Chicken bald back

[Alis girls]

Dad 81 has been in hospital in East Midlands for nearly 2 weeks. Had fallen , was confused, has urinary tract infection, shadow on his lung. His blood pressure has dropped so he falls. Also has catheter and drip. I have been up from London four times to see him. Today the nurse said he might be out Friday. I lost the plot, telling her wholely unacceptable with no care package, he can't do stairs at moment, and only had one family member in area my elderly aunt who lost husband last December. I can only do so much with a job and a 15 year old ( with mental health issues) as well who is doing mocks. Does the guilt ever go? I don't have space for dad at home. I would like him to have carers if possible at home and would go up when I could. Two hour journey so not easy to get there quickly. I feel I am making excuses.

I work for the NHS but why are they so keen to chuck old people out before they have the means to cope at home. Exhausted and demoralised.

[bluekarin]

Thats awful! Can he not go into a home, even for a short while, til he gets on to his feet again. Or a more permanent move into a sheltered housing? Otherwise he is going to end up back in hospital from some other injury before too long.

 

It is so hard trying to do the right thing all the time, especially when those who have the ability to help aren't. Makes you feel quite alone. Especially when you are dealing with things at home as well. Makes you feel quite thin with how far you need to spread yourself. I wish I could suggest something to help you. You've been so helpful to me so many times. Have some virtual ((hugs)) and know we are all here for you x

[Plum]

I would ask for him to be referred to an Intermediate care team to support him at home. I think all areas up here have them set up now and will hand over to Social Services if appropriate. Just ring the ward and a nurse or therapist will be able to refer him. Good luck

 

It sounds as though they haven't assessed his previous support or home situation at all. Often the medics say yes condition stable and he can be discharged and it's probably an inexperienced member of staff taken it at face value. There are services to help him and he should have been offered them. You did right to dig your heels in.

 

If they don't have capacity at present then there's often a step down facility like a residential home bed that the Nhs can offer him in the meantime as Bluekarin says.

[soapdragon]

So sorry that you are having to deal with this......as Plum says staff on the wards often blithely say 'oh yes. fine to go home now' without giving any though as to what might or might not be at home in terms of support. There is support available but you do have to make a stand and 'demand' that the right care plan is put in place. SIL's mother was recently discharged from the big hospital in Swindon and the family (the few that there were - SIL lives in Dorset!) were called to a meeting prior to her leaving in order to draw up a workable care plan so this is obviously standard proceedure. Good luck....let us know how it goes!

[percy049]

I hope he gets better soon and you sort something out

 

Conversely, when I was in hospital there was an old man who was ready to go home but had to stay in hospital (which made him ill) due to no social care

[Sil-El]

This has such a familiar ring to it - we had a very similar scenario with my FIL a few years ago and it seems nothing has changed.

 

As far as the ward are concerned, they just want to get him out and clear the bed, it doesn't help that it's Christmas so demand is high.

 

Unfortunately, the only way you are going to get him the care he needs is to make a blessed nuisance of yourself with the ward staff and the in-hospital social services team and pretty much demand a care package. As others have said, you will need to dig your heels in and harden your heart - awful though it sounds - if they think they can just rely on the family to take care of things then they won't rush to do anything sadly.

 

Please try not to feel guilty, although I know it is easier said than done. If you dad is prone to falling due to low BP and is confused due to the UTI then he may need more care than he can likely get at home anyway. If nothing else, at least ask if he can go into Respite Care over the festive season and be assessed in the New Year for a longer term plan.

 

Take care and good luck.

