Guest Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 , take the baby with you and if they don't like the sight of breastfeeding, make them leave the room and not you. Oh yes I third that one. If they don't like you breast feeding they should leave not you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 ^^^ And me too - my ex-MIL, one the one occasion she deigned to turn up, walked out in disgust when she saw me feeding Rosie... good riddance I said. What is important here is that you feel comfortable and as relaxed as is possible with a newborn, I'd suggest that you sort out the issues with your OH beforehand so that it's not worrying you. Hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the front door and get on with enjoying your new family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Congratulations! how bad is it post birth? Honestly everyone is different and you won't know until afterwards. Be aware about 3-4 days changes in your hormone levels often mean you feel a bit weepy (check your books for what days as I can't remember) so you may want a very brief visit from them before that and a longer visit at about a week. 2hrs is def not too far for a day trip. I thought the Toby Carvery idea was good. Make sure you have something to eat yourself and invite them over for noon and book your OH and the ILs into a suitable local restaurant for lunch for 12.30-1. Retreat to your bedroom for privacy. If you want some space you can always insist you want privacy to breastfeed and retreat to your room whether your baby needs feeding or not - how would they know ? Make your OH entertain them. Hazels ideas for the note are great for a pre or immediately post birth phone call. I was hospitalised both times (2nd time for a month) and I'm glad I was, 2nd time for sure either myself or my baby or both of us would have died without the medical intervention. So if the home birth doesn't go to plan (I hope it does) remember the objective is healthy baby and you, not the process of giving birth the 'right' way. I had such wonderful midwives I remember both births as very positive experiences despite the high medical touch. My MIL picked up and read my medical notes, I was so cross but despite me being on the feisty side normally I knew she took criticism way too badly for it to be worth me saying anything. I hope it all goes well, if you have a good relationship with your parents being ick and in pj's in front of them is fine but ILs entirely different. Try again to get that through to your OH, ask him how he'd feel in a similar situation in front of your mum ? Hope it all goes well ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaJC Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 I love the idea of handing them a messy screaming baby and a mountain of washing and abandoning them whilst I bathe with a bottle of wine and a stack of Vogues I spoke to my other half last night and explained that I would tolerate a day trip from them after a week, but no more and that even then he shouldn't expect me to do anything other than sit looking shocked. He grumbled a bit, mentioned the French minister who went back to work after 5 days fully quaffed wearing Dior and woman in Africa and was treated to one of my death stares. He's managed to convince himself I've got mad irrational baby brain and that everything I say should be ignored! He's so good in most respects. Yes, he'll never understand that dirty clothes don't belong stuffed under the bed/sofa and even making toast is a challenge to him, in every other respect he's perfect but he has a shocking blind spot when it comes to my relationship (and his own) with his parents. Every other time they visit I just get on with it (wine helps) but he cannot seem to understand that when I have pushed a melon sized object out of a hole the size of a lemon the last thing I want is to make small talk with people who make me feel uncomfortable. Oh well. To cheer myself up I've thrown away most of his socks and unalphabetised his CDs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 ................ Oh well. To cheer myself up I've thrown away most of his socks and unalphabetised his CDs. *snorts* way to go girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 He grumbled a bit, mentioned the French minister who went back to work after 5 days fully quaffed wearing Dior Hands up all those who found this woman to be an inspirational role model. You could go back to work after 5 days, fully quaffed and wearing DIor and more slap than you could shake a stick at ... if you are both prepared to stump up for full time nannies, a house keeper and a cook. You'd have to forego the breastfeeding though ..... in case it spoils the clobber. Don't set yourself impossible targets, just go with the flow, if you'll pardon the pun, and enjoy those first precious weeks rather than endure them. You'll be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ygerna Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Iand woman in Africa and was treated to one of my death stares. A lot of African tribes don't allow mothers who've given birth to get out and about until their bleeding stops completely, this could take weeks, they are kept in a special dwelling, and even the husband doesn't get to see them. Oh well. To cheer myself up I've thrown away most of his socks and unalphabetised his CDs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Oh well. To cheer myself up I've thrown away most of his socks and unalphabetised his CDs. Fantastic . I must remember that one, next time OH is bugging me . