tara Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 My 3 year old son sleeps well at night and always has he gose to bed at 7pm and sleeps till about 6.30am.He is at nursery which joins on to his school which he starts in september.He has been very active from the age of 2 l used to take him to mother and toddler groups 3 times aweek he has an older sister aged 9 so they go on the trampline alot plus also argue and normal brother and sister stuff.His speech has not been great he's has speech and language theropy for about a year or though he's comming on his speech is behind by l think a year may be slighty more.He behaves badly at times he runs of he tells his teachers they stink of cat poo he laughs when they or us tell him of.We have to use extreme punishment like sending him to bed or a smack and even that is not really working anymore.We have done the charts and so have nursery he has one that tells him what will happen next.He can be lovely but when we visit family he runs about very noisely we are always saying sorry for his behaviour.He dose not seem to listen to us unless there is food involved.Am wondering weather he's been brought on my his older sister or if there is somthing more wrong.He very excitable he never really crys unless really shouted at my my husband.The nursery have one to one for him as he needed one person to always watch him as he runs through the school.Today he told his teacher she stinks of cat poo and calling her a rude name and trying to scratch her then on his own he sits nicely joining in with the nursery songs he seems to go from one extreme to the other.He is being refered to peds but im out of ideas ???? please advice me or have you been through this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavenders_Blue Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Your son is obviously still very young but for him to be so delayed in his speech and language is unusual and I think needs a little more investigation. I'm a speech therapist, although I work with adults, and I know there are one or two paediatric speech therapists on here, so hopefully they might be able to offer a bit more insight than I can. I certainly think your son needs to be referred to a paediatrician, as the speech and language delay, to me, suggests there is something more than just bad behaviour going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 You could find that some of his behaviour problems relate to frustration at not being able to communicate very well. My son had problems with his speech and used to get very frustrated by it, he is now a lovely 15 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 My youngest grandson is 6 , and has downs. We have used makaton sign with him since he was 1 yrs old and even though he has poor speech he is very quick with his signing so we all know what he wants, and is luckily in a resourced school with special needs , he has had speech therapy between the age of 3-5yrs and it has only been this last year where his speech has really come on, thankfully he hasn't had many frustrated out bursts due to not being understood, his outbursts are mainly due to not being able to have his own way, a very strong willed boy , even this is less as his reasoning is catching up and we can compromise. It does sound as if there is something else going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazard Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 i was going to suggest using sign but got beaten to it i work with children with behaviour problems and most of them have poor speech we use baby sign with them we sign a key word as well as saying it eg snack drink toilet etc this may help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 My youngest boys - twins - didn't speak proper English until they were 3, then shortly after that they didn't stop talking. They were harder work than the older two & often in trouble. I agree that your son may feel frustrated, my boys were able to natter to each other in their strange language. My oldest boy wrote right to left, backwards, and I often got called to school because he would always climb into a willow tree - don't despair, he became a very brave soldier & extreme sportsman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Also, one of my naughty twins is now a policeman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tara Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 Thankyou everyone l really did'nt expect so much responce He understands very well what people say to him we do use sign on him but he dose'nt really take any notice he is very active.The main problem with him is frustration and thinking he dose not have any rules.He has never been nasty to other children other then the normal stuff for his age group.He just is very active and says no most of the time and runs of and now name calling his teachers when he wants to or he will sit on her lap cuddling in sucking his thumb.They are frustrated with him as he likes time out and will time him self out so that dont work there not meant to pick him up so he runs under tables screaming and kicking and running everywere.We cant shop with him unless he has sweets in his hand or we will have alot of hassle.He is better behaved when he's alone shopping with us leaving his sister at her friends but still runs of when he's bored.He thinks nothing of going around someones house and helping himself to food .Its so embarrassing l love my son dearly and would never be with out him and my partner says im to soft on him but l tell him of for the things that matter but do get fed up with my own voice some days he wont think twice about doing what you have told him of for again.I have house rules like every family and l constantly remind him to not eat on the sofa and not to push your