Alis girls Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 really wanted pointers from others and OH's who had been thro this. OH is 55 and is taking redundancy - hes in IT and has been in his job for 30yrs. If he doesnt take it now by the end of the year he will lose some of his company pension and some redundancy. We have thought long and hard about this. We've never been well off - always sort of made do - we arent extravagnant - and like a lot of women I have worked part time. He aims to take a bit of time out as had stress related insomnia - work on allotment do some DIY. I am happy to take a few extra hours but he doesnt want me to as he says I;m always tired anyway - arent most mums? just wanted any hints on how to keep him sane etc. and me of course too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken shack Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Where do you live in London If you are near an adult education college there are plenty of courses he could enrol on from IT to pottery and life drawing. My husband is at home now after a heart attack and has managed to combine a few hours work from home, cycling for fitness and talking to the (girls) and cats. He will do diy if I nag him. Oh yes cut the grass. Try not to stress and let him get on with it. When I say I am tired he says that I have to work untill I am 80 The cheek of it. I think he like pottering about when I am not there to catch him watching day time TV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Hows about him becoming a self employed odd jobs man / gardener? A nice easy job that he might actually enjoy & that most older people are crying out for. Just start by asking local people if they need anything doing. Most men have the basic tools for this sort of thing. Or he could even create websites for people? Getting him into a hobby will work wonders for him & he might meet some other male friends with some small business ideas that they could do together. Just a thought. Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Definitely having projects, goals, targets - or whatever. New hobbies, jobs in the garden that have to be done by a certain time, or house decoration that has to be done before a party or whatever - anything to give purpose to the day/week. Oh, and when my Dad retired, he had to take on some of the house stuff and cooking from Mum - one of his jobs was to do at least one meal a week - which he took to with gusto - no baked beans on toast for him - huge fish soups made from scratch (even the stock) etc... Would keep him busy the entire day! Before he had no interest in cooking and did none... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks - he wants to find work - I think the role reversal may be difficult for both of us. Just read an article in the paper - admitedly the woman in it was very well paid - not all optimistic. He plans to take YS to school and back again - and to do weekly shop to which hes welcome. He says he'll see more of me - he may live to regret that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsley Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I have been through this so can give you my experience. I took voluntary redundancy for health reasons due to work and stress (have subsequently got ill health retirement) several years ago. The absolute hardest thing is suddenly finding yourself with no identity. I had a demanding job managing teams across the South East. I had been this person for years and suddenly I was not, I was just me. No alter ego to hide behind, no status, no authority. Several people kept in touch and I would find myself saying "we" when they referred to a work situation. This habit took some time to break. I decided to take some time out for my health to improve before getting a "little" job. My health never did as I had left it too late but the retirement (at 45 ) gave me the drawing a line I needed. I sat down and made a list of things I had always wanted to do but never had time. Out of this list I picked one restful, learning waterclour painting, and one to give my mind a real challenge, learning the violin This is the new me. I have no children so my work was me. I am lucky that I have my pension so have no real financial problems although it is way less than I was earning. I am very relaxed now and have embraced the situation I find myself in but it took time. I have a brilliant OH who supports me all the way. It would have been so much harder without him. The way I felt was a complete surprise to me as I did not enjoy work by the end but I still felt very sad as it was the end of a long chapter - I cried all the way home on my last day Sorry for the ramble but hope it helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks Parsley it does and I am glad you have put your time to good use. As much as we grumble about our jobs - I can't envisage ever not working - I will be one of those sweet old dears (!) serving tea or manning a charity shop. To go because you have no choice is awful - my OH has had a hard life (and I';m not looking for sympathy) he looked after his 2 brothers when he lost his mum from cancer when he was aged 19 and his dad had a breakdown. He never thought he would marry as he had "baggage" - but he did - he gave up a law degree he hated and settled into the job with many changes along the way. He feels forced out mainly cos he would loose out financially an wants the best for our sons. We are older parents and want to put them thro uni if poss and both have strong work ethics. The advice here is great as apart from a few people I know very few who actually have been made redundant even in this day and age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earthmam1 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 My OH took redundancy from his job age 50 some 10 years ago. It was a well paid stressful job and he had had enough. We also had children that we wanted to put though Uni so it was a dificult time. He took a few months off to take stock and then decided to look around for other things to do. He managed to get a job in higher education as a support worker and loved it. Very often higher educations looks for people who have experience of "real life" in business. For us it worked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenNutter Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I am taking voluntary redundancy from my job of 20 years and finish on 30 April, mainly due to the fact that I feel I will be made redundant anyway within a year or two on a much less favourable package, and also because I hate my job, am very stressed and want to change my life. It started off as a vocation, but the last 3 years I have been miserable, so I can't wait to leave. Unfortunately I will need to find other work, and plan to develop a small business i have had for quite a while, which at the moment brings in peanuts, but has the potential to earn more. It will be a huge financial gamble though as we still have dependent children, school fees, mortgage etc, but sometimes all the money in the world is not worth being miserable for so I see this as a life change. As Parsley observed though, my work has been my identity for a long time, and I think I will find it very hard not to be 'needed'. I am worried, but trying to be optimistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I've been facing redundancy from my day job since September, today, the powers say the decision will now be made in May, sometime........... I just wish they'd get on with it, as we're all fed up hanging around. I need 3 more yrs to get full pension rights, but at 49 with two teenagers, need to work for a good few yrs yet, but am stuck between hanging in for the redund payment, or trying to get a fresh job. I have a plan, to fall back on, but the waiting is just painful. We're lucky in many ways , as we have our own business to fall back on, but that doesn't give me a wage!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 the waiting as got to my OH - he couldnt sleep etc - was put on beta blockers for anxiety and now sleeps ok. Also saw counsellor re lifestyle changes - hes been there 30 yrs so its gonna be a big change for him. Thanks for eveyones support - I do appreciate it - Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
