Chicken boarders

[Sil-El]

I am slowly getting hacked off with his finances as my application for access to his investments have been refused. even with photocopies and a GP at work signing it all its not enough.

 

Do you have a Power of Attorney for his finances? If you do then the financial institutions have no reason to refuse access as it's a legal document, although some of them are a bit slow off the mark in recognising what it is

 

If you don't, then now may be a good time to get a solicitor involved and get it sorted while your dad is being cooperative and able to understand what he's signing.

 

It costs a bit to sort, and if you are legally savvy enough you could do it on your own without a solicitor, although if you're new to this a solicitor might be the safer bet! Once you've sent the paperwork off it takes approx 6-8 weeks for the POA to come through.

[Alis girls]

yes I do and have sent them proof.

[chickencam]

Best of luck this weekend.

For various reasons my family seem to be unraveling at the moment, I feel your pain!

[Alis girls]

Sorry to hear that Chickencam. Hope things improve. Well we spent the day with him. He wasn't too bad. We sorted out his bed and moved some stuff. OH sorted shower and front door.

He's not supposed to go upstairs as needs another rail. But I think he's sneaked up as he dropped something into the conversation today when I called him. He's wittering on about his finances and I told him to not interfere as I am trying to work through them.

I think he is getting tablets muddled. He's on 2 imipramine a day and it's says " 2 once daily" and can cause drowsiness. Told to take at night but he's been taking during day. Might account for car accident and muddledness during day. As usual he started to argue but told him take at night. the started on about driving, choose to ignore his car is SORN at the moment. I have to say he's a law to himself but only time will tell.

[Grandmashazzie]

Can the pharmacist put mess in special pack for him. I forget what they are called, it might keep him right and the carers can keep a check on them.

[Alis girls]

Not been on here recently what with work etc. Things are moving a bit more. Hopefully a blue badge is in post for dad so when he's more mobile and I can take him out. Hopefully physiotheraphy is arranged and a new rail going on staircase.

I have learnt a lot about the care system. Dad's seems quite efficient - I knew bits but don't really deal that much with it in my particular job. Learning fast. Finally got head round forms etc and I took the advice of Sil-El and wrote a strong worded letter to one of his financial people. Got a result . Today I called up the other pointed out the LPA was a legal document and said I wasnt happy with their service. The girl was lovely she said I could make a complaint said she'd put the stuff in the post and apologised for her colleague who was so unhelpful.

So I want to thank everyone for their help and especially Sil-El who gave me the courage to complain. I am not very good at complaining but I am sure as hell learning. And managing not to do it without making the blood pressure any higher but that's another thread.

[Sil-El]

Ah, I've gone all red now (but in a good way)

 

Thank you for the thank you! I'm glad that my few words helped and that you've been able to make progress with your dad's financial affairs.

 

And that things seem to be moving in the right direction generally.

 

Take care

 

x x

[Alis girls]

You are very welcome.

[soapdragon]

How is everything going, Ali? Good, I hope?

[Alis girls]

Generally ok thanks. His care package ends this week and I hope I have persuaded him to have someone once a week to help bath/shower him and do hair wash. I am up this weekend and will take him out for pub lunch. My aunt says he seems tired but I don't think he gets enough stimulation as he's not driving etc. Also he's having to do it all himself. He's still stressing about money. What is it about old folk and money. Grrr. Anyway he had potter in garden. Hopefully things will improve. Thanks for asking.xx

[soapdragon]

Sounds positive, Ali! Hope you enjoy your weekend with him.

[Alis girls]

Thanks SD. I have sorted a private care service for one hour a week to oversee bath/ shower. The social worker said "is he happy with that" - I replied "happy" wasnt a word i would use - hes been told hes having it and thats that. If I sound a bossy old coot its because I have had 21 years of struggle with this father of mine and reached the end of my tether. In fact I am free falling - no tether left all calls are put on speaker now when I speak to dad so that he cant twist things - that way OH and YS hear whats being said.

I nearly inhaled my coffee when the social worker said he seemed very "with it" - he is when he chooses. My late FIL could put on a brilliant show for the Consultant Psycho-geriatrian but the carer knew what he was really like.

[Alis girls]

Dad had his first outing since coming out. Aunt booked meal at pub Saturday lunchtime whilst we waited to see if Doris had finished blowing things around. I drove up and said to dad "fancy a pub lunch" his coat and shoes were on before you could say " mines a pint" . He's got a new stick and we picked a pub with no steps. His physiotherapist sounds a star she's going to take him a walk when weather improves. He's gone from frame round house to independent walking in home and stick outside. My only worry is he'll leave it somewhere.

We didn't tell him about our plan in case it didn't happen. He was so pleased.

