn.

 

It sounds to me as if he is a bit jealous of you and may feel that he is not good enough.