[Alis girls]

Thanks for your replies. OH rang them today and dad is confused and asking why my aunt hadnt been in. How they didnt know we had been there yesterday for about 3 hours each I dont know. I told them I would be in Tuesday - I am selfishly taking off Christmas as not coping as so tired. I think they are p----d off with me but I am determined not to give in. If my dad were nearer it would be easier but I made my life down South. He went North and settled. My main worry is they might discharge him and then tell me. I did say if they did I would complain and I am quite happy to write to Daily Mail and Health authority. Yes DM first as they seem to like a good bad health story. I think my dad might not survive anyway hes very poorly. Thank you for your replies and good wishes. xx

[Daphne]

AG - I am not feeling too chipper or I'd write more, but the best of luck with your Dad. We have been through similar situations and I can only offer you moral support from afar. Stick to your guns, you are your Dad's advocate, and it's tough what anybody else on the ward or elsewhere thinks. He is not capable of being alone right now.

[Alis girls]

Thanks Daphne. I now seem to have acquired the winter vomiting bug. Been throwing up since midnight seemed to have stopped now. OH says I have got to slow down.

[Alis girls]

Yesterday when OH called all doom and gloom. Today dad's up with his frame and catheter coming out. Asked if we were going in OH said no as I was ill. We have to make sure OH doesn't get it yet. I sometimes wonder if they have correct patient. Have laid in bed surrounded by cats well 2 and watched rubbish TV avoiding anything sugary and Christmassy likely to set me blubbing. I loathe sights of happy families when mine is depleting rapidly. Bah humbug.

[Alis girls]

Sorry folks usually I love Christmas sadly last year and this look set to be bad. But onwards and upwards as I said before there's an optimist in this pessimists body.

[Sil-El]

Don't worry about it - Christmas can be very difficult if you are not feeling well and have other family issues playing on your mind.

 

Be selfish, don't go anywhere for a few days, take time to recover and then start afresh when all the festive fuss has died down and your batteries are re-charged.

 

I think you've mentioned before that your dad has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia? If so, have you tried the Alzheimer's Society forum? I used it for a while when we were having issues with FIL and I found it very informative, very supportive, friendly and understanding. Most of the users are carers/relatives of people with all types of dementia and if nothing else, having a browse at some of the topics might give you some comfort when you see that there are lots of other people out there in the same boat as you, struggling with the same emotions etc as well as offering practical advice.

 

Hope you are feeling better soon and take care

[Alis girls]

Yes a regular on talking point. On plus side dad seems resigned to fact won't drive again. Also hasn't complained about me taking over finances. My aunt is seeing him tomorrow. Last yr she was up and down to hospital and got same bug. Body's was of saying slow down . Thanks for advice. Xx

[Grandmashazzie]

Hope you're feeling a bit better. As others have said all they are interested in is a bed space,never mind that the person in it still needs it. Don't be bullied until an adequate package is in place. Also look at alternatives e.g. Residential/sheltered. An elderly neighbour had care package. She lived alone and had carers 4 times a day but should not have been alone all night,she started leaving her house then couldn't find her way home. Then she fell in street and fractured her hip and didn't recover

[soapdragon]

Maybe I am being simple (nothing new there, then ) but I did think that no elderly person could be discharged without a care package in place

 

Have you managed to get in touch with the GP? Some really know their patients and are excellent advocates but others...not so good. Luck of the draw, seemingly but poss another avenue if you havn't already?

[gavclojak]

 

When my nan was taken from her nursing home to the local hospital with a suspected UTI she was suffering from late stage dementia and at that point she stopped eating solid food, she didn't know what to do with it and lost the ability to chew/swallow.

 

I visited and spoke to the nurse who informed me she had eaten well that day, had toast in the morning and a sandwich and soup for lunch! I was seething as I knew this was impossible, I had to feed her with a large gauge syringe, something the hospital didn't even think of!

 

I will hear the nurses are rushed off their feet and I get that but what I find the hardest is the complete lack of compassion that is evident and I hear and see it time and time again.