The only downside is that my oldest friend up there who is always too busy to see me rang him and complained I was horrible for not contacting her. She knew I was coming up why she couldn't pick up phone I don't know. I have one full day there and in that time do some tidying, do dad's nails, take him out and spend time with him. I am not sure how to handle this. OH says ignore but I can't. She's no right to take our on my father. Anyway I will leave to you lovely people to advise me. Sorry for rant.

[Daphne]

It seems clear to me, AG. You are running around trying to do the best for your Dad, which is right and proper. You can't do it all. You also have yourself to look after. And your family. It is not on for anybody to make a fuss to an elderly person who is ill, who can't do anything about the situation, but who will either feel anxious or guilty or both. If she has a problem will she just take it up with you and not bother your Dad. So I would hope that you can just say that to your friend. I can't believe she won't understand. Then when you go up another time if you have more time you can arrange for a coffee, or whatever, even have her go to your Dad's and have a private coffee there to save time. But make the arrangement for when it suits you. Believe me it won't do you any good to take on another set of worries, this is a situation where your friend needs to be flexible, and a bit more thoughtful, not you. Having said that, I do think you need to talk to her, otherwise she may do it again. I am with you in spirit, I know it's easy to dispense advice from afar, harder to do things, and let's face it I wouldn't relish having to have a word, but you do need to nip it in the bud. More positively, I bet your friend only did it because she misses you, she probably didn't think it through.

[Sil-El]

Erm, can I play Devil's Advocate, coming from experience of cantankerous and sometimes confused elderly men -

 

Did she really ring him or is he just saying she did?

 

FIL used to say he'd had calls from all sorts of people when he hadn't.

 

Just a thought.

[Alis girls]

No problem be as devilish as you like. Sadly I think she did. Even dad couldn't make that up. She's a lovely lady but as she's got older she's got very nasty esp when she's been on the juice. She rang him in the week to tell him about her ailments. At no point did she mention being off at the weekend. Then she rang him to harangue him for my sins and update him on her ailments. She's done this kind of thing before. She's a divorcee with no kids and too much time on her hands. Takes all sorts I suppose.

[Alis girls]

I rang her and found her very sweet and stone cold sober. I told her we had given dad a surprise and she should have phoned if she was off and she could have joined us. Whether that didnt occur to her or she thinks that I should do all the running I dont know. Shes very conniving at turning on the taps - bad enough when you are in your teens absolutely awful when you are 50 something. I also told her about my ailments ( had to lay it on a bit ) sadly my high blood pressure (due to stress) and chest pain far outflanked her ear pain and will give her something to mull over.

She can be a "Ooops, word censored!" - one year we all went out and she was asking me why I didnt drink more alcohol, my ES who was with me was gobsmacked as I patiently explained (like you would to a child) that I was driving and frankly hangovers when you are 50 something arent something I relish, I resisted the urge to say I wouldnt want to end up fat and bloated ( and didnt add like you )

Why do I still bother? I dont know we have been friends years and her family and mine were close. Her mum was very good to me in the past and I dont want any agro for dad. But if she starts again I will say something.

[Daphne]

Good on you It sounds to me like you handled it perfectly It also sounds to me that you have her measure, which puts you in control Well done again

[Alis girls]

OH said "bottled it did we?" - he was joking - I dont see the point in making my blood pressure any higher and being bad mouthed to anyone who will listen. Thanks Daphne x

[soapdragon]

And this is a friend? Well done on your handling of it all

[Alis girls]

Yes sadly it is - but dont think we will be next to each other in care home.

[Alis girls]

Saw dad last weekend. He's walking well with stick and has a carer once a week for help with hair wash and bath. He's still withering about the driving. Physically i think he could drive. Mentally probably not. Before his admission in December he hit a van. He told the Dr he forgot his pedals anyway he asked me who had told the Doctor about this. I said " you did" he gets very grumpy. I take him and aunt out for a meal and we do a few jobs here and there in house and garden. Not a restful time but once a month isn't too bad. He's got disabled sticker and a bus pass as yet unused.

[soapdragon]

Kudos to you for keeping up with Dad.......I really don't think I'd have the patience personally - tho all situations are different, naturally!

 

Glad to hear that all is on a 'relatively' even keel and hope it continues as such! Its hard managing things from a distance but you seem very on top of it all!

[Alis girls]

Believe me it's hard sometimes i want to scream but i remember those who did this day in day out.

[Alis girls]

And so it goes on. Dad has deteriorated again. Yesterday carer couldnt get him out of the bath,his legs had given way . I was at work and fielding phone calls and getting stressed+++. Earlier in the week dad had been very nasty on the phone so I hadnt called him purely cos I was upset.

Long story short they are trying to get him into emergency respite. I am going u[p this weekend and am trying to get respite for when we go away at the end of June so my aunt isnt left with it all. Shes not up to caring for him.

I feel so guitly for not offering to have him live with me - but he is very needy wont meet you half way and I have my YS to think of plus we dont have space. Just needed to sound off a bit. Sorrry