Pro - Does anyone else's nest boxes get soaked in rain?

[scarlettohara]

and some bad Finally had a response to my divorce petition (he has a useless solicitor ) He has agreed to pay half my costs (his solicitor actually asked my solicitor 'what will your costs be ? Like she can tell at this stage!) and that we can stay in our home until June 2012 when boys will be 21. However this is on the basis that when we sell the house we get equal shares. I have petitioned for a property adjustment as he now lives rent free and stands to inherit a lot of money from his father, I expect he will withdraw the offer of us staying if I pursue this

[Tiggy]

its a horrible time, but I hope things go well for you

[WitchHazel]

Is the property still mortgaged?

 

If so, it would seem reasonable to ask him to pay half the mortgage until such time as the property is sold, and then split the proceeds 50/50.

 

I can imagine that it is galling that he lives rent free at the moment, but I think (if I were he) I'd still be expecting half the value of the property; either half the current value and no further contributions, or half the sale value in 2012, in which case I'd expect to pay hallf the mortgage and half the buildings insurance.

 

The fact that he stands to inherit from his father doesn't really come into it. I mean, I know it does emotionally for you but, looked at from a step back, I really don't think it does. If you were going to inherit from your parents, would you think it right that you should have a smaller proportion of your marital home on that basis?

 

Please don't think I'm being mean, I'm not. I think you are in a horrible situation, and that in this sort of situation it's so easy to get lost and hurt and bitter, and to feel cheated at every turn. There is often so much pain and loss and resentment that it becomes difficult - impossible sometimes - to take a step back and look at it from the opposite viewpoint, or from the viewpoint your rational self might have had before all this happened to you. I would guessthat also, your close friends see how hurt you are and how this is affecting you (and they see all the details of the mean and horrible things that the ex partner does as well) that so that generally they would sympathise, empathise, and support the view you have.

 

Obviously I don't know you, and I don't know anything about your situation other than the bits you've shared. I don't pretend to know how you are feeling right now - and I'm not trying to tell you that how you are feeling is wrong. It isn't. You feel how you feel, and you are right (and you have every right) to feel how you feel.

 

I just know that sometimes, for me, it helps to hear an independent view. Even if I don't agree with it, or I don't like it.

 

to you. And it will pass. Eventually.

[scarlettohara]

Yes he does pay half and I agree with everything you say. However that is all I am asking for and he knows that I would have to move away from St Albans and leave the boys behind. He has plenty of money of his own (his Dad is a millionaire ). I have limited earnings and no chance of inheritence really.

[Willow]

However that is all I am asking for

 

Should you be asking for more ? If nothing else as a bargaining chip to accept the lower deal of what you want really. I do think you need some good advice on what you are entitled to and ask for that from the offset.

[scarlettohara]

However that is all I am asking for

 

Should you be asking for more ? If nothing else as a bargaining chip to accept the lower deal of what you want really. I do think you need some good advice on what you are entitled to and ask for that from the offset.

 

I have the same legal firm as Cheryl Cole so think I am in good hands I am not boasting but my solicitor was recommended by a friend. She has written to me today and pooh poohed everything in their proposal. Nothing is being decided financially until he makes full financial disclosure and she has told me the court will almost certainly make him pay all my costs as I am divorcing him on the basis on his adultery (apparently the actual divorce costs only amount to £2,000, I have actually already paid over £7,000 )

[Omletina Kyckling]

Just wanted to send you lots ofhugs and support at this awful time. As many on here know, I went through all of this last year and it was my friends on the forum who got me through it.

There are times now when I wonder if I should have done as my solicitor advised and stuck out for half of everything, even if it meant going to court, but I couldn't have stayed a day longer than I had to as I felt I was literally dying inside so I agreed to go for less to get out sooner (still enough, don't get me wrong). One of the things I specifically said I wouldn't go after was his inheritance (which he already had as he'd lost both of his parents) as to me, it didn't seem right and one day, hopefully a long time in the distance, I will have a small inheritance from my parents.