rubbish under the sofa as ive seen him do it you sit at the table which he will do but needs reminding.He says no when we ask him to do somthing like get in the shower now l always say and give warning but l still have all the hard work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henchanted Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Reading your tale of parenting struggles with your son reminds me of ours when my children were younger. I took myself to parenting classes run by what used to be called Parenting Plus, (I think they might have a different name but provide both courses and a free help-line up and down the country). My son was slower at speaking and reading than my daughter and we realized that we just hadn't spent enough good quality time with him as we had with our daughter. Going to courses is a very positive experience because it helps to work out what you are doing right, how you can change what you are doing to get what you want and how you are not alone. There is no shame in going to parenting classes/or getting help and advice over the phone, only a positive result for the whole family. Things improved when we banned evening TV between 6-8 pm until their bedtime, so when my husband got home we spent more time talking, playing, letting them help with preparing dinner (ie at 3 he could help make salad by ripping up salad leaves etc,) helping them with homework (later) and above all looking at and reading books and telling stories. Talking to and with your child are the most vital ingredients to better speech and literacy. Even singing songs and nursery rhymes. It sounds that both you and your husband could do with finding a different way to manage unwanted behaviour from him and spend more time having fun, doing fun things to balance the discipline. Our struggles are not over and our children are now in their teens and I have gone back to classes to help deal with the new teenage struggles, because shouting (and smacking - we didn't do this) is really not very effective and leaves everyone feeling bad. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure if you and your husband get some parenting help and support it will have a positive impact on your sons speech and behaviour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Palmer Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Goodegg's suggestion of parenting classes may help. Children's Centres often run a course called The Parenting Puzzle. I think it runs for 10 weeks and covers a range of issues. Being unable to communicate fully can cause a lot of frustration in some children, there 's some good advice here. I work at a nursery with 2 year olds (they move to pre-school on their 3rd birthday). When there are behavioural issues we try and focus on promoting the positive behaviour desired, rather than continually on the negative behaviour. Obviously we deal with it, but we try to use positive language and praise as much as possible, (even for very small examples of positive behaviour) eg 'good sharing' or 'thank you for helping so and so'. It can be hard to do this when it's been a particularly trying day, but imagine how we'd feel if everyone was constantly saying 'stop, don't and no' to us all day. We try to have all adults using the same approach and language and get parents involved if necessary, agreeing to do the same at home. Consistancy is important too. With some children we've found, and parents have said, 'time out' just doesn't have the required effect. That is a tough one to deal with. Maybe how time out is carried out has to be altered in some way so that it's not perceived as enjoyable anymore? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tara Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 I did a parenting course last year which lasted about 10 weeks it was brilliant and enjoyable.The lady who works in our childrens centre said to me she would contact me about 2 weeks ago and has not l think the nursery need to changed things abit as he runs about doing as he likes l have spoken to another lady at swimming today and she thinks its learnt behaviour from my daughter but he uses it when he feels like it.l need him to grow up abit and to know that he will come out of this.But the school nursery tell me these bad things every day and ive had enough its frustrating and embarrasing l dont swear l dont shout my husband dose if he dont listen l cuddle him l hold on to him tight when needed but he's strong and heavy so its very hard to control him.l think the nursery think l need to sort him out but he is worse with them and we even tryed sending him to bed when he came hom but he just slept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 ......we even tryed sending him to bed when he came hom but he just slept. Could it be that he isn't getting enough unbroken night time sleep? Why not take a firm line about bedtime, with a bath and book routine before hand, no stimuli in the bedroom, apart from a comforter such as a teddy, and completely refuse to respond to shouting and requests to come downstairs. It might be that he is running on empty sleep wise, I'd also look at his diet. My son didn't utter a word until he was three and then he spoke in sentences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckmum6 Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 I might suggest that you talk to your GP or Health visitor, as the earlier you start looking into any possible causes, the sooner a solution MAYBE found. Diet could be a cause, a reaction to a particular food type. Possibly ADHD in which case a statement maybe possible for school. However 3 is very young to place a label on a child, a very consistent and firm line on managing his behaviour is definitely the first step. He needs to understand which behaviour is