Home made run and house for sale

[Guest]

i wonder why they said arrhythmia would cause odd behaviour? I take flecainide for mine, been on it for about 17ish years now and they've just upped my dose recently. It's good stuff, gave me a whole new lease of life I'd be interested to know what they give your mum for it. They might give her warfarin too if she has arrhythmia.

 

Lots of virtual cuddles and we'll raise a glass together when everything's settled eh

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Ain't Nobody Here]

TBH, Poet, I probably used the wrong wording there - I don't think they said "odd behaviour" as such but I was trying to piece it together from what mum was saying. She implied that it would explain the "gaps" in her memory, for example. Presumably she means if blood wasn't getting to the brain in the correct way it could cause mental blips of some sort which then caused her to behave oddly as she wouldn't have remembered/understood something?

 

I'm not explaining this very well, am I .

 

Hopefully if we get to speak to her consultant, he can explain it properly to me.

[Egluntyne]

That makes perfect sense ANH.

[chickencam]

Best wishes for the coming week.

 

I am going away next week but will be thinking of you

[freddie]

I had to get carers in for mum for a while(she had an altercation with a range rover, as a pedestrian;.. she lost!!) and they were great. It really does depend on who/where. Then mum had a massive stroke, but not massive enough, in some ways........

It's so hard on you, as the daughter, and yr life changes accordingly,

I admire yr strength, and try to keep some "me" time, or you lose yr life. The time when it ends is awful, as your life has been so entwined with yr parents, there is a huge void. I found the whole thing so life changing, i struggle to put it into words.

just re read this, it sounds so miserable, soory. but I'll send it anyway, as it's my feelings of how it was at the time.

You are stronger than you would ever think you are, and more resourcful, and more adaptable, and more patient. You will see more beauty in "Normal " things through this time, I wish you all the good things in everything,

[Goosey Lucy]

Wise words, Freddie. Eloquent too.

 

I'm continuing to send you happy thoughts and good vibes, ANH.

[MedusA]

She implied that it would explain the "gaps" in her memory, for example. Presumably she means if blood wasn't getting to the brain in the correct way it could cause mental blips of some sort which then caused her to behave oddly as she wouldn't have remembered/understood something?

 

I'm not explaining this very well, am I .

 

Hopefully if we get to speak to her consultant, he can explain it properly to me.

 

That would be my interpretation, ANH.

 

If your mum is trialling a new medication, I wouldn't have thought it was sensible for her to be at home, where there are no medical/nursing staff to monitor her. Perhaps that's something else to discuss with the consultant. All the best. Glad you had a good break, despite the soreness!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks for the words of wisdom and support!

 

BB is down now so I've got some time off for good behaviour (till tomorrow ).

 

Mum was ranting this morning when I picked her up - "I'm not going back to that place", "they can't make me", "I'm phoning my solicitor on Monday", "you've done enough, we must just say our goodbyes and I'll deal with it on my own" . She's constantly "Ooops, word censored!"ing about all the other patients (and the staff) and moaning about how she doesn't get a wink of sleep, everybody resents her, they all do petty mean things to get at her, etc, etc.

 

Once we were home, though, she calmed down slightly and said "when I go back" occasionally. That's the trouble, she's so unpredictable and changeable in her moods.

 

One thing that's annoying me is that whenever she tells anyone about dad (another patient or a neighbour) she says he had 2 strokes in hospital . He didn't and she hasn't been told that but I don't know if she's over-exaggerating for effect or really believes it . She keeps talking about him being a "vegetable" too which is total rubbish .... he's not and I keep saying that to her but she says "you didn't live with him 24 hours a day" (implying, I suppose, that I don't know what he was like before all this ).

 

She's getting an EEG on Monday and there'll be a ward round so perhaps we'll get some answers then. The trouble is, I can't make up my mind whether she could cope at home or not. I feel not, at present, but she insists she's absolutely fine and will cope with whatever support the professionals say she needs. (Yeah, until she falls out with one or all of the people sent to help her .) She is saying, though, that she doesn't want me to have to shoulder the burden so that's a relief (although realistically I'm sure I'll have to whatever happens .)