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Emma 'The risk of a woman dying as a result of pregnancy or childbirth during her lifetime is about one in six in the poorest parts of the world compared with about one in 30 000 in Northern Europe.' The Lancet Note those figures include postpartum deaths ie. during those few days you are asking for consideration after birth. So if he wants to quote Africa share the vastly increased likelihood of those mothers dying with him as well. It was also widely reported that Rachida Dati was bullied into returning to work so quickly (and she came under a lot of criticism for doing that). Apparently her baby spent it's first 2 months living with her sister and a 24hr nanny service. So again if your OH is going to use examples he needs to get his facts straight. TBH I'm really quite riled with your OH on your behalf for even suggesting these as models of behaviour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I totally agree, I had to go back to work 8 weeks after a c section; I was fit and well, but I wish I hadn't had to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaJC Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Emma 'The risk of a woman dying as a result of pregnancy or childbirth during her lifetime is about one in six in the poorest parts of the world compared with about one in 30 000 in Northern Europe.' The Lancet Note those figures include postpartum deaths ie. during those few days you are asking for consideration after birth. So if he wants to quote Africa share the vastly increased likelihood of those mothers dying with him as well. It was also widely reported that Rachida Dati was bullied into returning to work so quickly (and she came under a lot of criticism for doing that). Apparently her baby spent it's first 2 months living with her sister and a 24hr nanny service. So again if your OH is going to use examples he needs to get his facts straight. TBH I'm really quite riled with your OH on your behalf for even suggesting these as models of behaviour I had no idea the stats were that shocking! He realised straight away what a pillock he was and he did apologise to me. I thought he'd forgot about it but it seems to have played on his mind. He told me on the phone earlier that he'd spoken to a friend of his about the weeks after the birth and that it sounded a lot worse than he'd expected, the baby books he'd read contained words like "sore" and "tired", which his friend said should be replaced with "ripped in half" and "exhausted & weepy ". He's going to ask his parents to come for a few hours after a week, no more, and certainly not to expect any cooking doing, and then to come for a longer stay after a month but still be put up in a hotel. Thank you all so much for the reassurance, I've heard so many stories of mothers-to-be going bonkers in pregnancy that whilst I'm convinced it's rubbish I still find myself questioning my decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Go Girl!! Why/when does he find time to put CD's in order any way??? That'll go right out the window when the new one arrives!!(as will most else, including listening to the cd's There is a haynes manual for babies, I believe, have a look on ebay for a 2nd hand one !! (might have wine/sick on it tho ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 That sounds better I can't believe that they are thinking of imposing on you when you have a newborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Result! Much more sensible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Well done Emma - glad you feel better after decluttering the socks and messing up the CD's - out of interest do other people put CD's alphbetically - sounds a bit er anal to me ( not sure if I can say the a word) You will be fine both of you shellshocked etc but we all came thro and you will too. Just think in 13 yrs time you will be posting on Omlet about moody teens - you'll prob have 2 or 3 other babies by then. So typical of a man to use terms like "ripped apart" - if it were left to them humans would have ceased yrs ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbaraJ Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 My 21yr old son has always been a little anal as a toddler he liked his bedroom door open a certain amount if you insisted it be shut more he'd sneak out of bed when you went downstairs and move it where it should be sure he had a ruler He doesn't have his DVD's alphabetically but he has 4 shelves and if you borrow one he knows exactly which ones missing he's training to be an accountant maybe thats good !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Glad he's had some sense talked into him - well done that friend I had no idea the stats were that shocking! No I must admit I didn't realise how bad they were - that's in the poorest African countries. When I read your original post with his comment I knew they were bad so I went searching and found that in a research paper - I said I was riled on your behalf This is a good place to sanity check your views Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I'm so glad he's seeing things from a more sensible (and realistic) viewpoint now . He sounds like a lovely bloke . (My OH has his CDs sorted alphabetically . He has so many, it's not a bad idea - at least you can find what you're looking for .