inappropriate and that it will always illicit a consequence. He is very young and doesn't fully understand the impact of his actions on others. Consistency is the key, it makes children feel secure and gives them clear parameters, easy to say I know, but in the long term it will work. I speak as a mum of boys and a primary teacher. Good luck, remember to praise the good in him too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janepie33 Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Good luck, remember to praise the good in him too. I think that is the most important thing you can do right now. Praise every single tiny thing he does that you want him to do and encourage the school to do the same in front of you when you pick him up. You and he must be really fed up hearing all the negative things at the end of the day. It doesn't help anyone and it doesn't change things. It sounds like your son is using a visual timetable at school and you might find one works at home too. Any additional visual support for a child with a language delay is really helpful - pictures, symbols, photograph and sign language can all help. It sounds like your son finds it difficult to read situations, which might be why he laughs when he is told off, not because he is being naughty, but because he doesn't understand. The best advice I heard from an experienced Speech and Language Therapist regarding behaviour was that for a child to change an adult has to change first. So if a child is hearing shouting and being smacked, that is how they will respond. It sounds really tough and frustrating for you at the moment, but things WILL change and they WILL get better. Loads of really good advice for everyone on the forum and there is a great deal of support out there in the community which your GP, Health Visitor or school could direct you too. This is quite a good website for Speech and Language www.ican.org.uk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 My eldest had glue ear and had all these symptons he just couldnt hear , he heard 1/3 of what was being said. I think if not done already - an urgent hearing test is needed and poss referral to ENT. Speech hearing etc all go hand in hand. Has nursery commented on his behaviour - have they got a memeber of staff who has expereince in poss special needs? rule out deafness or eye prob first before you decide if its Autism, ADHD etc. A child who cant hear believe me I know can be frustrated and naughty - big hugs and keep us posted. Ali x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 You sound like a lovely caring mum ! l love my son dearly and would never be with out him and my partner says im to soft on him but l tell him of for the things that matter but do get fed up with my own voice some day I found Toddler taming book very helpful when my boys were little http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Toddler-Taming-bestselling-parenting/dp/0091902584/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1305404920&sr=8-1 If you follow what he says it works ! there can be a sightly painful stage as you and he gets used to the routine But it isn't ever mean or harsh in it's techniques It is worth working on the behaviour at school, maybe as you make progress at home you could talk to the teachers about what is working for you and get them to use similar techniques at home. The other suggestions earlier are all good and definitely worth checking he can hear ok, glue ear is surprisingly common and easily treated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clur Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 I'd definitely speak to your health visitor. We had huge problems with our daughter when she was smaller and our HV really was wonderful. It took 3 visits from her to solve what we had been struggling with for over a year! Our daughter's behaviour was so extreme, our HV queried if she was on the autistic spectrum. Pleased to report our youngest is now a loving, well adjusted (if not a little high-maintenance!) 6 year old. Definitely take a look at diet too - our son is sensitive to colours E110, E104 and E102 which can be linked to hyperactivity and general bad behaviour. It can be found in sweets etc. Keeping an eye on his diet really helped. Hope things get sorted for you soon; really sounds like you are doing the best for your boy, so keep your chin up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tara Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 I'd definitely speak to your health visitor. We had huge problems with our daughter when she was smaller and our HV really was wonderful. It took 3 visits from her to solve what we had been struggling with for over a year! Our daughter's behaviour was so extreme, our HV queried if she was on the autistic spectrum. Pleased to report our youngest is now a loving, well adjusted (if not a little high-maintenance!) 6 year old. Definitely take a look at diet too - our son is sensitive to colours E110, E104 and E102 which can be linked to hyperactivity and general bad behaviour. It can be found in sweets etc. Keeping an eye on his diet really helped. Hope things get sorted for you soon; really sounds like you are doing the best for your boy, so keep your chin up! We know he cant eat mango as he has a very bad reaction to it.We have really had to knucle down on him again this week.He is mad about food and juice and wants wants all day long.I get him to the park as much as possible but working 4 to 5 nights it can be hard.Going to ask the nursery to disapline him differently as its not working what there doing.He goses from being lovely to saying you stink.After all your support im feelimg more positive.thankyou for all your helpful comments nice to know l can say what l need Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
