Eglu Go With 2m Run For Sale

[Mrs Potts]

This is probably going to sound odd given that I have been a parent for 25 years. I have two daughters, one quiet one who is 25 and now lives abroad and one 'ideas woman' who is 15. Freedom was never an issue with the eldest who was really quiet and quite trustworthy. Youngest is more daring, far more sociable, very controlling and was caught smoking at school last week. Given that Dad has an incurable lung disease which will lead to early death and takes almost all his time to keep under control, we were really upset and she is grounded. That said, yesterday evening was really funny and the weekend wasn't too bad and very chatty.

 

I know that her friends parents' would laugh this off and that some of them happily buy alcohol for them to consume at parties and indeed she has come home drunk from one or two, which I have bit my tongue about but am now far more selective on the acceptances. Youngest is really kicking against the traces at the moment and berating me/Dad for not allowing her any freedom. She volunteers at a cafe on Saturdays, for which we pay her, and spends Sunday doing homework. When she isn't grounded, she is free within reason and we are always on hand for lifts to see her best mate, who lives six miles away up a hill (we live in a very rural area so you can't just pop into town). She simply won't accept that anything she did last week should be having an effect this week. The killer - and I think this is the problem - is that best friend is moving abroad in August and so time is of the essence. I absolutely understand this and best friend is coming over on Sunday for lunch and trip out.

 

There's probably no answer to this - and indeed for some this is probably just small fry. I am just tired, I think. Any advice greatly appreciated to help her and help me.

[Patricia W]

I recognise this all too well even though my youngest is now 30!

 

I'm sure others can give you more advice but they do (eventually!) get through it. In my experience, it's just testing the boundaries - and don't ever believe the tales that " so and so's Mum and Dad let them do it!". It sounds as though you're doing a great job in difficult circumstances so just stick to your guns.

[patsylabrador]

When one of my boys was caught out smoking at 16, we called him smokey, said he couldn't come in the house if he smelt of smoke & generally teased him. It really bothered him & as far as I know never tried again. It may be that would only work here.

If she's itching for adventure how about Army Foundation College. Start at 16 and believe me, the kids there follow the rules.

[craftyhunnypie]

Tell her she'll get fine lines round her lips, yellow yukky nails, brown teeth & talk like Dierdre Barlow!

Emma.x

[SarahJo]

Hard one - given the smoking tho - make her smoke one after the other infront of you, inhaling properly - worst thing will be she will throw up

 

She will smell horrible etc - and age rapidly - not a good look - smokkers and ex smokers wrinkle badly especially round the eyes and mouth

 

Please only take this as a suggestion - as I have not come across this bridge as yet - but from my own experience, I just got dizzy and chucked on inhaling smoke. Oh, and did the teenage "mickey finn" - drink thing - again threw up and blamed it on dodgy stew we had for tea

[Cinnamon]

Your girls sound like mirrors of mine

We are also very rural & a good 20min drive from proper civilisation.

 

My eldest is responsible to the point of boringness,in fact I almost wish she would go out & let her hair down once in a while.

My youngest is an utter minx

She is 16,the eldest is 18 now.

I have found cigs,booze & other delights in her room, plus she will push boundaries with us all the time.

She is wonderfully sociable,can talk to anyone & is a lovely girl,but that is worrying in itself,isn't it?

 

That said,I do have a fairly relaxed attitude to alcohol,assuming they will drink anyhow & preferring them to be aware of how it will make them fell & act.

Same with sex. Yes,I have a condom stash in the house & yes it does get depleted. I see this as not encouraging them to have sex (as one Mum said to me), but assuming they will have sex & encouraging them to do so safely & responsibly.

 

Its really important to keep the lines of communication between your girl & you open....she will see sense in the end & she will thank you for it.

[Alis girls]

Sadly they think they are indestructable and I suppose at that age death seems a long way off when you are 15. My mum was dreadfully strict and am less so with ES 15 whose brains seem to live in his pants. At present his obsession with "perfection" is driving us nuts - he likes this girl who is very pretty but has a "bit of a tum" - I've tried the personality counts for more bit but OH says let him learn the hard way. I suspect he'll be sewing his wild oats once hes past 16 - jsut hope hes responsible and it wont be in my house cos of younger brother.

Freedom - i insist on knowing where he is and with whom and when he'll be in and what time. If that sounds excessive so be it - stress isnt good for me and my OH - also its me who has to pick up the pieces when things go pear shaped. Its respectful more than anything - i have told him I respcet his need for freedom but he abides by the rules. As Cinammon says keep lines of communcation open and hopefullt shell come round. Love Ali x

[chickencam]

Sounds like the same as my girls, eldest just like Cinnamon's eldest total failure as a teenager, drinks tea not alcopops goes to bed early, very ahrd working etc etc, really glad of it actually she is lovely.

 

YD total madam and only 12, not looking forward to her being older

 

Just keep talking and hugging and set boundaries that you as parents are comfortable with, but you may need to compromise from time to time. I take the view that I would rather that they were honest with me and I can be there for them, than drive them underground, OH is more protective, causes a few arguements.

[Mrs Potts]

There's nothing like this forum for supportively cheering you up, is there?

 

My thanks to you all for each and every post, which were instantly recognisable and most of which made me smile.

Heck we are only on drink and smoking.

 

Anyhow, after I fired off my email to the group I then went upstairs, and did say that whatever differences we have, we are still going to carry on talking. Asked her to take ten minutes, then come down and we'd start the evening again, which we did and everything has been ok since then. Roll on next round, I guess.

 

I did set up a scheme with ED that if she ever had anything really bad to admit, she had to begin the sentence "Mum, can you sit down for a moment", which would warn me not to shout. I don't actually shout much, but much better than the system my mum set up which was based on no two days resulting in the same response. I've tried to set it up with Shortie but she never thinks things are shocking. I'm laughing now cos OH has just said if we'd had Shortie first, we'd only have one daughter and lots of pets. He's beginning to love the pets more each day ...

 

Off to tell the hens. Hope you all have a lovely day.