Part 0800.0005

[Snowy]

Oh ANH, very difficult when you feel you are stuck in the middle I occasionally have to tell OH to back off, but luckily he does listen. It definitely helps - mine has ground rules, but is now allowed to make his own decisions and has stayed very sensible. (((hugs))) take a deep breath and it will soon sort itself out - it's just another 'phase'.

[fluffyknickers]

I cant help in terms of having the same as have a 5 and 3 year old - however do remember the days very well myself!

 

As been said, soon when he is at uni you wont know what he is doing or where he is at til you get the call/text in the day...BUT while he is still at home I think its fair to explain you cannot relax until he is in or you know where he is. Its not unreasonable to ask to be texted/called if he decides to stay out or even tell you before he goes out if he wont be coming home then maybe text you later in the night just to say "all ok see you tomorrow".

 

My mum used to say to my brother and I "just humour me" - meaning just go along with it and we will all get a quiet life.

 

Personally if I were him I would say I wasnt coming home before I left then if I did decide to go home its a bonus - but dont put that idea in his head!

 

And choosing your time for this discussion is important too. I used to HATE it when I would walk in from being out and lack of sleep and my mum would start talking to me about where I had been, who with and could I let her know where I was as she would worry I was in a ditch etcetc! I just didnt have the energy and hardly speak and you just dont want to hear it til youve eaten and showered and refreshed!

 

Saying all this if college/school is affected and drinking gets over the top then a firmer hand would be reasonable.

 

I am SO not looking forward to all this.

x

[The Dogmother]

He sounds sensible to me ANH, just a tad uncommunicative, but then show me a teenage boy who isn't at times.

 

Rhapsody seems to have a good plan there (thought of you at the weekend, when we pitched up to the airfield just as a convoy of silver fox bikers arrived )

 

Rosie is just starting to rebel and I have had to lay down some ground rules. I was a bit of a nightmare as a teen, but wasn't disrespectful to my folks, they found it hard to understand though as they come from an era before teenagers were invented.

[Rhapsody]

Rhapsody seems to have a good plan there (thought of you at the weekend, when we pitched up to the airfield just as a convoy of silver fox bikers arrived )

 

What plan? I'm just trying to keep everyone happy really

 

And PHWOAR!!!!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Actually, your setup sounds similar to mine, Rhapsody - ES and I get on really well and have a great laugh most of the time .

 

Well, peace reigns once more . I should get a job as a peace negotiator .

 

I put it to OH that ES has always been a good lad and that we don't want to jeopardise our remaining time with him. We know who he's with for these parties, what he's drinking and that he's in a house, not at a nightclub in town. He agreed pretty readily so I think we're OK .

 

And ES said thanks so result all round . (And there are no parties in the near future!)

[abwsco]

If it helps tell him my DD's are usually out until 6.30am if they've gone clubbing. will now go and hide as everyone will think us bad parents

[The Dogmother]

Rhapsody seems to have a good plan there (thought of you at the weekend, when we pitched up to the airfield just as a convoy of silver fox bikers arrived )

 

What plan? I'm just trying to keep everyone happy really

 

And PHWOAR!!!!

 

Early Sunday mornings, depending on the weather. Wellesbourne airfield. They might let you sit on their V-Rod if you behave

[Ms Marple]

Ha ha. Abwsco's post just had me in fits

Seriously though, I have been where you are Vicki in that I have two boys- 21 and graduating this summer and 18 - a week ago. You possibly may recall a couple of my recent FB status comments! My husband is very much the alpha male but with two far younger versions very much stepping on his heels whenever they can in the sense that they challenge etc and I try to keep the peace- specifically I try to get him to talk to them and he says - I'll talk when the time comes my dad didn't talk to me at this age either

 

They will always challenge no matter how liberal and fair you believe yourself to be - after all what is the point of being a teenager if you don't get to wind up your parents? It is the safest place to try out your challenges - on those you love.

 

I don't mean to be awfully flippant, my YS went through a difficult phase and I was desperately sad when he left on his gap year and each time I dropped him at uni, but it gets better and they want to come home and it is really a great feeling knowing that! He is a super young man now - makes me feel very proud.

 

My YS continues to challenge us on an almost weekly basis - but I have to believe that he will come through it. On Monday of last week he was 18, we went out for a great family meal. The previous Saturday I let him have about 35 friends over to a 'Toga' party - I must be mad - however I teach at their school so I reckoned that would make us safe and it did. In addition I was described as a cool mum

However, Wed came, he and girlfriend split up and 3am he takes my car to go and see her!!!! Gets stopped by the police, no insurance, only a provisional licence-we get phoned to go and get him and drive the car back. OMG its likely to be 6 points before he even passes his test.

 

What to do next - carry on hoping and loving. There is no point in recriminating. He is really not a bad lad, even if I am his mother. Do you remember those baby books you may have read when your boys were little? My 'bible' used to be Penny Leach. They always stopped at age 5 - we know why now!

 

Sorry I didn't mean to go on so much or so long - a bit cathartic for me too. It will get better, you will be able to look back on it and smile if only wryly!!

[abwsco]

Ha ha. Abwsco's post just had me in fits

However, Wed came, he and girlfriend split up and 3am he takes my car to go and see her!!!! Gets stopped by the police, no insurance, only a provisional licence-we get phoned to go and get him and drive the car back. OMG its likely to be 6 points before he even passes his test.

 

What to do next - carry on hoping and loving. There is no point in recriminating. He is really not a bad lad, even if I am his mother. Do you remember those baby books you may have read when your boys were little? My 'bible' used to be Penny Leach. They always stopped at age 5 - we know why now!

 

Sorry I didn't mean to go on so much or so long - a bit cathartic for me too. It will get better, you will be able to look back on it and smile if only wryly!!

 

Glad I made you laugh Terri

 

Sorry to hear about the car incident I can imagine what you must be feeling but at least he didn't injure himself or anyone else. They really do seem to leave their brains behind sometimes don't they

[sadietoo]

 

My 'bible' used to be Penny Leach. They always stopped at age 5 - we know why now!

 

Penny Leach was great...but apparently not the nicest person herself. I often wonder if that accounts for my DS moody moments

[Valkyrie]

It's also quite normal for OH's to go OTT with their sons - mine did. Took a while and I had to have words with both of them. Stern ones. But they seem to have aired their differences and at least talk civilly to each other now - thank goodness. I see a light at the end of the tunnel at long last.

[Janepie33]

Sadly my DD seems to be suffering from this syndrome too. She is off to Uni in September and seems to be becoming more and more distant by the second.

In a bid to reclaim some of the closeness we once had , I took her to see the film 'Whip It' (highly recommended! ) this afternoon.

 

Alas, I spoiled the moment by becoming the most embarrassing mother in the world by asking a group of rowdy children who had gatecrashed the film to be quiet and then seeking the assistance from the cinema staff who removed the children. (Others had also complained before me ).

 

How is it that these teen people can make you feel very small and the worst mother in the world??!!

[Seagazer]

Thats their job though isn't it unfortunately? My youngest doesn't become a teenager until December but he is already displaying signs that he finds us incredibly annoying and embarrassing. Luckily the lovely 12 year old is in there still and fights with the growing teenager - it is a struggle though.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'm happy to report that the old ES is (mostly) back to normal . He's not been out since his 5 nights out on the trot and although he's sleeping for Scotland (he has a cold so I'm letting him!) is being quite nice when he's awake .

 

I'm sure it'll all change soon enough though .