Chicken bald back

[Couperman]

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Answer:

 

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the

party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith

agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed

from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed

upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of

the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating

at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of

the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the

second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the

parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be

limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without

elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other

means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party

of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered

non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part

becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall

have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner

consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.

Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part

shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall

occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in

step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation

should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the

first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to

produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.

 

 

 

Kev.

Edited January 19, 2008 by Guest

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Very good . You only have to read the first phrase to burst out laughing .

[Egluntyne]

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None.

 

They form a support group called "Coping with darkness".

 

With apologies to any social workers on the forum!

[tenzin]

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None.

 

They form a support group called "Coping with darkness".

 

With apologies to any social workers on the forum!

 

Glad you wrote that last line

[chickenlass]

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None.

 

They form a support group called "Coping with darkness".

 

With apologies to any social workers on the forum!

[Egluntyne]

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None.

 

It turns itself in.

[Couperman]

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a

light bulb?

 

 

A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in

the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send

Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim

that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking

around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains

that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at

the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb

from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.

Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers

beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply

killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.

As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,

Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must

warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon

and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have

just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been

given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted

and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

 

 

 

I think I will change this to the lightbulb thread!

 

Kev.

[chrisnrob]

Q. How many thriller writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A. Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and another to add an unexpected twist at the end.

 

 

Rob

[Olly]

Q. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A. Only one - but that lightbulb's really got to want to change ...

[Rhapsody]

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

One- he just holds it in place and waits for the whole world to revolve around him.

 

no apology

[Christian]

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Have you ever seen a woman change a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 

*puts tin hat on*

[xraylady]

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Have you ever seen a woman change a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 

*puts tin hat on*

 

love it!

 

In the same vein. . . .

How many menopausal women does it take to change a lightbulb?

8.

huh?

It just does,OK!!!!

[Geoid]

Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?",

one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried

reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because

the light bulb in our office works fine..."

[theherd123]

Fred i love that one!