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 No I know what would happen the kids would mess them up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 TBH the reason most women go loopy after having a baby is not a wierd hormonal conundrum- its just sleep deprivation If you have a husband who will share the burden of you are much more likely to cope. I get very cross when new dads hold forth about 'womens problems' and then insist getting up in the night is not their job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 BH the reason most women go loopy after having a baby is not a wierd hormonal conundrum- its just sleep deprivation I absolutely don't want to start a breast feeding or bottle debate but I remember being so envious at my antenatal get together when the woman who had been adamant she was going to bottle feed and put the baby in another bedroom from the start breezed in nicely dressed with makeup on looking fresh Needless to say the rest of us looked like we'd pulled on jeans and stained teeshirt just before we nearly walked out the door in dressing gowns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 My best friend has just had a baby - well 8 weeks ago. Even though I, my hubby and all our various friends told her and her hubby about the sleepless nights, the fact you will not have two minutes to yourself, so don't even stress about cleaning the house etc etc, it wasn't until she had her baby that she realised just how bad sleep deprivation is and that indeed every waking minute is filled with baby stuff. I am glad you have sorted things out re the out-laws visit. I was lucky as mine lived in la belle France (unfortunately coming back to the UK this year). Oh, and if your OH thinks you have baby brain now, that is nothing compared to after baby is born Enjoy your new family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I found the first one really easy as soon as he went down for a sleep I would grab a quick nap on the couch. It's a bit more difficult to do that when you have more than one though. I had a newborn and 1yr old at the same time, now that was exhausting but us women (and no offence to the blokes on here ) we're made of stronger stuff. When we really have to we can pull out all the stops and yes could push something the size of a watermelon out an opening the size of a lemon and be home in a couple of hours cooking dinner. However, this just leads to exhaustion and ultimately a very annoyed woman and lets face it men really aren't equiped to deal with us when we get to that stage! For their health and safety it's better for them just to let us rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadietoo Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When it comes to the birth bit tell em you want it all - drugs, epidural, gas n air - the lot - bring it on. Good luck with the chat with OH - just be pleased the outlaws are 2hours away and not 2 mins I had it all with my first, and nothing at all with my second.Neither me or my first baby could get the hang of breast feeding ...with my second it was a cinch....if you want to breast feed personally I wouldn't go for the drugs... I had a troubled relationship initially with my MIL...the first time she could spare the time to spend time with our first born was the christening at eight months old!!!... I felt snubbed. But over time we did find a middle way, and I hope you can too. My MIL passed away 7 years ago..and it's me and my DD who take the flowers to her grave...and I really do miss her now... try just to relax and enjoy your baby...throw away the books...every mum/baby relationship is different and as unique and special as you each are.... Don't focus on these little irritations..I know they seem huge now...but really...this time will pass too...try just to enjoy it and don't be hijacked by inconsequential thingsxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaJC Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 BH the reason most women go loopy after having a baby is not a wierd hormonal conundrum- its just sleep deprivation I absolutely don't want to start a breast feeding or bottle debate but I remember being so envious at my antenatal get together when the woman who had been adamant she was going to bottle feed and put the baby in another bedroom from the start breezed in nicely dressed with makeup on looking fresh Needless to say the rest of us looked like we'd pulled on jeans and stained teeshirt just before we nearly walked out the door in dressing gowns. I'm 100% adamant I'm going to breastfeed (try at least, I know not all people can manage it of course), but before I got pregnant used to get quite cross when friends bottle fed, now, goodness me I can see why they do! With all the mysterious things happening to my body, all of them too embarrassing to mention in public, I'm quite looking forward to getting my body back to normal How often/long are you up in the night with newborns? We're going to put the baby in it's own room from about a fortnight old because my other half has to go back to work and his super-snoring can wake the dead anyway. I told him rather airily that since he was going to be working and I was going to be off work for 6 months that I'd do all the up-in-the-nights so he could be fresh for work... is that a bit foolish? (no-one should read this bit because it's shameful, but I was going to lay my cleaner off to save money. After about a million people telling me what a tip the house would be, I've just rang her today and told her that she'll be staying) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
