Couperman Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 (edited) How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership. Kev. Edited January 19, 2008 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Very good . You only have to read the first phrase to burst out laughing . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They form a support group called "Coping with darkness". With apologies to any social workers on the forum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenzin Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They form a support group called "Coping with darkness". With apologies to any social workers on the forum! Glad you wrote that last line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They form a support group called "Coping with darkness". With apologies to any social workers on the forum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It turns itself in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission. I think I will change this to the lightbulb thread! Kev. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisnrob Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Q. How many thriller writers does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and another to add an unexpected twist at the end. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Q. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Only one - but that lightbulb's really got to want to change ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? One- he just holds it in place and waits for the whole world to revolve around him. no apology Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? Have you ever seen a woman change a lightbulb? *puts tin hat on* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xraylady Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? Have you ever seen a woman change a lightbulb? *puts tin hat on* love it! In the same vein. . . . How many menopausal women does it take to change a lightbulb? 8. huh? It just does,OK!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoid Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Fred i love that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