I just hope it will all work out for you. Every day will seem to go by so slowly at the moment but you'll find in a year's time that all of this was a distant memory and you will be a stronger person for it. Hugs xx

[redhotchick]

What is a property adjustment?

How would the boys be able to afford to stay if you couldn't? Would he be helping to pay for them to stay?

What ever happens, know that you can get through this. x

[scarlettohara]

Omletina - I think of you all the time, you are an inspiration for me, you have your lovely cottage and garden and you do all sorts of stuff on your own. I know that I can have those things one day and be happy

 

A property adjustment is when one party gets say 75% of the equity and the other 25% instead of 50/50, this would allow me to buy a property that we can all live in. He has the means to buya property without this house being sold.

[Omletina Kyckling]

Omletina - I think of you all the time, you are an inspiration for me, you have your lovely cottage and garden and you do all sorts of stuff on your own. I know that I can have those things one day and be happy

 

You've made me cry! That's a lovely thing to say. A year ago, I'd never have believed I could do anything without my ex's permission and certainly not any real DIY but it's amazing what this process does to you in terms of making you a stronger person. You will come out of this so much better and you are young enough to start again. I can honestly say I feel no pressure to look for anybody else, this is my time and I'm not wasting it with somebody unless they are really right for me, so I'm having time out at the moment. We're all behind you xx

[scarlettohara]

I feel just the same - Just remember when you feel rubbish how much you have achieved and still have to achieve - that's what I do

[Mercedes55]

and some bad Finally had a response to my divorce petition (he has a useless solicitor ) He has agreed to pay half my costs (his solicitor actually asked my solicitor 'what will your costs be ? Like she can tell at this stage!) and that we can stay in our home until June 2012 when boys will be 21. However this is on the basis that when we sell the house we get equal shares. I have petitioned for a property adjustment as he now lives rent free and stands to inherit a lot of money from his father, I expect he will withdraw the offer of us staying if I pursue this

 

It does seem very unfair I think, especially as he is financially secure himself. Would it hurt him to let you just keep the house? You have children together and he should at least make sure you are all financially secure for the future, not just till your children are 21. What does he expect you do do then, sell up and live in a cardboard box

 

When my ex left me, which was back in 1987, I bought out his share of our house for £1,000 as he was desperate to get his name off the mortgage and there was no way I was going to do anything that would make me homeless in the future, so I stuck to my guns until he relented and I'm glad that I did as I have health problems and cannot work and would most likely have ended up having to ask the council to house me if I had to sell our home.

[j00lz_12366]

Hi

I just wanted to wish you my best, I am shortly going to be putting in for a divorce-I have waited a while before doing this so we could go for the no fault option even though there were many things I could have used as ammunition but didnt because I knew he would use other things against me. (sounds mysterious I know!)

When I left my then o/H i was in a position where I had been told for many years that I was no good at anything, that I was lucky to have someone like him etc but yet when I left-after 1 too many physical 'altercations' I was not the one who fell apart. I was able to change my 1st ever plug at the age of 41 and live for the 1st time ever on my own. I now look back at the person I was and I am nothing like that now.

Good luck for the future and whatever it brings

[Omletina Kyckling]

Hi

I just wanted to wish you my best, I am shortly going to be putting in for a divorce-I have waited a while before doing this so we could go for the no fault option even though there were many things I could have used as ammunition but didnt because I knew he would use other things against me. (sounds mysterious I know!)

When I left my then o/H i was in a position where I had been told for many years that I was no good at anything, that I was lucky to have someone like him etc but yet when I left-after 1 too many physical 'altercations' I was not the one who fell apart. I was able to change my 1st ever plug at the age of 41 and live for the 1st time ever on my own. I now look back at the person I was and I am nothing like that now.

Good luck for the future and whatever it brings

 

Good luck to you too, your story sounds identical to mine, I too was told for many years how I was fat, stupid, ignorant, lazy, incapable etc. but now I find at the age of 42 I can build sheds, decorate my own house (with "Ooops, word censored!"ody to say "there's a drip there") etc. and I'm getting texts all the time from my ex saying we made a big mistake and he wants me back!! Amazing!

