Alis girls Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I make no apologies for this topic - how times have changed. My ES asked if I would run him, a friend and another lad to the bus stop. Having agreed and having asked if i knew the other "friend" it appears the lad has BO. Having reprimanded ES for being rude it appears several of the lads and girls have told this boy he needs to shower and use deodorant and hes refused. Apparently he stinks. I asked what his parents think and ES didnt know. I must admit yrs ago we would never have said anything to a smelly person. having agreed to taking them I drove OH's car (not mine) with head sticking out of open window. Actually it must of been wash day as I couldnt smell much but was taking no chances. Didnt tell OH I took his car though I admire them for their honestly but suspect tact doesnt feature much in it as teenagers are not known for their tact are they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Poor lad. Perhaps he has an illness. Maybe he isn't getting the guidance he needs at home. Lucky that he has you to help him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I agree that perhaps he isn't getting much guidance from his parents. Perhaps the reason he 'refuses' to use deoderant is to save face - to look like he couldn't care less - rather than admit he isn't allowed or his parents won't buy him any I went to 6th form with a girl who didn't shave her legs or armpits and she was teased by the boys, and a few girls, about it. She always said she just didn't want to shave and couldn't care less what others thought. As it turns out, her parents wouldn't allow her to have a razor or shave but she didn't want anyone to know and draw attention to her home life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadietoo Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I went to 6th form with a girl who didn't shave her legs or armpits and she was teased by the boys, and a few girls, about it. She always said she just didn't want to shave and couldn't care less what others thought. As it turns out, her parents wouldn't allow her to have a razor or shave but she didn't want anyone to know and draw attention to her home life. Splutters indignantly into her wine..why is it necessary for women to shave?. ...half of europe never bothered, until fashion dictated that we should.... Also fashion dicatates we should all be size zero..but (thankfully) not many conform to that.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 No my French penfriend and her mates were all hairy of armpit -we English girls were shocked but we were only 17 so anything shocked us in the 1970's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Unfortunately school kids tend to pick on what isn't the norm and she was the only girl that didn't shave... not saying it's right! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 I think what annoys the kids is he refuses to wash but they dont know why - my son was saying in a hot classroom the smell is not nice. Probably he is standing his ground but there are better ways to do it. I just dont think being smelly is one of them. I can remember ES for a while refused to wear deodorant and we had a few words about it - eventually he saw my point that it is unpleasant for others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I think that the main point to remember here is that he IS a KID,as you say yourself. All rationality & reason is gone. He will get over it & to be quite frank,if others who are affected by his decision to be how he is & can come out of it with grace,then maybe they will be better people for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Perhaps deodorant is seen as a luxury in this poor lads household & the family put other things before this ' luxury' item? Perhaps they are extremely frugal & maybe also on a water meter? There will probably be an underlying reason for why he doesn't wear deodorant or wash? Perhaps if he was allowed on a sleepover - where he was allowed a shower & left a few discreet toiletries on his bed - he would love it & really appreciate it? I feel very sorry for this lad. It could of course all be hormones or an illness. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyjulian Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 If someone washes themselves and their clothes regularly, they shouldn't need deodorant. Deodorant's a nice thing to use so that you stay fresher for longer, but even without it people don't actually smell. Bad smell = poor hygiene or a medical condition, not a lack of aerosol product. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shirl Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I hold my hands up to having a smelly son. He used to be so bad that I used to say bluntly "you stink , have a shower". When he moved out we found loads of bottles of shower gel etc that had been given as presents over the years and not been used. I hated going in the car with him and if I knew I had to I'd tell him to shower first. He had a very weird perception of cleanliness, he would shower before playing football and not after. I spoke to him about it so many times but he just couldn't understand the reasoning. Since he moved out he does seem to be cleaner, well either that or he showers before we meet up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 If someone washes themselves and their clothes regularly, they shouldn't need deodorant. Deodorant's a nice thing to use so that you stay fresher for longer, but even without it people don't actually smell. Bad smell = poor hygiene or a medical condition, not a lack of aerosol product. I think, or rather I know some people do sweat more than others. I have to use an extra strong antiperspirant deodorant (currently Trust) and this doesn't always work, so I use a back up spray as well. And I wash every morning as well. I would love to be one of those people who can just use a regular deodorant and not have to worry, but unfortunately I am not So I don't think its always down to bad hygiene. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 I went to school with a "smelly" girl. She was a lovely person - but stunk, and always looked greasy. Somehow though she avoided being bullied or picked on, and wasn't an "outcast" in anyway. She did not always turn up a lot to school, and I remember if ever we had a group project we never assumed that she would turn up to do the presentation or anything - and that was just the way it was. She was pretty smart as well I recall - in the top set of most subjects. One day she turned round to me and said "I know I smell" - it was the sadest thing ever to hear, and as a naive 14yr old I had no idea how to respond, and didn't, just carried on as before with her as our friend. Not long later she was taken into care, and we never saw her again. I think about her every now and again, and wander what she went through at home, that we as her friends had absolutely no idea about, and probably could never imagine. I guess the smell was just a sympton of a lot of other issues. I am glad we accepted her as she was, and always hope that our friendship was some sort of positive constant in her life up until she went into care - even if it was was just a few hours at school each week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Some people do have a problem with excess perspiration,we had a girl in our year at school who had an odour problem, it was not down to lack of hygiene, but to a missing enzyme in her body. I remember seeing something about this on embarassing bodies a while ago. It can be controlled by excluding certain foods from the diet. We knew that she wasn't dirty but ditn't understand how she could still smell so bad, she sat behind me in geography and I didn't like it but it really wasn't her fault. I think it is much easier to treat these problems now, but I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with this on a day to day basis. My DS is not the cleanest teenager in the world and we have to nag him to shower and change his clothes, but with 2 sisters and a mother and a clean dad, we are getting there. I would take a look at the lad's hair and if that looks greasy it is more likely lack of washing, if it looks clean then he has other issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 I went to school with a "smelly" girl. She was a lovely person - but stunk, and always looked greasy. Somehow though she avoided being bullied or picked on, and wasn't an "outcast" in anyway. She did not always turn up a lot to school, and I remember if ever we had a group project we never assumed that she would turn up to do the presentation or anything - and that was just the way it was. She was pretty smart as well I recall - in the top set of most subjects. One day she turned round to me and said "I know I smell" - it was the sadest thing ever to hear, and as a naive 14yr old I had no idea how to respond, and didn't, just carried on as before with her as our friend. Not long later she was taken into care, and we never saw her again. I think about her every now and again, and wander what she went through at home, that we as her friends had absolutely no idea about, and probably could never imagine. I guess the smell was just a sympton of a lot of other issues. I am glad we accepted her as she was, and always hope that our friendship was some sort of positive constant in her life up until she went into care - even if it was was just a few hours at school each week. what a lovely person you are children can be cruel and bully anyone who is different so it seems you were not as naive as you think at 14 but treated her kindly and accepted her as a friend. I see youngsters at work who are in the most appauling social situations at home & their apparent lack of cleanliness reflects the general lack of care they receive, its very sad that we still have families who cannot cope & look after themselves or their children well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