[MedusA]

My concern would be that, given her labile mental state, she may well refuse to let people in if she were at home. She would still appear to be delusional, from what you describe, although I can well believe the lack of sleep. Psychiatric Hospitals are the not the most restful of places. You are between a rock and a hard place, ANH and I don't envy you, but I know you will make the best decision, given the circumstances. Obviously, if it is workable, then home with support for both of them would be the ideal option, but the safety issues are worrying. You may have to "suck it and see" with a rescue plan on the back-burner, depending on the consultqant's opinion.

 

Hang in there hon. *hugs*

[Ain't Nobody Here]

My brother and I had a meeting with the Registrar on Monday. She says categorically Dad can't ever go home as he needs too much care.

 

In some ways I'm relieved because the decision has been taken out of our hands.

 

We're not going to tell Mum straight away as we worry that it might make her feel there's less point in going home.

 

The hospital took Mum to visit Dad today and I met them there. Mum was in a bad way - angry, bitter & depressed. Then as we were leaving Dad said he was "in a deep depression" (I don't think he is really, as he's usually a very contented chap but he is getting fed up).

 

Mum didn't say a word in the car all the way back to the hospital. I left her without making an arrangement to visit. I really don't see what benefit my visiting gives her - she's grumpy and negative (and often vindictive towards me) so I wonder what the point is. Any attempt to cheer her up is met with shrugs or withering looks.

 

Best moment of the afternoon - she was saying how bitter she feels (towards the NHS who are "punishing her in the worst way possible") and she said I was never bitter before this, was I?

 

I had a John McEnroe moment ......... "you canNOT be SERIOUS!!!!!!"

 

Obviously, I really said "well, maybe a bit sometimes" .

[MedusA]

Well at least you can still find a germ of humour in the situation, ANH.

 

I'm pleased that the situation re your Dad has been resolved for you. I know only too well what pressure there is on families at times like this. What a sensible and responsible Registrar!

 

Any chance you can take a break from visiting your Mum? She may appreciate you more if she misses you visiting.

[Tessa the Duchess]

Best moment of the afternoon - she was saying how bitter she feels (towards the NHS who are "punishing her in the worst way possible") and she said I was never bitter before this, was I?

 

I had a John McEnroe moment ......... "you canNOT be SERIOUS!!!!!!"

 

Obviously, I really said "well, maybe a bit sometimes" .

 

Very funny ANH, your brilliant sense of humour is what is getting you through this nightmare. Hugs to you.

 

Tessa

[WitchHazel]

Hi ANH

 

What a relief that the decision has pretty much been taken out of your hands.

 

I'm really sorry your mum is continuing to be so awful to you. The sad thing is i bet she really appreciates and looks forward to your visits, but is just incapable of showing it. As MedusA says, maybe if you take a break, or visit regularly but not so often, it might make her realise? (probably not, she's probably not going tobe rational about it).

 

Sorry I have norhing constructive to add, but I did want to send you a

 

Oh, and to say that my brother came and saw my chooks for the first time today.ANd the moment he stepped into the run he said "There Ain't "Ooops, word censored!"ody Here but us Chickens".

[Egluntyne]

Hi ANH

 

What a relief that the decision has pretty much been taken out of your hands.

 

I'm really sorry your mum is continuing to be so awful to you. The sad thing is i bet she really appreciates and looks forward to your visits, but is just incapable of showing it. As MedusA says, maybe if you take a break, or visit regularly but not so often, it might make her realise? (probably not, she's probably not going tobe rational about it).

 

Sorry I have norhing constructive to add, but I did want to send you a

 

Ditto to that.

 

They say that you always hurt the ones you love....maybe she takes it out on you because she loves you. People show it in different ways.

