BeckyBoo Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi there, how did you get on this weekend (fe days ago now!) Just wondering if there had been any developments at all? BeckyBoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi there, how did you get on this weekend (fe days ago now!) Just wondering if there had been any developments at all? BeckyBoo Well, not really. There was a strong feeling that it wouldn't be a good time to discuss it. However, the Mum of the cousins on the other side (sorry it isn't clearer, she's my aunt's sister) is also very upset. It turns out her 3 grandchildren can't be left with other grandparents as we first thought and she is also rather unhappy that they aren't invited. None of the parents would be happy to leave their children in the situation I described. My cousin has planned her wedding with several small bridesmaids and pageboys, only two of whom are attending the wedding breakfast (grooms neice and nephew) but no other children. It seems odd as she is close to all the children, likes them and enjoys their company. I suspect it is to do with limited places and costs of the reception venue, and with us being a fairly large number once partners and kids are factored in. Her finace's family are much smaller so there is probably room for the children on their side! I have to come to the conclusion that my cousin has probably decided later on in the day to have a 'no children' wedding, which is fine, her choice. She may have to accept that if the kids can't attend and there is no suitable option for them, not all the adults will be able to attend either. I would be sad not to go, we all go to all family events, always. Wedding invitations were to be handed out on Sunday, to save having to post them all - this didn't happen and no mention was made of weddings for the entire day. I wasn't about to be the awkward person who brought up the subject and insisted on a discussion! Now all we can do is wait for the invitation, see what it says, then find a kind and polite way to respond. There is no way this would be a reason for me to be rude or unkind to them, but I wonder if in a few years, with their own children on the scene, they will realise what a tactless suggestions they have made?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyber Chook Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hi Helen, I just read your post, and no, I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all, not that it matters really what others think - you feel how you feel, and you're clearly hurt and upset by your cousin's decisions, and not alone in feeling that by the sounds of it. Iit sounds like they've got themselves in a real tangle, allowing some children to go, which has added to the hurt for others rather than proved a good solution. I know when I got married, my brain went into meltdown, trying to organise it and get that difficult balance between gettting the day that we wanted, and the compromising of trying to make sure other people weren't too upset/offended either. As you say, it's her day and up to her (them) to stipulate who comes and who doesn't, and it is so different once you've had children yourself, isn't it. I know that when I didn't have any, I only had the vaguest idea about them - maybe your cousin is under so much stress she's not thinking straight, and actually can't properly understand that OF COURSE you can't leave little ones with someone they don't know. I think you did well not to put your head above the parapet and be the one to mention the Unmentionable on that awkward day! You seem to be dealing with it with great sensitivity towards your cousin, and understand her dilemma. So anyway now you are waiting to hear from them. She might be feeling quite sensitive and defensive about this, and anxious that people are going to get upset. Perhaps if you talk to her, you could start by acknowledging how hard it must be to plan her day. AND that the trouble is, you really do want to attend her wedding, but your children would not feel happy or safe with a stranger so far away. You must feel happy that they are happy, and so as it stands, you don't feel you have any option but to not come, which isn't what you want. You could ask her if you can help her think of how to manage this. Families eh? Good luck!! Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Just a thought YP. As there are other children in the same situation why not club together and you pay for childcare at the venue or nearby for them and take someone with you (not me ) to look after the children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