[Grandmashazzie]

Quite right Gavclojac, There are far too few nurses on ward and health care assistants are doing,what back in the days when I trained,where nursing roles. We bathed and fed patients and cared for them and wrote up records. From what I see now various assistants do observations,give out basins and meals. Nurses are ' responsible ' for patients but much of their time is taken up with what junior doctors would have done in past. IV drugs, cannulas etc,with no increase in numbers. My D in L is a junior sister and is usually works at least an unpaid hour at every shift as she is the one responsible and has to ensure all is done before she leaves ward. With the cuts in NHS I can't see thingsimproving anytime soon,sadly.

[Alis girls]

Agree wholeheartedly with all that. Saw dad today. He was back in old git mode. I think he is enjoying being cared for and makes no effort to try and help himself. A bottle of urine left on table got knocked over all over his table. I tried to tell nurse the table needed wiping so when you moved it the urine wouldn't get spread far and wide. She wasn't very happy. She then wiped up without disinfectant. I am shocked as our recent inspection at GP surgery would've failed us immediately. My aunt told me to see what social services offer in way of a package take what's offered and then if not needed can change it. Personally I think he will need to go in a home. She has told me to take one day at a time as otherwise will be ill again. I am now on house arrest and not allowed out of London till 2018

[soapdragon]

How are things now? Is Dad still in 'old git' mode? (Oooh, I like that phrase; OH does something similar in his early 50's.....Heaven knows what he'll be like in a few years time ) Seriously, hope things have improved in terms of care.......

[Alis girls]

Thanks Soapdragon. He's still in hospital. I will try and go next week. He's mobilising with frame. His upstairs loo still isn't fixed. He was telling everyone he had no money but having taken over his finances he's fine. God knows what he was playing at. My aunt (my dead mums sister) has had a fall . Some years back she sustained a fall and ended up with leg ulcer. I rang her the other night and knew immediately that something was amiss. She's s"Ooops, word censored!"ed her calf on escalator and thinks a varicose vein burst. I told her to take it easy and I will come up next weekend. I have to see GP too as my blood pressure has risen with the stress. OH is watching me like a hawk . I am not looking forward to the driving and the hospital but will arm myself with hand gel by the bucket load. Very fed up with it all.

[Alis girls]

Dads out with a care package. He was quite perky when I called last nigth more confused this morning. Hes got carers and they go in several times. Hospital has done him no favours as he was bored and couldnt even watch TV. I am so glad hes out. When we last went to hosp OH hissed at me (very loudly - my husband's whispers are not quiet ) "Ali is he dead" about the old boy in the opposite bed. I wasnt particularly bothered as for once it wasnt my problem - I wanted my father sorted.

The social worker seems a nice East Midland lass and has explained everything - unless you have done this before its all new to me. I am learning fast. Have sorted out the rubbish to be collected ie old loo (yahay new one in ) and an ancient sofa. Requested assisted refuse collection and started ardious process of applying for blue badge. Stumped on how many steps he can walk as hes got a frame. I want blue badge to help my aunt out and for carers if taking him to drs etc.

I am slowly getting hacked off with his finances as my application for access to his investments have been refused. even with photocopies and a GP at work signing it all its not enough.

 

Anyway seeing him this weekend and hope can sort a few bits and pieces out. Wish me luck.

[Grandmashazzie]

Good luck, it sounds like a minefield. Would SW know anything re best way to sort finances? I am sure she's had to deal with that with other carers,or maybe your dad's solicitor could help. With the carers popping in and out at least your mind is at rest that he is not left to his own devices for too long.

[soapdragon]

Anyway seeing him this weekend and hope can sort a few bits and pieces out. Wish me luck.

 

I do, most sincerely, M'dear! Good news!

[Alis girls]

Thanks ladies forgot to ask he has a lifeline thingy which he presses to get help. My aunt said "it costs £8 a week" I said I didn't care as it gives me peace of mind something I haven't had for a while. What is it with old people and money? Can't take it with you. Gonna spend mine and party you're a long time dead.

[Grandmashazzie]

Exactly Ali's Girls I tell mine I'm a SKIN, spending kids inheritance now . My mum had one of those,they do give peace of mind.