[freddie]

It's tough, but you're the only one she can "take it out on" as you'll never do the NHS walk away thing. Her whole life is in turmoil and she's Very aware of how it's all changing, and she's scared, terrified even. And she 'll take it out on you, as in rat backed into corner fights for life type of thing.

Thers no one else she can yellat/let off to, and get away with it. I'm dreading getting old and frail. It's just the pits.

[Olly]

Relieved to hear that there is a clear decision on your Dad - that's hard to hear, but at least you know what to plan for now. If he needs that much care, then he should get the nursing element of it paid for? sorry things are probably different in Scotland, I know there's been some discussion already about benefits and funding. Anyway, a firm decision is better than wondering.

 

Re your mum - I think your decision whether to visit or not can't really be based on the way she responds to you. From what you've said previously, she's never been a little ray of sunshine, and at the moment it sounds as if her state of mind is very changeable. Do what works for you, and if you feel she doesn't really appreciate it, then save your energies for more important things. It sounds as if you don't know what you're going to find every time you go to see her, and that must be tiring in itself - I hope they can sort her out a bit.

 

I do admire your sense of humour! Lots of hugs, hope you can get some sleep, and do keep letting us know how the story unfolds.

[Lesley]

It must be a help that the decision has been taken out of your hands - and good that you can keep smiling

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Bit of an up and down week ...

 

She's had good days and bad (bad days involve angry ranting against the NHS, the doctors, the ward staff, the other patients, the world in general, and ... Edinburgh ).

 

Haven't told her Dad won't be going home but she's decided that's the best option anyway so I will pick my time to tell her.

 

She's had an ECG and the results show that her heart's been stopping but only at night (7 seconds being the longest stoppage). This explains the fall in the toilet resulting in 3 stitches.

 

They're suggesting she gets a pacemaker. She has agreed but is now going on and on about whether it's the right decision. She's made a Living Will and seems in a quandary about whether this procedure comes under "intervention" or not. I think she's making a mountain out of a molehill - get the pacemaker and her quality of life will improve, surely . But no, she wants to make a drama out of a slight crisis .

 

I was looking forward to getting some free time this weekend as they let her home on her own one day last week and I just had to go to her house and take her back.

 

I came in the door, she's glaring at me

• "I suppose you want to go now"
  "no, I said I'd come at 4pm, have a cup of tea and a chat, then go at about 5pm"
  "well, "Ooops, word censored!"ody ever tells me anything"
  "well, don't have a go at me because other people don't tell you things"
  " well, don't you have a go at me"
  "you started it"

Quite an effective and mature way to end an argument, I think you'll agree . We had tea and a chat and all was (more or less) well.

 

Anyway, back to my original point (are you keeping up?) they don't want her left alone - until she gets the pacemaker - in case she has an attack and falls again. So there goes my weekend .

 

And the best news of all .

 

I've got a whole crop of new grey hairs .

[Goosey Lucy]

Sorry to hear you've lost out on your free time this weekend.

 

All I can suggest for the grey hairs is a trip to the hairdressers. She has worked wonders on mine!

 

Keep smiling,

[Olly]

... sorry about the loss of your free time this weekend. But good news about the pacemaker, that is a simple op and maybe that will stop some of the confusion etc. if her heart isn't stopping and starting.

 

I recommend a trip to the hairdressers - you need to pamper yourself, and you can sit there, read trashy magazines and be spoilt for a couple of hours. I often think it'd be worth it just for that, never mind coming out without the grey hairs!

[Lovemychooks]

ANH, i've just caught up with this again. Good news about your Dad, he'll get the care he needs now. I hope your Mum sees how much you are doing for her....sending a virtual hug

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Mum has just been transferred to the Infimary to have her pacemaker fitted (tomorrow). Should be allowed home on Wednesday.

[Egluntyne]

Well that is good news.

 

You might see a big difference in her once that is sorted.

[WitchHazel]

Hope it all goes well tomorrow xxx

[Fur 'n' Feathers]

Just caught up with the latest ANH. Hoping all goes well tomorrow and that you will be on your way to a bit of routine and quality "self" time after all that's gone on.