This forum is such a fabulous support network when we go through changes in life. Without it, not sure where I'd be, if anywhere at all!

[j00lz_12366]

yep....

very familiar! We've been apart nearly 2 years now, so I can do the no fault divorce soon-when I left him I knew my new partner but we didnt move in together for nearly a year after I left but i know he would 'use' that although for every one thing he brought up against me I could probably get about 3 against him I dont feel it is worth the aggro-I am far happier than I have been before with my lovley new partner who tells me how much i CAN do and he gets on really well with my daughter whereas my ex...well, he's not quite as settled.

So, to all of us who have been told we cant, yes we bloody well can!

[scarlettohara]

And doesn't changing a plug, decorating or mneding something yourself give you a buzz I have even bought a jigsaw and managed not to cut off my hand as a helpful man in the shop suggested

 

He could have divorced you for unreasonable behaviour by saying you just didn't do any housework I'm divorcing my ex for adultery purely because he wouldn't wait 2 years (I think he thinks he will hold onto his money if we are divorced) and my son's told him if he divorced me for unreasonable behaviour they would never speak to him again

 

Mercedes - my solictior is 'driving' for the property adjustment (as she describes it) but I can't afford to go to ridiculous lengths.

 

Went to Reading bantam show today and met up with friends and had a great time. We were talking about someone being dumped by text on Christmas day, I laughingly told them that I was dumped by email and it wasn't even to me It was from her to him and left up for me to find

[Chook n Boo Mum]

Went to Reading bantam show today and met up with friends and had a great time. We were talking about someone being dumped by text on Christmas day, I laughingly told them that I was dumped by email and it wasn't even to me It was from her to him and left up for me to find

 

Good grief some people are beyond belief ..I missed that conversation, but would have been gobsmacked if I'd heard....a friend is going through similar with her extremely-greedy-soon-to-be-ex........she was being very reasonable until he knocked her to the ground (not the first time) and the children and her sister heards her screams of pain & the police got involved resulting in an injunction & court appearance, strangely she's not feeling so easy-going towards him

 

{{big hugs}} Sara & Diane you have come so far {{hugs}} too.......

 

Sha x

[j00lz_12366]

I think some people-not just men, when they feel desperate cant control themselves and may lash out. I had more than 1 incident of violence against me in our marriage, but it was the verbal stuff that was harder to handle-the little digs and the threats of what would happen later that seemed to be more damaging. When he finally did hit me i thought 'at last, he's done it, I can go!'...sadly it didnt work like that..but did eventually

The interesting thing now for me is just how much I have changed, I would NEVER put up with that treatment now and I havetried to instill into my daughter that she must never do either-also that if anything ever did happen, I would always be there for her, something that sadly I didnt have.

Anyone who is in that situation now, try to be strong and be safe!

[Rhapsody]

Just popped into this thread to say good luck and best wishes to those dealing with this- and to make you laugh I'm a litttle bit spaced out on the sofa with a virus and read this title as "some goldfish news about my divorce" I think I need a nap....

[scarlettohara]

It shall be known as the Goldfish Divorce from now on

[Omletina Kyckling]

I can see front page news.....custody battle over goldfish in divorce.......perhaps? lol

We have to laugh

[scarlettohara]

I never cease to laugh at him now

[Goosey Lucy]

Just popped into this thread to say good luck and best wishes to those dealing with this- and to make you laugh I'm a litttle bit spaced out on the sofa with a virus and read this title as "some goldfish news about my divorce" I think I need a nap....

 

Sorry you're crook, but every time I've read this thread title I've misread it as goldfish. And I can't blame a virus, just me being me

 

Back On Topic... I hope all works out for everyone going through such a tough time. Eventually you'll come out the other side x

[Rhapsody]

Glad some use has come out of my delirium!