The Dogmother Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Here's one to get us all in the mood for the weekend: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS - Actual writings from hospital charts: 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. That really made me laugh. I would post my current fave joke but I had better not as it was pulled from the RC site Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Blue Sky Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 I love the one about his genitals being circus-sized Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Made me snort out loud!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 27, 2006 Author Share Posted January 27, 2006 That really made me laugh. I would post my current fave joke but I had better not as it was pulled from the RC site Awww, PM me with it then - I fancy a good snigger this afternoon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myles Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Great.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 'tis done Clare. When it came to the rub I found I couldn't really remember it,so I hope it makes sense to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 27, 2006 Author Share Posted January 27, 2006 That's brilliant Sarah - thanks for making me laugh. I try to snigger at the forum quietly at work - they think I am mad enough as it is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Should I post it or do you think some may be offended????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 27, 2006 Author Share Posted January 27, 2006 I didn't find it offensive at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard T Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 A ship carrying blue paint and a ship carrying red paint collided at sea one night. "Ooops, word censored!"ody died, but the sailors were marooned. Richard T PS Sorry. It's the only joke I can remember at the moment and I felt I needed to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Me neither. I couldn't understand why it was pulled on RC. Ok, here we go. George Bests lawyers have announced that they did not bury him in Ireland as planned due to worrys about the graves safety. However,they admit that his cremation at Hemel may have been a mistake..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 27, 2006 Author Share Posted January 27, 2006 *groans* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 But I think I'll tell Esther Richard's one..very good A horse goes into a pub and the barman says "Why the long face?"......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Me neither. I couldn't understand why it was pulled on RC. Ok, here we go. George Bests lawyers have announced that they did not bury him in Ireland as planned due to worrys about the graves safety. However,they admit that his cremation at Hemel may have been a mistake..... That took me ages - well, actually, I had to ask Carl a belated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
